PC Review: Yooka-Laylee

While playing Yooka-Laylee,
the words, they kinda fail me
it all feels so nineteen-ninety nine.

That’s really not a bad thing
Fact: parts of it indeed sing
But others have me screaming half the time.

The camera’s got the jitters
This game’s not made for quitters
But still, it takes some patience to align.

The game world’s quite expansive
with infinite life chances
But tumbling off those ledges? Not sublime.

To give Playtonic their due
when stuff works well, it feels true
and older fans will find a lot of shine.

But games have come a long way
Those mascots, they’ve had their day
And newer work has fixed what was a “crime.”

The old school’s kinda backwards
One time it won most placards
But now, it’s seen more classical than prime.

The Ratchets, Slys, and others
Are the more modern druthers
So, is this vintage style worth your dime?

Provided you mind its quirks
You’ll find quite a few good perks
Collectibles galore? Tough to decline!

Those flaws, the dev can fix them
And make this game a true gem
bringing those bugs to heel as benign.

For Rare fans reminiscing
There’s fun here, but lots missing
But there’s no need to yell a lot or whine.

Whether pre-bought or now still sold
I’d say bad reviews will seem old
But only if the update redesigns!

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Random Film of the Week(end) Quickie: The Pit and the Pendulum (Or: That Funky Cold Medina)

The Pit and the Pendulum 1961So, here’s how MY Saturday night went. I’m sitting in the living room watching “The Price of Fear” marathon on This TV (which seems to be an offshoot of WPIX here in NYC that shows better movies, albeit edited for network standards) and during a commercial break in The Pit and the Pendulum (I know, I know – but I can’t pass up those Vincent Price/Roger Corman films anywhere they’re aired), I heard some loud music booming outside from someone going deaf in his or her car.

A few seconds later I end up nearly falling off the couch laughing because the song playing with its bumpy bass hanging out the window is none other than Tone Loc’s ode to lousy overpriced wine, Funky Cold Medina. Bwah and ha. Suddenly, my Saturday night got a great deal more interesting…

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Indiegala’s Monday Sale This Week Nets Some Bad Poetry (But Hey, It’s A FREE Poem!)…

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Another Monday full of stress?
I think you need some games for less!
To Indiegala, you now must click
This bargain’s great for thin or thick!
Seven games for a great price
Some music, too (it sounds quite nice!)
All under two bucks for a day
So go get yours and then go play!

Yeah, yeah – you get a crappy and very quickly written poem because I’m buried in catching up on a few things after my lousy weekend online. Anyway, seven games and some funky music to make your ears and other parts dance. $1.49 for 24 hours. Go grab them and get busy!

Happy Mother’s Day (Or Else)…

Some get along with Moms they love
and gift them with that velvet glove
The other group, they’re not above
the want to find a cliff, then shove.

But whether you choose love or hate
You must admit there’s no debate
You’re here because yes, it’s your fate
(Now quiet down and clean your plate!)

Some moms are fit to raise their broods
and never seem to reach bad moods
But others haven’t got the goods
(Their kids get left out in the woods)

But even if Mom’s good or bad,
know she’s the only one you’ve had
And whether you’re now glad or sad
In most respects, you can’t be mad!

So, raise a glass, drink of your choice
and let your Mom know with your voice
just what you’re feeling, gals and boys
(But not too loud, now – noise annoys!)

(I’ll add video credits later tonight, as I had to write this in a hurry!)

Bad Poerty: Monday Again? Yeah, and You Can’t Stop It.

(thanks, solutioncow

The grind begins anew dear friends
The whistle blows, it never ends
You roll your rock up that damned hill
It rolls right back, intent to kill

You suffer that eternal fate
For roof and food set on a plate
While those above you’ve never toiled
Their hands pristine and never soiled

(thanks, texeratx texeratx!) 

They pay you what they think you’re worth
It’s not a lot (much to their mirth)
You only see them when they wish
You’re treated like some tiny fish

Caught in the mouth of bigger ones
That torch is passed onto your sons
and daughters who, some now confined
by laws that clip their wings and bind

(thanks,pwskidmarx!) 

Is there a way out? Maybe so
But you’re too occupied to know
So turn that crank and spin that wheel
The pain? You’re not supposed to feel

And when that quitting time bell rings
Your aching body squeaks and sings
And back home then to eat and snore
Then Tuesday’s come – you’re back for more!

-GW

Despicable Me 2 Toy Profile of the Week (9): A Little Traveling Music, Please!

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When Minions need a quick get-around
and their feet can’t touch solid ground
You’d best believe that pound for pound
That Minon Mobile’s mighty sound

With Minion Tim right at the wheel
(he’s got a license he didn’t steal!)
He’s got that “get there fast!” appeal
(just listen to those tires squeal!)

Yep, Thinkway Toys has whipped this up
to blaze right past your cat or pup
Whether you’re a kid or young grownup
You’ll want this ride without holdup!

Shown:

Minion Mobile (9”)

Age: 4+; Approximate Retail Price: $39.99
• Includes Voice, Lights and Sounds
• 10+ Sayings
• Comes with Minion Tim Driver

Available at a toy retailer near you starting in May. Despicable Me 2 is in theaters on July 2, 2013.

Deadly Premonition: The Director’s Cut Random Screenshot of the Day: It’s A Dog’s Life…

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“Spotted dogs have appeared throughout history in Europe, Asia, and Africa, credited with a dozen nationalities and as many native names. The dog we know today as the Dalmatian has been a dog of war, a draft dog, shepherd, ratter, fire-apparatus follower, firehouse mascot, bird dog, trail hound and retriever. Most importantly, he is the original and only coaching dog. His affinity for horses remains a basic instinct to this day and the breed is a natural follower and guardian of the horse-drawn vehicle.”

Source: American Kennel Club

So, now that you know you don’t need 101 (or 102) Dalmatians at all to keep a child safe, ladies and gents… just one really well-trained one. The again, I’d bet a forest full of those spotted dogs would be keeping that creepy Red Seeds Killer a bit more at bay (pun intended) and FBI Special Agent Francis York Morgan (just call him York!) a lot less busy…

DPDC PS3 US EFS 2D RealAnyway, make sure you don’t go howling at the moon yourself because you missed out on picking up a copy of Deadly Premonition: The Director’s Cut, headed exclusively to the PlayStation 3 on April 30, 2013 from Rising Star Games. Featuring over 100 improvements over the original game, refined HD graphics, PlayStation Move and 3D TV support, all-new DLC and MORE. You’ll only find out what a dog and small child are doing mixed up in all this only if you play the game (no, the ghost of W.C. Fields isn’t in the game at all, but it would be funny to those who remember his work), so now that you’re curious, you can get on board the same train to Greenville a lot of us are already riding.

swery_birthday to youOff topic (woof!), Yesterday was Game Director Swery 65’s birthday! For real! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!  OK, because I didn;t know about this until after the fact, I didn’t get him a gift at all. Er, except that post I wrote for that day, so I feel a bit bad about that. The again, he really liked the post, so it’s all good in the end. I suppose it WOULD be bad form to let him know what MY birthday is (it’s coming up next month), but if he asks me, I’ll let him know right away…

Despicable Me 2 Toy Profile of the Week (8): New, Yet Nostalgic…

DM2 MONO PK PRD (Custom) DM2 OP PRD visual01 (Custom)

This week’s peek’s not plush or plastic,
But two board classics quite fantastic.
And one old viewer from the past
(like older models, built to last).

Hasbro’s grand Monopoly
goes DM2-themed, as you see
The rules, the same, the fun, so great
That special box, you just can’t hate!

And Operation! – another winner,
Make sure to play it after dinner
poking that Minion may gross you out
(But that’s subject to quite some doubt)

View-Master UpdatedThat Viewmaster, yes, it’s so cute
That Minion’s mug is such a hoot
From Fischer-Price and Basic Fun
they’re teaming up for everyone.

 

You’ll want to buy all of these things
(I hope your car’s got mighty wings)
Your home will be packed to the roof
 Big DM2 Fan? You’re THE proof!

Shown above:

Hasbro’s MONOPOLY: Despicable Me 2 Edition Game – The MONOPOLY game has never been this mischievous! Assemble the Minions! Gru is back with a villainous plan to take over the MONOPOLY game. Spin the Minion to make your move, collect Banana Bucks fast, and own all your favorite Despicable Me properties. Suggested retail price: $19.99

Hasbro’s OPERATION: Despicable Me 2 Edition Game– Whaaa’?! Stuart’s having a bad, bad day. He accidentally swallowed some unicorn fluff, his noggin’s gone nutty, and his tongue is toxic! What’s a Minion to do?! Operate! It’s the same classic OPERATION game fun, plus the wacky humor of Minions! Suggested retail price: $19.99.

Despicable Me 2 View Master® – See your favorite Despicable Me characters like never before – in vivid View Master 3D! In partnership with Fisher-Price, Basic Fun has developed the Despicable Me 2 View Master including a new internal design that provides a 50% brighter and larger image with a smoother operation and a new focus on 3D adventures featuring 21 images (across three reels) to tell the Despicable Me story. Suggested retail price: $9.99 (viewer), $4.99 (reel pack), $14.99 (gift set including the viewer, three reels and a branded case)

Despicable Me 2 toys and other licensed products will be available at retailers nationwide beginning in May 2013. Despicable Me 2 hits theaters on July 3, 2013.

Deadly Premonition: The Director’s Cut Random Screenshot of the Day: Soup to Nuts & Out of a Jam…

DPTDCLOGO 140113-1600-54 “Ruh-Roh”. Welllll, this COULD go three ways for FBI Special Agent Francis York Morgan (just call him York… and call him a cab, as he’s going to need one if he makes a clean getaway from that Red Seeds Killer). He could try and engage the mad killer he’s been seeking for a while in a physical altercation (not a good thing if it’s suit-wearing fisticuffs against ratty robe wearing axe-swinging). He could try to put him down with a couple of well-placed shots from that gun he’s hopefully carrying (since he IS a FBI agent, he SHOULD be carrying his gun when exploring such a freaky location, right?)… OR he could remember that old comedy movie classic that was on TV late last night and attempt to confuse the killer completely before getting away in that cab you called.

“What old movie?” You ask, dear reader? Well, like I said… it’s a CLASSIC:

I think that Red Seeds Killer is in for quite a surprise. He’ll never see this coming, that’s for damn sure…

DPDC PS3 US EFS 2D RealAnd just how will YOU get away from that axe-wielding maniac when you’re playing Deadly Premonition: The Director’s Cut, coming exclusively to the PlayStation 3 on April 30, 2013? While you’re trying to decide that, make sure to take note of the updated HD visuals, PlayStation Move and 3D TV support, over 100 improvements over the original version and much more. Well, don’t spend TOO much time ogling those tweaks and letting that axe swinger get too close. Losing your head while checking out the scenery is only supposed to happen when you’re on vacation. Well, this long trip to Greenvale I’m taking IS sort of a vacation… but it’s certainly not what I’d call ANYTHING resembling a paradise. PROTIP: try running away, actually. I don’t think that killer has much of a sense of humor (or knows who the hell The Marx Brothers are, for that matter)…

Swery65_d Meanwhile, back at the ranch… Game Director Swery 65 is certainly feeling quite cool these days, as fans of his work have been whipping up some very nice artwork about his game and there have even been cosplay sightings at some recent conventions of certain characters from Greenvale. If you get REALLY lucky, you may even see Swery doing a bit of his own unique impression of York at one of these events, but pretend you’re thinking he’s adjusting his glasses because he’s not wearing a nice suit and tie like York has…

Deadly Premonition: The Director’s Cut Random Screenshot of the Day: A Slow Day At Work…

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For the record, it’s always been a hard job being in a video game, folks. Even In the old days, standing outside stamping your feet up and down as a flat sprite was a total pain in the ass (but your feet hurt more) and as you can imagine, BORING as hell. Better tech meant that in some games, you couldn’t just stand and/or stamp around in the same spot at all. “Routines” became the new thing and now, you HAD to walk around and look as if you were busy. Of course, in the virtual open world of Greenvale, even if you’re NOT in the game that day, you’ll need to be on call just in case there’s a random event or sudden call sent out for some sort of scary moment to rattle the player. Of course, if you end up missing that call thanks to your cab not arriving on time or some other stupid thing, you end up going home annoyed, disappointed and tired. Well, at least there’s always a fresh pot of boiling water on the stove for tea and the A&G Diner has a secret delivery service for town residents (and its creepier denizens) only. I hear the fried chicken is great today…

DP_PreorderAnyway, keep this Shadow employed and scaring YOU half (or more) to death, I say! Pre-order a copy of Rising Star Games PlayStation 3 exclusive Deadly Premonition: The Director’s Cut, headed to retail on April 30, 2013. Featuring updated HD visuals, over 100 improvements from the original release, PlayStation Move and 3D TV support and MORE, this game is guaranteed to make all those Shadows happy overtime collecting guys and gals. And it’s all about the overtime for these guys, as they LOVE doing what they do so well. FBI Special Agent Francis York Morgan (just call him York!) may not feel the same way, as the more of them that get work that day he’s on the set, the more running like hell he needs to do. Sometimes, you can’t “kill” them all fast enough… or at all. You’ll see.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAOccasional slow work days and long nights aside, everyone I’ve spoken to in Greenvale during this extended project has nothing but high praise for Game Director Swery 65. They say he’s always willing to listen to input about a scene and even lets the actors do a bit of ad-libbing, which really pays off in certain portions of the game. Like I said above, you’ll see…