What’s Cookin’: Greens, Eggs, and Ham? Make Them Yourself, Man!

2016-05-20-183833Hmm. Memo to the loud guy I passed on the way home yelling about the (and I quote) “bitch who won’t make me eggs after noon”: Ugh. Learn to cook, you ignorant jerk and make your own damn eggs ANY TIME YOU WANT. Keep it up with that overly cranky attitude and those aren’t the only eggs you’ll never have anything to do with ever again.

That, and it’s no joke to get hit upside the head with a cast iron fry pan while one is snoozing. Anyway, let me be nice and give you a recipe you can learn and perfect, provided you’re not un-jamming a pan from your gaping maw: Continue reading

What’s Cookin’? Did Someone Order The Psycho Peppers?

Psycho Peppers 1Thanks to the fine folks at Lingham’s Hot Sauce (or Lingham’s Chilli Sauce if you’re reading this from anywhere where it has that original name, I’ve got a few bottles of their extremely tasty goods to try out in a few recipes. This one’s too easy to whip up and in fact is a variation on a pizza pepper recipe I do ever so often.

As fir the name “Psycho Peppers”…  yeah, well.  I had to name them something catchy and that moniker popped into my head after I mixed a bit of Lingham’s SriRacha (smoky and spicy!) and Extra Hot (yes, it is!) together to see how they’d taste and proceeded to dip one of the hot chili peppers on the right of the pic to test the results out with. PROTIP: Keep some cold milk, yogurt or ice cream handy if you do this taste test thing.

Hokay, there’s really not much to this, so calling it a “recipe” is a bit of a stretch. Still, there are photos below the jump and some basic (overwritten) “how to” scribbling if you can’t figure out what to do with those ingredients above.

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What’s Cookin’? “Meanwhile, Back At The Ranch…”

it's what's for dinner (1) (Custom)Fun Fact: I am not at all a fan of ranch dressing, but for some reason people keep giving me bottles of the stuff. I somehow ended up with six unopened bottles over the space of two months this year thanks to friends buying it for parties and almost no one touching it. At least it was organic ranch dressing of a certain brand that seemed to not have a ton of terrible stuff inside those bottles.

That said, what does one DO with all those bottles of something one doesn’t consume? I thought of putting them in a box and placing said box downstairs by the mailbox with the word FREE! written on it. That’s always good for some amusement. Not too long ago another neighbor in the building left out a box of assorted books and DVD’s and there were a few people circling that box like wary stray dogs surprised by someone putting out free food before they jumped in and took most of the good stuff. The only things left were a Jean Claude Van Damme flick I’d never heard about, some sticker books (Ed Hopper and Talouse-Latrec), and a couple of comedy books I nabbed after the dust settled.

Anyway, where was I? Oh, right:

(thanks, prestoff2000!) 

Well, that FREE box of dressing was the plan until my brain sifted in “free range” with “free ranch” and I thought of doing something with chicken and some or all of that ranch dressing. “Like what?” you ask? Well, I may have taken a whole roasting chicken that I’d had in in a simple salt water brine for about 12 hours (because I’m crazy like that), drained that chicken, placed it in a gallon-size zip-top bag, added a bit of salt-free rub and poured about a cup of that dressing into that bag before sealing the bag and letting it sit for a few more hours in the fridge. Once that part was done, I may have peeled and sliced a few potatoes and placed them in the bottom of a glass baking dish on top of some foil, placed that ranchy chicken upside down atop those potatoes and popped that dish into a preheated 375 degree oven until I needed to flip the bird over and let it get nice and done.

Yeah, they call me the wrecking ball (er, in the kitchen, at least)…

it's what's for dinner (2) (Custom) it's what's for dinner (4) (Custom)


I could have also sauteed some broccoli with sliced garlic and onions with a bit of red pepper flake in some olive oil and other stuff and served all that with plain ol’ white rice on the side because it takes the least time to make and my rice cooker is old but still works perfectly. Or maybe I didn’t because while that chicken turned out really tasty, I still don’t like ranch dressing. Well, on my salads at least. Oh, and I think some of those potatoes got diced into smaller bits and used in something eggy the next day. But that’s another tale for another time.

File This Faux Foodie Kickstarter Under “Now I’ve Seen Everything…”

Potato Salad FundHey, I just LOVE a great potato salad, folks, but this made me laugh a lot and cringe a little. Yes, you can actually throw some money at this Kickstarter if you like, but I’d be curious as to why you did and not send it to me instead because I don’t tell people I’m making potato salad when I do make it and I don’t ask for any cash to make it. Of course, I could just be annoyed that I didn’t think of this first AND because i haven’t made potato salad for a while. Hmmm… well, I do make a decent mushroom noodle soup with baby bok choy and other fun stuff in it. So maybe I’ll steal this idea at some point and see what happens. I need some creative ways to make money legally anyway, as times are bumpy around these parts. Still, I did make some money from a few freelance gigs, so I can get back to the process of getting a bunch of paperwork processed and some somewhat important stuff I need to take care of taken care of.

Hmmm… now I want some potato salad. But I’ll save that for after I get this other stuff taken care of…

?-able Humor: Starfish Makes A Better Appetizer Than Rubber-Suited Dictator, I Say…

So, yeah… did you know that starfish are edible? I certainly wouldn’t eat one (at least there’s a 99% chance of that not occurring any time soon), but if you’re feeling adventurous or reading this while stuck on a desert island (wait, that’s a sort of oxy-moron, right?) that happens to have a wi-fi signal and you’re too silly to call for help because you don’t have a social network account and refuse to get one (you stubborn rabbit), well, now you have something to do with your time other than troll porn sites all day and fall out of that coconut tree while going for that last high-hanging fruit. Hmmm. I wonder if coconut goes good with starfish? Of course, if you hate the taste after all this work, the results in your stomach may resemble this Kamen Rider X clip:

(thanks, Hall of Fail!) 
Me? I’ll stick to the salmon, please. Thank you…

You (Almost) Can’t Hate The Internet Too Much If It Makes You Laugh…

chocobunnyOh, I can’t even explain this one other than to say “That’s how the Internet works!” Anyway, as you probably know, even doing the simplest search for anything online these days becomes a complete loss of privacy (you thought I was going to say waste of time, I bet) as your search is fed to any and every other site or info-gathering robot connected to whatever you typed in and magically (and very often, mistakenly) added to some magic queue that pops up as a potential search the next time you visit tht site or poke around other sites.

Or worse, those words are also used to add search results that can show up as unsolicited non-spam emails (from big companies that want your disposable income in trade for their goods) asking you to buy stuff you don’t want and/or even turn up as ads all over every page you click on. So you can’t get away from that ONE ad until you replace it with other searches. Even if you limit the amount of tracking going on (ha and ha, good luck with that), you’re STILL going to be suggested at some point to point that browser to a site for something you may not have even typed in. Or related to anything you typed in the first place. Bleh… Continue reading