Humor: A Vote For Iris Steensma Might Start Some More Fireworks

“I got some bad ideas in my head.”

 

taxi_driver_ver2_xlgWhile it’s still an example of great American film-making and a must-see movie, I’ve been having a recurring dream of a Taxi Driver followup for quite some time. As in over 20 years of random story ideas hitting me in the dream-space or while strolling around NYC. The city has changed so much since the film’s 1976 release, but in a (not so) weird way certain elements have cycled back into that film’s bleak version of the city, citizens, and some of the politics around them.

Granted, it’s never (ever!) going to happen unless the stars are in order (on a few fronts, ha and ha-ha) and some other key people think it’s a good idea. It’s not (at all), but Hollywood has done far worse updates of other films (for better or worse… mostly worse in my opinion). Nevertheless, I’m getting this silliness off my chest and out of my head so I can clear up space in the grey matter filing cabinet. Continue reading

Advertisements

Jem and the Holograms Trailer: Welcome To The Blonder-dome

Jem and the Holograms MPNot being a fan at all of the old cartoon and spending time watching a few too many old episodes over the last week or so makes me an easy judge of how this film will do at the box office. The answer is “terribly or worse” for a few key reasons. Reasons one and two: Based on poking around the internet and reading a few too many “totally outrageous!” comments, the older fans didn’t ask for it and the younger ones don’t really exist. That is, unless they have parents trying too hard to be their best friends and think this is a gateway to that friendship.

Cue the future news stories of kids possibly bumping off those parents in their sleep after being taken to see this turd.

It’s also perhaps somewhat sadistic (or masochistic, depending on how you angle that shoe mirror) of them if those parents dragging their tweens to this think it’ll be as “cool” as the show was only to find out they’ve been unfriended before or during the end credit roll. That’s going to be one long, looooong drive home from the multiplex is all I’m saying. (THAT said, okay, okay. I kind of liked the writing in some of the episodes, so I’ll blame the great Christy Marx and the shows other writers for making me enjoy most of those episodes, grrrr!)

Um, where was I again? Oh, yeah…

Sorry, but the whole sappy dramatic movie of the week look of this unspecta-clueless trailer screams “Lifetime quickie flick!” more than something worth paying money to sit stupefied in front of. Hell, at least the live action Josie and the Pussycats flick didn’t go for schmaltzy “realism” at all. It wasn’t a good film at all either, but it at least went down in flames winking at itself. Anyway, Hollywood has been suffering from remake-itis for decades, but this cobbling of ancient cartoons and TV shows only boomers who haven’t grown out of them yet will recall with any sort of warm nostalgia (nope, that’s not a mild case of incontinence) is getting out of hand. Ah well. This one will pop up on cable within what, eight or nine months of its theatrical release? Probably. Will I watch it? Probably not. But curiosity has drawn many to many a train wreck, so as always… we shall see.

Tuesday’s Off: You Should Be Dancing, Yeah II


(thanks, Aleksandrs Vorobjovs!) 

Blech. Today’s off to a crappy start thanks to some idiot who needs to wake up and smell the coffee doing something he shouldn’t have that burned down all the bridges around him in one swell foop. Nope, it wasn’t me this time. It’s not fun at all watching someone lose his mind like that. But he’s old enough to know better yet still blames others for his misfortunes, vices and flaws. I don’t need that nonsense around me, so steps will be taken to remove said pox from the vicinity. Anyway, let’s all go dancing today just to keep things light. Whee! No more of this as it develops because it’s not important in the grand scheme of things. Some people just vote themselves off the island is all you really need to know.


(thanks, docludi2!)

So, Whatcha Goin’ as for Halloween? Here’s an Idea for You…


 
Um, yeah. Sure, you can buy one of these masks and wear it around here, pal. Just don’t wear one of these around me because I’m a native New Yorker and we don’t take to seeing over-sized pigeons and squirrels lightly at all. I’d be the one swinging the Manufacturers Hanover bank souvenir Yankee baseball bat and I’m sure some old lady would be coming at you with a can of illegal mace she keeps in her big old lady pocketbook. “Swing batta-batta-batta” POW! Actually, that old biddy would be packing some smelling salts in her bag to wake you up from the unconscious state. THEN she’d spray you like a cockroach with that mace. Yeah, you had it coming. Good thing they don’t make a rat mask. You’d get both barrels from the transit cops if that were the case…

Ro, No You Didn’t NBC… But I’ll Try To Keep An Open Mind…

Ro-NO-you-dont-NBC 
So… this is actually happening and let’s just say my skin is crawling (and NOT from fear). Granted, the cast seems solid and veteran TV director Angiezka Holland is an excellent choice (her work on AMC’s The Killing, HBO’s The Wire and other shows shows she’s a master at her craft), but the original film is so (and still) perfect at what it does that even the best intended reworking will fall short by comparison. I may catch this when it runs, but why the hell is it playing on Mother’s Day? Yeah, I get the inherent humor here, but ha-ha, I know some people won’t like the idea of this being a way to end an otherwise fine holiday. Eh, my mom will probably watch it just because she was around to see the Polanski classic and I think she liked it a lot.

(Yeah, it LOOKS creepy… but sadly, by network standards ONLY) 

The mini-series format and network not cable airing bugs me as well, but given that network TV has been approaching mild levels of cable-like content for a while now, I’m sure that this will deliver where it counts. That said, I definitely don’t like some saying this isn’t a remake because of the Parisian setting and whatever else has been changed from the book and original film. Zoe Saldana’s got a similarly skinny frame and has a variation on the haircut Mia Farrow had, it’s still the same plot (despite a few changes here and there) and if they show the baby in this one, it’ll destroy the ending of the film because it ruins the mystery completely of what the spawn of the devil would look like. That and you can’t top the dream sequence from Polanski’s classic one bit.

As noted in the title, I’ll try to keep an open mind, but there are a few strikes against this one already for me. Hopefully, the cast and director can save this one enough that even the more ardent fans will want to check it out. I’d imagine though, if it DOES do well, we’ll either see NBC trot it out yearly (eek) or get a sequel fast-tracked for next year (double eek). That idea didn’t do well for the original film at ALL, by the way…

Orphan Black Better NOT Get A Musical Episode, Is All I’ll Gently Suggest…

 
Holy cats, fans can be ten thousand percent nuts sometimes. HELL NO, this otherwise fine and well written sci-fi drama does NOT need ANYTHING resembling a sing-along hour with cast members warbling out tunes while facing death and danger. Nope. NO. No way. Stupid ideas are a dime a dozen, Buffy did it already and THAT show was campy from the get-go, so it’s excused. OB is fine as it is and even as if planned and executed a dream sequence, a musical episode would be such a shark-jumping moment that I’d probably never go back to it after that travesty aired. Let the fan-fictioners dabble in that nonsense all they want, but keep the clones away from the chorus line, please. Even as a joke, it’s a terrible one because that means someone has probably gone and thought out at least a way to make it happen. Yikes and yuck. I’m keeping my eye on you, Maslany – punch someone in the throat if they bring you a script that has you singing anywhere unless it’s necessary for the plot, grrrr!…

Bacon Craze Gets People Stupid About A Dumb, Dumb Device…

Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Mayer exec
That is who I truly want to be-e-eee…
‘Cause if I were an Oscar Meyer exec,
I’d put a halt to this stupidity!

Sooo, It’s apparent that some people at Oscar Mayer are either smoking that bacon a wee bit too much, as they have no clue as to what hell they’re about to unleash on themselves and a “lucky” few people who get something in the mail that may change their lives (and not for the better). It seems that the eggheads over at the “Oscar Meyer Institute For The Advancement of Bacon” have come up with a tiny device that plugs into your phone and when triggered using you’re phone’s alarm system, puffs out the scent of sizzling bacon along with an accompanying sound effect. What. The. Fork? Look:

Now, this is cute and all, but as soon as I heard about this project, my brain spit out its tea. Then when I saw that video above, my brain hit itself in the head with a cast iron fry pan. What. The. Fork? Continue reading

Comcast/Time Warner Round Two: Let’s Get Stupid…

 
So far, no one but business news folks and analysts like this Comcast.TWC “deal” and I’m still ticked off by it to post something that’s not going to be laced with profanity. So, I’ll letting the famous and fast Taiwanese Animators (formerly or perhaps still known as NWA World Edition) have at it with a hilarious take on this stupid and historical kick in the behind a few too many millions are going to be negatively affected by. Yeah, this is going to be nothing but bad news for anyone but investors looking to make some bucks and some executives who will be rolling in more loot from irate consumers who currently use either service and get stuck with whatever fee increases come from this merger. Mark my words, folks…

Comcast Buys Time Warner Cable: Here’s All You Need To Know As a Consumer…

 
Words fail me on this EXTREMELY crappy 45 billion dollar “deal” for any current consumer of pay TV out there who uses either service, so I’ll let assorted clips from The Empire Strikes Back do the talking (Thanks to ABiggerQuote for the clips!):

And so forth and so on. If you REALLY want to know how I feel, Robot Chicken spells it out even more (we’re screwed, folks):

(Thanks, adultswim!) 
Yeah… sometimes all you can do is nothing but laugh at how we’re jerked around by these way too large corporations…

The Expendabelles? Yikes. Shoot Me Now (Or At Least Hope Some Major Changes Are Made)…

Expendabelles_YikesAccording to some sources I refuse to acknowledge because it just might happen, it looks as if there’s a female version of The Expendables in the works. Ugh, for a few reasons you’ll see if you read those links. Sure, it’s a fun idea and SURE, it’ll get ladies working in an action flick as something other than screaming eye candy or victims, but that current synopsis is awful, that fake poster tagline is WORSE and I can’t see this being anything that’s going anywhere but straight to Blu-Ray/DVD unless some of these potential cast members have a hand and foot in the rewrite room.

On the other hand, this IS a Hollywood project, so I can expect the casting to be a nightmare if this goes through, the shooting to be pure hell and the final product to be on par with the rest of this series, which is awful but campy fun as long as it’s not taken seriously. I guess the ONLY great thing here is no one is talking weekly TV series yet on either Expendables project. I’d have to head to California with a folding baseball bat in my suitcase if that ever happened…