Random Film of the Week: Strait-Jacket

Posted on January 1, 2015 by geelw

Something has always bugged me about the 1964 William Castle horror/thriller flick Strait-Jacket ever since I first saw it as a kid. Nope, it’s not the too close to Psycho plot points courtesy of writer Robert Bloch (who also wrote that classic). And it’s certainly not Joan Crawford’s wide and wild-eyed performance as Lucy Harbin, the freed after twenty years in an asylum ax murderess now going through a potential relapse victim as the bodies start piling up again. It’s also definitely not Castle’s direction that downplays some of the camp potential of the material and goes for a handful of genuinely nifty 60’s era shocks.

Nope. What bugged me about the film that still bugs me today is how the hell George Kennedy’s creepy farmhand Leo painted three quarters of a car with the smallest damn can of paint and what looks like a two or three-inch wide brush. HOW DID HE DO THAT?!!
Continue reading →

Go Commando With Hot Toys’ John Matrix Figure!

Posted on December 29, 2014 by geelw

Here’s a surefire way to blast 2014 into pieces and welcome in 2015 with a bang thanks to Sideshow Collectibles and Hot Toys. Yeah, you know you were grinning as soon as you saw that Arnold as John Matrix figure glaring back at you. Of course, as this is a Hot Toys piece, you know for the money you’re spending, you’ll be getting something that will stand out in your collection.

I saw Commando back in 1985 and laughed myself silly because the film is ridiculous and stuffed with quotable quips. It’s also amusingly violent in a Warner Bros. cartoon gone haywire manner, particularly the final twenty or so minutes where Matrix wipes out a villa full of troops with weapons he’s brought with him and whatever he can find as he dumps his empty guns.

Okay, it’s not for all tastes, but it’s a cable staple these days and always good for a hearty chuckle when it’s needed. That said, I was hoping to see Vernon Wells‘ Bennett finally get a decent action figure made from this flick. I guess Hot Toys needs a call from the man himself at some point to make that happen. Hey, he’s got a cool website and all, so why not a few action figures to go with that?

Random Film of the Week: To The Devil… A Daughter

Posted on December 22, 2014 by geelw

Swiping bits from Rosemary’s Baby, The Exorcist while leaving a “Why the hell am I watching this again?” aftertaste, To The Devil… A Daughter manages to be a pretty bizarre and somewhat unintentionally 1976 funny horror film from Hammer Studios. From what I understand by poking around a few books and online, the UK film industry was in a bit of a mess when this mess was made and it shows in a few key areas. Granted, you do get Christopher Lee in a scenery-chewing performance for the ages (including a brief nude scene performed by a double!) and Richard Widmark making a payday and playing an occult writer turned cranky old action hero long before Liam Neeson.

Yes, you also get a too young Nastassia Kinski flailing about and screaming as if possessed (well, she kind of is) in her part as a fallen “nun” and trying too hard to keep up with the other more experienced cast doing their own screaming and flailing about. Yes, the film is also notorious for the infamous bloody baby demon hand puppet molestation and a shot near the finale of her fully nude. While some genre fans may groove on that little detail, for some new viewers those elements will just come off as creepy central.. and not in a good way, either. Continue reading →

Random Film of the Week(end): Camel Spiders

Posted on December 14, 2014 by geelw

Okay, I was bored, annoyed and in the mood for something stupid to waste about an hour and a half or so. That sort of opening line is usually reserved for someone confessing to a crime of some sort. But it was my excuse for sitting down last night to watch Camel Spiders, a 2011 direct to video “B” flick so laughable and intentionally awful that it made me forget about most of the stuff bugging me.

Initially, just seeing the title made me laugh enough to want to check it out and see if it was as cheesy as it sounded. But it wasn’t until about 2/3 of the way in that I remembered that “Camel Spiders” are real, really large and have a somewhat larger following. Well, I’m sure those so-called fans would run the other way (and right into a wall) if they came across one or more of these eight-legged freaks in real life. Unlike too many of the victims in this dopey film who just stand there and get attacked or approach those puppy-sized pests with curiosity that just gets them killed off quickly… Continue reading →

TCM Wants You To Stay Up Late Weekends…With No Chaperone!

Posted on September 8, 2014 by geelw

Although unsupervised movie watching is ALWAYS a darn good idea in my book, TCM’s Underground kind of NEEDS a friendly yet slightly sinister guide to the treasures it holds within. Granted, the channel tried using a host in the past (Rob Zombie), but his tenure didn’t last all that long. I’d LOVE to do this job, as I know a bit about some of the films they run and don’t mind researching the ones I don’t know about. Then again, I’m not exactly the most exciting person on camera as I think I have an aversion to being filmed and I’m not at well-tempered enough to sit in a makeup chair (unless someone’s going to make me look like some monster from a 50’s “B” movie!).

Hmmm, perhaps a compromise is in order. I’ll pretend to host the films while watching at home (yeah, I’ll be talking out loud to my television. Quiet, you in the back!) and TCM can pretend to pay me for my efforts. Yeah, that should work out just FINE. La la la laaa. La la laaaa. I’m a STAR! (Cue the men in white coats in 3… 2… 1..)

The Great Backlog Dupe Giveaway 4: Two Alien Invasions For You To Halt!

Posted on August 30, 2014 by geelw

Yeah, you COULD go out like one of these not too bright chumps in the “classic” low-budget 1980 sci-fi flick (It Came) Without Warning, OR you could dive into the TWO Steam games I’m giving away to ONE lucky winner and learn some actual alien invasion survival tactics that will come in VERY handy! That’s right, folks! Today’s giveaway consists of Altar Studios’ UFO: Aftermath and UFO: Aftershock, two tactical strategy games inspired by the classic X-Com franchise:

All you need to do is be the first one to respond and both codes are YOURS. Yes, you need a Steam account and a valid email address (which you don’t need to post – I’ll find you, don’t worry). It will take me a bit longer to respond today, as I’m actually not at the home office and will be back there in a few hours to respond to the lucky winner, so don’t fret if you post first and don’t hear back right away.

Okay, enough reading – you’ve got some games to win and play! GOOD LUCK!

Random Film of the Week(end): The Punisher (2004)

Posted on July 19, 2014 by geelw

(thanks, Flauntvids!)

When I finally got around to seeing the 2004 version of The Punisher last week, I was wondering how I missed this one back then in theaters (although I’d not pay a dime to see this flick) or on cable. Then I realized that the film came out when I was in a crazy jobless phase and had chopped out any ideas of spending money to hit the local theater (or any other theater for that matter) until I was back in the black.

Well, even if I’d wanted to see this gloomy and unintentionally hilarious (yet erratically violent) movie, I’d have chosen to save my money. While it works on a basic level of grunting guys saying unintelligible stuff before trying to out-kill each other, the film is far too uneven to be entertaining unless there’s someone on screen getting killed in a ridiculous manner. Where the first (and forgotten by most, save for the more die-hard Marvel movie fans) Punisher film from 1989 was an automatic camp cult classic thanks to Dolph Lundgren’s grumbling and mumbling through the role as sullen serial gangster murderer Frank Castle, some cheesy sets and laughable action scenes, this reboot tries a wee bit too hard to capture the mood of 70’s and 80’s action films to the point that it feels a wee bit outdated on a few fronts… Continue reading →

This Sunday’s Kind of A Drag…

Posted on July 13, 2014 by geelw

(thanks, CoolCoolMovies!)

Oof. Well, today was kind of non-productive on a few levels, but that’s probably a good thing. I’m still toiling away on a bunch of stuff (some reviews, a few post CE Week articles and some brief impressions of a few games I saw recently), but I have a kind of kooky week coming up and am conserving energy for some of these events. As the weather folks say it’s going to be a bit of a thunderstorm-y start to the week, that means I need to break out the broken umbrella and keep my paws crossed that it survives the early Monday morning trek I need to make.

As for that clip above, it serves double duty as description and hilariously violent reminder that there was a Punisher movie (from 2004) I’d actually never seen before last night. I found it to be pretty terrible overall (a lack of dialog, humor that doesn’t work properly and some odd casting choices make it more “interesting” than watchable), but you do get to see John Travolta’s evil Howard Knight character get bumped off in a really creative manner. Hey, I was laughing through the bulk of the action scenes here and while the film is quite heavy on the carnage, it still doesn’t beat The Punisher: War Zone for pure nastiness and mean-spirited (or REALLY over the top and hilarious) violent content. Not that I’m in a violent mood or anything, folks – bad movies of all types just make me laugh a lot when I need to…

Hmmmm. I think I need some ice cream or something… back in a bit.

Back on Track (Sort of)…

Status

Okay, I’m back from my self-imposed exile. Actually, I was working on a second and third Sunday post, but I got caught up in the gap between slow home internet and discovering something unusual in a game I was playing that I had to see through to the end to make sure it was a legitimate thing and not some oddball glitch that went nowhere. Anyway, off to catch up to my brain, which is already somewhere in Thursday plotting and planning away.

(thanks, Tolis1989!)

I hate it when it does that, as that means it’s going to get me trouble before I know it. But I think I can keep up with it this time if I toss a few distractions its way (some bad movies usually do the trick)…

Random Film of the Week: KONGA

Posted on June 24, 2014 by geelw

(thanks, Movie Trailer Graveyard!)

While it’s not the worst man in a gorilla suit sci-fi/horror hybrid out there (Bela Lugosi Meets A Brooklyn Gorilla or A*P*E*, anyone?) 1961’s KONGA is nevertheless a terrifyingly bad movie that’s worth a watch for a few reasons. You’ll marvel at the ferocious, scenery chewing by Michael Gough’s mad botanist/scientist Dr. Charles Decker, the kitchen sink plot that tosses in carnivorous plants, terrible, inaccurate science, botany and biology, a love triangle that’s actually a square that gets whittled away corner by corner as the film progresses and some mostly lousy special effects that make this a total howler. I’ll get back to the ape suit later and the man in it, as both are another key to making this film so hysterically funny.

You have to admire a film that wants you to believe that Dr. Decker returns from his year-long trip to Africa (he’s actually missing and presumed dead!) with some strange ideas, some recipes for a serum that can make plants and animals grow to extreme sizes and a cute baby chimpanzee. His plant experiments end up creating a number of oversize man-eating varieties including (eek) some that look like gigantic black rubber penises with green veins a’poppin’ and red tongues hanging out (seriously). Before that rolls around in your head too much, Decker’s real showpiece is Konga, that baby chimpanzee he gives his serum who SOMEHOW changes into a gorilla (Wait, WHAT? Science takes another hit, folks POW!) before using his new “pet” to get revenge on a few of his peers (spoilers inbound, but it doesn’t matter because even if it’s all given away, this one’s worth seeing for the laughs it provides)… Continue reading →