Busload of Horror IV: Laugh ‘Til It Hurts… Or Else

Posted on October 25, 2016 by geelw

Okay, a bit late on this one, but I was busy chopping at my backlogs on assorted stuff and tackling a few fires in other spots. Anyway, here are a few more amusing horror-themed games from the vaults, although they’re not quite vintage having all arrived this year. One technically isn’t a “horror” game at all, but some of you will no doubt get a bit queasy if you think about it in a certain way. For example…

Beeftacular: Yuck. Retrific’s squishy, bloody little gem (currently available on Steam) made me stay away from meat for a week when I first played it thanks to… well, just look and see for yourself (IF YOU DARE):

Blech. Maybe it’s the thought of a chunk of raw beef cleansing a map of contaminated beef dipping into my subconsciousness combined with the not so wholesome meat industry pretending things are all fine and Grade A dandy when it’s not. But I couldn’t stomach this for more than an hour before I felt a bit off. Then again, the game’s manic pace and timed stages do get really hectic.

That said, yep, that level editor is mighty excellent, the music is great and if you’re a gamer with a meat fetish as well as a speed running maniac, you won’t need to ask “Where’s the Beef?!” at all. And nope, I never played Super Meat Boy until a few weeks ago – grinning meat is no turn on, either.

Um, hey… anyone wanna go out for a nice juicy burger? 😛

Continue reading →

Busload of Horror III: Laugh ‘Til You Bleed (And Vice Versa)

Posted on October 20, 2016 by geelw

Oooh, I missed yesterday’s posting thanks to stuff going kablooie elsewhere, but here you go. The better news is I found a few more games to add to this list while poking around a hard drive, so consider this scary mission extended a bit starting with tomorrow’s installment where I add FOUR titles instead of three. Or perhaps FIVE if I’m feeling generous? We shall see. Anyway, let’s get cracking with the cracking up over assorted head cracking in these three today:

Tom vs. The Armies of Hell: From Darkmire Entertainment (or Sean Burgoon) comes this hilarious spin on Diablo, Army of Darkness, a dash of Office Space and maybe a teeny-tiny bit of Half-Life (if you squint while hitting yourself in the head with a hammer at just the riiiiight spot) that’s going to tickle your funny bone as it tests your skills. You’re Tom, a low on the totem pole software engineer having the worst day at work ever (outside of Gordon Freeman’s of course) after all Hell figuratively (or is that literally?) breaks loose and you need to stop things from going further south.

The isometric view and chase ‘n chop gameplay will be familiar to Diablo or similar ARPG fans, although the game takes a bit more finesse in using skills-based attacks and drawing energy from dead demon spirits to power your weapon. Enemies tend to be fast and cheap, bosses are room-sized and cheaper, but all are bested by the best who remain calm under pressure. The game is still pretty tough on the easiest setting (or was until the last patch that lightened the difficulty up a bit), but it’s a challenge worth accepting if you like your games funny and sliding in winks and nods to all sorts of cool stuff.

As admirable and fun as the game is, even more so is Burgoon’s tweaking and fixing up bugs when players come across them. If only every developer was so responsive and self deprecating as this guy. $12.99 gets you this one on Steam and it’s worth it. I have not a single clue what Darkmire has up it’s collective one-man sleeves as an encore, But if it’s more tongue-in-cheek goofiness such as this, I’m in and smiling already.

Continue reading →

House Shark: Become A Chum, Help This Indie Horror Comedy Get Made

Posted on January 30, 2016 by geelw

House Shark Poster

A killer “B” in the making, House Shark caught my eye (ow!) with its intentionally cornball “Jaws in a house” plot and liberal doses of humor and primarily practical effects work. SRS Cinema and veteran indie director Ron Bonk (there needs to be a cartoon sound effect here) is looking for like-minded horror fanatics to help him fund his latest venture with a mere $15,000 target between those who donate and the completed film. There are 22 days left to get this show on the road (or back on the road), so if you’re a fan of low-budget gore and spirited film making in a jugular vein, you know where you’re clicking next.

(Thanks, SRS CinemaLLC!)

In English: Check out the Indiegogo campaign here and take note that contributing at least $60 to funding will net you (among other rewards) House Shark on one of three formats (VHS, DVD or Blu-Ray), you’ll also get a copy of his upcoming homage to female revenge flicks of the 1970’s, She Kills (that trailer isn’t for the kiddies, folks!). You can also choose to dive into the shallow end of the pool and get less perks or belly flop into the ocean as a high roller and actually be an EXTRA or even one of the film’s producers if you’re willing to travel.

Hmmm… does anyone want to ring up a certain wealthy, wild-haired egomaniac running for office and get him off the trail for a few weeks? Sharking in a house in upstate NY just may be more up his alley than stirring up all those hornet nests all over the place. Better to have him in the real entertainment business than making a “reality” show out of more serious stuff, I say.

Grin & Bear It: Five Tips on How to Survive The Revenant

Posted on January 8, 2016 by geelw

So, you’re planning to go see The Revenant this weekend, hmmmm? Well, if you’re not used to extended scenes of bear on man violence, the bear attack on Hugh Glass (Leonardo DiCaprio) will put you under your seat or have you run screaming out of the theater because it’s quite possibly the most frighteningly realistic blending of CG and practical effects you’ve scene outside a horror movie.

Still, there’s a way to make it through the about 15 minutes of gorgeously rendered brutality (and the rest of the film’s violence is no pic-a-nic either) and come out no worse for the wear. Here are five tips to make it through (relatively unscathed): Continue reading →

Happy Gnu Year!

Posted on January 2, 2016 by geelw

(thanks, Muppet Show Videos by arnis!)

A day late, a dollar short and you can’t keep the change. Yeah, yeah. I was busy doing stuff or not doing stuff yesterday (I forget), so I didn’t get around to posting. I forget. Wait, I said that already (see?). Anyway, as I no longer make make resolutions because I don’t need to guilt trip myself into a coma at my advanced age, I’ll just say that things are happening and will continue to happen here at DAF in 2016 and leave it at that. SUSPENSE is so underrated these days, you know…

Back in a bit – I need to finally change the background and banner on this site and another one, download a few games to review and otherwise stay out of trouble.

A Little Something To Bug Me On A Monday

Posted on September 7, 2015 by geelw

So, how was your holiday? Mine was dull and intentionally so. That said, I haven’t EVER been so chewed up so damn much by bugs since I was a kid and this summer was lousy for going anywhere outside and coming back with a few fresh bites. There seem to be small armies of little nippers zipping around this year to the point you’d think this was some 70’s eco-disaster flick up here and elsewhere. I actually can’t believe I’m saying this, but i can’t wait for colder weather to get here. A few chilly winds will keep the little pests and some of the bigger (human) ones away from causing so much trouble. I hope.

Back tomorrow with some actual updates.

Don Logan’s Advice For Celebrity Candidates

Posted on September 1, 2015 by geelw

Okay, basta. This fetish for unbalanced narcissists wanting to be adored by the huddled masses and sent to high office to play around with the planet (and possibly push its expiration date a bit closer) means things are getting really ugly out there. Something’s really rotten in the air these days (even more so than usual) and there’s a need for a bit of a time out before it gets worse. Perhaps an intervention of some sort that involves sitting every candidate down in front of a big screen (in a Ludovico Technique manner) and run this clip on a loop for about ten hours straight (warning: hilarious ear-burning expletives inbound):

(Thanks, XomB!)

While it probably won’t work at all, it would at least keep the airwaves cleaner for a brief moment in time.

Words to the wise: Just because something is popular doesn’t mean it’s actually any good.

The Frog And Pig Split For Ratings. Color Me Not Amused One Bit

Posted on August 19, 2015 by geelw

I really shouldn’t care a whit about this, but it’s bugged me that the media has fallen over themselves to make the Kermit-Piggy “divorce” a story as if it’s a real thing. Yuck. Who’s the main sponsor of this show anyway, Ashley Madison? Anyway, why the hell does something as crappy as divorce need to be introduced into a family-friendly set of characters as the Muppets?

Yeah, yeah, Sesame Street has done the reality thing as a means to explain some real world situations such as death and prison to its young audience. But in the case of this upcoming ABC show, it smacks of nonsense that’s only there to add a whiff of modern-day “reality” show nonsense to what should have been more of a throwback to the original variety show. Ugh.

On the other hand, I guess I should have seen it coming as both Kermie and Piggy have had someone else’s hand up their butts for decades.

Speaking of Sesame Street, the HBO deal? Great for subscribers to HBO but terrible for anyone not getting more than basic cable. Between that (so long, low income viewers!) and the shows possibly being chopped to half an hour thanks to modern short attention spans, you have to wonder what was being thought about other than money when all is said and done. Of course, that money thing seems to be partially thanks to online streaming wrecking certain home video revenue streams for good. But I guess thinking of (all) the children doesn’t pay the bills unless you deal with the devil in one way or another. Ah well.

I won’t be watching the new Muppet show anyway (the concept is s total turn-off to me) and I haven’t watched Sesame Street in years. Well, okay… I lied. Out f curiosity I did recently check out the close to 30 parodies they’ve made over the last few seasons and all are hilarious. Although, I do question the idea of making parodies of mature shows that aren’t for kids at all (Boardwalk Empire, Mad Men, Game of Thrones) because the parodies work TOO damn well.

I guess I should be glad there’s no SS parody of The Wire… yet.

Blu-Ray Review: Spider Baby

Posted on July 22, 2015 by geelw

Jack Hill’s amusing and mildly disturbing 1964 horror classic Spider Baby finally gets the feature-packed Blu-Ray treatment is deserves courtesy of Arrow Video and MVD and it’s a must for fans of the formerly forgotten flick that became a cult classic. “The maddest story ever told” still holds up today as quite the viewing experience as well as on original little low budget flick that still packs quite a kick in a few places.

The story of the Merrye family’s twisted offspring and their strange caretaker Bruno is, for all the creepy, unsettling antics taking place, quite an emotional tale at heart. Three siblings Virginia (Jill Banner), Elizabeth (Beverly Washburn) and Ralph (Sig Haig) live with Bruno (Lon Chaney Jr.) in a decrepit mansion well off the beaten path with a few other relatives. Thanks to inbreeding among the family, all suffer from a genetic condition that makes them regress mentally into primitive states that make them more than a little dangerous to be around. Bruno does his best to keep his unbalanced charges in line, but after a mailman (Mantan Moreland) is killed and distant relatives arrive to claim the mansion and surrounding property for themselves, things take a turn for the darkly comedic worse. Continue reading →

#TBT: Old Scams Can Drive A Man To Drink

Posted on April 30, 2015 by geelw

(thanks, Video Quotes From Seinfeld!)

Ha. Someone actually tried to pull the ollllllllllllld as the freakin’ hills “I’ll send you a money order… oops, I overpaid, so can you refund the balance by Western Union?” scam for an item I was selling for a friend and that kind of pissed me off big time. Why? Because “Albert Mackenzie” wasted my damn time until I realized what was going on. If there’s anything I absolutely hate it’s scammers of any type because they’re useless in any normal moral situation and only exist to make people miserable when they part us fools from our money. I’d post his email address for all to see, but that would probably encourage the bastard and not scare him off one bit. Drop dead, Albert.

The koo-koo-koo-raaazy thing here is Western Union has a bad rap on this front, KNOWS it has a bad rap on that front and seems powerless (or just plain lazy) to do anything about it despite the scam existing for years with no sign of letting up. Hell, sites like ebay, craigslist and others plus a while bunch of police departments warn people to NOT use Western Union for anything involving sending money to strangers or even honest people who want money sent electronically, so I’m wondering why they even exist as a “reliable” company for any sort of wire transfer. Nostalgia only goes so far, folks.

Okay, at least they DO have a Fraud Quiz you can take while you’re reading that scammer’s email. And ooh, lookit! They have VIDEOS too:

Hmmm. Watching this and the other clips actually made me doubly NOT want to use Western Union ever again for anything financial, so I guess they did their job. Sort of.

It’s a damn good thing I’m not as stupid as someone thought I was. Still, what a friggin’ waste of a few days of back and forth BS from this cat. Sir, the jerk store was supposed to be out of YOU, but it seems you’re in stock and ready to ship. Boo. Anyway, if anyone wants me, I’ll be somewhere without jerks having an adult beverage. Probably home, as the bars around here are pretty damn lame. And probably coffee, as I have a lot of work to do and I’m out of booze. Eh, maybe I’ll just gently slam down some Uptime instead and get that review completed.