COBRA COMMAND WANTS YOU (To See G.I. Joe Retaliation)…

Posted on March 27, 2013 by geelw

COBRA_SF OK, listen up you potential evil-doers! I had to go through HELL to post this video (OK, it wasn’t hell, but I sat on my keys when I came back from the bathroom, so that counts as a kind of hell), so make sure you WATCH it and pay attention. If you THINK you have what it takes to be some sort of modern hooded menace and you can use all sorts of deadly fake weapons and not kill yourself in the process, go sign up HERE and wait for your coded message. Given that Cobra Command usually sends these out attached to assorted explosives, sharp objects and yes, actual cobras, recruitment is at an all time low. Thankfully, this new G.I. Joe Retaliation film seems to be better at luring in new membership. As for my own affiliations? Well, now… that WOULD be telling. I may be a double agent for all I know (and I know I don’t know much). Stay tuned. Prizes (or at least one prize) will be given out soon enough to someone out there.

Humor: So, iNetvideo.com Is Having A Sale…

Posted on March 25, 2013 by geelw

BIG Bunny

NotL_long poster But you could really care less about what iNetvideo.com is selling because you’re looking at the picture above they posted earlier this afternoon on their Facebook page and thinking something along the lines of “MAN, THAT’S A BIG FU@#ING BUNNY!” So let me get you back on track here. Yeah, that’s pretty damn massive lagomorph. Like Night of the Lepus massive. Which just so happens to be on sale at the site as we speak. Wait, now you’re hungry? Oh, you’ve seen that picture above, aren’t vegan at all and ran so fast into the kitchen to measure that turkey pan that you ran over one or more kids and the family pet in the process? Oh, they’ll heal up nicely – just let them cry it out. Besides, that smelly old bottle of Bactine is still in the medicine cabinet behind the big pills you take every morning. “It still stings, so it still works!”, as Grandma says.Or USED to say before she went off the The Big Sky all those years back. Ah, Grandma (*sniff*)…

Later on, the kids and pet are all snoozy and healed up, things are quiet and you’re absolutely stuffed full of rabbit photo. All is right in the world… until you realize that it’s NOT Bactine at all you sprayed everyone with, but some of Gammy Gam-Gam’s SPECIAL medicine she made in the bathtub from some old potatoes and onions, eleven garlic bulbs, a can of Sterno and some grain alcohol she gets from the guys down the hall. Yeah, the ones who wear overalls and long johns all summer. Er, a little of that goes a long way and yeah, you’ll end up calling a mere sip The Time Machine because you always wake up afterwards and it’s another day that’s passed you’ve forgotten all about. Horror Express, indeed…

Iron Man 3 TV Spot 1: Not Too Early, Never Too Late, Right?

Posted on March 25, 2013 by geelw

IM3_poster Sure, May 3 isn’t exactly THAT far away… then again, it’s not exactly close, is it? Still, this seems to be the sweet spot for these blockbusters where a month or so in advance, the TV commercials start dropping in many varieties. Of course you can expect 30 and 60-second spots, clips scattered around cable and online, the early screening buzz (where the more fortunate press get to show up and blab about positively or otherwise on their sites) and finally, a few premieres of the star-studded variety.

Of course, for most films I eventually choose to see, I just flip a coin and decide whether I catch in a theater with a bunch of annoying people around me and sit through 20 minutes of trailers for stuff I probably won’t see or wait a few more months until it pops up on video. Tick, tick, tick, tick…

Riddick Teaser Trailer: Reasonable Follow Up, Or A Riddick-ulous Dim Weasel Production?

Posted on March 24, 2013 by geelw

Hmmmm… I guess this is good news, but I personally don’t know anyone who was dying to see a new Riddick flick. Granted, the best thing to come out of the films was the 2004 Xbox exclusive game from Starbreeze, The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher Bay (which is NOT a traditional “licensed” game per se, as it’s an entirely original story that links into the narrative about the character’s history rather than tie into a specific film) and yes, Pitch Black was and is pretty cool after all these years. But that last film was kind of overblown to some degree and I’ve never been able to sit through it again after seeing it once. Eh, well perhaps the third time’s the charm, as it’s an interesting anti-hero and yes, some actors do get better as they mature. I’m just not holding my breath for greatness nor lining up early at this point, especially in this fast countdown to the home video release every new movie is on these days…

(or as usual, We Shall See…)

Random Film of the Week(end): The Miracle of Morgan’s Creek

Posted on March 24, 2013 by geelw

(thank you, lachambreverte!)

“Some are born great,
some achieve greatness,
and some have greatness thrust upon them.”
Wm. Shakespeare, Twelfth Night (Act II, Scene IV)

MoMC_still Sure, that title may make it sound a little too much like some overly pompous religious themed film, but director Preston Sturges’ great, outrageous 1944 comedy is still one of the more hilariously subversive Hollywood movies of that era when the Hays Code was clamping down hard on movies and forcing directors to come up with all sorts of means to get around some pretty stupid and strict rules. For some reason, those censors must have been asleep at the wheel as The Miracle of Morgan’s Creek is still one of the funniest movies ever made, period. If your eyebrow is hovering above your head like a skeptical cartoon character, go rent or yank out from your movie collection Judd Apatow’s Knocked Up and watch this afterward. I bet you’re laughing harder at the older film, so pony up five cents now and mail it my way after you lose that bet…

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Despicable Me 2 Toy Profile of the Week (5): Plush Rush!

Posted on March 23, 2013 by geelw

Three new plush figs from DM2
are this week’s bad poem you’ve to view.
Don’t blame me, folks – blame Thinkway Toys
They make fine stuff for girls and boys.

Collectors, too – you’re not forgotten
As these three toys aren’t at all rotten
Agnes, Unicorn and Minion Dave
are all well-made to draw your rave.

They’re special, as each activates
with sound or lights and functions great
Agnes speaks, her unicorn chimes
And Dave’s eyes pop (not from my rhymes!)

All priced quite fair, so grab them all
And decorate your room or hall
Stop by here this time next week
For more to make your wallets weak!

Continue reading →

Kick-Ass 2 “Restricted” Trailer: Seatbelts On, Please. It’s Another Wild Ride…

Posted on March 22, 2013 by geelw

OK, OK, on second look, this should be even more fun and strange than the original. Granted, anyone going in not expecting this to be as violent as the first film will need to be whapped with a rolled up newspaper and told gently to LEAVE THE KIDS AT HOME. Remind me to tell you guys about the time I went to see Paul Verhoeven’s excellent and campy Starship Troopers on opening day, taking my seat and about five minutes or so into the film, an entire class trip’s worth of oh, about 8 or 9 year old kids comes in with teachers and chaperones. Yup, worst planning ever that year for those adults in charge who thought this was going to be Star Wars or something “light”. Fortunately, they got up and trooped right on out of the theater when the mixed barracks shower scene kicked in. That almost made me laugh more than the ending of the movie (which only I “got”, as no one else in the audience understood Verhoeven was basically making a modern day propaganda reel like something from World War II).

Er, anyway… so much for telling you that story later, huh? Kick-Ass 2 opens August 16, 2013.

Star Trek: Into Darkness International Trailer #2: Going Around The World With The Enterprise

Posted on March 21, 2013 by geelw

And the hits just keep on coming in this latest international trailer for Star Trek: Into Darkness. In fact, there are a bunch of these up on the official Star Trek web site that are all slightly different for each territory. I’ve always found that a tad strange, but that’s why I’m not a PR person, I guess. Anyway, the film certainly looks like it’ll be pretty relentless and gloomy where it needs to be, but I’m holding off any ACTUAL judgments until my butt is parked in a comfy movie seat. Some of the more Horta-headed fans of the Trekkie and Trekker varieties want the slower-paced style back from the original series, TNG and the other shows, but given that trailers for blockbusters condense events and are SUPPOSED to be thrilling, I’m betting the film does do some of what’s expected foe those die-hards when all is said and done. As usual, folks… we shall see…

The Croods: Prehistoric Party Hits Nintendo Systems: It’s Time to Get Seriously Stoned!

Posted on March 19, 2013 by geelw

Hey! You thought I’d forgotten to post today, hmmm? Well, I was working on some reviews at the home office and then I went to a screening of Dreakworks’ latest CG animated flick, The Croods. It’s actually quite good and pretty hilarious with some fine performances overall. Nicholas Cage actually makes a MUCH better animated caveman in this film than he does in the last couple of movies he’s made (ha ha), the 3D is pretty cool and yep, there’s a message rolling throughout, so expect some dramatic points mixed in with all the fun.

Just in time for the film, D3Publisher of America is shipping out The Croods: Prehistoric Party for the Nintendo Wii U and Wii, as a collection of 30+ mini-games presented in a fun family board game format a la Mario Party. The 3DS and DS also get versions of this, but geared toward solo play action.

Random Art: For Freaks’ Sake, This One’s for The Birds…

Posted on March 17, 2013 by geelw

broken wing As much of a horror classic as Tod Browning’s 1932 film Freaks is, that bizarre ending has always rankled me a teeny-tiny bit. Spoiler: that bird lady thing at the end was actually more amusing than shocking to me, especially when stacked up to the real life cast and their assorted actual conditions. Anyway, completely on a lark (ha ha) I did this MS Paint sketch last year as an alternate makeup just for fun. Yeah, yeah, this film will (thankfully) NEVER be remade, but if someone want so try it (and thus be stalked by a few people armed with assorted home-made portable torture devices), here you go. Have fun for as long as it lasts, but sleep with one eye open. I actually overheard a conversation about a “remake” idea in a Starbucks a few months back, but it was a bunch of hipster types hoping someone would take advantage of the fact that reality show is now using “freaks” as a happy entertainment option for us “normals” out in tee vee land. Let’s hope this doesn’t take off, I say…

On a side note, I and many other fans keep hoping against hope that someone tracks down the 26 or so minutes of footage that was chopped out by MGM back in 1932 and restores the film to its original glory.