Random Film of the Week(end): Invasion of the Bee Girls

Posted on August 3, 2013 by geelw

(Thanks, DST3K!)

Was Invasion of the Bee Girls a modern feminist film disguised as a stupidly sexy 70’s exploitation flick? I’d say hell no, but for all its nudity and pervy middle-aged to old coots getting bedded and bumped off by a bevy of shapely babes with the power to kill any guy they mate with, there’s probably a message in there somewhere. I actually remember seeing this one as a kid one afternoon when it popped up on TV as a heavily edited (but still ridiculously racy) flick and it being a pretty hot topic at school the next day.

As I’ve “matured” and checked out the uncut version a few times since (hey, ONLY for research purposes!), it’s clear that all those hot and bothered guys (and a few gals) knew a while lot more about the birds and the bees that I did at that tender age…

Continue reading →

Random Art: Killer Tree to Get A Makeover? Probably (It May Take a While, Though)…

Posted on July 31, 2013 by geelw

Eh, I’ll need to do this piece over one day and probably as a normal drawing rather than a digital one. I just had the thought as I was looking at it a day ago that I needed to find a copy of From Hell it Came out in the wild on DVD just so I have my stiff wooden tree suit muse thing down pat.

What, you’ve NEVER seen From Hell it Came? Shame, shame, shame! Hell, it’s an awesomely cheesy but surprisingly watchable classic “B” horror flick from 1957. Yeah, yeah, yeah- it’s filled with quasi-Polynesian or whatever random exotic island stereotypes the producers want to make you think exist somewhere in the world, a sort of atomic radiation and voodoo-doodoo created monster and plenty of laughs I’m betting were unintended. I grew up with this one and cut it a LOT of slack because even as a kid it never scared me… but I think it may have started a healthy tree fetish.

Or maybe I’m just nice to them so if one ever does come to life, it’s not going to wobble down the street after me first… “Not ME! Get the guy with the poodle! The guy with the POODLE! Gyaaaaaah!“

KRONOS: 1957’s Alien Planet Eater Makes For An Interesting Muse…

Posted on July 29, 2013 by geelw

(thanks, ScienceFictionFLIX!)

Another favorite sci-fi flick from my younger days (OK, it still holds up today on a few fronts), Kurt Neumann’s 1957 film KRONOS is a really well-made and fun cheapie that benefits from some prescient scripting, pretty decent effects work (some nice for the era animation of the titular massive alien energy accumulator in a few quick shots), a snappy running time and a few unintentional chuckles from the usual overacting cast members emoting with relish about the over-sized and unstoppable alien threat of the week. Anyway, back in 2011 I was dinking around in MS Paint and had a sudden flash of inspiration to do a goofy tribute image and here you go. I guess it’s technically a piece of “fan art” although I have to chuckle at the “fan” part as it’s not exactly something I do on a regular basis. Yeah, I guess this gets added to the Random Film of the Week pile at some point. Feel free to check it out, as yep – it comes highly recommended.

Random Film of the Week(end): The Indestructible Man

Posted on July 20, 2013 by geelw

(thanks, All Classic Video!)

One of those crazy 50’s “B” sci-fi/horror flicks that sticks in the mind thanks to the performance of its lead, The Indestructible Man is also one of those forgotten gems that modern audiences would most likely laugh out of a theater or change the channel after a few minutes of dialog during a slower moment. Of course, I grew up seeing this flick countless times on TV, so it was a formative part of my misspent youth. Combining sci-fi, horror and film noir elements and featuring a creepy performance from Lon Chaney Jr., this is one of those short, snappy little movies that makes for a nice jolt as well as few unintentional laughs.

Chaney plays Charles “Butcher” Benton, a convicted killer and thief who’s been given the gas chamber treatment, but has his dead body illegally sold to a scientist for research purposes. Of course, it being the 1950’s and a “B” movie and all, that scientist happens to be studying the effects of electricity and his own chemical concoctions on dead subjects and ends up quite thrilled when Benton is brought back to the land of the living. Naturally, when you beef up a dead man with voltage and vitamins, his first response will be to kill you and your assistant then take off with intent of wiping out just about anyone who sent him behind bars. Maybe that stupid scientist should have invented a time machine so he could pop up today and read this post, then zap back and get better prepared…

Continue reading →

Retro Summer Heat: Bad Girls Go to Hell Trailer

Posted on July 19, 2013 by geelw

This post is for the smiling guy I saw out walking today wearing a suit and tie all buttoned up and saying to his baking lady friend (trying to keep up in her high heels and about to melt makeup) “This heat is NOTHING to me! HAHAHAHAHA!”

Yeah, you suck and the planet you come from sucks as well.

Note: SOME would say this trailer is NSFW, but given that I’m posting this after work hours, YOU can watch it and not feel guilty or cheap. Unless you’re watching this at work and get creeped on by your boss. Oops – now he’s going to think a lot less (or more) of you and you’ll get a raise or a demotion or something. Whatever it is, even if it’s “good”, it’s not good, as now he’ll be sliding by with a grin on his mug, a mug in his claw and a “Whatcha watchin’?” leer to really freak you out. OK, other than clips on some ancient HBO show and stills from a book a friend lent me many years ago, I’ve actually never seen a Doris Wishman-directed film. The trailer makes me want to. It’s the title, silly. Well, OK… the sheer camp value is also the kicker here. Anyway, yeah… some of you need another shower, the rest of you want to chase me around the room with a spiked baseball bat. It’s too hot for the latter, so just stick your head and feet into a nice bucket of ice (or ice cream) and cool off. You can hate me in the winter or something…

Or you can hate the fine folks at Sleaze-O-Rama for twisting your arm and “making” you click that link… and yeah, Bad Girls go to Hell 365 days a year – they just wear less in this weather.

Random Film of the Week: THE CAR

Posted on July 17, 2013 by geelw

Since it’s hot as HELL outside, I figured I may as well throw you readers a bone in the form of a film with a lot of heat under its hood that won’t burn you (unless you’re expecting it to blow you away with stellar acting and a memorable plot.) If you take it at all seriously (and it’s VERY hard to do so, mind you), 1977’s THE CAR isn’t a great film by any stretch of the imagination, but it sure as hell is a really and unintentionally hilarious one.

It’s more or less a nasty-tasting cake made up of equal parts of single-word title films (JAWS, DUEL), a dash of devil possession from some other popular 70’s flicks, a custom George Barris ride that looks like a tricked out rolling bathtub and some (as in too many) scenery chewing lead and character actors having at the jumbled script and its crazy plot diversions.

This is a “Yours is not to question why…” flick, plain and simple. Small run down desert town gets visited and its citizenry terrified (and run down) by a mysterious driver-less evil car from hell (more or less). Sheriff and crew take on car with mixed and amusing results until they realize that good old fashioned explosives and a few tons of boulders solve many problems. Crash, Bang, Boom… The End? Yeah, it’s that simple enough to be a thirty minute episode of some sort of horror anthology on TV (or as part of a much better film anthology), but THE CAR is padded with a number of dopey subplots that don’t really go anywhere because after too many minutes of greasy buildup someone usually gets killed (and taken out of the picture as a result), leaving that screen door swinging in the breeze until the next victim shows up…

Continue reading →

SHARKNADO: Um…OK, I Was Wrong About APE…

Posted on July 10, 2013 by geelw

(muchas gracias, MachinimaETC!)

Well… I should have expected this after Sharktopus, but still… wow. Actually, double wow and a slap to the jaw because I thought of the frogs raining down from P.T. Anderson’s excellent film Magnolia as soon as I saw the “poster” for this soon to be instant classic. Ah, SHARKNADO… you’re a puzzlement! Will I waste two hours with commercials watching this? Mmmmmaybe… not, as anything with Tara Reid in it makes my ears smoke pretty badly. She delivers lines like a drunk mailman delivers a box of champagne flutes. The trailer is more than enough for me to see exactly where this will go and even if it has a surprise ending, I can just ring up a friend I know is going to catch this and ask him what happens. I generally have a super high tolerance for stuff like this, but too much during the week is like stirring heroin into your coffee. Er, not that I’ve ever taken heroin, mind you. I just overheard that analogy made a few years back and have been dying to use it somewhere. Wait, does that me I have to drop dead now? Crap. I still have so much to do! *THUD!*

Random Film of the Week: APE

Posted on July 10, 2013 by geelw

(THANK YOU, Geno the Giant!!!)

OK, I’ve been a bit busy and not keeping up with getting more of these RFotW posts up as I’d like when I’d like to, but here’s a case where having a huge backlog of future posts might be a good thing. I looked at my long (and growing) list of films and instead of randomly selecting one, picked the first one on that list and thankfully, didn’t need to go far to track it down. I wanted a trailer, but the first thing I found was the full movie, always a good thing when it’s legal.

On the other hand… this particular post is about the horrifically terrible and stupid Korean King Kong pastiche that is A*P*E, so you may not agree at all. Then again, it’s hard to hate a film so bad it starts off unintentionally hilarious, gets a tiny bit “serious” turns into a parody of the film and genres it’s trying too hard to copy then goes back to (sort of) being serious at its finale. Yeah, A*P*E swings both ways and then some. Yes, that’s the full film above – pull up a chair or couch and make sure you’re sitting close to the floor, as you may fall off whatever you’re sitting on a few times…

Continue reading →

Can The Conjuring Scare Up (and Out) an Audience? Let’s See Now…

Posted on June 30, 2013 by geelw

I’d say it’ll be one of those big weekend gross horror flicks that tapers off to a whisper around week four or five for a few reasons. ONE: The Amityville Horror/Paranormal Activity/Exorcist-style format is VERY played out unless you’re one of those suckers who continually gets scared by these sorts of “horror” flicks. TWO: “Based on a True Story”? Yeah, right. All that means is a room full of writers over a period of time condensed a newspaper clipping or TV news item to even barer bones before padding it out with assorted jump scares and maybe some minor gore effects, creepy music and noises on the soundtrack to get a specific rating. THREE: Speaking of that rating… That “R” rating better mean I’m under the couch and chewing the carpet up, not snoozing through some hokey faux parapsychologists and another easily debunked “ghost” story. Yeah, I said couch, as I refuse to see any modern horror movie these days with a too-easy to squeal and squeak audience that saw the same damn sort of movie two weeks ago or earlier and acts as if that same “BOO!” shock effect is something they’ve never seen in their short attention spanned lives.

That and the dopes who talk at the screen and/or yell at people for doing so make it far more entertaining to flush that ticket money down the nearest toilet…

Random Film of the Week: The Incredible Shrinking Man

Posted on June 28, 2013 by geelw

So, the great horror/sci-fi/fantasy/ author Richard Matheson passed away last Sunday and I’ll have to admit that I hadn’t thought much about him lately until a few months back when on of Jack Arnold’s best films popped up on TCM at an ungodly hour and I sat glued to the TV once more with a fine bit of top shelf “B” movie bliss . I hadn’t seen The Incredible Shrinking Man in a few years, so I was glad to stop the clock on the work I was doing and spend a little time catching up with a few old friends.

Matheson and an uncredited Richard Alan Simmons wrote the film (from Matheson’s own novel The Shrinking Man) and unlike a lot of 50’s sci-fi featuring gigantic radioactive mutated versions of normal creatures, it’s lead character Robert Scott Carey (a great performance by Grant Williams) who gets scaled down in size after his radiation exposure. I recall the novel was even darker in tone and had some scenes that certainly wouldn’t fly past the censors of the era, but I’ll let the readers in the crowd find all that out on their own time.

Continue reading →