Uh, hey pal… you’re not gonna DRINK that, are you?
Movie memory #1764 (or so): sitting in a packed theater back in 1995 watching the opening sequence to Waterworld as Kevin Costner’s Mariner character urinates into a plastic container, then pours that pee into a dicey-looking filtration system and drinks the results. You’d best believe the bulk of the audience let out a collective “EWWWWWW!” and yes, there was one guy sitting somewhere in the back of the darkened theater who yelled out something about how ice cubes would have made that recycled beverage go down better.
Flash forward to me watching the three (!!!) versions of the film in Arrow Video’s packed to the gills (heh) with bonus features triple-disc set and I kind of want one of those funky filter devices just so I don’t need to take breaks when I’m going through my film backlog. For all its expensive sets, Costner’s dedicated performance, some amazing stunt work and a completely and perfectly bonkers performance by Dennis Hopper as its main villain, the film is still flawed in that, “Where’s the beef?” manner when it comes to a few key plot elements. Granted, its ecology past peril theme is a bit more relevant it today’s climate (and yes, that’s a double pun, kids). But there’s no real “science” here if you’re looking for it. Hell, if the Earth does lose its major land masses underwater as shown here, an overblown big-budget sci-fi action flick isn’t exactly where we’re headed in that watery future, glub, glub.
In its current state, Justice League both looks and feels like an incomplete film that should have gotten its release delayed simply in order for the creative team to make a more entertaining (and more polished) experience. As it stands, this hunk of colorful, expensive fluff will no doubt still make a good chunk of its money back and also get a home video release about three months or so from now in an “extended cut” that, like the extended disc versions of Suicide Squad and Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justiceshould have been the version people are paying to see in theaters. Well, not that longer versions of either helped much thanks to their plots being way too full of hard to fill holes.
That said, the first thing that popped into my head as I was watching this somewhat disappointing film unfold was a wonder if the film was even storyboarded (ironic for a comic book flick, right?). As it stands, it’s almost as if someone cut out pages from a few dozen DC Comics, pasted them to some comic art paper, whited out the word balloons and had a few writers add dialog before rearranging everything. While the end result is indeed still watchable, it’s not very good at all when compared to other films of this type. Although, after some reflection I’ve decided it’s decidedly “entertaining” if you shut off your brain and take in its more comic book-like moments and not take anything at all too seriously (which, sad to say, some fans won’t tale kindly to hearing). That said, it’s running time of 120 minutes seems oddly enough, too short for a Zach Snyder film. Weird, but yeah – the film is actually too short because it packs in way too much character info in during that two hours and kind of overlooks its main villain in the process.
Okay… it’s confession time, again.CLOWNS DO NOT SCARE ME. At all. There, I said it. Hey, I grew up going to circuses on class trips (the animal waste smell was worse than the greasepaint talent, folks), watching Bozo the freakin’ Clown on TV, so clowns make me laugh. Even Killer Klowns From Outer Space. Okay, serial killers in real life who’ve dressed as clowns? Yeah, but that’s different. Hell, I’ve even painted an evil clown for a magazine cover back in the day and my sleep has been secure. Well, up to the point a bunch of orange clowns slipped into seats of power with plans to turn the rivers and skies blacker than the unclean resources they claim are otherwise. But, I digress. I do like the look of this from the trailer, haven’t reread the book in over 15 years or longer and thought Tim Curry looked great as Pennywise because his makeup gave him a light bulb shaped noggin that reminded me of Greedy Killerwatt. Yes, I am as old as dirt.
Anyway, we’ll soon see how Pennywise it was to remake this Stephen King classic, but as he’s given it his blessing, it certainly looks to be some sort of more definitive version than that old TV movie was. I predict a huge horror hit because humans are scared of the strangest stuff that’s not at all real while strangely doing scary stuff to each other straight out of a horror flick on a daily basis. Go figure.
So, yup. If that first trailer from last year didn’t get your eyeballs and ears all perked up, Warner says watch this and you’ll be feeling around on the floor for both eyeballs and ears after they’ve popped out of and off your head. Go get something clean like a big plate to put on the floor near your monitor (I’ll wait) and click below:
See what I mean? You have until August 5 to find your eyeballs and ears, by the way. Also, if you do find those eyeballs first, go check out the rest of the posters over at Imp Awards just because they’re an even dozen simple and pretty cool designs.
And so, it begins. By the time Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice hits theaters in March, I fully expect to see no fewer than 25 or so of these 30-second (or longer) TV spots that still won’t give away all of the film’s “surprises”. I’m at the stage where these comic book blockbusters don’t surprise me much if at all because both DC and Marvel traffic heavily in killing any actual suspense these films bring thanks to wanting to keep as many main and some supporting characters around as possible as a means of generating income. Alternate universe stories aside, they can’t “kill” off a *major* character anymore (without replacing him or her) because they’d be removing a slice of that easy revenue stream fans pony up on a regular basis.
That said, collateral damage seems to me more than okay in these flicks. In English: you sure can lay waste to cities great and small, killing thousands or even millions of civilians as a plot pushing element. “Dead” superheroes get to come back to life at some point, but dead normal folks stay dead long after the rubble has been cleaned up. I suppose there’s a moral here, but I’m too lazy to look for one today.
Hmmm. On one hand, I don’t want to see In The Heart of the Sea in a theater because that means going in with people who know nothing about the true story of the whaling ship Essex and what happened to it and its crew sitting down and expecting some sort of action movie version of Moby Dick, a book that to some is nearly incomprehensible by modern standards. I’m betting myself a shiny new penny that most of the short attention spanners also don’t remember The Perfect Storm and its bleak (but somewhat too heroic to be plausible) finale that went for uplifting (in more ways than one, ha!) just so audiences would leave the theater in a somewhat more together condition and not drowning in all those salty tears.
On the other hand, it’s all that expensive CG work in the trailer and nothing at all in the commercials about the more horrifying aftermath where bad navigational decisions led to the Essex survivors forced to choose a little bit of cannibalism after weeks at sea that bugs me even more. Although I do wonder if fresh leg of man is safer than a movie theater hot dog globbed with chili and unnaturally orange “cheez”. Yeah, that’s a happy holiday film (and perfect Oscar bait) for your consideration, right? Continue reading →
I can only imagine some wag who plans to blow this off stepping outside one sunny day only to have a chopped and channeled dust-covered death-mobile roll up as a long handled grabber of some kind reaches for their shirt collar. Yeah, that will be a wild ride to the nearest multiplex to be sure. You can avoid this fate by just going to see the movie, you know. It opens May 15 pretty much anywhere you can see current films. Now, I know that some of you adventure seekers wouldn’t at all mind getting yanked into a crazy-looking ride for a bouncy-bouncy trip to the cinema. But the thing is, when these guys show up to get you… you end up riding OUTSIDE on that long pole. That could get problematic if you happen to reside in an area with a lot of potholes. Ouch.
Wow. First we get slapped around by new Star Wars: The Force Awakens and Terminator Genisys trailers and today, it’s Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice getting people all hot under the collar and a few other places. Well, it certainly looks as if any blubbering about Ben Affleck as Batman has been silenced. The film seems to borrow rather heavily from Frank Miller’s Dark Knight books in terms of Batman’s more tricked out costume (the lighted eyes, sniper rifle and other bits) as well as the big battle that’s going to take place between Bats and Supes.
Of course, the film is also a jump off for the future Justice League movie, so there’s going to be plenty of new things to ogle here and over-speculate about as new trailers drop. You go do that ogling and speculating on your own time. I’ll just wait more more moving picture news and perhaps a few stills to pore over before passing any major judgments Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice is in theaters March 25, 2016.
Yeah, yeah – I’ll get to that Terminator trailer tomorrow. I was up way too late working on a few projects and am wiped OUT tonight.
Ha. You know, I’d forgotten Mad Max had a last name until I saw the description to this new teaser. Anyway, Mr. Rockatansky is back in action on the wild road soon (hey, May is creeping up faster than you’d think!), so here’s a look at two of the TV ads for the film. Can George Miller pull this off as well as he did back with the first two films? Or will we need another hero to save us from the pre-summer blehs?
Eh, my money is on this being a winner as long as the jaded ones out there with their negativity and access to computers get busy slamming it with their tiny little hammers because it’s not what they wanted or expected. Yeesh. Try and make art these days and you find no one’s happy because everyone’s a self-styled “critic” these days. Feh.
Other than a clip here and there over the years, I’d actually never seen all of Stanley Donen’s 1958 film Indiscreet until a few days back when I was up late stressing over some stuff. Yeah, the kitchen and other major repair jobs that are needed but seem to be hard to impress on the folks who run this place about how urgently they need to get taken care of. Bleh. Anyway, it’s an interesting and not quite perfect film about a woman (Ingrid Bergman) who thinks she’ll never find love who ends up falling for a man (Cary Grant) who she thinks is married. There’s more and a twist or three, but I’ll let you track this down and watch it if you’ve yet to, as it’s a fun film to wile away some time.
I’d have to say this dance sequence was the funniest thing I’d seen in a while at that hour of the morning, as I was laughing so hard that I couldn’t sleep afterwards thanks to the scene replaying itself in my head a few times. While I knew that Grant could hoof it like a maniac when he needed to in his earlier films, I didn’t think he did any fancy dancing this late in his career. That, and the scene is played entirely for laughs and gets them even when seen in that out of context clip above. Anyway, study those moves well and use them at that New Year’s party you’ve been invited to. I’d bet those steps work with any modern uptempo beat and I’d also bet that someone’s going to try and out-step you at some point on that dance floor. Of course, if they’re not in on the gag and have never seen this film, they’ll look a lot more foolish than you do, that’s for sure…