IT Teaser Trailer: What? That? Oh, Right.

Okay… it’s confession time, again. CLOWNS DO NOT SCARE ME. At all. There, I said it. Hey, I grew up going to circuses on class trips (the animal waste smell was worse than the greasepaint talent, folks), watching Bozo the freakin’ Clown on TV, so clowns make me laugh. Even Killer Klowns From Outer Space. Okay, serial killers in real life who’ve dressed as clowns? Yeah, but that’s different. Hell, I’ve even painted an evil clown for a magazine cover back in the day and my sleep has been secure. Well, up to the point a bunch of orange clowns slipped into seats of power with plans to turn the rivers and skies blacker than the unclean resources they claim are otherwise. But, I digress. I do like the look of this from the trailer, haven’t reread the book in over 15 years or longer and thought Tim Curry looked great as Pennywise because his makeup gave him a light bulb shaped noggin that reminded me of Greedy Killerwatt. Yes, I am as old as dirt.

Anyway, we’ll soon see how Pennywise it was to remake this Stephen King classic, but as he’s given it his blessing, it certainly looks to be some sort of more definitive version than that old TV movie was. I predict a huge horror hit because humans are scared of the strangest stuff that’s not at all real while strangely doing scary stuff to each other straight out of a horror flick on a daily basis. Go figure.

-GW

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Suicide Squad: Mission: Impossible With Some Bad, Bad Men (& Women)

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So, yup. If that first trailer from last year didn’t get your eyeballs and ears all perked up, Warner says watch this and you’ll be feeling around on the floor for both eyeballs and ears after they’ve popped out of and off your head. Go get something clean like a big plate to put on the floor near your monitor (I’ll wait) and click below:


 

See what I mean? You have until August 5 to find your eyeballs and ears, by the way. Also, if you do find those eyeballs first, go check out the rest of the posters over at Imp Awards just because they’re an even dozen simple and pretty cool designs.

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice TV Spots: Capes & Jaw-Juts on the Menu for March

And so, it begins. By the time Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice hits theaters in March, I fully expect to see no fewer than 25 or so of these 30-second (or longer) TV spots that still won’t give away all of the film’s “surprises”. I’m at the stage where these comic book blockbusters don’t surprise me much if at all because both DC and Marvel traffic heavily in killing any actual suspense these films bring thanks to wanting to keep as many main and some supporting characters around as possible as a means of generating income. Alternate universe stories aside, they can’t “kill” off a *major* character anymore (without replacing him or her) because they’d be removing a slice of that easy revenue stream fans pony up on a regular basis.

That said, collateral damage seems to me more than okay in these flicks. In English: you sure can lay waste to cities great and small, killing thousands or even millions of civilians as a plot pushing element. “Dead” superheroes get to come back to life at some point, but dead normal folks stay dead long after the rubble has been cleaned up. I suppose there’s a moral here, but I’m too lazy to look for one today.

In The Heart Of The Sea: One Pissy Whale = Low Sea Men Count


Hmmm. On one hand, I don’t want to see In The Heart of the Sea in a theater because that means going in with people who know nothing about the true story of the whaling ship Essex and what happened to it and its crew sitting down and expecting some sort of action movie version of Moby Dick, a book that to some is nearly incomprehensible by modern standards. I’m betting myself a shiny new penny that most of the short attention spanners also don’t remember The Perfect Storm and its bleak (but somewhat too heroic to be plausible) finale that went for uplifting (in more ways than one, ha!) just so audiences would leave the theater in a somewhat more together condition and not drowning in all those salty tears.

On the other hand, it’s all that expensive CG work in the trailer and nothing at all in the commercials about the more horrifying aftermath where bad navigational decisions led to the Essex survivors forced to choose a little bit of cannibalism after weeks at sea that bugs me even more. Although I do wonder if fresh leg of man is safer than a movie theater hot dog globbed with chili and unnaturally orange “cheez”. Yeah, that’s a happy holiday film (and perfect Oscar bait) for your consideration, right?
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Mad Max: Fury Road May “Retaliate” If You Don’t Go See It


 

I can only imagine some wag who plans to blow this off stepping outside one sunny day only to have a chopped and channeled dust-covered death-mobile roll up as a long handled grabber of some kind reaches for their shirt collar. Yeah, that will be a wild ride to the nearest multiplex to be sure. You can avoid this fate by just going to see the movie, you know. It opens May 15 pretty much anywhere you can see current films. Now, I know that some of you adventure seekers wouldn’t at all mind getting yanked into a crazy-looking ride for a bouncy-bouncy trip to the cinema. But the thing is, when these guys show up to get you… you end up riding OUTSIDE on that long pole. That could get problematic if you happen to reside in an area with a lot of potholes. Ouch.

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice Trailer: A Big SOCK! Full Of POW! For 2016


 

Wow. First we get slapped around by new Star Wars: The Force Awakens and Terminator Genisys trailers and today, it’s Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice getting people all hot under the collar and a few other places. Well, it certainly looks as if any blubbering about Ben Affleck as Batman has been silenced. The film seems to borrow rather heavily from Frank Miller’s Dark Knight books in terms of Batman’s more tricked out costume (the lighted eyes, sniper rifle and other bits) as well as the big battle that’s going to take place between Bats and Supes.

Of course, the film is also a jump off for the future Justice League movie, so there’s going to be plenty of new things to ogle here and over-speculate about as new trailers drop. You go do that ogling and speculating on your own time. I’ll just wait more more moving picture news and perhaps a few stills to pore over before passing any major judgments Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice is in theaters March 25, 2016.

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Yeah, yeah – I’ll get to that Terminator trailer tomorrow. I was up way too late working on a few projects and am wiped OUT tonight.

Mad Max: Fury Road TV Spots: Hit the Road, Jack. You’ve Got A Movie To Catch


 

Ha. You know, I’d forgotten Mad Max had a last name until I saw the description to this new teaser. Anyway, Mr. Rockatansky is back in action on the wild road soon (hey, May is creeping up faster than you’d think!), so here’s a look at two of the TV ads for the film. Can George Miller pull this off as well as he did back with the first two films? Or will we need another hero to save us from the pre-summer blehs?


 

Eh, my money is on this being a winner as long as the jaded ones out there with their negativity and access to computers get busy slamming it with their tiny little hammers because it’s not what they wanted or expected. Yeesh. Try and make art these days and you find no one’s happy because everyone’s a self-styled “critic” these days. Feh.

Finally Friday: Let Cary Show You Some Moves For That New Year’s Party…


 

Other than a clip here and there over the years, I’d actually never seen all of Stanley Donen’s 1958 film Indiscreet until a few days back when I was up late stressing over some stuff. Yeah, the kitchen and other major repair jobs that are needed but seem to be hard to impress on the folks who run this place about how urgently they need to get taken care of. Bleh. Anyway, it’s an interesting and not quite perfect film about a woman (Ingrid Bergman) who thinks she’ll never find love who ends up falling for a man (Cary Grant) who she thinks is married. There’s more and a twist or three, but I’ll let you track this down and watch it if you’ve yet to, as it’s a fun film to wile away some time.

I’d have to say this dance sequence was the funniest thing I’d seen in a while at that hour of the morning, as I was laughing so hard that I couldn’t sleep afterwards thanks to the scene replaying itself in my head a few times. While I knew that Grant could hoof it like a maniac when he needed to in his earlier films, I didn’t think he did any fancy dancing this late in his career. That, and the scene is played entirely for laughs and gets them even when seen in that out of context clip above. Anyway, study those moves well and use them at that New Year’s party you’ve been invited to. I’d bet those steps work with any modern uptempo beat and I’d also bet that someone’s going to try and out-step you at some point on that dance floor. Of course, if they’re not in on the gag and have never seen this film, they’ll look a lot more foolish than you do, that’s for sure…

Enough of This Stupid Sunday. Let’s Go Dancing!

(Thanks, Swudanst Harlow!)
 

Sure, why not? A little freshly made bathtub gin (wooo!), maybe a few attempts to do the Charleston without looking too dumb flailing around, maybe a burger later at a cheap diner? Yeah, I could go for some of that action tonight. Who’s with me? (Checks wallet, moths flit out)… Er, you’d be buying this time because I’ve just blown all my cash on lighting up the kitchen floor like an airline runway. Hey, how about this? Just come on over with a pound of ground and I’ll make the burgers. Oh, and bring some buns with you as well. I’ll toast them up for those patties nice and warm. I’ve got an onion left and the old cast iron pan got a good seasoning on it earlier this week, so those burgers will be extra tasty. What, you want to being those big portabella you get from the farmer’s market instead? Sure, fine – that’s probably even better and healthier. So, sure, why not?

I’ll be here and up a bit late, thanks to needing to make those signs I posted for the plasterer a bit bigger. You know, just in case they send a new guy to do the plaster job who’s got worse eyesight than the last two. Better safe than sorry, right? Now, hurry up and get on over here – I’m getting hungry and I just pressed a pair of pants! Okay, I was sitting on them for the last hour, but same result once I put them on and stand up. Oh, I have mustard and ketchup too. I might need some more coffee, though. It seems to magically disappears around here like someone’s eating it right out of the can. I hope it not a mouse or anything like that. I don’t need a hopped up rodent around here jazzed on java keeping me up all night…

(Mystery Rodent): Wooooo!

Mad Max: Fury Road Trailer: Hardy to the End!

If you somehow thought director George Miller lost his knack for making wildly kinetic action flicks, this new trailer for the upcoming Mad Mad: Fury Road should spin your head around a few times. Granted, it’s only a trailer and yes, trailers tend to be not much like the actual film at all or worse, show all the good parts and leave some viewers wanting their money back once those end credit roll.

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That said, let’s give Miller the benefit of the doubt and hope this film is closer to the magnificence of The Road Warrior and not the oddball-ness of Beyond Thunderdome. As usual, we shall see. If the film stinks (and I think it won’t), I’ll just get my pair of toecutters and get George on the horn. Or just catch it when it hits cable for the repeat play thing…