Arnold Is Still Horsing Around, But He’s Got Tanks-giving On His Plate…

Posted on December 11, 2013 by geelw

Hey Arnold! Next time you’re in public and doing something goofy, tell or yell to the people shooting at you with phones to TURN THE DAMN PHONE SIDEWAYS. These awful phone videos shot in tall form need to be squashed out of habit (despite the crappy way phone cameras are set up) and YOU, sir can be the vanguard for setting things straight. So, why am I even caring about this?

Well, Der Ah-nuld is doing something pretty darn cool with that tank he owns for charity and I think some of you might want to pony up ten bucks and see what happens. Me, I’m not a cigar smoker at all, but put me in a tank and I’ll be trying to drive it back to NYC with Arnold running after me and screaming like Conan falling down a flight of old dusty crypt stairs. Or perhaps he’d yell “Get to the choppa!!” to some assistants as he ran over to whatever other vehicle he had nearby to start the chase. Hmmm… I wonder who’s going to do the music for this little (and very short) movie I’m planning on should I win? Of course, I also wonder how I look in a modern orange jumpsuit or with prison stripes like some old cartoon? I’ll of course also wonder how much a good lawyer costs and so forth and so on, but if I can sell the movie rights to my unplanned escapade, I think I’ll be fine with that. They better NOT get some no-name chump to play me, that’s for sure…

Godzilla Teaser Trailer: Get Me A Shot Of Jaeger!

Posted on December 10, 2013 by geelw

And here you go. Not too shabby for a teaser, but we know there’s more to come. And yeah, how insane would a Godzilla/Pacific Rim crossover be? Okay, not possible at all, but it made me laugh when I overheard someone say this a few days ago. We Breaking Bad fans all KNOW Bryan Cranston’s character takes out the big lizard with either a homemade weapon rig popping out of the trunk of a car (or the back of a cargo ship) or a few pounds of freshly made ricin packed into a tasty whale carcass. Or perhaps a very large banana peel from when King Kong was stomping around in that Peter Jackson remake from earlier this century…

Anyway, more to come on this when another (longer or more thrilling) trailer drops.

Telltale Games Swings Two More (Soon-To-Be) Hits Towards The Fences…

Posted on December 9, 2013 by geelw

I have the feeling that Telltale Games’ genuine PR guru, Job Stauffer, has some sort of powerful hex action going on at the offices there, as ever since he’s been on the job, a lot of really nice games have started popping up from a few developers and into the eager hands of gamers worldwide. Okay, Telltale already had some great titles before he started working for them, but when you have The Walking Dead (One game, an expansion and a second title on the way soon), A Wolf Among Us, and now Game of Thrones and Tales From the Borderlands as properties to represent, you’re either REALLY damned lucky or you’ve got a voodoo spell in play that may cost you your immortal soul over time, but assures you’re remembered forever as “That AWESOME PR guy” by anyone who speaks your name. Of course, NOW that I’ve spilled the beans, I suppose someone somewhere is making up a little doll that sorta looks like me that’s about to get some vintage hatpins shoved into it with relish. Ouch. Ouch, ouch. Okay, I’m just practicing now… I’ll need to same my screaming voice for later on when the actual pain hits…

In plain English: Man, I can’t wait to play these.

Psst! Um… Hey, Job? You can stop now with the old hatpin counting and doll making. No one really READS my site anyway, heh!

Review: Valhalla Knights 3

Posted on December 9, 2013 by geelw

Platform: PlayStation Vita

Developer: K2

Publisher: Xseed Games/Marvelous AQL

# of Players: 1 – 7

ESRB Rating: M (Mature)

Official Site

Score: B- (75%)

For some people, anything resembling sexual behavior in a video game seems to set them off ranting about things they don’t want to do (play the game in public or show it off to friends and family) or didn’t see at all thanks to overreacting and imposing arbitrary rules of the real world where it never needs to be. All I’ll say is this: if you can watch this music video without curling up into a ball in a corner and whining about it being too racy or sexist or prurient, you’re probably mature enough to play (and even enjoy) Valhalla Knights 3.

K2’s new Vita exclusive may not be the best looking game on Sony’s handheld and what’s here often feels a wee bit unfinished, needing actual interactivity in the environments in the form of destructible objects and structures that could be actually entered in some outdoor maps. While there are some amusing and dramatic moments to be found, the main plot could have also used a bit more spice, as it offers up some interesting ideas that don’t mature past a certain point…
Continue reading →

Earth Defense Force 2025 Update: Fencer’s Up, Bugs “R” Done!

Posted on December 9, 2013 by geelw

Just a friendly little reminder from D3Publisher of America that Earth Defense Force 2025 is going to finally be winging your way soon. Well, February 2014 may not seem like “soon” to some of you out there, but it’s going to be well worth the wait, that’s for sure. Anyway, yes – this clip is supposed to be funny because it’s mimicking trailers from old samurai films, so feel free to chuckle it up if you’re on the same vibe.

Remember, people – EDF 2025 is ONLY coming to the PlayStation 3 and Xbox 360, so if you sold or traded off either console, start kicking yourself in the butt all the way back down to that game emporium. Or, if you gave your “old” system to your little brother or other relative, prepare to “borrow” it back and be NICE about it. No replacing that console with a cardboard box and an old telephone handset with analog sticks and buttons drawn on it with a Sharpie. You’ll get a sack of coal upside the head for that, pal!

How Do You Say “Play Ball!” In Japanese Again?

Posted on December 8, 2013 by geelw

(thanks, springdraco!)

So, yeah – someone decided to partially translate this classic Abbott and Costello routine from English to Japanese and somehow, I found this more hilarious than I needed to, so here you go. This clip is from the great old flick The Naughty Nineties, by the way. I think I was thinking of seeing this in full reverse with a pair of Japanese comics doing this bit in Japanese and having English subtitles done up. That would be pretty darn spectacular, as Japanese baseball has some oddball rules you don’t see here that make it a more exciting game in a few respects. Granted, I’m not a HUGE sports fan at all (yeah, yeah – I’m soooo unpatriotic it hurts YOU more than it does me), but I know funny when I see it and appreciate a good laugh a hell of a lot more than a well thrown, hit or caught ball of any type.

Oh, yeah – here’s a longer version of the famous routine below – enjoy!

(thanks, ClassicTV789!)

Kind Of A Lazy Sunday, But Not Exactly…

Posted on December 8, 2013 by geelw

(thanks Josh Landeros!)

HA! Fooled you, didn’t I? You though I’d not post a darn thing today, hmmmm? Well, I was busy tinkering with some stuff, so there. Anyway, yeah – the backlog continues, but I’m winding up some fun stuff and have a few surprises on the way in the coming weeks. Going to give away some reading material soon, there’s a guest writer on the back burner popping up in a few weeks and between then, I’m just going to be cackling like a madman and rubbing my hands together because one silly plan I thought up just may work out FINE. Maybe. Wear a helmet just in case stuff explodes in my face again is all I’m saying, kids. Okay, that’s it for now. Or perhaps not if I can complete this review I started, lost and am reconstructing in another window as we speak. Maybe it’ll go up tomorrow morning, as I need to add a lot of screenshots? We’ll see… we’ll see.

Sleepy Kong gotta go get him a cuppa joe. Lateness of the hour aside, it’s been a stupidly busy but backwards day here. Bye!

Virtuix Omni: Space Invaders For The New VR Horsey Set…

Posted on December 7, 2013 by geelw

With all the fuss and happy-happy fury about virtual reality gaming seemingly becoming an ACTUAL reality sooner than later (again, but in a few smaller, lighter and thankfully less expensive formats), you know someone had to take things to an even more intensive level of immersion. Enter the folks at Virtuix Omni and their rather innnnterersting peripheral that’s going to get your ass up of its ass and make you play those 3D games in a whole new way. Unlike some of those first VR terminals of the 1990’s where you stood and basically turned in place with your arm out, the Omni Natural Motion Interface will get you a workout you can’t believe and probably will get hooked on once your body heals from the first few days of wondering why the hell you’re REALLY running when you usually sit down to play that favorite shooter, action game or open-world RPG… Continue reading →

The Lego Movie Videogame Trailer: Meta Enough For You? My Mind Left An Hour Ago…

Posted on December 7, 2013 by geelw

Okay. It’s a video game based on a movie about toys including many that have been the subject of entire video games. Well, at least TT Games (the folks who’ve made all those successful LEGO video games for the last few years) is on the case and what’s here will no doubt LOOK and PLAY fantastically. I’m just still not at all sold on the need for a LEGO movie, period. Yeah, yeah – it’s going to be chock full of in jokes and references up the wazoo and sure, I did chuckle a bit when watching this trailer.

However, given that LEGO fans have made more interesting (and less celebrity-filled) movies for less money (a whole lot less money that what this is costing not counting the marketing), my inner cynic has been activated for close to a year ever since I got wind of the film being made. Oh, I’m SURE this will make its money back quickly worldwide, but at the end of the day, it’s going to be a hollow shell of an experience if it’s missing even what amounts to a plastic heart at the center no matter how many writers try to slap in some sappy moments to make you tear up a wee bit. In any event, the game should either do fine or really confuse the easily confused with too many game systems, as it’s being released on no fewer than EIGHT platforms (what, NO Wii version?!). Seriously. The funniest part of the trailer for me was seeing all those game packages at the end. Collectors alert, indeed!

Eh, we’ll see what happens – maybe I just need a hug or something…

The Amazing Spider-Man 2 Trailer: Busier Than Times Square At New Year’s Isn’t The Best Thing Ever…

Posted on December 5, 2013 by geelw

Sure, it looks thrilling and all, but I’m not on board with the secret life of Peter’s dad, Andrew Garfield’s massive head with that massive pompadour (or whatever hair shape that is on his head) and a few other pesky things. The Rhino is a Transformer? Oh well – better than than Paul Giamatti in a smelly fake rhino hide suit, I’d gather. The film looks even more like a video game in those action scenes and while that MAY be a good thing to some of you out there, the fact is there’s a game in the works and the movie doesn’t need to go that route to keep my attention. But, hey… it’s what the people want and what they’re going to get no matter what grumpy guys like me grouse on about. Well, for all the stuff flying around and Spidey in peril shots, the only saving grace here is you can’t tell what the heck is going on with the story at all. Then again, this may simply mean this sequel is even more plot-laden than the reboot was (which is not a good thing at all). Oh well – as long as there’s no disco dancing in this one and Peter somehow loses the skateboard and attitude between now and the release date, maybe there’s something here to salvage into whatever the third film will eventually be.