Mr. Peabody & Sherman Trailer: Wards of the State, Juvenile Delinquent Version…

Posted on October 25, 2013 by geelw

Urgh. OK, I think I asked this question before, but just WHO is this film targeted to? Us cranky ass oldsters who grew up watching Rocky & Bullwinkle, Fractured Fairy Tales and yes, these two characters are grinding our collective teeth about this CG travesty, the kids of today won’t have a C-L-U-E what the heck this is about other than the usual dumbed down predictable plot that lasts and hour and half and has pop songs packed in and the obligatory fake outtakes in the credits. Parents not in the know about Jay Ward and his creations (and style of humor) will of course, dutifully pack up the tots and trundle in to see this, buy the toys and other merchandise and thing all is peachy keen and as harmless as a stuffed poodle.

Me, I’ll be hitting my head with a hammer and hoping at least one or two critics point out that the Peabody segments were excellent because they worked best as unconnected shorts that were over and done with in a few minutes. Stretching things to feature length and adding needless stuff and worse modern jokes is only bleeding any chance for redemption from this one dry in record time. I didn’t even crack a smile during this trailer and that’s a bad sign because my sense of humor is pretty off the wall and expansive. Hey, I could be totally wrong, people… but it’s not a good sign in this day and age of movie trailers coughing up all the best parts of a movie in that two minutes or so. Hmmm… we shall see, I suppose…

Dracula on NBC: Great or Awful, There’s Still a Lot of Sucking Bound to Happen…

Posted on October 25, 2013 by geelw

Hmmmm… The words “Dracula on NBC” should already scare some of you away from this one like it’s covered in maggots with a crazed Renfield chasing after it with a very rusted butter knife, but here we go, another attempt at getting the vampire on the telly. Vampires in general have suffered the indignities of modern romanticizing for quite some time and it’s been a downhill slide for the true fanged few since the preteens got their stupidly stripped down versions on them that rake in profits for their re-creators by the billions. I won’t name any names here, but for many true fans of the myth it’s been a hell of the purest form seeing print, film and other new media vampires eat away at the legend to the point where it’s now “cool” and yet played out because every time you spin your head, some would be Stoker-lite is shifting a new piece of overblown fan-fiction from their hard drive out into the world as a professional work in some form of media and yes, the kids love them some fancy fang to face action on a regular basis. Blech… Continue reading →

Captain America: The Winter Soldier UK Trailer: Springing Into Next Spring All Over The Place…

Posted on October 24, 2013 by geelw

Hey, Robert Redford is in this movie. Wait, what? Well… I guess that’s going to be interesting to some people who might not otherwise care, but I guess he needed some company and explosions as stuff after spending all that time alone on a busted boat on the open sea. Well, he’s got plenty of friends in this superhero flick (although it doesn’t look as he’s going to be sporting a fancy cape and boots or driving a sports car off the roof of a high rise here) set to hit theaters in North America on April 4, 2014. I see that this comes out in the UK a week earlier, but I’ll have to look up if this is coming out in Chinese-speaking territories at all and what the date would be. The number 4 isn’t actually a good number there, so I’d imagine both that date and title would get a big change to something more audience friendly. I suggest “U.S. Man, You Owe US A Lot of Debt, Too: Stop Making Such Expensive Movies!” or something shorter, but Marvel won’t like that at all. Not one bit.

And yeah, I can smell the laser-eyed death threats from the crankier and more humorless fans who take these movies far too seriously already. Well, those who didn’t follow that Comic-Con advice about showering before the show each day… Bleargh. Well, I got my soap cannons ready, so come and get it… Just remember to bring your own washcloth and towel.

Digital Dilemma Day (or Slow As S#!t Is the New Black)…

Posted on October 22, 2013 by geelw

(thanks, upwithgravity!)

Bleh. One thing that cracks me the hell up is reading industry sites and speaking with some folks in the tech sector who (very) blindly and (all too) cheerfully think ALL is nothing but well when it comes to the US and the rest of the civilized world having the best and speediest internet connections so we can all happily buy those new toys and get content with the same lightning speed wherever we go. Well, Crom laughs at your four winds, digital gurus. I say the bulk of these wealthy innovators have NEVER used local wi-fi, been stuck with a dial-up connection or had any major problem they couldn’t buy their way out of by tossing that old device in the trash and buying a new one or having an employee come up with a free fix (or come up with one themselves).

I’m also betting that if some of these SUPER geniuses were to step away from their hi-tech caves they’d see the rest of us poor peons not only have crappy connections, they’re slower than Kraftwerk playing their paradoxically languid classic pop song about that famous highway with no speed limit. Granted, it’s a great and memorable tune, but some of you folks may find it supremely soporific if you were expecting something along the Blurred Lines…

(thanks, Ras Putin!)

Okay, now… hey, you in the back… WAKE UP! That’s better (I know I should have used the shorter single edit!)… Continue reading →

Stuff I Sometimes Think About When Not Much Is Working Right…

Posted on October 21, 2013 by geelw

Not YOU, Arnold… we’re not related, thankfully. But I’d trade you a bag of brown rice for some of those muscles just so I could beat my head in on occasions such as this. I actually lost a chunk of a nice post earlier today thanks to making that silly issue of having a few in progress on WP and my laptop dying before I saved or the auto-save kicked in. It’s no trouble to rewrite stuff, but I hate having to redo posts because they always come out differently if I’m doing them on the fly and not working from notes. Anyway, between that and me generally being a wee bit too busy to keep up with my inbox today, I’m throwing this up as a diversion while I get my brain synched to do some rewriting. Ready? No? Oh well…

Has any D.J. opened or closed a set with this tune?

Just asking, folks… Continue reading →

Hercules: The Legend Begins Trailer: From Spartan Beginnings…

Posted on October 14, 2013 by geelw

So, Renny Harlin is finally back in the director’s seat on a big-budget film… but doing what looks like a mash-up of 300 and every other film or TV show that was “influenced” by Zack Snyder’s comic-book inspired mini-epic. *Sigh.* Sure, it’s a hell of a lot better than seeing Lou Ferrigno punch a bear into space (and turn it into Ursa Major!) or listening to some of that wretched dialog from those old 60’s Hercules flicks (To wit: “She’s in MY house now, Hercules, and I’m going to celebrate… by GOING THERE!”). On the other hand, if this film is as by the numbers as it looks, I’ll settle for a complete series DVD of that ancient The Mighty Hercules cartoon from the 60’s. Hey, a little Johnny Nash goes a loooooong way. Probably way past Ursa Major at least…

The Hobbit: The Desplation of Smaug TV Spot 3: This One Better Not Be Draggin’…

Posted on October 14, 2013 by geelw

Okay, so I finally caught The Hobbit on HBO when it premiered on Saturday and yes, I fell asleep about 25 minutes in. That was bad, however I did wake up about 25 or so minutes later and sat through the rest of the film, save for a quick break to boil some water for tea. Granted, I was a bit sick and a little bit tired from the cold that was knocking me around, but still… the film did drag-on a bit (yeah, that’s supposed to be a pun). I liked it overall, but after that blazing opening sequence it took a while to get going again then between jokes it’s pretty much a non-interactive CG movie that winds its way up, down and all around to that ending where you just so happen to look at your watch and realize as Smaug’s eye opens and the credits roll that you’ll need to come back to that theater to see what happens thanks to that big dragon not quite revealing himself. I’m gathering this sequel will have TOO much of Smaug for some tastes… but in my opinion there’s no such thing as too much of any dragon (unless it’s that damn purple dinosaur Barney trying to pretend he’s one)…

Yeah, I’m Back (With Some Bigger Fish to Fry)…

Posted on October 13, 2013 by geelw

So, that nasty sore throat that was making my life miserable is pretty much dead in the water thanks to a few limes, some honey, hot water and a good knife. Peel and cut up 2 limes into bite size pieces, place them into a bowl, pour some honey on them and eat up. Yum! Well, it’s not supposed to be dessert, but that angry kitten with be gone from that throat. make some hot tea with what’s left and drink that if necessary. All I have now is this sneezing and a bit of stuffy nose action to deal with. I think tomorrow is a federal holiday anyway, so my fastest wi-fi spot may be shut down anyway, but I wanted to kick this stupid cold in the groin a few times so I’m all fresh and fancy for a few meetings coming up this week. Die, germs! I got your shutdown right here, POW!

Annnnnd speaking of shutdowns, Continue reading →

Saturn 3 Blu-Ray/DVD Bound: Heckling Hector and Company For Their Less Than Stellar Work…

Posted on October 13, 2013 by geelw

OK, I didn’t think it was possible, but it looks as if someone is actually putting the wretched mess Saturn 3 out on Blu-Ray. The otherwise great director Stanley Donen’s flawed folly of a feeble flick is headed out to retail on December 3, 2013 from the fine folks at Shout Factory.

This big budget sci-fi/horror non-epic non masterpiece (it’s not even a “so bad it’s good” experience) completely wastes the talents of all involved and is a total mess from start to finish. Thankfully, it looks as if the disc’s handful of bonus features just may save this one from being the “WTF did you get me this crap for?” movie of the year. Trust me, there’s not one redeemable quality about the theatrical version, but I know some movie fans find elements of this junk heap intriguing enough to want to go back and watch this a few too many times.

Continue reading →

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug TV Spots 1 & 2: Only A Year (Or Less) ‘Til Cable!

Posted on October 8, 2013 by geelw

OK, don’t shoot me, movie people. I’ve decided to wait until this one pops up on cable TV, as the first film is (not so surprisingly) premiering later this month (on HBO, I think). So much for the normal waiting time that used to be at least a year or so after a major film hit theaters. At this point, it’ll seem to some as if the only reason to go to the movies is just to get out of the house and see a flick on something larger than that already too large HDTV you may own (or the big wall you project movies on). OK, widescreen is also a good reason, but most new films are ending up premiering in that theatrical format to the point that I get annoyed when I see a recent or older film that SHOULD be in that aspect ratio run as a crappy pan & scan version. B to the O to the O, cable and movie people who still do that crap. Even an old analog set can play a widescreen movie in letterbox format, so enough with the old versions already, I say. The ONLY films that need to fill up my screen like that are the classics TCM shows that weren’t originally shot that way. OK, old cartoons and classic TV get a pass as well.

Of course, if you’re impatient or just love seeing films on a big screen with hordes of smelly humans around you, The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug opens in theaters on December 13, 2013. Everyone else, set your clocks…