Random Film of the Week: Hundra

Posted on July 6, 2016 by geelw

Is Matt Cimber‘s 1983 sword and not an ounce of sorcery flick Hundra a “great” movie? Well, that depends on one’s perspective on these sorts of fantasy movies. If you go in with “epic” level expectations from what’s basically a very straightforward and competent “B” movie with a nice mix of action and humor, that answer might be “nope.”

On the other hand, it’s not bad at all if you bust out the popcorn and fizzy adult beverages and don’ forget to grab a few like-minded friends who enjoy stuff like Xena: Warrior Princess or other fun shows or films with strong female leads. In that case, you’re in for a pretty solid time in front of the TV, warts and all.

(Thanks, Cinema Epoch!)

Laurene Landon‘s striking looks and gung-ho athletic ability (she did her own stunts) outstrips her less than dynamic acting talents here. But her raw performance really works well for the film’s purposes because she’s playing a wild female warrior type in search of a man to impregnate her so she can restart her slain nomadic tribe’s lineage.

“Say whaaaaaat?” Continue reading →

Call of the Westeros Meets Classic Response Time

Posted on July 3, 2016 by geelw

So, this season of Game of Thrones ended with a bang. Well, a few bangs if you count the graceful exit one key character made via a nearby window. The internet being what it is, one still frame ended up as a hilarious image gamers who know Ubisoft’s hugely popular Assassin’s Creed series got a laugh over:

It took me all of thirty seconds for my brain to cook up goofball responses to that scene using classic film posters, but a little longer to swipe images I’ll link to to be fair to the folks who posted them first. Traffic is cool on one’s blog when it’s least expected, I always say. Okay, here we go (click on the posters to go to their respective sites):

I’ve never seen this flick before, but I’m now Judy Canova curious. I know I’ve seen HER before in something, but I’ve not a clue as to what.

Ooh, a new site to check out! Nice place you’ve got there, Steve! Haven’t seen this one in decades, but it’s probably as funny as I recall.

A not too shabby WWII war drama/romance flick with a fine cast doing their thing for the cause. Oscar-winning special effects here, but don’t go into this looking for CG perfection.

Finally, yeah… I may as well get Fox some love as well for the upcoming Assassin’s Creed movie. As with any game-based film, my eyebrow is up a lot on whether it can capture the game’s more interactive elements clearly. But I absolutely LOVE being proven wrong by movies based on videogame source material. Which means I’m still skeptical even with the casting choices made. We’ll get into that later. Just go enjoy the rest of this weekend for now.

Converse All Wah: Shocking New Way To Rock Out

Posted on June 23, 2016 by geelw

All kidding aside (keep reading, it’s coming), I’d love to try a set of these kicks out. Hell, they’ll get me to pick up a guitar again after too long just to see how long I can “play” in my atonal way until the neighbors call to cops because they think someone is boiling a sack of howling piranha. I haven’t owned a pair of Chucks for ages, but these Converse All Wah demoed by Dinosaur Jr’s J Masics (who looks like Dinosaur Sr. these days, but he can rock it harder than the younger set any day of the week) got some of my own parts vibrating giddily. Boom chicka-wah-wahhhhh!

That said, I can only see wearing these indoors or only a dry day outside because of the obviously eeeeeee-lectrifying reason. I’ll let you think about that while I wind up a joke that some of you got already.

Yeah, try playing that star-spangled electric gitbox while wearing these sneaks in the rain and you’ll get maybe get five notes into Jimi Hendrix’ Purple Haze before you’re totally:

(thanks, Imp Awards!) Um… #ScuseMeWhileIKissTheSky

…but without the icky upskirting powers, kid. Just extra crispy and clutching that axe in a death metal grip. Eh, I kid Converse, shoe developers Critical Mass and Cute Circuit. These ARE pretty damn cool. All we need now is that Marshall sound coming from a jacket of some sort and it’s instant entertainment anywhere.

Sign up here to keep updated on the All-Wah. I predict a sellout and yeah, they better make ladies sizes too because asses will be kicked when the gal rockers can’t get their kicks and want to kick back.
– GW

Blu-Ray Review: Black Mama, White Mama

Posted on May 31, 2016 by geelw

Okay, it was Pam Grier‘s birthday last week and I only know this because I overheard some OG’s doing some paper bag stoop drinking talking about the lady today while I was out shopping. They were trying to recall the names of two movies she was in back before she became a bigger name star and you better believe yours truly stepped in to inform them HIT MAN and Black Mama, White Mama were the movies they were looking for.

I don’t think I’d seen a more grateful group of old guys since Prohibition ended and even better, when I told them both movies had been restored and can be bought online AND they both pop up on TCM on occasion, I ended up getting a free beer for that information. Yes, it was still sealed – I don’t do that passing around stuff with former total strangers. Unless it’s some Thunderbird or Night Train. That stuff can kill germs from 50 paces and tastes like someone put a heaping spoonful of sugar into a pint of paint thinner (yum!).

Anyway, I got back home, tossed the groceries I’d bought aside like Frank Cannon used to do on that old CBS show (much to the surprise of the groceries) and got to this review of Arrow Video’s chock full of fun Blu-Ray released a little while back. Black Mama, White Mama is an excellent exploitation flick with Grier and the still stunning Margaret Markov that takes the plot of The Defiant Ones, adds a dash of Caged!, and sets the whole shebang in the (literally and figuratively) steamy Philippines (doubling for a never-named Latin dictatorship of some sort). The results are a sexy, sassy potboiler/revenge flick complete with copious female nudity, sudden (but expected) violence, and the always entertaining Sid Haig in a colorful role as a really bad man. Continue reading →

HUMOR: Dr. “No” To ‘Jane Bond’, Yes to 007

Posted on May 26, 2016 by geelw

Not that I’m against a female MI6 agent at all, ladies and germs, but simply sex-changing James Bond isn’t the way to do it right at all. As much as some might want it to be, this isn’t a Mass Effect game or some over-smoked pot-boiled fan fiction with a much bigger budget. I took that fan-made concept poster and distilled it a bit so the “Aha!” people get where this is going. For the rest of you, here’s the idea that popped into my skull as soon as I saw that image:

Let’s say after a few agents gone rogue/missing/KIA, Her Majesty’s Secret Service institutes an order for all current and future agents to have special tamper-proof chips installed on their persons (under the skin somewhere) so every movement they make can be tracked for “their safety and efficiency” by the bureau. Of course, a certain mister Bond doesn’t want to be mod-chipped at all, and as he’s out in the field, can’t pop back to swingin’ Londinium to get that tracker installed.

Let’s just say MI6 has ways of getting their directives passed… Continue reading →

Assassin’s Creed Trailer: A Killer at the Box Office Not So Silently Approaches

Posted on May 13, 2016 by geelw

So, I usually have no faith in videogame movie adaptations (okay, I’ve NEVER had any), particularly when certain fans roll in with the “It doesn’t look that bad!” commentary simply to defend their favorite franchise against any form of criticism. My own opinion on games to film is more of a rule: an interactive medium works BEST as interactive medium, PERIOD. Yes, non-gamers who want to see what the fuss is about can enjoy a game movie just fine. But the more hardcore fans who dislike games made into blockbusters for the simple reason that the films deviate from the source materials enough that it’s an almost completely different bird once all those feathers have been plucked. Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within, anyone? While a well-made film, it wasn’t at all what fans expected or wanted. I can name a bunch of others, but I’ll let you discuss that among yourselves.

Anyway, well… 20th Century Fox and Ubisoft may have changed my mind:

Other than the atrocious choice of a Kanye West song (Seriously? It doesn’t fit at ALL and in fact, something a great deal less modern would have made the trailer almost perfect), that trailer got me curious as to how the film will tackle the reality and virtual reality flipping done throughout the AC franchise. I did have a non-gamer friend ring me up and ask about the games and whether he needed to have played them to fully enjoy the film, whereupon I had to admit I hadn’t played an Assassin’s Creed game in a few years. Hey, I got bored with them after AC III, although I’ve been thinking about picking up the last couple after playing the Vita game (and the sole one with a female lead). So, thanks, Fox. You may get my grumpy butt in a theater seat after all. Continue reading →

ELSTREE 1976: This Is The Documentary You’re Looking For

Posted on May 4, 2016 by geelw

I thought I was done with Star Wars references for the day, but my inbox has other ideas in the form of this new documentary I now NEED to see. Ellstree 1976 will start a US theatrical run on May 6th in select cities including Los Angeles and New York City (a full list of theaters and ticket information are here). My inner 14-year old self just popped out and recalled all those magazines and newspaper clippings I’d collected back then. Everything Star Wars! Anyway, here’s some info on the film as well as its trailer:

ELSTREE 1976 explores the lives of the actors and extras behind one of the most celebrated Science Fiction films in cinematic history, Star Wars.

From the man behind film’s most iconic villain, to the actor whose character was completely cut from the final film, the documentary delves into the eccentric community these individuals have formed and how the Star Wars franchise – which spans five decades from A New Hope to The Force Awakens – continues to impact their lives decades later.

Many of the minor characters were merely part of the set design, but eventually gained recognition as the Star Wars universe expanded into books, comics, etc. Fans learned the history of masked characters like Boba Fett and Greedo, but the sci-fi blockbuster also had a lasting impact on the people inside the costumes.

And if you can’t make it to that theater near or not so near you, guess what? MVD Entertainment Group will be getting the doc out on DVD June 28th via MVD Entertainment’s online shop as well as Amazon. SOLD!

All I need to do is step into this carbonite chamber I got cheap on eBay and freeze myself for just over a month and I’m set. What? Not a good idea? The guy who sold it said it was only used once and worked REALLY well.

Godzilla Resurgence: Oh, He’s Just Mad About His Skinny Dino-Arms

Posted on April 15, 2016 by geelw

Gojira sez: “Aw, COME ON NOW! Why’d you guys gimme these scrawny back-scratchers? WHYYYYYYYY!”

Hmmm, either someone’s been watching Cloverfield and taking notes… or it’s a Godzilla flick from Japan that might actually be worth taking a plane trip to see. It seems that Toho Studios wasn’t all that fond of that Americanized Godzilla reboot from 2014. That or they’re clearly shown that they can do the legendary character more justice by taking him back to his roots, making him about ten times more hideous (and man, does that work out well, scrawny back-scratchers aside) and setting him loose in Japanese cinemas on July 29, 2016. While there’s no word of an English localization, I’m betting the fact that there just so happen to be TWO versions of the poster might mean something. Maybe? Hopefully?

Meanwhile, back at the trailer park:

This longer look at the film shows the meaner, uglier, Hideous Sun Demon-like Godzilla strutting his stuff in full CG and what looks like actual rubber suit form and looking mighty tough. Put this on your radar and hope that Toho is getting some decent voice actors as this isn’t a comedy coming your way for sure.

Ph, and you really wanna know why he’s SO damn mad? He can’t even scratch his back with those short arms. That and just LOOK at that skin of his? Those claws of his have ripped it up pretty badly already. I’d be pissed off too, Graaaaar!

House Shark: Become A Chum, Help This Indie Horror Comedy Get Made

Posted on January 30, 2016 by geelw

House Shark Poster

A killer “B” in the making, House Shark caught my eye (ow!) with its intentionally cornball “Jaws in a house” plot and liberal doses of humor and primarily practical effects work. SRS Cinema and veteran indie director Ron Bonk (there needs to be a cartoon sound effect here) is looking for like-minded horror fanatics to help him fund his latest venture with a mere $15,000 target between those who donate and the completed film. There are 22 days left to get this show on the road (or back on the road), so if you’re a fan of low-budget gore and spirited film making in a jugular vein, you know where you’re clicking next.

(Thanks, SRS CinemaLLC!)

In English: Check out the Indiegogo campaign here and take note that contributing at least $60 to funding will net you (among other rewards) House Shark on one of three formats (VHS, DVD or Blu-Ray), you’ll also get a copy of his upcoming homage to female revenge flicks of the 1970’s, She Kills (that trailer isn’t for the kiddies, folks!). You can also choose to dive into the shallow end of the pool and get less perks or belly flop into the ocean as a high roller and actually be an EXTRA or even one of the film’s producers if you’re willing to travel.

Hmmm… does anyone want to ring up a certain wealthy, wild-haired egomaniac running for office and get him off the trail for a few weeks? Sharking in a house in upstate NY just may be more up his alley than stirring up all those hornet nests all over the place. Better to have him in the real entertainment business than making a “reality” show out of more serious stuff, I say.

Hotel Inferno: POV Horror Puts The Fear In Your Face

Posted on January 28, 2016 by geelw

hotel-inferno-NECROSTORM

HOTEL INFERNO 3

Horror fans who haven’t see it yet are going to get a hard kick in the eyeballs with Hotel Inferno, a POV (point of view) shot film from 2013 that puts you in the shoes of a hired killer tacking the job of taking out a number of targets who fins out the job is a lot more sinister than he’s been told. To the moviegoers who avoid the gory stuff, it may not be seen as either a “modern classic” or as memorable as Dark Passage or Lady in the Lake. But I say it’s absolutely worth a watch for the practical effects work, to see where the crazy plot goes, and to find out if it makes you jump out of your seat a few times like a good gore-fest should.

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