Go Commando With Hot Toys’ John Matrix Figure!

Commando John MatrixHere’s a surefire way to blast 2014 into pieces and welcome in 2015 with a bang thanks to Sideshow Collectibles and Hot Toys. Yeah, you know you were grinning as soon as you saw that Arnold as John Matrix figure glaring back at you. Of course, as this is a Hot Toys piece, you know for the money you’re spending, you’ll be getting something that will stand out in your collection.

I saw Commando back in 1985 and laughed myself silly because the film is ridiculous and stuffed with quotable quips. It’s also amusingly violent in a Warner Bros. cartoon gone haywire manner, particularly the final twenty or so minutes where Matrix wipes out a villa full of troops with weapons he’s brought with him and whatever he can find as he dumps his empty guns.

Okay, it’s not for all tastes, but it’s a cable staple these days and always good for a hearty chuckle when it’s needed. That said, I was hoping to see Vernon Wells‘ Bennett finally get a decent action figure made from this flick. I guess Hot Toys needs a call from the man himself at some point to make that happen. Hey, he’s got a cool website and all, so why not a few action figures to go with that?

MAN CRATES Wants to Check Your Horror Scenario Survival Skills. There Just May Be a Test Later…

Photo: MAN CRATES

Photo: MAN CRATES

Okay, given that the world is both looking like and turning into a real-life horror movie, it’s best to be well prepared for all sorts of emergencies. Fortunately, we have the fine folks at MAN CRATES (which always needs to be spelled in BOLD caps when written and yelled out loud when said, by the way) to help out in a pinch.

Okay, I’ll admit it, I’m not very much prepared for any disaster because I tend to avoid them by curling up under a few blankets and not looking out the window until it’s SO quiet that I hear nothing but the butterflies flitting by and the morning dew drying on the leaves seven floors below. But that’s no longer an option in this age of potential panic situations popping up without so much as a moment’s notice.

MAN CRATES to the rescue? Oh, yes indeed… Continue reading

Mad Max “Magnum Opus” Teaser: Is That Ride Street Legal? Oh, Never Mind…

 
Well, I think it’s a wee bit elaborate compared to what was seen in thee first two films, but apparently, West Coast Customs is making a real version (or has made one already, because you know, TV “reality” shows operate outside of the real world in terms of their schedules):

 
I actually got a Carmageddon meets Twisted Metal feel out of that WCC video above, but hey, enhancing the pointy and shooty stuff on the rides makes them stand out visually. I’m hoping that suspension can actually stand up to some major bumps and jumps, as I’d be taking that thing sailing over a few barricades in my own post apocalyptic imagination. Which, by the way, isn’t post apocalyptic until I start watching the news for more than twenty minutes, ugh…

Tactical Bacon? Oh-kaaaay. But Here’s What’s Really Good About This Can O’ Worms…

Tactical Bacon So, this exists and it made me laugh like hell because I know bacon maniacs will snap this up and load it into their man caves and woman holes (I guess that’s what you call a lady’s den of digital sin), survivalist storage and *yawn* overpriced “anti-zombie” apocalypse kits. Here’s the thing, folks: this product and a few others may actually be a way to clean out the gene pool if there’s such a thing as a survivable disaster scenario.

How? Well, as long as we normal folks hold out as best we can, the folks who stocked up on canned smoked cooked bacon will start to die off from heart attacks (you can’t just eat ONE strip of bacon!) or fight to the death over that last can of salty porky awesomeness. As long as there’s water to last and you’re off the streets during the riot hours, at some point in the not too distant future, the gunfire will cease, the scent of canned bacon will dissipate and once the grass starts to grow greener, the rest of us can step outside and over the bones of what remains of the human race after the Great Bacon War.

Tactical Bacon IIOr something like that. Get your own can(s) of Tactical Bacon if you want to HERE or Amazon, some fine sporting goods shops and other reasonably unusual emporiums where you’d think something kooky like this would be sold. My heart seized up twice just writing this post, so I can’t even look at bacon anymore these days… *sob*

Keeping Casualties To A Minimum Next Black Friday May Become A “Thing” If This Takes Off…

Yikes. While I’m NOT a mall person at all and generally dislike large crowds, I’d never, ever consider suicide as an option to too much mall trawling. Sadly, some poor guy in Jiangsu Province (in Eastern China) decided to end it all after five hours with his girlfriend this past Christmas, leaping from a balcony after she wanted to go to one more shop. Wow. Now, the kind of amusing thing here is this seems to be such a huge problem in China (men hating to shop with their wives and/or girlfriends, not men throwing themselves off balconies when they do too much shopping with their wives and/or girlfriends) that some areas actually have what amount to “husband check-in” stations that keep the king of beasts there pacified and sane, although probably still worrying about their bank balances after all that purchasing power happening below.

I think we should have these sorts of things here as well, but it seems that Hollywood already thought of that little problem way back in 1932, as you can see above in that fun old MGM short. Then again, maybe over-shopping was a bad thing for Depression-era America, but these days, man and women alike will run over each other just to spend five hours or more snapping up two dollar toasters and half-price sweat socks. Perhaps there can be both ladies and mens check-in areas just so staggered shopping becomes a new habit people pick up. Heck, they’ll certainly be staggering after a few free glasses of watered-down booze. Still, I’d be fully into some of this pre-Hays Code era relaxation if this were actually existing today at a retail paradise near me. Heck, the floor show would even get me out for a stroll even if I was already well stocked with tomatoes and peaches…