The Conjuring Trailer: Hell Is Other People (And How)…

Posted on April 2, 2013 by geelw

the conjuring Oh, this new trailer for the upcoming WB flick is nice and creepy, but just what is this obsession with revisiting elements from The Ring and other scarier flicks these Hollywood horror directors seem to have? Not that I don’t mind a good horror flick that’s influenced by others from time to time, but here’s another one that gives weird little girls a bad name. And don’t get me started on the whole “inspired by actual events” thing that really means “Oh yeah? PROVE it!” to a super jerk skeptic like myself.

Anyway, hey! I think we NEED weird little girls (and boys) who crawl up walls to grow up and become weirder women (and men) with that talent and I bet you’d agree with me (well, a little). That’s where some really great art comes from when that weirdness gets channeled in the right ways. And yep, having an outlet for one’s inside voices is a REALLY important thing. Otherwise, yeah… you get a gal (or guy) that makes YOU crawl up a wall because she’s/he’s wonderfully loopy to a fault (and drives anyone within a certain radius out of their minds for a few not quite good reasons). That 21-way intersection of Crazy Street and Cute Avenue is never a safe street to cross, folks…

KILLER IS DEAD English Dub Trailer #2: Mondo Zappa’s Badass Adventure Continues…

Posted on April 2, 2013 by geelw

XSEED CONTRACT Lovely. There’s really not all that much to say here except Kadokawa Games, grasshopper manufacture and of course, Suda 51 are all on point and of course, Xseed Games NEEDS to be profusely knuckle-smooched for localizing this beautiful mess of a must-buy. Like the rest of Suda’s games I’ve played, I’m looking forward to that off-kilter style and humor that works so well when your head is in the right places. Some fans over-analyze his work so much that I wonder how they can enjoy it. Then I see that they don’t enjoy it as much as they SHOULD because they’re wasting time with all that analyzing. Key to a grasshopper/Suda game? Jump in feet first, controller in hands and enjoy the ride from beginning to end. You wouldn’t get off a moving roller coaster or bungie cord mid-fall to point out every spot where you think those could have been more fun, right? Well, I sure hope not, Superman…

Defiance Launch Trailer: A “New Age” Begins (Crazy Cat Ladies Holding Mice To Come)…

Posted on April 2, 2013 by geelw

It’s here and launch day bumpiness aside when you get too many people playing your MMO at the same time, it seems that DEFIANCE is taking the MMO world by storm as far as a triple platform launch goes. I’m still seeing a bit of confusion from a few people who expected this online-only game to have an offline mode, but it’s good that they’re at least asking about it FIRST and not plunking down sixty bucks because they liked the TV commercials. Of course, having an offline more would have meant MORE people would be playing this on day one, but as I’ve noted previously, that’s up to Trion Worlds if this MMO takes off and users want more of the new world they’ve created (and not as a stupid simple mobile phone or device app). As always, we shall see, but so far, day one looks like the start of something big for both Trion and syfy. 13 days until the show premieres…

Grand Theft Auto V Cover: Meet The New Neighbors (You’ll Be Seeing A Lot Of Them Soon)…

Posted on April 2, 2013 by geelw

GTA_V_Cover And here you go, your time-eater for the month of September (and beyond for some). September 17, 2013 is the big day, so expect some “sick” people at home with the GTA flu (TM) for a few days. Hilariously, there’s actually been some needless ire out there in Internet-land that Rockstar Games’ last two GTA games have been “too serious” when despite the open world shenanigans that can be pretty funny (well, in a slapstick-y gory way) that deeper, story driven narrative has been part of the franchise since the first games back on the PC and older consoles.

Granted, the games were more intentionally cartoon like in their character designs, but the evolution in visuals has been a natural thing thanks to Rockstar wanting to go in that direction as means to pull off more mature storytelling. THAT said, the game, like GTV IV, should be hilariously funny in terms of the assorted in jokes in everything from car names to radio spots that pop up as you’re driving around. The more of a “sophisticated” gamer you are, the more of these amusing references you’ll appreciate, I say. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go polish my pipe and air out my smoking jacket. With my pinky out.

Deadly Premonition: The Director’s Cut Random Screenshot of the Day: Don’t Inhale!

Posted on April 2, 2013 by geelw

According to Guinness (no, not THAT other Guinness, silly – we don’t go back to the Swery65 Bar until Saturday’s post), the longest time spent holding one’s breath underwater was 22 minutes flat by Stig Severinsen of Denmark at the London School of Diving (which is in London, of course), on May 3, 2012. While I don’t think FBI Special Agent Francis York Morgan (just call him York) and his young charge are intending to break that record any time soon, YOU can certainly feel free to make that attempt on your own. Just set a timer and stare at this screenshot while holding your breath and see how long you can last. Simple, no? Um, you MAY want to practice for a bit before you go contact the Guinness people (no, not THOSE Guinness people!), but you SHOULD be able to do quite well because you won’t be underwater at all (unless you’re reading this in the bathtub while holding a tablet). That and if you need to give up, gasping for air doesn’t get you two lungs full of water (or dirty soapy water if you’re in the tub). If you do happen to break that record, let me know and/or give me partial credit – I like to know I occasionally inspire people to do great things.

By the way, you’ll also get plenty of practice gasping and holding your breath when you play Deadly Premonition: The Director’s Cut, coming exclusively to the PlayStation 3 on April 30, 2013. This update to the former Xbox 360 game features updated HD visuals, PlayStation Move and 3D TV support, new content, DLC that extends the game’s lifespan and more. Feel free to pre-order the game now or face the fact that you may not get a copy when you really want one. I predict your breathing practice will get quite a workout because you’re not coming up for air for some time once you fire this game up.

You’ll also make Game Director and part time eye wear model Swery 65 a VERY happy man. He’ll be able to finally buy those Bootsy Collins sunglasses he’s been eyeballing on eBay or maybe even that cocktail table Ms. Pac-Man he saw at a bar here in the US when he attended this year’s GDC. Of course, he could also buy himself an airplane ticket to come shake the hands of everyone who picked up a copy of this game, but (wait for it…) don’t hold your breath…

Holding Pattern…

Status

OK, I’m NOT dead today – just waiting at home with both thumbs stuck somewhere while the cable boxes get switched out/upgraded/whatever, so that’s keeping me away from being online on a higher speed connection. MEANWHILE, my inbox is PACKED with stuff to write about and I’m getting antsy like Sinatra in The Man With The Golden Arm. Which will be a Random Film of the Week if I haven’t done it yet. OK, more waiting… Bleh. Back in a bit (Hopefully, as a ONE post day for me will, as the kids say, SUCK. Or blow (as the kids also say… damn kids…).

The Last of Us Redband Trailer: Now With 100% More “Ewww, I Get It…”

Posted on April 1, 2013 by geelw

I’ve always found the concept of the Redband (or Red Band) trailer a bit stupid when all is said and done. YES, I understand that this stuff isn’t for the wee bairns, lest their dainty eyelash hairs catch fire from the heinous evil that they see, but hell. I mean, you can easily see this stuff on YouTube and so can little kids who can search for violent stuff like this, but whatever. For some reason, the ESRB keeps an iron fist on this type of content despite broadcast TV being much MORE violent. Oh – click on that pic of the Survival Edition to see the video. I don’t want the ESRB to come by and break my legs…

Speeeeeaking of breaking legs… (this just in!): As for ACTUAL violence and nasty gore NO one should see, er… how about some nice and gory NCAA basketball action, hmmm? I didn’t see that shocking video, but I certainly couldn’t get away from people talking about it all damn day. Double hmmmm. Maybe that sort of thing, nasty as it is, should go into the next EA Sports hoops game, so fans of that sport know it’s not all slick tattoos, hottie cheerleaders and fatty signing bonuses that net you an automatic sneaker contract that turns you into a multimillionaire a blown knee or worse away from no career before you’re 30 or so. Anyway, Naughty Dog’s new masterpiece, The Last of Us, which has NOTHING to do with sports or real violence hits retail on June 14, 2013. Get it and be prepared to hole up for a while.

Dead Island Riptide TV Spot: Gilligan Wouldn’t Last A Minute, Either…

Posted on April 1, 2013 by geelw

OK, as great as this sequel to Deep Silver and Techland’s hit zombie game looks, now I really, REALLY want to see someone do an official mod that turns this game into that lost Gilligan’s Island episode and makes it out as DLC and/or part of the inevitable Game of the Year edition. “What lost episode?” you ask? Well, you know… the one where the Professor tries to come up with a new beverage made from coconuts and those strange barrels of green, glowing goo that washed up one day. Yeah, THAT episode. Uh, huh… it’ll indeed be BIG fun seeing the Skipper turned into a fat zombie who starts chasing after the rest of the cast, but you just KNOW it’ll be MUCH better if it’s Gilligan who goes undead first and turns on everyone else.

To wit:

SCENE: Outside the Howell’s cabin, night. Spooky music plays on the soundtrack…

SKIPPER: GILLIGAN! Put down those coconuts!
GILLIGAN: Grrrrrrrroooowwwr!
GILLIGAN turns around slowly, the SKIPPER sees that they’re not coconuts he’s holding… but the heads of THURSTON HOWELL and EUNICE WENTWORTH HOWELL. Spooky music grows more dramatic, increasing in tempo…
SKIPPER (shocked): GILLIGAN! What did you DO, little buddy?!
GILLIGAN: Grrrrrrrroooowwwr! (throws heads at SKIPPER, then pounces on him)
SKIPPER: No, Gilligan, NOOOOOOO!! GEEEEYAAAAAAAGH!!!!!

Camera shot pulls away as GILLIGAN tears SKIPPER apart…

(Or something like that…)

New Thief 4 Trailer: Hmmm, Now You Need A New Logo, Too…

Posted on April 1, 2013 by geelw

He’s baaaaack… and before you know it, you’re waking up with a headache, your purse full of gold is long gone and if he needed a disguise and you were the right size, so are your pantaloons. Poor (and now poorer you). That wasn’t some April Fool who clubbed you and cut your purse either. No news on exactly WHEN this one will be all done, but I’d bet that’s the way the man himself wants it. Hell, would YOU tell your mark you were good and ready to swipe their stuff? Then again, a good thief loves a challenge, right? This could get interesting, folks… stay tuned…

Game of Thrones Season 3: A Threesome of Features To Heat Up Your Monday…

Posted on April 1, 2013 by geelw

Ewwww. That already infamous “Men don’t need nipples” line and scene from the Season 3 premiere nearly sent a cup of hot tea flying into the air last night, fortunately, you could see it coming a mile away (hopefully). Still, yikes. If that’s the army Daenerys wants (and gets), what’s she going to do with them should she also gain the throne she desires and there are a few thousand left? Probably buy them some chairs so they can FINALLY sit down, ha ha. Hmmm? Of course, given the “feel no pain” way those guys work, it should be quite an epic battle that takes place.

Er… Well, as long as we don’t get shot after shot of nipple slicing (yuk)…

Anyway, I still haven’t gotten around to reading any of the books (and don’t really plan on it as like The Walking Dead, I know that there’s a GREAT deal of deviation and additions to the source material), so don’t tell me anything. I have a dragon under my bed and it knows your address. Or so it tells me. Hey, I just feed it whomever shows up ringing my doorbell unannounced (so there are a few cable TV salespeople not annoying others about needlessly expensive and some pompous proselytizers missing a few sheep from their flocks, methinks)…

And of course, these interviews are always hilarious to watch because of the dumb questions that get pitched at people who really can’t say much for any number of great reasons. Still, a little insight goes a long way, that’s for sure. I wonder what the motto of House Martin is these days? Hmmm… that’s a good question to ask, I bet (or not)…