Lost in Space: Dos Equis Boots Its Classy Coot to Mars


So, yeah… this happened. Dos Equis has decided to get rid of send off its former Most Interesting Man in the World and replace him with a to be announced younger dude who’s guaranteed to be more annoying and a lot less interesting (to me at least) because that’s what happens these days when a company practices ageism just to get more hipster doofus types soused out of their skulls (or: PROFIT!). Anyway, he’s going gracefully and humorously into that cold dark trip to his certain death, but hey – what a way to go, right?

Provided the fuel and liquid sustenance (which are both many kegs of Dos Equis) hold out, wait ’til he gets to “Mars” (hey, I saw Capricorn One TOO many times, folks) and finds Regis Philbin, Bob Barker and a bunch of other formerly popular celebs of a certain age booted off their shows for guzzling Geritol already up there playing golf. Betty White isn’t up there because she’s an alien (what, you didn’t know?) as are a few other oldsters you still see pop up on the tube.

The funny thing here is I had NO idea Mexico had a space program. American companies are sending them our jobs (they’re NOT “taking” them, ladies and gents) and they’re sending our fine American acting talent to other planets. That’s just not right, folks. Ah well, all this confusion and heavy thinking is making me want a beer. Any suggestions?

UPTIME vs Downtime: Good Energy Always Wins

UPTIME (1)A few weeks back I got a few samples of UPTIME Energy Drink and a bottle each of Original and Maximum Energy Blend Tablets to take for a spin. I didn’t want to just toss them back over the course of a few days, get a quick buzz and blaze away for a bunch of hours on an energy wave at all. Instead, I decided to hold off on testing them out until I had a reason to require that boost the products offered.

Of course, life has a way of hitting you on the head with stuff that requires excess energy caffeine and its resulting crashes can’t handle. Let’s just say that when used correctly a little bit of UPTIME can really make a difference in your day.

UPTIME looks to distinguish itself from other energy drinks on the market with cool (and resealable) 12oz (355ML) cans, less ingredients than other energy drinks and a cleaner, no aftertaste finish that’s light and pleasing when all is said and done. There are two varieties, Original (sweetened with real sugar) and Sugar-Free (artificially sweetened) for those who want less “guilt” with their boost. For the record, there’s about a cup of coffee’s worth of caffeine in a bottle. So if you’re averse at all to it you’ll want to seek your energy boosting through other means. Personally, I preferred the Original over Sugar-Free as I’m not fond of artificial sweeteners in anything, but the latter wasn’t bad at all. Saving my samples for a few brainy days was a good idea as I got slammed with a few things that required a bit more focus than I’m usually used to.

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Three Things Learned At The Sweet Suite…

Sweet Suite 2014
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1. Red velvet cupcakes are fantastic (Yeah, I’ve never had ANYTHING red velvet before, so shoot me. Or not.) – Thanks Activision! Skylanders Trap Team is fantastic too. You parents with kids and gamers already hooked in? have your money ready to fly out of that wallet this October.

lemonhead martini2. Lemonhead Martinis? They actually DO exist (well, as of yesterday) and need to become a summer “thing”. Like NOW. Thanks Ferrara Pan! Oh, and someone really smart at that company needs to post that recipe ASAP along with a kid-friendly lemonade version (because we adults shouldn’t have ALL the fun with Lemonheads, right?). And I don’t usually like martinis! I only had ONE, by the way, ladies and gents – I’m not a total booze-hound (although here comes another alcohol-related note):

ZIPZ (1)3. Wine by the glass in a retail form that won’t bust your wallet wide open? Yeah, that also exists (in at least 39 states, 33 where this can be shipped to). These made me laugh way too much when I saw them (and that was long before I had that Lemonhead Martini). And yeah, someone tell this guy he should probably learn to appreciate a good Merlot. Thank you, ZIPZ! Yes, I’m in one of those 33 states, so I’m happier now that anytime I want a few glasses of quality wine, I don’t have to buy an entire bottle. Wait, am I supposed to be writing ALL about toys and other fun stuff I saw last evening here? Don’t worry, that’s all coming in another post!

Where’s The Beef? In My Belly With Some Sake…

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Okay, class. The wi-fi was DEAD at the library when I jetted back uptown after the great Sake in the City II event, or else there would be a post up already about my fun time at the event. Bleh. Anyway, I woke up waaay too early this morning, went out to do some laundry, lost some money in the process and had to make an emergency withdrawal (boo!), but the event and the three seminars I took made up for it. I’ll pop a post in about this tomorrow or Wednesday, but right now I’m BEAT from a long day and way too much sake. I’m not drunk at all, mind you – I just have a bit of a headache from sampling so many types and not having any caffeine at all today, so it’s a confused brain wondering where its real buzz is. Yep, I’m drinking a cup of coffee as I type this and yep, my headache is fuzzing away. A quart of water should take care of that sake swimming pool in my stomach, but I actually didn’t drink all that much (although I stopped counting at 16 samples of 16 different varieties). Okay- let me poke through my email, as I haven’t checked it since last night and I know my mailbox is PACKED. Back in a bit…

Holiday Gift Guide 2013: Tequila Clase Azul Does Double Duty For Drinking Or Display…

Bottles_Clase_Azul_&_La PintaWhile some quality tequilas are marketed through expensively shot TV ads that use handsome and famous spokesmen in fine suits extolling the virtues of paying a premium price for them (while giving the competition a put down or three), all you really need to do is look at a bottle of Tequila Clase Azul to know you’re getting a superb product. One of the highlights of this past week’s Luxury Review was hopping over to the Clase Azul booth to try three of their three quality tequilas and a nifty flavored liqueur.

The smooth Clase Azul Plata ($80), the wonderfully aged Clase Azul Reposado ($91), and the pomegranate-infused La Pinta ($65) were at the event and making all who stepped up to sample walk away smiling. Sadly, the very limited edition Clase Azul Ultra ($2,000) wasn’t available at the event, but that’s because a mere 100 bottles are made at a time of this exquisitely aged beverage and those sell out right away to wealthy tequila fans looking for the ultimate and willing to pay more for the privilege.

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Come to the Dark Side… I Hear The Coffee’s Pretty Damn Good…

Dark Side RoastAnd even if it tastes awful, you won’t be complaining to the company head for any reason, guaranteed. “I find your lack of taste buds… disturbing.” Of course, if the Force is strong in this one, it’ll be powerful enough to keep you up through multiple work shifts as an underpaid Imperial Stormtrooper with ONLY a few side effects. For example, your aim with a blaster will always be a bit off (especially when in large groups), you’ll be more susceptible to Light Force powers (“These aren’t the droids we’re looking for, duuuuhhhhh…”) and in some cases, people may even accuse you of being a little short for a stormtrooper.

Hmmm. I haven’t tried this brew myself yet, but I’m definitely intrigued by that package for some strange reason. If you’re also a weak-minded fool with somewhat of a caffeine habit. Let the Force guide your mouse hand as if it’s on an Ouija board over to Think Geek where you can score a bag of Dark Side Roast for a mere $14.99. And if you can’t make coffee to save your life… well, there are positions open for Imperial spies who can dress up as Rebel Alliance secretaries and try to cause havoc from the inside. If you can’t kill them with kindness.. you may as well let your lousy coffee do the job in a lot less time, correct?

Corona’s Humorous “Summer Cooler” Ad Needs a Horror Remake…

Not that I have a twisted sense of humor at the ready or anything (OK, it’s active at all times, folks!), but as soon as I saw this new Corona ad, I started laughing probably for reasons the company hadn’t planned. Yes indeed, I can see some YouTube genius re-editing this one with quick shots of plastic wrapped (and fake) body parts getting tossed into that dented cooler at one point. Yeah, those summer memories can really be fun… until you start remembering TOO much. And nope, it was drinking too much Corona that caused those blackouts and memory loss, either…

And Now, Today’s Unintentional Hilarity Comes to You Courtesy of David Lynch…

LynchianWell, David Lynch and  the tasty, popular and expensive celebratory adult beverage, Dom Perignon. YES, that David Lynch and yes, this is an actual ad from Morrell Wine Company that popped up in my inbox. No, I won’t provide the exact link just in case WordPress thinks I’m spamming or something. That said, if Mr. Lynch wants to give me a kickback (or put me in one of his films, provided he’s still making them, not drinking too much champagne), I guess we can work something out. At $2039.40 a case, this isn’t cheap at all, but hey – pool up with a few friends and you get a dozen bottles you can swig while you’re watching Mulholland Dr. and trying to make sense of it. No, wait… that’s Inland Empire. I “got” Mulhollhand the first time I saw it, but it still freaks me out each time I see it.

Oh yeah, the product description only adds to the chuckle factor – click below the jump and make sure you’re sitting down. Continue reading