Confession time: I didn’t much care for the film version of Dracula. It took me three attempts to sit through that film as a kid, but it was less due to Bela Lugosi’s interestingly languid performance than the stiff “let’s put on a show!” Broadway staging most of the movie suffers from.
Over time I’ve finally come to respect and like the film a lot more, but have always found the Spanish language version far more compelling and fun to watch thanks to the additional scenes and excellent supporting cast. Unfortunately, the Dracula in that film chose to mimic Lugosi’s singular acting style a wee bit too much while the other actors eat up the scenery in that great manner supporting players do when they’re making the best of a meaty role.
So, Nick Powell over at The Cinematic Katzenjammer asked for contributors this month to write up a post or do something creative using The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse as a starting point and any horror-themed movies that happened to fit one or more of their particular talents. I decided to have a bit of fun picking four films (one for each rider) and pointing to moments in each that to me, define the essence of their namesakes. They’re not all horror films, but if you’re in the right mood you’ll see the horror in parts of them.
Amusingly enough, the devil has gotten his due here as well. ALL of these were done up as Random Film of the Week entries at one point, but three were lost when I misplaced a USB thumb stick with a ton of other fresh content I’d done for the site a few years back when it was on Blogger. One good reason for me doing this post was to kick myself in the butt hard and get on to full rewrites soon of those three.
In addition, I’ll warn you now that the Fifth Horseman (Spoilage!) is on board. So if you haven’t seen any of the four flicks listed here… you’ve been warned in advance. Which is unusual in this day and age, as spoilers usually just spill out and all over you in the oddest of places. Hell, I heard the end of Gravity from a yakky lady babbling like a jerk on her cell phone in a grocery store a few days ago. I wanted to throw a large can of low-sodium black beans at her head, but I’d be typing this from a jail cell, it was the last can of that brand on the shelf and I needed it more than her head needed a two-pound can-sized impression in it.
Anyway, saddle up and get ready to ride (or duck behind something and hope you’re unseen)… we’re off! Continue reading →
Given that it’s been released with no fewer than three titles (The Virgin of Nuremberg and Castle of Terror are the other two), it’s not surprise that I didn’t get to see this Italian horror flick until it popped up on TCM a few days ago. Of course, if I wasn’t up and half dying from the scratchy throat that mutated into the cold I’m now getting over, I’d have missed this frightening little import gem. Sure, it’s got a score that sounds a bit out of place, some odd dialog (although I’m not sure if this a translation issue) and yes, plenty of cliché gone wild moments that would sink a lesser effort. Nevertheless, the overall gloomy atmosphere and great color photography, a great extended cameo by Christopher Lee (misspelled as Cristopher Lee in the credits) and a pretty damn excellent scene involving rats, a cage and a young woman’s face make this one worth tracking down…
I was going to to this whole post in a sort of Solomon Grundy/Chief Wild Eagle “voice”, but that would be SO incredibly non PC that I’d have comic fans AND native American protesters lined up outside the home office. Hey, MORE traffic is good for my site, folks… but not traffic that wants to run you over for real, (ha, ha, ouch!)… ANYWAY, yuk. I do not like this upcoming “horror”/action flick one bit because it reminds me on those increasingly harder to sit through Underworld movies and other so-called horror/action blockbusters that cater to the forgiving crowd that only knows traditional monsters from more modern film efforts. Granted, I could be wrong and this one could be a big surprise. But on the other hand and foot, all those CGI monsters, fiery spiral explosions and fast cuts don’t promise much other than a film that will make your brain feel as if it’s been forcefully removed from your head by a cockeyed hunchback and placed into the body of a person who just forgot what he or she spent that ticket money on an hour and a half ago.
Oh, great… now I have Underworld fans on my ass now. But that’s OK. I’ll fight them in the pouring rain (by not showing up and sending the pack of rabid raccoons and Go Go Gophers I keep in the spare room here), which will wash their goth mascara into their eyes and make the street slippery so they’ll fall on their asses in those cheap shoes they bought from Hot Topic with the no good for rain soles. Yeah, I’m a bad man… but you asked for it.
OK, since the great burnout I had from this show a while ago, I haven’t watched an entire episode of The Simpsons in a few years. However, I’ve always made time to catch a bunch of the Treehouse of Horror shows over the years just to see haw far they go on that one night the Fox censors get tossed in the closet (or sent a bit further back than they usually get thrown). This year’s show is a must watch just for these awesome Del Toro-designed and directed titles, but now that I’ve seen them, it probably means I’ll be disappointed by the show that won’t live up to the eyeball riot on display above. I was playing “pick out the references” and yes, even got (and LOVED) Maggie driving THE CAR from that goofy 1977 film. From what I’ve read on a few fan sites, Del Toro has a custom built replica of that rolling purple/black bathtub, which also cracks me up as I’d rather him have that replica and drive it around any time he feels like it than go remake that stellar turd of a “horror” flick.
But of course, if he DOES go there at some point in the not too distant future… I bet it’ll scare the crap out of too many folks (me included)…
Hmmm… has adding the term “3D” to ANY film actually made it better? I can say a hearty “nope” and be smugly satisfied with that, but I know some of you will note that animated films get away with this all the time. OK, you may win on that technicality, so let’s narrow it down a wee bit: Has adding the term “3D” to any HORROR film actually made it better? Or are you just sitting there watching stuff fly at your face while wearing silly glasses and not really being scared? I thought so. Okay, maybe that gimmick DOES work in a few flicks, but Dracula shouldn’t be one of them. Oh well, I still think Asia Argento probably deserves much better work these days that being stuck in the upteenth reworking of Bram Stoker’s classic vampire tale, but I’ll hold off putting a stake through this one until I see it for myself… on cable.
You may as well get some entertainment as you’re dodging black cats and ladders with buckets on them, right? However, if you’re bopping down the street reading this on your phone or tablet, there’s an open manhole waiting to say “Hello!”. What, you’re laughing at that trailer above because it’s old and not so scary? OK, I’ve got you now:
Bleh. No wonder this is direct to Blu-Ray & DVD, although I won’t stop you from buying or renting it. Some folks are creeped out by this new digital Chucky, but I couldn’t stop laughing once his eyeballs bulged when that gal leans in closer. Maybe I’ll catch this on cable in a few months and change my mind, but probably not. For my money, 1945’s Dead of Night still has the scariest single “animated” doll on film, but I’ll give it up for Trilogy of Terror’s “Amelia” chapter for putting me under a couch. This new film might put me under a couch if I’m rolling on the floor laughing… we shall see…
Every once in a while, I get to thinking that parts of my boring life would make an interesting book, but thankfully, I haven’t done a damn thing about that. Sure, I’ve had adventures in babysitting, silenced a few lambs (hey, they were bugging me!) and maybe even raided a lost ark here and there, but in general, I really have no shocking stories of drug-fueled hotel trashing (well, there’s ONE story, but it wasn’t drugs, wasn’t in a hotel room and guess who had to clean up afterwards AND go to work the next day?), scandalous encounters with ladies of the opposite sex or anything like that. However, I have had some really bizarre jobs that kind of fit what I’m doing here on this blog-o, so hell, I may as well tell this long, dull story before I go and decide to forget the damn thing happened…
That clip above is from a 1968 Spanish horror film called La Marca del Hombre Lobo (Mark of the Wolfman)*, known outside of Spain as Hell’s Creatures: Dracula and the Werewolf, The Nights of Satan and Frankenstein’s Bloody Terror. I believe the latter title was exclusive to the US version of the film and note if you please that it’s the only title that mentions Frankenstein. Unfortunately, there’s not a Frankenstein to be found in the film… at least not in the original version. Apparently, the US producer had some legal issues with a different Frankenstein film he was trying to distribute, but snapped up this import and had an oddball animated sequence added in that combined the Frankenstein and Wolfman myths and brought the world… WOLFSTEIN!
Yeah, it’s about as silly as it sounds (and once again, I’ll need to do a Random Film of the Week on this one, as it’s got some interesting stuff going for it), but that’s not what were here to talk about. Anyway, back in 1981, 3D films were making a comeback and in addition to new movies coming from assorted major and independent studios, plenty of older 3D films were pegged for a second shot at potential box office success. If you’re read that link above, you’ve most likely guessed that a certain monster flick just so happened to have a 3D print floating around that, while not in the best quality, would probably be good enough to cash in on the revived craze for the gimmick before its shelf life expired. Don’t worry – we’re getting to the good stuff, folks. Keep reading… Continue reading →
I’d say it’ll be one of those big weekend gross horror flicks that tapers off to a whisper around week four or five for a few reasons. ONE: The Amityville Horror/Paranormal Activity/Exorcist-style format is VERY played out unless you’re one of those suckers who continually gets scared by these sorts of “horror” flicks. TWO: “Based on a True Story”? Yeah, right. All that means is a room full of writers over a period of time condensed a newspaper clipping or TV news item to even barer bones before padding it out with assorted jump scares and maybe some minor gore effects, creepy music and noises on the soundtrack to get a specific rating. THREE: Speaking of that rating… That “R” rating better mean I’m under the couch and chewing the carpet up, not snoozing through some hokey faux parapsychologists and another easily debunked “ghost” story. Yeah, I said couch, as I refuse to see any modern horror movie these days with a too-easy to squeal and squeak audience that saw the same damn sort of movie two weeks ago or earlier and acts as if that same “BOO!” shock effect is something they’ve never seen in their short attention spanned lives.
That and the dopes who talk at the screen and/or yell at people for doing so make it far more entertaining to flush that ticket money down the nearest toilet…
Confession time: I didn’t much care for the film version of Dracula. It took me three attempts to sit through that film as a kid, but it was less due to Bela Lugosi’s interestingly languid performance than the stiff “let’s put on a show!” Broadway staging most of the movie suffers from.
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