DEATH KISS: Then Came… Bronson?

Death Kiss MP

I know I’m very late to the party on this, but yipes, this guy’s got the looks of a… Stone Killer (ha and ha-ha).

 

(Thanks, JoBlo Movie Trailers!)

 

Okay, the film looks kind of cheesy (in the best possible manner) and that soundtrack is pure 80’s perfect (as in equally cheesy, plus tax). But I kind of want to see this, iffy acting, tralier-iffic clunky action scenes and all just for actor Robert Bronzi doing a dead on Charles Bronson impersonation. I almost thought for a hot second some digital effects team got the rights to Bronson’s likeness and stick it on some actor’s face, but nope. Bronzi’s the real unreal deal. I’d bet a buck that Uncork’d Entertainment figured out right away this one would be somewhat of a hit among nostalgic Bronson fans wanting a slice of the old days and old ways.

While I’m not sure he’ll be game for hopping into the Bronson role should there be some studio bold enough to try for a reboot of the Death Wish franchise or a new series with a different name that has Bronson, er Bronzi playing a similar character, actors DO need to work and this guy’s got the looks to get the asses in seats. Oh yeah, Bronzi has an official website, so feel free to pop in and say hello as well as tell him what you thought of his work r his spot-on Bronson impersonation. He seems affable enough not to want to hunt you down and exact justice if you’re a poor judge of his talents.

The film is available on a bunch of VOD services now (Amazon, Hulu, Xbox One, the usual suspects), but as I despise streaming services (mostly because streaming up here blows), I’ll be holding my breath for the December 4 DVD release which seems to be a Walmart exclusive if the film’s facebook page is accurate. Eh, it’ll likely pop up on ebay as well, so at least I can get it there because the nearest Walmart is a bit of a pain to get to. Well, it’s a long bus ride away and I hate the super steep hill that bus needs to go down because it’s somewhat vertigo inducing in a slow roller coaster about to roll over manner. I have no idea how people make that trip along the route, because I’ve seen passengers do stuff like shut their eyes and/or mumble out assorted prayers to all sorts of deities during the trip down. As I don’t have a particular Death Wish to make that treacherous trip, I’ll go the slow and lazy Pony Express route on this. Hell, my backlog is big enough that I can hold out for a few months.

-GW

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(Not So) Random Film(s) of The Week: The Thing (1982)

The Thing JB_RJ

With his trusty bottle of J&B to keep warm, R.J. MacReady (Kurt Russell) and Vance Norris (Charles Hallahan) try quite unsuccessfully to make snow angels.

THE THING sfSo, what did YOU do during last week’s too damn hot weather? Me, I dragged my slightly sickly self out in that nasty, unbearable heat to go sit in a nice, well-chilled home with seven other people with the express purpose of making some of them scream. No, I didn’t do my *legendary* crowd-pleasing Chippendale’s act, people (wait, I have a Chippendale’s act?). I simply put a very old plan into action I’d successfully executed a few times in the distant past in introducing a fine horror film to some friends who had either never seen it previously, have only seen a heavily edited for TV version or yes, just disliked scary movies.

Sharp-eyed readers may have noticed that I’ve actually previously reviewed an older DVD version of the 1982 John Carpenter film and I’ve also deconstructed the 2011 prequel which I found okay, but lacking in some respects (I think the studio meddled a bit too much with the film, turning it into less than what director Matthijs van Heijningen intended to be a more solid horror experience). Now, I didn’t just show up unannounced, tie seven people to assorted furniture and force them to watch the movie, so there. Nope, as a matter of fact, I was actually asked to host a little screening party by a friend who borrows movies from me on a semi-regular basis.

Continue reading

Retro City Rampage REALLY Goes Retro: 486 – MS-DOS / Windows 3.1 Version Now Available


 

Vblank Entertainment’s head honcho Brian Provinciano is a truly mad genius in the best possible way. His single-minded obsession with his hilarious “retro” game Retro City Rampage has led to it being released on PC, Mac, Linux, PlayStation 4, PlayStation 3, PS Vita, Xbox 360, Wii, Wii U, and Nintendo 3DS over a few short years. Now, he’s gone and reprogrammed the instant classic and has gotten the game onto a 3.5″ floppy disk for 486 computers along with a Windows 3.1 prototype as a free bonus. If you still have an old PC lying around with a floppy drive, you can (and should indeed) snap up one of the limited edition boxed versions (there were only 1000 total made) and prepare for a nostalgic trip down memory lane with a game that probably wouldn’t have existed back then and if it did, it would be hailed as a fine slice of comic genius or something like that.

Retro City Rampage 486
 

If you happen to own the more modern PC version of the game already and bought it from the developer directly, guess what? You should probably check your Steam account for a nice freebie surprise. Everyone else, run or click like the wind HERE and hope for the best. Like the PS4 and Vita retail editions, this will probably sell out ridiculously fast. Yes, the game will also run on DOSBOX if you have a newer PC. I almost forgot to mention this, so now you don’t need to hit up eBay looking for some aged system to run RCR 486 on.

Microsoft’s Temporary Xbox One Price Drop is a Tempting Tease…


 
If you were holding off buying that Xbox One because of the price point (despite the recent price cut to $399), Microsoft is making things a lot more tempting. While ACTUAL sales figures for the console (and yes, all other consoles) is a bit tricky to track down, those in the know know that Sony’s PlayStation 4 has sold at least 10 million units worldwide (a solid start, but that also means a lot more millions still own and play games on the PS3, particularly in Japan where the PS3 still outsells the PS4). Both Sony and Microsoft have to deal with one core factor with their new-generation systems in the fact that both the PS4 and Xbox One absolutely require a broadband connection in order to function out of the box if players want to take advantage of any online features… Continue reading

Adding Steel Battalion to the Collection Is A Total Space-Eating Experience…

SBXbox 
So, my Steel Battalion finally arrived yesterday. Woo and hoo. The outer box is a bit beat up (hey, it was on the frontline, man!), but that big honkin’ special controller and pedals are in great shape and the game itself is complete and works excellently. Amusingly enough, for YEARS I’d been saving up some space just to store this behemoth if I ever got one and when I finally manage to find it, it’s after my brother moves back in and takes over the space I was going to store this in. Ha! Oh well. This is on top of old tube TV in the bedroom for the moment. I have a backup spot for it, but it’s going to take some moving around of stuff to clear that space. I guess that’s my Sunday project, huh?

Not Quite “Retro” Review Rerun: Raze’s Hell

As I noted a little while back, from time to time I’ll be re-running some of my old (and long as hell, sorry!) reviews from a few dead sites I wrote for with no updates, but corrections and edits where necessary. Here’s one for a favorite Xbox game that still holds up almost ten years later as a great (albeit somewhat gory) gem you may have missed. Enjoy!

Raze's Hell CoverAh, the mentality of the American gamer. Whenever a bargain game shows up on store shelves, only the bravest of the brave (or those cheap bastards like me who’re unwilling to pay full price for a name title) pony up the pocket change for most of these cheapies and figure “Well, it’s a budget game, but I need my fix!” as they go home, close their eyes and think of England (you’ll only get that joke if you’re older than 30 or are a bit of a history buff).

It turns out that some of these games are good, some are really good, and a rare few are of the “Wait… THIS cost twenty bucks?!” caliber. Majesco‘s new release, Raze’s Hell fits snugly into the latter category, and if you’re looking for a game that’s going to grab you by the short hairs and pull hard while smacking both your funny bones, disco down to your nearest game shop and bring a few friends with you- you‘re in for a treat… Continue reading

E3 2014: Too Much On A Monday & More To Come…

 
So, it’s E3 week and already, Microsoft has thrown a gauntlet down of exclusives, reboots and otherwise decent game content that should keep their fan base very pleased. In other words, they actually listened to complaints about their previous media briefings and focused solely on GAMES and not boring the crowd with service announcements and other news best left for an investors meeting. I’ll have more on the lineup later, but Sunset Overdrive, Forza Horizon 2, Phantom Dust, Halo: The Master Chief Collection Crackdown, Project Spark and a few others all look to be big sellers when they land in stores and/or digitally online. PlatinumGames Scalebound will get other console owners who love their work complaining (again) that they’re left out on this exclusive and there are a bunch of indies and non-exclusives that look pretty awesome.

 
Back later with more “sort of news” on a too newsy day. Today is a mess of press conferences and ogling stuff and my brain is already overloaded. next up, Electronic Arts!

Old Stuff Resurfaces – My Photobucket Account Lives!

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Yikes. I’d almost forgotten about Photobucket until I was digging through some debug console games to rephotograph and recalled I have a kind of inactive account there. “Thanks” to facebook’s nosy ass “Hey, you can and SHOULD connect to EVERYTHING so we can place ads all in your face in your feed that you KNOW you want to see!” (Oh, kill me now. Or them, preferably), I’m now reconnected to my old crap in photo form and it’s nice to see some of that old stuff without having to dig through the stacks.I think I’ve presented this stuff previously, but nostalgia is good for you, I say.

Anyway, that’s Rent-A-Hero #1 and Dinosaur Hunting for the Xbox (two games that never got an official western release) along with Stolen, an interesting and ambitious game that killed the developer that made it after it tanked at retail and among critics. The last image is Combat Elite: WWII Paratroopers along with the “action” figure I got with the debug builds. It seems to look just like ex-President George W. Bush (as some who’ve seen it up close and personal have commented, usually while chuckling a bit). I’ve got a bunch more stuff here, but need more time to write about it, a helper monkey to do stuff so I have more time to write and yeah, a better camera to take better photos with…

dinosaurhunting4 stolen2 combatelite2

Need For Speed Rivals Launch Trailer: Fasten Your Seatbelts (And Wear Well-Padded Pants)…

 
If any studio is going to master this new hardware first, my money is on Criterion and Ghost Games and their Need For Speed games. Granted, Need For Speed Rivals is a purely arcade-like game experience and racing fans who want more in the way of total car customization and more racing viewpoints will gripe a bit about the game as they usually do with other racers. Me, I’ll just be jamming on the gas, sliding through turns and causing all sorts of mayhem while enjoying the scenery and trying to wreck as little as possible. This one’s on current and next-gen consoles (not the Wii U, though – sorry!), so pick one and GO, I say. Online or off, it’s bound to be a blast.

Need For Speed Rivals Gameplay: PS4 Versus Xbox One, Round 1…

SO, it seems that resolution is the BIG thing for many gamers and journalists out there rolling around on the ground fighting with each other and it seems that the PS4 has an advantage on SOME titles over the Xbox One, which is the reverse of how it was on many third party titles throughout this past generation. While those folks fight it out in clouds of dust and misspelled diatribes, I’ll just post these two trailers from Criterion’s upcoming racer and let you decide which looks best. The BEST way to see these videos is at their highest resolution (1080p), so hopefully you know how to do that with YouTube videos.

Anyway, Here’s the PlayStation 4 version below:

Annnnd below, here’s Rivals on the Xbox One. Oh wait, look at your HAIR! Ha! Next time close the window and fasten that seat belt. Sorry, I forgot to warn you we were going to go FAST. Anyway, ready? Good:

Did you notice anything different? Do you even care? Are you wearing socks right nor or are they stuck to the wall on the other side of the room after being blown clean off (and if so, I’m SO sorry if you were wearing expensive panty hose!)? I guess the sales figures will tell at the end of the day, but system bias will rear its head even more as both consoles roll onto shelves and the knives come out once again. Hell, they’re ALREADY out and have been since before each new system was announced. No one wins in that war, by the way… but sitting on the sidelines with a load of popcorn makes for some fine entertainment for me before I get bored and go back to playing some of those games everyone else is nitpicking over because of a few flaws or whatever that some won’t even notice because they only have one console at home and just don’t care what the competition is up to…