Edge of Tomorrow TV Spots 1 & 2: Yeah, Yeah. Cruise-ing Along At Top Gun Speed…

Boom. As good as this looks in that epic, busywork CG explodey summer blockbustah way, as i’ve said before, I just cannot get behind a Tom Cruise flick these days for a few reasons I won’t go into again. I’ll still see this because the trailers make it look interesting, but only when it eventually pops up on cable sometime early next year (I’m guessing January or February based on how fast some films are showing up these days). Yeah, he’s absolute gold at the movies and can act up a storm, but I’ve found there are some people you go through part of life just not liking after a certain point (and that’s all I’ll say about that). Now, I’m not going to stop you at all from spending your ticket money, folks. So have a blasteroo and let me know if this one’s worth paying to see if you do end up going to see it.

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Storing Up Energy For Some Quality Time…

 
Shhh. Quiet back there! I’m kind of taking the day off until Game of Thrones pops up this evening. I made the mistake last night and early this morning of staying up to watch all of those House of Lies episodes I missed when I bailed on the series and man, that was a bad decision. The show is well-acted, but I ended up hating just about everyone on it beyond the point of caring (um… thanks, writers?) and with a season finale popping up, I figure I may as well commit to that at some point this week just to wrap that up as neatly as possible. I’m definitely watching the Shameless finale and may scoot back to HBO to catch the Silicon Valley premiere just because it’s Mike Judge and Office Space is one of my favorite films as a former office drone (in a few too many places in the past) and long time movie lover. Eh, we’ll see… or perhaps not. GoT has all my attention until Orphan Black returns in less than two weeks. As for Mad Men? Coin toss when it returns, period. I gave up caring about that show ages ago…

Hercules Trailer: Strong Words For The Muscle-Man…

So, here we go again on a few fronts. Yeah, yeah, Hercules has been in the movies for decades and sure, this new film trailer hits all the notes it needs to in terms of the usual action movie bullet points. On the other hand, color me bored and waiting for the cable premiere because this myth has been busted too many times previously in some eternally wretched Hercules flicks. Lou Ferrigno and Luigi Cozzi still hold the golden crown as far as the gold standard of awfulness when it comes to the hero. But at least both films stand up in terms of sheer camp craziness. I mean, in the first film, Herc throws a BEAR he’s just punched out into SPACE which turns it into a constellation for cryin’ out loud! You just can’t top that no matter how many light years better your special effects are. As usual, we’ll see what happens with this newer flick, but I don’t have my hopes up that it will be as fun (or funny) as any of the others.

Then again, there’s always Arnold and HIS goofball take on Herc. He fought a bear in that film as well (and in Central Park, yet!)

Welp, VR Just Went Viral. Literally. Yuk.

RiftPeople, I’m speechless. THIS just happened and while some in the tech sector are giddy, anyone who had any thoughts about privacy using that Rift when it comes out has just gotten a “poke” to both eyes. Blech, Yuck, Argh and so forth and so on. Not to mention that people who will buy that thing and not clean it because they’re dopey about stuff like this will end up giving everyone in their homes and elsewhere some sort of eye infection or worse. Ewwww…

Now, I’m not a big VR supporter (I still recall when it was attempted with mixed results in the 90’s), but I was willing to give it a chance based on all the people I know who’ve tried both development versions of the Oculus Rift hardware. Now, I’d not touch the thing with a ten foot pole unless I was using said pole to bash those goofy goggles to bits with. Data mining through your entertainment isn’t new at all, but facebook getting it’s money gloves into EVERYTHING is getting to be extremely annoying. Let me shut up here and vent with some ice cream for a bit. Man, what a day… between this and Fed Ex jerking me around with a package they keep failing to deliver (I’m HOME you idiots!), I’m not having a good day today. Blaaaaah.

Transcendence: Johnny on the Spot Or The Yawnmower Man? We Shall See…

You know, when I saw this trailer to Transcendence I actually laughed out loud because it reminded me of all those “cyberpunk” themed TV shows and films from the 90’s that for the most part didn’t so anything right other than be expensive and really weird unintentional sci-fi comedies. Sure, I know these movies have their followings and fans who groove on the cornball digital effects and “futuristic” scenarios (some by popular authors!), but come on, now. They just haven’t held up all that well even if you DO like them so much you gloss over their obvious flaws. Anyway, this flick seems to be going for a mix of The Lawnmower Man and War Games with a few other bits wired in for good measure and yeah, a “bald” Johnny Depp with wires sticking out of his head makes for a funky future Frankenstein’s monster for sure. Will it be a hit, a miss or a camp classic cable flick? We shall see, people… we shall see…

Review: Magus

magus_PS3 (Large)Platform: PlayStation 3

Developer: Black Tower Studios/Aksys Games

Publisher: Aksys Games

# of Players:1

ESRB Rating: T (Teen)

Official Site

Score: D+

While playing through the comically wretched (in)excess that is Magus, I kept having flashbacks to the time the late, lamented 3DO’s internal studios were churning out games like Warriors of Might and Magic, Crusaders of Might and Magic, Shifters and most importantly, Godai: Elemental Force (one of the most laughably busted games ever made for the PS2). Magus reminded me of those games and more recent ones where any good intentions were waylaid by questionable execution that ended up sapping anything decent out of them, leaving a residue of fun smothered in layers of glaring badness.

Now, I love my bad games to death, but Magus gets a special place in my library for making me laugh out of confusion and unintentional humor at the same time. If Black Tower were trying for some sort of genre-bending parody they’ve succeeded royally. On the other hand, if this was a serious idea gone south for the duration that couldn’t be salvaged, it’s a bit head-shaking how this game got made this late in the PS3’s life cycle… Continue reading

Oculus Trailer: Nothing (New) to See Here, Move Along…

OCULUS_MP*Sigh*… I don’t know why I do this to myself, but I figure one of these modern horror films will actually do what it’s intending and actually scare me. Granted, I draw the line at the torture porn genre stuff and some of the repetitive nonsense that templates better films that were more entertaining back in the 1970’s and 80’s. Well, at least this poster variant is REALLY nice (and probably the creepiest thing about the film).

The one fun and funny thing about this trailer is I’m SURE the folks behind the upcoming Oculus Rift virtual reality (or whatever they want to call it) headset probably don’t want the negative stigma of someone slapping on those expensive X-Ray specs and seeing not so friendly ghosts popping up in their faces. Eh, whatever – I’ll be waiting for this one to pop up on cable to see if it makes me even shift a little in my seat. I sure wasn’t at all scared by this two and a half minutes…

Bacon Craze Gets People Stupid About A Dumb, Dumb Device…

Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Mayer exec
That is who I truly want to be-e-eee…
‘Cause if I were an Oscar Meyer exec,
I’d put a halt to this stupidity!

Sooo, It’s apparent that some people at Oscar Mayer are either smoking that bacon a wee bit too much, as they have no clue as to what hell they’re about to unleash on themselves and a “lucky” few people who get something in the mail that may change their lives (and not for the better). It seems that the eggheads over at the “Oscar Meyer Institute For The Advancement of Bacon” have come up with a tiny device that plugs into your phone and when triggered using you’re phone’s alarm system, puffs out the scent of sizzling bacon along with an accompanying sound effect. What. The. Fork? Look:

Now, this is cute and all, but as soon as I heard about this project, my brain spit out its tea. Then when I saw that video above, my brain hit itself in the head with a cast iron fry pan. What. The. Fork? Continue reading

Transformers: Age of Extinction Trailer: Bay of Picks of the Litter? We’ll See…

 
While I’ve seen the three previous films and way too many of the cartoons to count, I’m not a huge fan of the Transformers movies and their CG overkill, nor do I revere those old animated series as some sort of overall canonical tome that cannot be tampered with. That said, it looks as if this one’s going to be more “serious” than previous installments,, but then again you can’t tell by a two and a half minute plus trailer how the quality of the final flick will be. Mr. Bay seems to have spent that studio money up but good here and based on the usual polarized response this teaser has gotten, I’d say this will make a Megatron full of money (ah ha ha… Hey, pure corn is my specialty, folks!). Then again, if this is the last of the series (and to quote the late Godfather of Soul, James Brown: “Please, Please, Please!”*), it’s certainly going out with a bang. We’ll see on June 27th what’s what, I suppose. Check that: YOU’LL see before I will, as I’ve sat out the last two films until they popped up on cable.

*Yeah, I do KNOW that classic song is about JB wanting someone to NOT leave him, but for this franchise, that cape has come out too many times and it’s done every encore it can think of…

Things I Know Exist But Am Baffled By: Prescription 3D Glasses!

Hobbit_Oakleys 
I recall being at a trade show back around 2006 or 2007 and overheard some people talking about the prescription 3D glasses or lenses for moviegoers. I laughed at that because 3D has always been a few year fad that fades away as interest wanes and money goes down the drain, but it seems I was off a bit. Yes, Virginia, you CAN get a pair of actual prescription glasses like these Oakleys from a few places for your movie and TV watching pleasure. Wow. Granted, like actual modern 3D glasses, they’re one hundred percent useless for walking down the street, so if you spring for the super cool Hobbit or Transformers frames, no one will see them in a dark theater unless you buy your ticket beforehand, whip out your shades, make a clever joke and put them on like you’re on an episode of CSI. (Yeaaaaaaaaahhhh!).

 
Of course, the oh, so painful downside of looking so cool at a price is the other price of falling down that long escalator up to the theater as you’re trying to impress people with your specs but can’t see a few steps in front of you. Just remember, when you DO fall, try to tuck and roll – being curled up in the fetal position at the bottom of that escalator makes it easier for the paramedics to do their thing. And if you DO fall, and don’t get a scratch on you?

Well, I guess you can just call it a case of… blind luck! (Yeaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!)