Nippon Ichi’s The Guided Fate Paradox Poses Some Innnnteresting Eternal Questions…

Posted on March 5, 2013 by geelw

Oh, this one just needs to be read to be believed, so I’ll just run the description below for this upcoming PS3 exclusive RPG and let your brains have at it:

The story for this title in particular is quite unique–imagine you are at the mall and you are forced to enter a raffle they are running inside…and you win! Congratulations, you winner, you! Your prize? You get to become God! Now that you are God, it’s your beeswax to go through the mysterious Fate Revolution Circuit and guide the fates of those who have prayed to God for help!

I happen to love the Disgaea games on the PS2, PSP, PS3, Vita and Nintendo DS and as TGFP is from some of the same team and looks cute as hell (er, ha ha?), I’ll probably grab this one on the PS3 when it ships out whenever. That said, I’m praying for a physical release (no, not THAT kind of release, silly!) but can see Nippon Ichi Software America needing to deal with a few particularly picky folks who like their old-time religion in a non-anime (and more vengeful if you poke fun at it) manner. Any-way… I’ll be in the back with the devil horns playing loud (Maceo!), filing my nails and tail or something. Red velvet cake for dessert later – with fresh ice cream, by the way. Bring a friend. And a few marshmallows – it’s hot as hell down here.

Tomb Raider PC tressfx Demo: If You’re THAT Picky About Hair Animation, You Need A New Hobby…

Posted on March 5, 2013 by geelw

There’s probably a fancy salon in your town that could use your assistance with some REAL hair problems, so pack up your gaming rig and roll it on in! Yes, yes, that hair animation in the PC version of Tomb Raider is indeed spectacular… but it’s also not that important unless you have stock in AMD, are one of those PC-only diehards (that ends up using a console-like controller to play the game because keyboard controls in 3D games like this are usually not as good) or hell, you just like flowing hair even if it’s digitally created. Eh, whatever, Sassoon… the game is great on anything you can play it on, so leave the graphics folks to their overclocking polygon and frame rate count fetishes, I say…

Hmmm… Who Are Newspaper Comics Aimed At Again?

Posted on March 3, 2013 by geelw

OK, I have a really good sense of humor and I’m a terrible non-prude, but I just HAVE to ask who decided to run these two dopey cartoons on the same day last week (and right above each other). Granted, I don’t read many newspapers much these days thanks to the lack of actual NEWS and focus on overly opinionated “journalists” (read: supremely loony egomaniacs) with an axe to grind trying to whittle anyone they see fit down to size that they don’t happen to like for whatever damn kooky reasons they’re wrong about if they got their heads out of the clouds and ass (amazing how they can do that, huh?) and actually wrote sans bile and other junk in their eyeballs.

But I digress (as usual)… Anyway, Gary Larson was at least regularly funny and stopped doing his fine work when he ran out of steam. These not-so great pretenders are good for a chuckle at best, but the retread rate has gone off the scale, I say. Of course, neither cartoon is really “offensive” at all…but what KID under ten has EVEN read Moby Dick? I guess everyone stares at boobies at some point, so maybe that one works on that level. I can’t tell, as I’m typing this in public and I was distracted… (*beet*… BUSTED!)…

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God of War: Ascension Collector’s Edition: “What’s In The Box?” (Or: Another Lesson In Excess)…

Posted on March 2, 2013 by geelw

Hmmm… Allow me to get into trouble (again) as I break this down for you and possibly help Sony and other game companies save some money in the future (hopefully). While these Collector’s Editions are indeed really cool, they also present a telling case against themselves (as well as make people like me wish for the older, wiser days). For example, sure, it’s fine and dandy to get a demo of the eagerly anticipated The Last of Us as well as additional God of War content, but why not stick those onto a separate DISC and put it in the box as opposed to creating paper vouchers that end up getting tossed or lost? This way, gamers without PSN access could play the demo and access that bonus content which wouldn’t be initially available to those with the standard edition. That soundtrack CD is a good idea, but it’s too bad games aren’t using Redbook audio these days, as it would have been super to just hear the soundtrack alone by accessing it off the game disc (just like the “old days”)… Continue reading →

Aha! Smarter Folks Than I Have Figured Apple’s Tactics Out, Too…

Posted on February 28, 2013 by geelw

Hey, I’ve been saying this for a few years to anyone within earshot (and sometimes out of earshot if you’ve seen my soapbox rants live in Times Square – the closest I’m allowed to an Apple store these days), but now it’s “official” (well, sort of). Apple is really a sneaky mercenary front after all (dun dun dunnnnn!). The fine and dandy (and smarter than I ever will be) people over at Egghead Central have posted this interesting look at just how the Cupertino camp cooks up its new products and all that “innovation” they bring. Yeah, yeah, you Apple-heads out there won’t like some of their findings, but that’s “satire” for you, isn’t it?

The Last of Us Story Trailers: The World Ends With (or Without) You…

Posted on February 26, 2013 by geelw

To some folks out there, Naughty Dog’s upcoming PS3 exclusive begs the question “Do we really need a new console?” To which Sony, industry analysts and plenty of other folks will say “well, mmmmaayyyybe…” While they’re spinning and scratching like an old LP being tickled by an epileptic DJ, I say sure, why not. Now to go rob a bank so I can pre-order one before the mad early adopter crush of crazed “gotta have it yesterday!” superfans and “Ooh, Im’a make a fortune on eBay” losers grab every available system for three months. As to the game proper (which arrives on June 14, 2013), it does look mighty spectacular for this late in the PS3’s lifespan, but you’re looking at work from one of Sony’s not-so secret weapon first-party studios…

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Random Film of the Week(end): Rubber

Posted on February 24, 2013 by geelw

I absolutely love that some horror fans HATE Quentin Dupiex’ Rubber (or as it’s called in France, Rubber) for a few reasons. I’m betting he knew that’s just what would happen when the jaded but none too bright gore fanatics out there rolled into theaters or caught this on cable thinking they’d be getting a relentlessly violent and gory flick that just so happened to be non-stop hilarious. Well, it IS indeed gory and often quite funny… but it’s also a one or two gag film that works it hard by going in many directions (often at once) as well as one of the more absurdly meta movies you’ll ever see. You know you’re in for a weird time when a movie starts off with two characters on a desert road talking about how things happen for “no reason” before an audience in the distance waiting around is handed binoculars in order to watch what happens next. That’s probably the most normal thing you’ll see for the next 80+ minutes, by the way…

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HBO’s Phil Spector Trailer: Earplugs For The Wall of Sound (With A Pair of Blinders Too)…

Posted on February 23, 2013 by geelw

Call me crazy, but I find this whole need to recapture every big media frenzy tale that really doesn’t need to be retold because someone actually died as a truncated TV or big deal high-budget movie presented once completed as “based on actual events”, “inspired by a true story” or however else any flick that mixes made up for extra oomph and actual things that happened to be kind of stupid. Granted, movies have been doing this for decades, but it’s getting so damn predictable that anyone committing a crime worthy of a few too many news cycles has practically got MADE FOR TEE-VEE tramp-stamped in big type (and misspelled exactly like that) just where you’d expect.

That said, I bet this will be a total hoot, between Mamet’s tendency to write his dialog all too well and Pacino’s tendency to be Pacino in crazy mode with some of his more out-there performances. On the other hand, this might actually be good… but I really don’t give a flying rat about the subject matter. So…. will I watch this? No. Or to be more truthful, Hell no (but if it’s reviewed as unintentionally hilarious, well… I lied and there goes two hours when it’s rebroadcast)…

Toy Fair 2013: If She’s Your Role Model, You Should Read That Fine Print…

Posted on February 23, 2013 by geelw

Now, this isn’t your average mildly to moderately angry feminist posting about how any and everything Barbie or any other supermodel-thin artificial female-shaped toy represents the destruction of the normal female body image and how the whole plastic princess thing represents the ultimate in corporate brainwashing or whatever. I can’t write that well because my sense of humor won’t let me and I’m here to rant about something else. That and the last time I checked (I had to pee before I wrote this post), below the brain I’m not much of a feminist. Anyway, while looking through this latest catalog I got in the mail, a theme appeared that made my eyebrow go up and stay locked in that “Hmmmm…” position too long. I had to force it down (my eyebrow, not the theme) with my backup electric toothbrush. The original rolled off the radiator onto an old glue trap the other day and that sucked, but didn’t because if I tried to get my eyebrow down using a toothbrush stuck to a glue trap, I’d have a bit more to worry about…

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Diablo III Is PS3, PS4-Bound (Let The Whine Pour Anew!)

Posted on February 20, 2013 by geelw

Video stolen from GameTrailers. I’d have my OWN vid to post, if Sony would have let me in. Grrrr.

Oh, I can see the PC forums blowing up worldwide thanks to this news (I think I heard the explosions on the way home on the subway), but it’ll be good for those who may have wanted to play the game but didn’t have the PCs to run it or were hoping they’d see another Diablo come to consoles after far too long. Anyway, press release below the jump and the TRUE test of if this is all going to work will kick off next month at PAX East in Boston (March 22-24, 2013), so make sure to boogie on out thatway if you can. Press release below the jump – some cheese with your whine, sir or madam? Me, I just want to be able to play the darn game OFFLINE. By myself. No help from “friends” i don’t know and will never, ever meet in real life. You know, OLD SCHOOL gaming. We’ll see, I guess…

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