Digital Dilemma Day (or Slow As S#!t Is the New Black)…

(thanks, upwithgravity!) 

Bleh. One thing that cracks me the hell up is reading industry sites and speaking with some folks in the tech sector who (very) blindly and (all too) cheerfully think ALL is nothing but well when it comes to the US and the rest of the civilized world having the best and speediest internet connections so we can all happily buy those new toys and get content with the same lightning speed wherever we go. Well, Crom laughs at your four winds, digital gurus. I say the bulk of these wealthy innovators have NEVER used local wi-fi, been stuck with a dial-up connection or had any major problem they couldn’t buy their way out of by tossing that old device in the trash and buying a new one or having an employee come up with a free fix (or come up with one themselves).

I’m also betting that if some of these SUPER geniuses were to step away from their hi-tech caves they’d see the rest of us poor peons not only have crappy connections, they’re slower than Kraftwerk playing their paradoxically languid classic pop song about that famous highway with no speed limit. Granted, it’s a great and memorable tune, but some of you folks may find it supremely soporific if you were expecting something along the Blurred Lines…

(thanks, Ras Putin!) 

Okay, now… hey, you in the back… WAKE UP! That’s better (I know I should have used the shorter single edit!)…

Anyway, I’m trying to download a Vita game from PSN to review, but it’s taking FOREVER for a few reasons. I’m gathering based on the faster speed my laptop is getting, PSN is experiencing a lot of traffic. I’ve downloaded a bunch of asset files to my laptop in under an hour that have totaled the entire size of the game I want (896 MB), but currently, the game is hovering around (wait for it) 1281 minutes of waiting time… no wait, 1098, no… 1104 now.

It WAS a mere 86 minutes when I started, which went down to about 77 soon afterwards. But between then, it’s been ALL over the map from 53 minutes to 583 to 850 (and assorted up and down times) to the point where I’m about to pull the plug, cancel the download until tomorrow from the nearest hospital room after I leap from the window screaming here. 1210 minutes now? Yeesh. 1199. 1208. Hmmm. Someone just hates me somewhere or they want me to start playing those numbers so I can win a vault full of money I can swim around in and buy myself up into a better tech lifestyle. Which, of course is ONLY a dream anyway, as once you can’t get on to get content on you get your shiny new toy hacked into, it’s a brick with buttons (or no buttons and a fancy screen to catch your tears.

983 minutes! PROGRESS!! Right now, I’d prefer to be run down by a drunken politician with deep pockets who wants to buy my silence. And that’s saying a lot. Welcome to the 21st century? Meh – just give me my games and movies in a package from ow on, thanks. Update, no wait… 217 minutes… YES. NO, 347 minutes… OK, I’m about to run under a bus or something… or not. Stay tuned, as hell, I’m not going anywhere for a while it seems… 339 minutes. Argh…

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