No “Ahs” Or “Awes” in Oz…

Oz_wide 

So, for about a month or so on and off I’ve tried to sit through Sam Raimi’s Oz The Great and Powerful, but it’s just not happening. Although the movie is loud, packed full of visual effects and bright and colorful in spots when it’s not dark and moody, the effect on my eyes and brain has been like riding in a huge mall elevator packed with noisy kids and pissed off parents. It’s just not good. I like pieces of it and some of the characters, but I can’t put a finger on what the heck is bugging me so much. On a whim to see if I’m just Oz’ed out or something (and thanks to an alert in my YouTube subscriptions), I checked the All Public Domain site and watched the incomplete 1914 silent film Magic Cloak of Oz and had a much better time with that. Have a look:

Granted, THAT film clocks in at just over 40 minutes and seems to be missing a lot of stuff, but it’s pretty cool for what it is because it’s so old yet so full of creativity. Now, I happen to like most of Sam Raimi’s films quite a lot, but I just could not stay awake through or have my attention held by this one. In other words, my sense of wonder was not activated one bit. OK, the little porcelain doll was cute, but I didn’t sit down to see a cute doll get in and out of trouble by the painted skin of her porcelain teeth. Hmmmm. A friend who saw this and liked it said I just need to see it with someone poking me in the ribs every ten minutes, but he has a wife to do that and I just have a bunch of plants that don’t do well if I move them from their favorite spot. Eh, perhaps I’ll throw on some coffee and try again in a week or so. I have other stuff to do and this flick is more a low-priority item than something I need to tackle right away…

Godzilla Teaser Trailer: Get Me A Shot Of Jaeger!

And here you go. Not too shabby for a teaser, but we know there’s more to come. And yeah, how insane would a Godzilla/Pacific Rim crossover be? Okay, not possible at all, but it made me laugh when I overheard someone say this a few days ago. We Breaking Bad fans all KNOW Bryan Cranston’s character takes out the big lizard with either a homemade weapon rig popping out of the trunk of a car (or the back of a cargo ship) or a few pounds of freshly made ricin packed into a tasty whale carcass. Or perhaps a very large banana peel from when King Kong was stomping around in that Peter Jackson remake from earlier this century…

Anyway, more to come on this when another (longer or more thrilling) trailer drops.

Telltale Games Swings Two More (Soon-To-Be) Hits Towards The Fences…

I have the feeling that Telltale Games’ genuine PR guru, Job Stauffer, has some sort of powerful hex action going on at the offices there, as ever since he’s been on the job, a lot of really nice games have started popping up from a few developers and into the eager hands of gamers worldwide. Okay, Telltale already had some great titles before he started working for them, but when you have The Walking Dead (One game, an expansion and a second title on the way soon), A Wolf Among Us, and now Game of Thrones and Tales From the Borderlands as properties to represent, you’re either REALLY damned lucky or you’ve got a voodoo spell in play that may cost you your immortal soul over time, but assures you’re remembered forever as “That AWESOME PR guy” by anyone who speaks your name. Of course, NOW that I’ve spilled the beans, I suppose someone somewhere is making up a little doll that sorta looks like me that’s about to get some vintage hatpins shoved into it with relish. Ouch. Ouch, ouch. Okay, I’m just practicing now… I’ll need to same my screaming voice for later on when the actual pain hits…

In plain English: Man, I can’t wait to play these.

Psst! Um… Hey, Job? You can stop now with the old hatpin counting and doll making. No one really READS my site anyway, heh!

The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt VGX Trailer: Oy, Geralt!

Wow. Well, you certainly can’t say CD Projekt RED is slacking off one bit, as every little update and scrap of footage that rolls out from the Polish developer is more and more incredible. I’ve only watched this twice and I’m already thinking about selling off unused body parts to afford something to play this on. Unfortunately, I need all of my parts just in case, so I’m accepting volunteers to donate to the cause. Cash or parts, I can find a use for either, a ha ha. (Sings):“Gonna make me a monsterrrrrrr… gotta stitch and sewwww…” Okay, not REALLY, as my sewing skills stink and my freezer is a bit too small to fit in my own head, much less YOURS. Besides, you need that head to read this site and at least ONE hand to click around, correct? You’re safe, dear reader… you’re safe… for now (Dun, dun DUNNNNNNNNN!).

Yeah, it’s been a long day here, kids…

Review: Valhalla Knights 3

VK3_coverPlatform: PlayStation Vita

Developer: K2

Publisher: Xseed Games/Marvelous AQL

# of Players: 1 – 7

ESRB Rating: M (Mature)

Official Site

Score: B- (75%)

2013-10-26-005227For some people, anything resembling sexual behavior in a video game seems to set them off ranting about things they don’t want to do (play the game in public or show it off to friends and family) or didn’t see at all thanks to overreacting and imposing arbitrary rules of the real world where it never needs to be. All I’ll say is this: if you can watch this music video without curling up into a ball in a corner and whining about it being too racy or sexist or prurient, you’re probably mature enough to play (and even enjoy) Valhalla Knights 3.

K2’s new Vita exclusive may not be the best looking game on Sony’s handheld and what’s here often feels a wee bit unfinished, needing actual interactivity in the environments in the form of destructible objects and structures that could be actually entered in some outdoor maps. While there are some amusing and dramatic moments to be found, the main plot could have also used a bit more spice, as it offers up some interesting ideas that don’t mature past a certain point…
Continue reading

Gog.com’s Money Back Guarantee: Now, THEY’VE Got The Biggest Balls Of Them All!

Well, the gauntlet has been officially thrown down hard as gog.com does for digital what others have done with retail, but on a crazier level. WORLDWIDE money-back guarantee if a game doesn’t work right? Wow. Other stuff in this agreement is also wow-worthy as well, but I’ll shut up and let you watch that video above. Granted, this being the internet and all, some jokers and jerkettes will want to abuse that money back deal like it’s a cute kitty caught in a glue trap (eww!). But I’d bet that the fine folks running the service will be on the case with the appropriate hammers to smash on the thumbs of any potential abusers or serial returners. I bet some fools get banned before a month passes because they’re just messing around, but hey – as I always say: Hell is indeed other people. We’ll see is Valve does something similar with its STEAM service – I won’t even try to speculate what’s going to happen there, folks…

Earth Defense Force 2025 Update: Fencer’s Up, Bugs “R” Done!

EDF2025 PS3 fob EDF2025 360 fob

Just a friendly little reminder from D3Publisher of America that Earth Defense Force 2025 is going to finally be winging your way soon. Well, February 2014 may not seem like “soon” to some of you out there, but it’s going to be well worth the wait, that’s for sure. Anyway, yes – this clip is supposed to be funny because it’s mimicking trailers from old samurai films, so feel free to chuckle it up if you’re on the same vibe.

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Remember, people – EDF 2025 is ONLY coming to the PlayStation 3 and Xbox 360, so if you sold or traded off either console, start kicking yourself in the butt all the way back down to that game emporium. Or, if you gave your “old” system to your little brother or other relative, prepare to “borrow” it back and be NICE about it. No replacing that console with a cardboard box and an old telephone handset with analog sticks and buttons drawn on it with a Sharpie. You’ll get a sack of coal upside the head for that, pal!

Monster World RPG Update: Buy, Buy, Birdie!

Another day, another MWRPG update. Actually, two updates so close together (this video actually dropped a few days back) is a GOOD thing, as it means the boys are getting closer to the end of all the bug testing and the game is going to get a release soon. And yes indeed, bug testing is TEDIOUS work. Strong men and women have thrown themselves from low basement windows up to the pavement while doing this thankless task, but if not for their sacrifices and valor, the games you play today would be chock FULL of issues. Er… well MORE games you play would be chock full of issues, as some of these huge AAA titles that ship out with mandatory online play are lousy with the digital pestilence. But, THIS game is s solo old-school JRPG, so I’d say the chances of it NOT running or being unplayable are slim to none. Huzzah!

How Do You Say “Play Ball!” In Japanese Again?

(thanks, springdraco!) 

So, yeah – someone decided to partially translate this classic Abbott and Costello routine from English to Japanese and somehow, I found this more hilarious than I needed to, so here you go. This clip is from the great old flick The Naughty Nineties, by the way. I think I was thinking of seeing this in full reverse with a pair of Japanese comics doing this bit in Japanese and having English subtitles done up. That would be pretty darn spectacular, as Japanese baseball has some oddball rules you don’t see here that make it a more exciting game in a few respects. Granted, I’m not a HUGE sports fan at all (yeah, yeah – I’m soooo unpatriotic it hurts YOU more than it does me), but I know funny when I see it and appreciate a good laugh a hell of a lot more than a well thrown, hit or caught ball of any type.

Oh, yeah – here’s a longer version of the famous routine below – enjoy!

(thanks, ClassicTV789!)

Kind Of A Lazy Sunday, But Not Exactly…

(thanks Josh Landeros!) 

HA! Fooled you, didn’t I? You though I’d not post a darn thing today, hmmmm? Well, I was busy tinkering with some stuff, so there. Anyway, yeah – the backlog continues, but I’m winding up some fun stuff and have a few surprises on the way in the coming weeks. Going to give away some reading material soon, there’s a guest writer on the back burner popping up in a few weeks and between then, I’m just going to be cackling like a madman and rubbing my hands together because one silly plan I thought up just may work out FINE. Maybe. Wear a helmet just in case stuff explodes in my face again is all I’m saying, kids. Okay, that’s it for now. Or perhaps not if I can complete this review I started, lost and am reconstructing in another window as we speak. Maybe it’ll go up tomorrow morning, as I need to add a lot of screenshots? We’ll see… we’ll see.

Sleepy Kong gotta go get him a cuppa joe. Lateness of the hour aside, it’s been a stupidly busy but backwards day here. Bye!