Review: Omega Labyrinth Life (Switch)

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Tagline time: Come for the boobs, stay for the rock hard dungeons! How does that grab you? Er, on second thought, don’t answer that.

Omega LLAs a longtime fan of turn-based rogue-like dungeon crawlers on consoles since 1990’s Dragon Crystal on the Sega Master System (which I still own), I knew Matrix Corporation’s sexy, supremely goofy and at times straight up hilarious Omega Labyrinth Life ($59.99) would be right up my alley. While I can heartily recommend the game to like-minded crawler fans, that Mature rating means puritan types and those easily rattled by sexual content and rampant fan service need not apply.  If you’re still interested and want to dive in head first to a new experience, you’re going to want to go on with an open mind to anime gals in saucy situations, a bit of gardening busywork in between dungeons and plenty of breast-related humor and optional mini-games definitely not for the kiddies.

Amusingly enough, the Switch version is content-wise, superior to the more censored PlayStation 4 version (which is still somewhat racy). There’s a plot here, but all you need to know is Hinata Akatsuki, new transfer student to Belles Fleurs Academy, finds herself in deep after she arrives and the school’s famed 100-year old flower garden  suddenly dies. Initially, the blame is laid on her shoulders, but she sets off into the dungeons that have appeared under the property to figure out what’s going on and to prove her innocence. Hinata won’t go it alone, though. The Academy’s most promising students plus a few tiny but large-boobed fairies all end up as her co-adventurers during the game and for a few dozen hours it’s quite a bouncy ride on a few fronts.

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It’s a good thing that gals here grow bigger boobs as they level up, as that allows some forward protection from slipping on hardwood floors. Allegedly.

For all the breast-themed stuff, rampant innuendo and bawdy humor galore, this is a pretty lightweight (but enjoyable) game on the story front. That said, the dungeons can be brutally hard after the initial tutorial maps. This is a great thing, as the random nature means every run past that point will deliver assorted challenges, monsters and items guaranteed to keep you on your toes. Leveling up increases your selected party members cup sizes (up to a Z-cup!), which go back to normal once a dungeon is cleared. Dying in a dungeon means you lose all your currently collected items unless you take out a bit of costly insurance on gear you’d like to re-buy once you’re above ground. There’s a wealth of stuff to discover and uncover (ahem), but we’ll put that ball in your court and let you have at it as you please.

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Metal Wolf Chaos XD: August 6 is Boom Time on Consoles and PC

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Who’da thunk a game made way back in 2004 would be so damn… timely?

Hooooo, boy. Some people at Devolver Digital and very likely famed Japanese developer FromSoftware have quite the wry sense of humor. Metal Wolf Chaos XD is finally arriving for PS4, Xbox One, and PC (via gog.com and STEAM) for $24.99 on August 6, 2019 and I’ll let the more history-oriented types get the eye-pop on that date’s significance. Pre-orders are open now and each version has a nifty little bonus exclusive to them (which will frustrate some completist types, but so it goes).

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Nope, this photo is NOT from the future. I didn’t realize the date was incorrect on my camera until I uploaded this pic. Oops.

Anyway, this remastered gem also seems to be a digital-only release, which is a shame for those who prefer physical over digital games. That said, although I still have my original modded Xbox as well as a Japanese Xbox and an import copy of the game, I’ll still be more than happy to jump on this updated version of the 2004 classic, which was (and still is) pretty outrageous as well as so intentionally jingoistic that some players who don’t get the humor on display may not get the joke. Then again, you can’t take at all seriously the premise of a mech-suited President of the United States of America taking on his rogue (and also mech-suited) Vice-President after a coup attempt leaves the country at war. Well a few places at war, actually.

Here’s the latest trailer:

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The Bard’s Tale Trilogy Returns as a Re-Remake Worth a Buy

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So, I’d been only lightly following inXile’s progress on The Bard’s Tale IV: Barrows Deep with the knowledge that the game was going to be quite impressive and when all of a sudden this trailer pops up in the inbox and waves at me. Well hello there, beautiful. Color me surprised and thrilled, ladies and germs:

 

(thanks, inXile!)

 

Nice. While it would have been great to get these in one download (or disc if it’s console bound), spreading the releases out over time means players can actually finish each game and have room left for part IV whenever it’s released. It’s always great to see Krome Studios hard at work (they’ve been one of my favorite developers since the Ty the Tasmanian Tiger days). Hmmm. Time to start carving out some spare time because it’s looking like Skara Brae might be a decent (albeit dangerous) vacation spot for a little while.

-GW

COMING SOON: Getting Some More Action In

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Psst. Hey. Yeah, you. Keep this a secret, would ya? Um, August 18th is when you may want to pop in and see what’s what. Shhhhhh. Just you, though.

Okay,  you may tell a friend or three.  I’ll go make some popcorn.

-GW

Oh, The Horror! Severin Films Remasters The Horror of Party Beach

(Thanks, SeverinFilmsOfficial!)

 

HoPB_MPYes indeed, it’s a hot summertime thing from 1964 and it’s BACK. Well, it’s back on August 28, 2018, but you can pre-order this slice of not too scary sea life NOW.  Now, don’t get me wrong, people. The Horror of Party Beach is kind of bad. How bad? Well, I did a review a few years back noting it wasn’t all that good, if that helps. That said, in retrospect, its heart is definitely in the right place, the film is actually terribly funny and campy as hell, and will indeed make you laugh if your funny bone is in good working order.

I’d prattle on some more, but YOU, dear reader? You have some pre-ordering to do if this spiffy new 2K restoration floats your particular boat. Get the bundle! Or get the Blu-Ray by itself! Or get the DVD if you don’t have a BR player yet! You can also get the enamel pin and/or Beach ball from the bundle separately and make believe you bought the bundle (er, if that’s your thing).

Uh, if you only have a VHS or (eek!) Betamax player, you’re kind of out of luck, sorry!

-GW

Arrow Video August Releases: Double Dog Dare Days Ahead

Just two titles for August, but that’s fine by me. My backlog is big enough that I’m comfortable being uncomfortable with next month’s Arrows arriving in time for me to finish up half the ton of stuff on my plate. Let’s get to it, then -it’s hot as hell outside and I do need to go out and get some solar rays cooking up post ideas.

Amusingly enough, a little home cooking is the subject of our first film…

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Microwave Massacre [Blu-Ray + DVD] (August 16th, MSRP $34.95):

THEY CAME FOR DINNER…TO FIND THEY WERE IT!!

Microwave Massacre stars legendary stand-up comedian and actor Jackie Vernon as Donald, a disgruntled construction worker whose wife’s predilection for haute cuisine drives him to cannibalism.

Donald unwittingly stumbles upon a solution to his two major problems in his life – his nagging wife and his lack of decent meals – when, one night, he bludgeons his better half to death with a pepper grinder in a drunken rage. Thinking on his feet, Donald dismembers the body and sets about microwaving the remains, which turn out to be rather delicious. Trouble is, now he has a taste for human flesh that needs satisfying…

Eschewing all notions of good taste, Wayne Berwick’s Microwave Massacre is a deliciously depraved exercise in political incorrectness that has gone on to gain a cult following thanks to a characteristically deadpan performance from Vernon, who delivers such choice lines as “I’m so hungry I could eat a whore.” Vegetarians need not apply!

DIRECTOR-APPROVED SPECIAL EDITION CONTENTS
– Brand new 2K restoration from the original camera negative
– High Definition Blu-ray (1080p) and Standard Definition DVD presentations
– Original mono audio (uncompressed PCM on the Blu-ray)
– Optional English subtitles for the deaf and hard of hearing
– Brand new audio commentary with writer-producer Craig Muckler, moderated by Mike Tristano
– Brand new making-of featurette including interviews with Muckler, director Wayne Berwick and actor Loren Schein
– Trailer
– Original treatment and 8-page synopsis (BD/DVD-ROM content)
– Reversible sleeve featuring original and newly commissioned artwork by Wes Benscoter

Oops. I should have noted this one was a bit of an icky Blue Plate Special. Well, it’s too late – eat up! OR ELSE…

Oh, by the way… look out below!

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Funko Is Bringing Your Shelves Some Scary Collectible Goodies Soon…

funko logoOnce again, Funko is whipping out more reasons to lighten your wallet and fill your shelves. This time, it’s the Master of Suspense himself, Alfred Hitchcock, immortalized (or is that “immoral-ized”) as a Wacky Wobbler (and I have the feeling Hitch would love being a bobblehead), available for sale this October. Take a look and while you’re looking, think of someone you’d love to give this to (even if it’s yourself, because one should always think of him or herself first when gift-giving):

Hitch Wobbler If you can’t wait until October (what, you have a date with a paid assassin or something?), In August, you can snap up these six new awesome ReAction figures from some classic (well, 1978 and up) horror flicks you may have seen once or twice. Take a peek between those fingers you’ve not got covering your face, why don’t you:

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Now that you’re suitably scared (well, okay, suitably thrilled and whipping out your wallet), you may as well know that keeping these killers in their packaging is probably a very darn good idea. Just a suggestion… for safety’s sake.