Gamescom 2013: Thief “Uprising” Trailer: Garrett’s Got A 2014 Date With You (Lock Your Stuff Down)…

Well, for whatever good THAT will do, as it’ll just make him want to make YOU unconscious faster so he can have at that lock you paid good money for. Look, just make it easy on yourself, people: When February 25, 2014 rolls around, just pretend Santa is coming down that chimney, but instead of leaving out some milk and cookies, you just put out a plate of valuables and a note to not hit you upside the noggin with that blackjack. Hell, he’ll even take that hideous costume jewelry you were planning on donating to Goodwill, as anything he can sell all goes to getting his gear upgraded.

Of course, if you’re jerking his chain and plan to ONLY put out the cheap stuff while stuffing that Pink Panther somewhere… er, safe and warm. Oh, he’ll figure that out FAST. He’s been watching you all week and when you walk with that gem stuffed where the sun doesn’t shine, he’ll see that right away. Just so you know, it’s exactly these sort of observation skills that make an excellent thief…

E3 2013: Thief Trailer: Garrett’s The ONE Burglar You’ll Want To Visit Your Home…

Hey, he’s not real, he just wants your virtual stuff (especially if it’s sort of glowing as if it’s telling him where it’s at) and if you pop up and try and stop him, the worst thing that can happen is you’ll end waking up with a fake knot on your noggin upside down in a broom closet (blame the physics getting a bit wonky when he dropped your unconscious body into that quick storage solution). Ladies, you’ll probably get a fake rose and a fake peck on the cheek for waking up as he’s poking around for that fist-sized emerald you didn’t know you had, so feel free to file a fake discrimination complaint against him with that fake police report. Or something like that…

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New Thief 4 Trailer: Hmmm, Now You Need A New Logo, Too…


 

He’s baaaaack… and before you know it, you’re waking up with a headache, your purse full of gold is long gone and if he needed a disguise and you were the right size, so are your pantaloons. Poor (and now poorer you). That wasn’t some April Fool who clubbed you and cut your purse either. No news on exactly WHEN this one will be all done, but I’d bet that’s the way the man himself wants it. Hell, would YOU tell your mark you were good and ready to swipe their stuff? Then again, a good thief loves a challenge, right? This could get interesting, folks… stay tuned…

Thief 4: As Long As It Doesn’t Stab Me In The Back When It Takes My Money, I’m Good…

Ah… this is fine news indeed. It seems that there’s a new Thief game (which just SO happens to be called Thief 4 because it’s the fourth game in the series) in the works for PC and next-generation consoles. Nice. I’ll do a happier dance when I see some gameplay, but to the initiated, the Thief series is one of those seminal works that’s pretty deep and always challenging to dive into. Eidos Montreal is handling the development chores, Square Enix will be publishing and if the game is anything like Deus Ex: Human Revolution in terms of scope (but with much more interaction), it’s guaranteed some solid ratings as well as a loyal fan base.

Granted, I’m betting ANY inclusion of “casual” play modes will be met with all sorts of internet-driven derision and division, but that’s how it goes in an era where more people seem to want to try more types of games (before giving up before they’ve learned the damned controls in the tutorial). As always, we shall see. I’ll be sneaking carefully behind this one and keeping tabs, that’s for sure…