Dorkly Nails The Anti-Gaming Dolts To The Wall. Details at 11… Or Now.

dorkly nails itAs usual, the media is going (pardon the term) ballistic in some spots over Grand Theft Auto V on a few very incorrect fronts that makes them look like a bunch of knee-jerk jerks who love to generate controversy for rating’s sake as opposed to being anywhere near truthful. Fortunately, the folks over at dorkly.com have a mighty sharp yet paradoxically blunt hammer that works well at smashing this sort of questionable “journalism” right it its face. Read it and maybe keep that link handy when you get into a debate with some anti-gaming troll who thinks they know it all because some guy or gal wearing a hair helmet and too much makeup told them so.

Also, if you’re even in a real-life event where a news crew rolls up to invade your privacy, shoves a camera and microphone in your face and asks one of the two stupidest question in the world you can ask someone who’s been through or witnessed hell (“How did you feel when…” or “What was going through your mind when…”), feel free to grab that microphone bop the “reporter” lightly in the head with it, hand it back and say “No comment, idiot. Go away and find someone else to exploit.”, walk away and go take a nice long nap or have a relaxing cup of hot tea. They’ll get it eventually.

The Last Days on Mars Trailer: Venus Envy

(thanks, movieclipsTRAILERS!)

I bet these doomed astronauts WISHED they were on Venus or somewhere else safer and less genre-fied, as even this upcoming flick’s title seems to note that there won’t be many (or ANY) survivors when all is said and done. Of course, rocking an Alien vibe is either a good sign or some trailer-esque editing that makes this LOOK like a bit of a too close to the bone reworking. But as usual, we shall see. Although I always laugh nowadays when I hear those “stingers” used in movie trailers on the soundtrack. It’s like whatever has invaded the ship is wearing a portable keyboard and is playing that sound effect as it stalks around the ship. SURVIVAL TIP: Stay in the nearest closet with a blunt object, and when the monster walks up or by and hits that note, slam that door open and give it the what for with your hammer or whatever. Roll credits.

?-able Humor: Starfish Makes A Better Appetizer Than Rubber-Suited Dictator, I Say…

So, yeah… did you know that starfish are edible? I certainly wouldn’t eat one (at least there’s a 99% chance of that not occurring any time soon), but if you’re feeling adventurous or reading this while stuck on a desert island (wait, that’s a sort of oxy-moron, right?) that happens to have a wi-fi signal and you’re too silly to call for help because you don’t have a social network account and refuse to get one (you stubborn rabbit), well, now you have something to do with your time other than troll porn sites all day and fall out of that coconut tree while going for that last high-hanging fruit. Hmmm. I wonder if coconut goes good with starfish? Of course, if you hate the taste after all this work, the results in your stomach may resemble this Kamen Rider X clip:

(thanks, Hall of Fail!) 
Me? I’ll stick to the salmon, please. Thank you…

Valhalla Knights 3 Update: Story And Races, To the Finish!

VK3_Logo_BLK

 

Valhalla Knights 3 CoverShort and sweet, this new Valhalla Knights 3 trailer shows off a bit of story introduction that should keep fans (and Vita owners looking for a fun action/RPG) hopping with anticipation for the game’s October release. Not so short (but a necessary read) are the character class descriptions for this one. I still need to pick up VK: Battle Stance on the PSP at some point, but I happen to like this quirky series as it’s gone through a few hoops and changes since the first installment. Anyway, head on below the jump for more info of all those playable races and carve out some free time this October…

Continue reading

Orc Attack Double Blast: This Was My Stomach Earlier Today!

OK, I know, I know… “eww!” and TMI, am I right? Anyway, I was supposed to pop in to a big TV/Entertainment conference this morning, but something I ate last night put me out of commission for the better part of today. Lots of water and rest later after Mr. Toad’s Wilder ride (yes, my toilet has a new pet name), I’m up and much better, but as usual, a bit behind in my work. Oh well, but these new Orc Attack: Flatulent Rebellion trailers made my day go, er… smoother by giving me some laugh power (which is ALWAYS great for any sort of pain). So, now you know… and knowing is half the battle! The other half is too yucky to talk about, but use your imagination.

Anyway, now that you’re all turning green, I guess I can inform you that Orc Attack is launching this fall on XBLA, PSN, and PC. More to come on this “hack ‘n gas” game soon…

There’s No Beer In Hell, But All The Pianos Play DOOM There…

File this under “Now, I’ve REALLY seen Everything!”: OK, so it’s NOT Hell Paris again, but hell… someone made a piano that plays DOOM. Yeah, I want one now (and am kicking myself that I gave up on lessons as a kid), but I’ll need to steal a cargo plane, hire some some assistants and fly all the way to London’s Virgin Media Game Space in order to get this one of a kind hybrid machine/instrument. Of course, I’ll get arrested, tried and convicted and need to serve some hard time (boo, but I want to keep the film rights!), but at least I’ll have a story to tell at parties after I get out that will top the usual “I saw so-and-so coming out of a Starbucks drunk!” stuff you hear all the time, right? Hmmm… I wonder if Carmack, Romero or even Bethesda will ask for one of these to be made for them at some point. Hey, I say if anything, you can buy off that devil with a gift he’ll really flip over! You DO know he plays EVERY instrument, right? I got him a harmonica last year and he’s quite the expert at it!

WIN FREE STUFF!* Tweet Yourself Up A Treat From D3Publisher of America!

D3PoA_logoAs that title says, D3Publisher of America is giving away some nice free stuff and they want YOU* to win. Yes indeed, folks. The company is rolling into NYC this coming Thursday, September 19th with their lineup of awesome holiday titles:

D3PAdventureTime2013 D3PRegularShow2013 D3PEDF20252013 D3PBen102013

Adventure Time: Explore the Dungeon Because I DON’T KNOW!
Regular Show: Mordecai & Rigby In 8-Bit Land
Earth Defense Force 2025
Ben 10: Omniverse 2

And they’re asking fans to get in on the fun. Well, you can’t actually attend this press-only event, but you CAN win a nice bag of game-related swag!

To enter follow @D3Publisher on Twitter, tweet which game you want to see the most and use the tag #D3Holiday13. Five (5) lucky winners will be chosen at random on Sept. 20th, notified and yup… SWAGGED. Simple, no?

*NOTE: Yes indeed, US entrants only. Sorry, my overseas peeps – them’s the rules, as they say…

SCIENCE! Be A Test Tube Wielding Smart Ass. Buy From A.S.S.!

A_S_and_SSo, let’s talk American Science and Surplus. Established 1937. Sells overstocks, surplus science gear, military ephemera and all sorts of other stuff you may not have thought you’d NEED but will find a use for once you have it in your hot little hands. Yup, they’re STILL around! I used to get their hilarious catalogs for a few years and bought quite a number of inexpensive items I used in many a shenanigan, as emergency gifts and even as parts of assorted costumes when I used to traipse out of the home base on Halloween. I’d forgotten all about them after a few moves and not renewing my catalog subscription, but when talking to a friend recently about how kids taking science in school don’t have access to actual chemistry sets OUTSIDE of the classroom, a light bulb went off and I immediately thought of A.S.S (or A.S. & S. if your ears are burning or grinning too much right about now).

Anyway, I’d ramble on about all the great deals they have and how you need to boogie on over to check out their site for a laugh once you start reading about some of their items (and clicking the optional hand drawn pictures of each, which adds another layer of fun to things) as well as how you should sign up for a catalog yourself. However, I’ll let you do just what this paragraph says at your leisure, as I hate telling people what to do. Unless it’s something like “Please give me some money so I can buy stuff from A.S.S. (oops, A. S. & S.) and maybe buy something for YOU as well!” Or something like that. It’s been a long day already for me (but you still need to check out that site!)…

If You Have to See NINE Doctors, It’s Serious… Or You’re a WHO Fan…

Well, we’re almost to that new Doctor reveal and number nine is for many modern fans, where the real fun begins. I’ve actually NOT seen any of the ninth Doc’s adventures thanks to me being occupied with other stuff during those years, but I did catch a few episode snippets of Torchwood and hoped to hell that show would get on disc along with the Ninth Doc’s shows so I could watch them all together and see how things fit. I’ll get to that soon enough, but I want to catch this latest BBC special and the episode they run just to whet the appetite a wee bit. One of these days I’ll do the binge-watching thing with a few seasons of the show just to get it set into the gray matter. I’d make it a party, but my TARDIS has room just for me and a stack of discs. It’s a HUGE stack of discs and my TARDIS is closet sized and constantly malfunctioning. It doesn’t go anywhere, but keeps coughing up stuff from the past I’ve never seen before (or don’t recall buying, ha, ha)…

Peanuts’ Citizen Kane “Rosebud” Strip Is Still The Greatest Spoiler Ever Told

If you’ve NEVER seen Citizen Kane, STOP reading this post NOW. Seriously.

Okay, well… of course, you can keep reading and ruin the experience, but that’s your problem I say. You’ve been warned.

Rosebud 1968

As a regular reader of Charles Schulz’s Peanuts for decades, even as a kid I was always floored by how deep the simply drawn cartoon was. I started reading it in the late 60’s, but I only vaguely recall some of the strips from back then. However, in 1973, one particular Sunday page stood out and as that post title notes, is what I consider the best movie spoiler I’ve ever read. Now I hate most spoilers thanks to a few favorite books and films being ruined for me intentionally over the years. But this one stood out because I didn’t know what the heck Citizen Kane was and reading this strip made that title stick in my mind and later, do some digging on the movie and its place in history. I don’t recall seeing it on TV here in New York at all, so all I had were the memories of others I occasionally asked about the film whenever the opportunity arose.

Continue reading