Review: Johnny Turbo’s Arcade: Heavy Burger (Nintendo Switch)

HEAVY BURGER

Holy… wow. this game is too freakin’ incredible. BUY IT. Or at least hope that Mr. Turbo has plans to get in onto a platform you can play it on.

 

Ahem. Every so often a good, well-made game of any genre makes me want to wax poetic, so here you go, a rhyming (not “rappin'” as I can’t do that at all unless it’s leftovers that need storage in the fridge) review of quite a fine Switch game you need to buy (ASAP, as its really, really good). Yes, the (very) old Bad the Bard alter ego has resurfaced from the grave, so expect the following verse to be cringe-worthy at best. Very cringe-worthy, apologies in advance…

(Takes out invisible lute and busted Casio VL-10). Er, go watch this rather conveniently placed trailer while I warm up… I’ll be back below the jump.

 

(Thanks, Flying Tiger Entertainment!)

Continue reading

Advertisements

(Not So) Random Film of the Week: The White Buffalo

It’s that time again, folks (Dangit, we need a THEME SONG):

Video Store Action Heroes - Banner 9 final

Go get that popcorn going, this one’s quite a doozy.

The Whire Buffalo (Kino)While it’s not that much of an “obscure” film these days thanks to a few DVD and Blu-Ray disc releases over the years, J. Lee Thompson’s wild fantasy/horror western The White Buffalo goes way the hell out of its way to be as surreal as possible (well, within the confines of a Hollywood studio film, circa 1977). If you’re allergic to allegory and go in expecting it to be a more typical manly-man weekend special Charles Bronson flick, it may likely baffle you with its mystical and more surreal elements even though it definitely delivers the goods on the action front.

If anything, this Dino De Laurentis produced follow up to 1976’s (not quite as classic as the true classic) remake of King Kong suffers from too little scope due in part to a lower budget that, combined with a script that’s not fully fleshed out in spots, doomed it to death by a thousand critics slicing away with pen-knives and audiences who likely were expecting a more commercial flick. Today, it’s a different story as the film has garnered a bit of a cult following, warts and all.

Bronson and Buffalo

One of these hairy dudes is Bronson, the other looks more like a hippie jackalope. Uh, wait. a sec…

Still, it’s an excellent showcase for Bronson, as he completely inhabits the role of an ailing James Butler “Wild Bill” Hickok (or, James Otis as his alias here), who, after having recurrent nightmares about the titular creature terrorizing his mind, sets out to kill the beast but good. His competition for the prize: Crazy Horse (Will Sampson), whose infant daughter has been killed along with many of his tribe after a bloody rampage by the seemingly unstoppable, mountain wrecking, avalanche-causing monster.

In a kooky way, it’s more or less Ahab (from Moby Dick) meets Quint (from JAWS), but I don’t want to get too far with the literary or cinematic references even though the film is based off the novel by Richard Sale (who also wrote the screenplay). Let’s just say not every idea gels here, and to quote the late Milton Arbogast,

“You see, if it doesn’t jell, it isn’t aspic, and this ain’t jelling.”

That said, when it does gel, it’s like that time you used three boxes of gelatin and too little water and got something sweet you could bounce a silver dollar off of and have it hit you in the eye (ouch). Painfully palatable is a good description.

Continue reading

Beefarino Get! Or: Coming Attractions

GE DIGITAL CAMERA

I guess there was a mild white earthquake while some person was laying out text for this DVD cover artwork. Check out the original poster for a clue as to what’s what.

So, yeah. I needed to snag a film for a blogathon and as I’m on a budget these days (well, I’m always on a budget!), I ended up picking us a little addition to the library that, along with a bunch of other films I own just so happen to be from South Korea. Everyone needs an odd obsession or three that’s legal yet somewhat comical and one of mine is legal variants of films that come from other countries. I need to do a post on this at some point I guess.

GE DIGITAL CAMERA

Yes, the subtitles are optional. I like the clean animated menu design here (which makes me wonder if the US release uses the same one).

As you can see, the film runs fine (on a Blu-Ray, a PS4, PS3 and standard DVD player from my quick tests). Quality-wise, it’s acceptable, but definitely not anything close to a Criterion Collection remaster.And before you ask “How’s the film?” I’ll tell yoy now that you’ll have to wait with bated buffalo breath for my verdict until next month’s installment of (shameless plug time:) Video Store Action Heroes to find out.

Video Store Action Heroes - Banner 9 final

So shameless… yet so pluggy.

-GW

(A Bit Late, But) FILM THREAT Lives!

(Thanks, Chris Gore!) 

Whee! FILM THREAT lives on. Here’s a very happy and tired Chris Gore reading off a list of contributors to the Kickstarter campaign, which I’m pleased to say I was part of. Now, to hang back and wait for more news on that documentary!

2016: A Package Odyssey: Houston, We Have A “Wait, What?”

deer-in-headlights 

Nope, that’s not me above. That both my reaction to yesterday’s news (no, not that stupid debate I didn’t watch) about my missing PS4 as well as the general attitude of the seller I bought it from. Both of these are making me wish I had a quart of booze to drink before smashing the bottle over my head if I hadn’t passed out by that point. Whee?

More in a bit. I need to get some squeaky, freaky wheels moving here because that darn deer sure isn’t moving fast enough and the road needs to be cleared without anything else going under the bus.

Suspense! I really hate it at a time like this. Don’t you? Good.

Catlateral Damage Gets The Best Press Release of 2015 (So Far)

catlateral damage logo (Custom)

CD paw slap iconYeah, yeah. Posting press releases verbatim is LAZY and should be avoided at all costs (even though it costs no sense to do). But once in a while you get one that cracks you up and requires sharing because the product being shilled was fun enough to inspire a PR person to just do something so obvious that it works despite being awfully corny.

Of course, if you call a cat “corny” it will either ignore you and go take a nap or climb your leg like a lumberjack escaping from a starving bear up a very tall and sturdy tree. Anyway, video to roll and press release to read below, meow.


 

For Immediate Release

 

Catbridge, MA, May, 18, 2015 – Mew meow CATLATERAL DAMAGE meow meow-ow Steam mew OUYA! Meow-ow mew mrow meow mew meow mew meow mew mew meow-ow, mew mew meow mrow mew mew meow meow-ow meow mew mrow meow meow! Mew mew meow meow-ow meow mew meow mrow mrow meow-ow mew mew mew. Meow-ow mew, meow meow mew meow mew mrow mew mew meow-ow mew mew meow.

 

Meow-ow mew meow meow Wed May 27th mew meow mew meow mew mew meow-ow, mew mew mrow mrow mew meow meow-ow meow mew meow meow! Mew mew meow meow-ow meow mew meow meow-ow mew mew mew mrow. Meow-ow mew, meow meow mew meow mew meow mew mew meow-ow mew mew meow. Purrrr… Meow raaarowwww meow.

 

Me-meow mew mew meow meow-ow meow mew catlateraldamage.com!

And yes indeed you need this game just because your cat will knock you out of bed if you don’t buy it and let it play or watch you play while it naps. Cats can see in their sleep. Or so I’ve heard. On the other paw, If you own a dog you know it could care less about this game because it’s trying to figure out how to start up the car, drive to the store and buy some steaks with your credit card. Like that old Talking Heads song goes “Animals think… they’re pretty smart…”

So, Whatcha Goin’ as for Halloween? Here’s an Idea for You…


 
Um, yeah. Sure, you can buy one of these masks and wear it around here, pal. Just don’t wear one of these around me because I’m a native New Yorker and we don’t take to seeing over-sized pigeons and squirrels lightly at all. I’d be the one swinging the Manufacturers Hanover bank souvenir Yankee baseball bat and I’m sure some old lady would be coming at you with a can of illegal mace she keeps in her big old lady pocketbook. “Swing batta-batta-batta” POW! Actually, that old biddy would be packing some smelling salts in her bag to wake you up from the unconscious state. THEN she’d spray you like a cockroach with that mace. Yeah, you had it coming. Good thing they don’t make a rat mask. You’d get both barrels from the transit cops if that were the case…

Huh? Who Said Hello Kitty Was A Cat, Anyway?

No, it's not MINE - Image swiped from kittyhell.com

No, it’s not MINE – Image swiped from kittyhell.com

Ermagawwwwwd! Yeesh, it MUST be a slow news day, as the internet has come up with some more fake outrage over a nonsense subject no one needs to read about*. So, it turns out that people are just figuring out Hello Kitty is (*gasp*) NOT A CAT. Yaaaaaaaah. *Yawn*. Nope, she never was and never will be, if you’ve ever been to the official Sanrio site and read her bio. I did this years ago and satisfied my curiosity about that, but it seems the latest generation of know-lessings and some people who should know better are giving this much ink for no other reason than there must be no celebrity news they can scrape over jagged rocks before they gnaw on the bones left over from that process.

yeah, so she’s a little English girl, height five apples, weight three apples and yeah, it looks like she’s giving you the finger in that image on the site. Probably because she’s TIRED OF PEOPLE CALLING HER A DAMN CAT ALL THE TIME. Hell, she HAS a pet cat (see below on that bio page) AND a hamster who’s a friend of that cat, for crying out loud. You should be more concerned about why she doesn’t have a mouth, I’d say. But even then, Sanrio has a mighty good excuse for that at the bottom of that bio page. So there. Now go find something else to get upset about. I’m sure you can look out a window and see plenty of things to make you flip your wig.

*(He said, ironically giving this story some MORE traction. Well, shoot me later for being a hypocrite, but it made me laugh when I saw this…)

Random Film of the Week(end) Quickie: Dreamgirls

DreamgirlsWhile I’m a huge fan of the classics, I don’t like most modern Hollywood musicals or biopics because they try to hard to be entertaining and just feel as if they’re baked from the same stale mold. I can’t put my finger on anything other than a certain soullessness thanks to a few factors seen as “necessary” to whatever formula makes a “hit” these days.

Anyway, moving on. Despite some fine acting and singing, primo Oscar bait like Dreamworks’ big 9and massively hyped) 2006 film Dreamgirls didn’t do a thing for me either. Still, I’ve watched it in its entirety twice and one part at least two dozen or so times because it made me fall off the couch laughing the first time and stuck with me to the point that whenever the film pops up on cable, I will turn to it just for that single scene.

If you know what I’m talking about, then good for you and you’re chuckling already. If you don’t, well here you go. Mister Jimmy Early… do your stuff! Um… you may want to have a seat there, kiddo.  Oh, and don’t drink anything while watching this clip if you’ve yet to see the movie (spoiler alert? I guess so):

 
I had to leave the room for a few minutes, as if I have to see this clip again, I might pop something inside. Heh. Gets me every time. As for the rest of the film? Meh. I have my Motown and Stax memories and the actual music from that era to keep my ears, brain and (if I feel like shaking a tail feather) hips occupied. So I don’t need any expensive (but nice looking and well intentioned) films that want me to “feel” something for the people in it when all I care about are the old tunes and memories those classic songs bring forth. That said, Eddie Murphy kills it dead here. “Jimmy got soul” indeed. Heee.