DEATH KISS: Then Came… Bronson?

Death Kiss MP

I know I’m very late to the party on this, but yipes, this guy’s got the looks of a… Stone Killer (ha and ha-ha).

 

(Thanks, JoBlo Movie Trailers!)

 

Okay, the film looks kind of cheesy (in the best possible manner) and that soundtrack is pure 80’s perfect (as in equally cheesy, plus tax). But I kind of want to see this, iffy acting, tralier-iffic clunky action scenes and all just for actor Robert Bronzi doing a dead on Charles Bronson impersonation. I almost thought for a hot second some digital effects team got the rights to Bronson’s likeness and stick it on some actor’s face, but nope. Bronzi’s the real unreal deal. I’d bet a buck that Uncork’d Entertainment figured out right away this one would be somewhat of a hit among nostalgic Bronson fans wanting a slice of the old days and old ways.

While I’m not sure he’ll be game for hopping into the Bronson role should there be some studio bold enough to try for a reboot of the Death Wish franchise or a new series with a different name that has Bronson, er Bronzi playing a similar character, actors DO need to work and this guy’s got the looks to get the asses in seats. Oh yeah, Bronzi has an official website, so feel free to pop in and say hello as well as tell him what you thought of his work r his spot-on Bronson impersonation. He seems affable enough not to want to hunt you down and exact justice if you’re a poor judge of his talents.

The film is available on a bunch of VOD services now (Amazon, Hulu, Xbox One, the usual suspects), but as I despise streaming services (mostly because streaming up here blows), I’ll be holding my breath for the December 4 DVD release which seems to be a Walmart exclusive if the film’s facebook page is accurate. Eh, it’ll likely pop up on ebay as well, so at least I can get it there because the nearest Walmart is a bit of a pain to get to. Well, it’s a long bus ride away and I hate the super steep hill that bus needs to go down because it’s somewhat vertigo inducing in a slow roller coaster about to roll over manner. I have no idea how people make that trip along the route, because I’ve seen passengers do stuff like shut their eyes and/or mumble out assorted prayers to all sorts of deities during the trip down. As I don’t have a particular Death Wish to make that treacherous trip, I’ll go the slow and lazy Pony Express route on this. Hell, my backlog is big enough that I can hold out for a few months.

-GW

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Random Film of the Week: Attack of the Killer Donuts

Attack of the Killer Donuts MPSome of the more jaded folks who whine online about every film they see needing to be some form of “great” won’t appreciate that films like Attack of the Killer Donuts exist at all. But if you’re alright with campy high-calorie horror  packed with intentionally eyeball-rolling humor and the occasional (mild) gross-out gag, this one’s for you, sprinkles and all. That and this is a film that clearly knows its place in the cinematic food chain. You’re getting a well made for its super low budget flick with a cast that’s all in for what it throws at them, a mix of practical and CG effects that get the job done and an overall 80’s vibe that works pretty well despite a few flaws.

Then again, you can’t expect a film that cheerfully rips off elements from Re-Animator and Attack of the Killer Tomatoes to be perfect. But you’ll laugh in the right places for sure if you’re into that sort of gleeful (yet necessary) thievery. Dandy Donuts is already a pretty crappy joint to get terrifically terrible coffee and donuts of reliably questionable quality from. But when their fryer oil is accidentally tainted by a reanimation serum created by a not all there mad scientist, it’s up to Dandy’s two hardest workers, a friend and that mad scientist to put a stop to the murderous pastries.

AotKD 4

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Film Review: Alien Outpost

AlienOutpost_posterSet in the near future and packing quite a punch, Alien Outpost (Outpost 37) is a sci-fi action film genre fans will absolutely want to check out in theaters or on VOD. Directed by Jabbar Raisani, the film’s pseudo-documentary style does a decent job of setting up a not too far in the future world (2021) decimated by an alien invasion turned into a years-long standoff. Pitting a small yet dedicated group of soldiers against a weakened but still overwhelming force in a small, deadly area between Pakistan and Afghanistan, the men of Outpost 37 will face hazards and horrors from the aliens who have begun to use some of the locals to their advantage.

The film works well on a visceral level because despite some humorous banter flitting in and out between the soldiers, the tone is dead serious and believable to a good extent. It would have been nice to see more of the main enemy, though. Other than a short bit at the camp, those Heavies are only viewed briefly during action sequences and mostly at a distance. However, from the brief but impressive CG footage that opens the film and assorted “news” clips of destruction worldwide, we can see that they came, saw and almost conquered the planet. Troops around the world initially sent out to combat the Heavies end up stuck where they are thanks to the war dragging on so long that it’s become an underfunded albatross of a conflict. Yes, the movie can be seen as a heavy handed allegory, but it’s an entertaining heavy-handed allegory provided you’re not expecting epic battles and don’t mind the mirror the film holds up to current events.

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Film Review: EXTRATERRESTRIAL

Extraterrestrial3The Vicious Brothers’ (Colin Minihan and Stuart Ortiz) third film, EXTRATERRESTRIAL is a sci-fi/horror hybrid that takes its cues from plenty of genre films with interestingly mixed results. If you go in expecting something completely original, you may be mildly to moderately disappointed. On the other hand, it’s a fine example of the perfect mindless popcorn flick if you go in blind and let what’s here smack you around during its 106 minute running time.

Yes, it’s formulaic and yes, it’s maybe a few minutes too long thanks to some visual effects overindulgence, slow build-ups to stuff you know will happen and what I like to call a “jump & thump scare” sound mix where loud noises carry fright scenes more than the actors. Warts and all, you can clearly see the Brothers have scads of talent in what they do and how they do it – they just need a bit more polish in the polishing things up department… Continue reading

Lionsgate Wants To Get Witchy With It (And YOU) With Some Modern Horror Hits…

blair_witch_project_ver3_xlgHey! Got some time to get scared right about now? Well, guess what? BOO! Thanks to the fine folks over at Lionsgate Films, I’m going to help you in that adding fear to your entertainment life stuff with a slew of movie suggestions to get you and your fellow fright fans into the proper mood for a weekend packed with horror (that doesn’t involve relatives you don’t like or other actual threats to your existence). And yes, you can even WIN a digital download code of that freaky little film to the left – an oldie but a goodie to those who got scared right out of theaters back in 1999. So get yourself into the corner (NOW!) and listen up, chief!

Just check out the #LionsgateHorror Blog App, mix it up with that quiz it contains and if you’re feeling in the mood for some eye-popping flicks, check out the list of VUDU video recommends, go make a few impulse buys, invite a few friends over and make a night of it. Or a few nights if you like…

I’d say give The Cabin in the Woods, Cabin Fever and The Descent a shot if you’ve never seen them. I actually haven’t seen EXISTS yet, but it looks as if I may have to take the plunge myself into that creepy forest soon! What’s YOUR favorite #Lionsgate horror flick? Feel free to post in the comments below (after you read Los RULES, of course) and you’ll get an extra chance to win!

Los RULES:

Giveaway open to the U.S. and Canada ONLY. Each household is only eligible to win One (1) Digital Download code for The Blair Witch Project via blog reviews and giveaways. Only one entrant per mailing address per giveaway. If you have won the same prize on another blog, you will not be eligible to win it again. Winner is subject to eligibility verification.

The Devil’s Hand on VOD: Spook Yourself Up, Party Style and You May Scare Up a $15 iTunes Giftcard!


 

TDH logo“When six girls are born on the sixth day of the sixth month to different mothers in the small, devout village of New Bethlehem an ancient prophecy is set in motion – on their 18th birthday one of the girls will become the Devil’s Hand. As the day approaches and one by one the young women begin to disappear, terror overtakes the quiet community and those remaining girls band together to uncover who or what is behind these treacherous acts.”

Are you now feeeeeeeeeling a wee bit chilly along that spine area yet? Good. The Devil’s Hand starring Jennifer Carpenter (Dexter), Rufus Sewell (Dark City), and Adelaide Kane (The CW’s Reign)is out now on VOD! Go check out the entire film with five friends and you could be a lucky winner thanks to the fine folks at Roadside Attractions! Just download the film from iTunes (it’s FREE!), get the Prophecy Party Planner here, follow the instructions and follow up with some handy social media interaction (Tweet using the #TheDevilsHand and #ProphecyParty hashtags and don’t forget to give a shout out to yours truly) and you just might win!

AND… Don’t forget to get the app, chap!!!

READ THIS (Rules, you know!):

Giveaway open to the U.S. and Canada ONLY. Each household is only eligible to win One (1) $15 iTunes Giftcard via blog reviews and giveaways. Only one entrant per mailing address per giveaway. If you have won the same prize on another blog, you will not be eligible to win it again. Winner is subject to eligibility verification. The prize will be sent via FedEx or USPS. No P.O. Boxes please.

Film Review: MOEBIUS

MOEBIUS_POSTER_FINALIt takes a hell of a gimmick to make me sit through a horror film these days and Film Movement/RAM Releasing’s latest indie shocker MOEBIUS certainly has a really sharp one working quite well in its favor. Director Kim Ki-Duk’s unsettling, darkly comic chiller packs in just under 125 minutes of edge of your seat nastiness thanks to a rather disturbed family unit with a few nastier (and literal) twists of the knife along the way to a nicely weird (and a bit ambiguous, perhaps?) finale.

You want somewhat inappropriate sex, bits of nudity, violence, blood (but not too much of it), leg-closing moments galore and a good reason to curl up into a ball under the covers? Well, you’ve got that here and then some. Oh, by the way… that gimmick I mentioned? The entire film has not a single line of dialog…

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MOEBIUS: Horror Fans, The Unkindest Cut of All Is Coming Your Way in August…

MOEBIUS_POSTER_FINAL Ouch. Just reading the description for RAM Releasing’s upcoming horror film MOEBIUS should get a few guys to slam their knees together like a bear trap with a hair trigger mechanism:

When she catches her husband having an affair, a woman attempts to castrate the cheater for his wrongdoing. Unsuccessful, she instead inflicts the unspeakable act on her own son, setting off a series of grotesque yet provocative events ranging from a hurried genital transplant to pain-inflicted orgasms that all merge in a continuous thread of delirious storytelling. With both husband and son damaged and living in grief, the wife returns as the family heads towards destruction even more horrific than before.

 

Kim Ki-Duk, whose signature style pushes the limits of challenging filmmaking and often blows right through them, won the Golden Lion with PIETA at the Venice Film Festival last year. The prolific director is set to shock audiences again with Moebius, his latest perverse statement on family tensions, sexual boundaries and society’s issues with each.

MOEBIUS (1) MOEBIUS (2) MOEBIUS (3) MOEBIUS (4) MOEBIUS (6)

During August, the film will get a limited run release in North America at the following theaters:

Los Angeles – August 8 – The Cinefamily, 611 N. Fairfax Ave, Los Angeles, CA 90036

New York – August 15 – Cinema Village, 22 E. 12th St, New York, NY 10003

Chicago – August 22 – Facets, 1517 W. Fullerton Ave, Chicago, IL 60614

before making its Video on Demand (VOD) debut on August 29 via all major providers (Comcast, Time Warner, Cox, Verizon, etc.) and digital VOD at iTunes, Amazon Instant, Google Play, Vudu, Xbox, Playstation, Rovi and Samsung Hub.

Yeah, I’ll be reviewing this one in August – I have a screener on the way, but I may need a teddy bear, a blanket, a few bottles of wine and a noise-canceling room to block my screaming. My knees hurt already from slamming together, so I can’t wait to see what the actual film does… O__o

VOD Review: Hide and Seek

Hide and Seek_MP 

 
Jung Huh’s excellent, unsettling thriller Hide and Seek (available now on VOD) is a solid and very well made first film that offers up some surprising twists and turns that sweep the film into a few genres during its tidy 107 minute running time. At first, it seems as if it’s just one more Asian horror flick with an urban legend come to life, an opening murder that seems to go unresolved and some strange hallucinatory moments that will give easily frightened viewers a nice case of the chills. But as the film progresses, things take a turn into the unexpected action thriller genre that may disappoint those looking for another Ring or Grudge-like clone. On the other hand, Huh’s assured direction keeps you on the edge of your seat as the film whips your expectations about on its wild ride to the finish…

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