Today’s Mystery: The Case of the One-Winged Chicken

Right Winger Right Winger (2)

One more reason to cut certain foods out of the diet, I suppose. But also a big little mystery that needs solving, so I’m (kind of) on the case. I defrosted a whole Purdue chicken and put it in a simple salt water brine overnight. As I tend to handle raw proteins as little as possible, I didn’t realize until this morning that the chicken ended up in the store sans one wing. Eek. From what I recall, chickens don’t fly very well at all, so this couldn’t be the result of the one I was about to cook being gimped because it wanted to go all Freebird from wherever it was raised.

“It’s a factory second!” was a guess tossed into the hat I wasn’t wearing. But that wasn’t the case, as it was a full price chicken with a clipped wing and someone out there walking around with it in a pocket as a good luck charm. Or something a lot less disgusting. Speaking of disgusting, as soon as I saw that missing wing, I had a serious Eraserhead flashback. You know the scene: “Just cut them up like regular chickens!”:

Yuck. Anyway, a coin was flipped and it was decided to not waste a good and already brine-soaked bird. So a bit of Madras Soul (TM!) spice blend and a good shake in a plastic bag later, into the oven it went. As it’s meant to be split with a friend going through some bumpy times of late, I decided to keep the wingless half for myself. There’s nothing like having to answer questions about what happened to that missing flapper on a gift half chicken. Some questions weren’t made to be answered without a legal team handy. Or at least the Scooby Gang. Anyway, it’s a sunny Sunday and too nice outside to dwell on a dead (now twice dead) piece of poultry. That said, guess who will be pickin’ chickens a lot more carefully from now on. Or a lot less carefully because I’ll have changed my dining options.

Then again, having tried faux poultry on a few occasions, I can very safely say that every one has had missing wings, legs, thighs and bones. That’s not a mystery at all other than why some of those ersatz birds sometimes end up in assorted poultry shapes. Then again, if it were a tofu bird with a missing wing? Well… THAT would be even more creepy.

Did Someone Say TWIN PEAKS Was Coming Back? Why, Yes it Is!

No wonder I woke up feeling weird and nostalgic this morning with a slight headache and a hankering for strong coffee and a slice of pie. It won’t be until 2016 (and hopefully, we all won’t be dead from ebola or nuclear bombs dropped willy-nilly across the landscape), but David Lynch is back on TV and in complete control of his baby. From the press release (read it while I do slow-dwarf dance around the room for a bit):

The groundbreaking television phenomenon, Golden Globe® and Peabody Award-winner TWIN PEAKS will return as a new limited series on SHOWTIME in 2016. Series creators and executive producers David Lynch and Mark Frost will write and produce all nine episodes of the limited series, and Lynch will direct every episode. Set in the present day, TWIN PEAKS will continue the lore of the original series, providing long-awaited answers and a satisfying conclusion for the series’ passionate fan base.

So, yeah. That’s erasing any crappiness that a Monday usually brings around. Yeah, now… about the earth still being here? Well. we’ll work on that. Showtime, you just take care of paying all involved and keeping Lynch happy in his work. I know a certain game director who just had a nice Xbox One exclusive hit is probably a very happy man. Actually, I’d LOVE to see Swery meet Lynch and perhaps collaborate on a project, but let’s get these nine episodes of the new TP out of the way first…

Thank You, David Lynch For Making It Clear (Again)…

(Thanks, BrittneyGilbert!) 

So, I’m working on a long post about the demise of movie theaters in the area where I live because it just blows my mind to bits that something like fifteen to twenty or more cinemas around here are gone for what seems to be good and it’s a total joke that no one seems to care or mind. Granted, those people who don’t give a crap are a big part of the reason why theaters are vanishing from this part of NYC, but tell them that and they tend to get a bit more obnoxious than they would if you told them to shut off their damned cell phone BEFORE they even bought their tickets. Anyway, mini-rant over (although it’s not really a rant at all)… Back in a bit.

Random Film of the Week: The Straight Story

straight_story_ver2For me, The Straight Story is David Lynch’s best film because it succeeds wholly as the director’s “most experimental” work and manages to be one of those movies that WILL touch you no matter how you feel about his other work. The true story of Alvin Straight’s 200+ mile journey to visit his ailing brother on a riding lawn mower may seem well out of Lynch’s weird wheelhouse, but those of his fans and anyone with a good eye will see plenty of strangeness in the normal here that shows even the simplest of stories can be remarkable when told as well as done here.

Perhaps the most amusing and interesting thing about the movie to some will be it carries the Disney name on it (it was released under the company’s Buena Vista Pictures label back in 1999) and is rated G, usually two death knells for a director know for startling his audiences with bizarre imagery. Lynch keeps things more mundane here, but there are moments in performance and presentation where you can see bits of his trademark style on display and it doesn’t detract from the story at all… Continue reading

Humor? Oh, More Mister Nice Guy (Or: Let’s NOT Be Frank)…

(thanks, tszwedo!) 
Ladies and gentlemen, a friendly little reminder. Or not. Being a not so hunk of aged whine and cheese like me has its benefits, provided you’ve learned a few life lessons before old bad habits get set in stone and leave you a friendless freak trapped in a world you never made (or choose to ignore at your peril). It’s important while young to make enough mistakes you can take something from as you limp home, dragging the remains of your dignity behind you (or carrying it if it’s not too heavy) and determining you’ll not steer down that path ever again. Of course, if you’ve lost your dignity already, you know the drill: wake up in a field somewhere, drag yourself home and go sleep it off in a closet somewhere while the parts that can grow back do so…

On the other hand, if you’re a constant thrill-seeking type who has that sort of cheery support from friends and relatives who put up with your daredevil shenanigans, of course you should go for whatever gusto you can, secure in the knowledge that when you fall, that net is coming out to cushion the hard landing you’re about to take (again). Granted, I think I’m being vague here (as usual), but consider this some sort of not so Zen-like advice from me to you that may come in handy at some point in your actual beautiful career (aka: LIFE) when you’re about to jump into something like a strange car with a bunch of oddballs you’d normally avoid in the daytime hours. Now, I’m not saying there’s ANYTHING wrong at all with a little adventure, kids. I just want to make sure you’re smart enough to come back at some point and tell me about it over a pint somewhere…

Random Film of the Week: DUNE

(Thanks, MovieClips Classic Trailers!) 

dune_ver2_xlgRecently, someone who hadn’t seen it yet asked me “Is DUNE a great movie or not?” My answer was (and has always been) “Well, it depends…” I certainly didn’t hate it when I first saw it, but having not read the massive sci-fi novel it was based on at that time, my brain had to hold onto the inside of my head for dear life a few times during the more heady moments of mass exposition. I actually liked that David Lynch brought his trademark visual style to the film and some of the ickier visual effects (the alien navigator in the glass case, for example) were there to show this wasn’t yet another budget Star Wars clone.

Granted, the big, loud battle scenes were a big, loud mess and some of the “special” effects were reused too many times (for example, that same enemy ship swooping over the battlefield on Arrakis became a running gag to some friends I saw the flick with). Nevertheless, I liked the production design and facts that the different alien cultures were well portrayed thanks to some solid casting and it was a “pay attention” flick that demanded more of viewers than almost any other American sci-fi film of that period. Of course, it’s no Blade Runner by a long shot, but that’s another post for another random week… Continue reading

And Now, Today’s Unintentional Hilarity Comes to You Courtesy of David Lynch…

LynchianWell, David Lynch and  the tasty, popular and expensive celebratory adult beverage, Dom Perignon. YES, that David Lynch and yes, this is an actual ad from Morrell Wine Company that popped up in my inbox. No, I won’t provide the exact link just in case WordPress thinks I’m spamming or something. That said, if Mr. Lynch wants to give me a kickback (or put me in one of his films, provided he’s still making them, not drinking too much champagne), I guess we can work something out. At $2039.40 a case, this isn’t cheap at all, but hey – pool up with a few friends and you get a dozen bottles you can swig while you’re watching Mulholland Dr. and trying to make sense of it. No, wait… that’s Inland Empire. I “got” Mulhollhand the first time I saw it, but it still freaks me out each time I see it.

Oh yeah, the product description only adds to the chuckle factor – click below the jump and make sure you’re sitting down. Continue reading