Valhalla Knights 3 Update: Story And Races, To the Finish!

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Valhalla Knights 3 CoverShort and sweet, this new Valhalla Knights 3 trailer shows off a bit of story introduction that should keep fans (and Vita owners looking for a fun action/RPG) hopping with anticipation for the game’s October release. Not so short (but a necessary read) are the character class descriptions for this one. I still need to pick up VK: Battle Stance on the PSP at some point, but I happen to like this quirky series as it’s gone through a few hoops and changes since the first installment. Anyway, head on below the jump for more info of all those playable races and carve out some free time this October…

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Orc Attack Double Blast: This Was My Stomach Earlier Today!

OK, I know, I know… “eww!” and TMI, am I right? Anyway, I was supposed to pop in to a big TV/Entertainment conference this morning, but something I ate last night put me out of commission for the better part of today. Lots of water and rest later after Mr. Toad’s Wilder ride (yes, my toilet has a new pet name), I’m up and much better, but as usual, a bit behind in my work. Oh well, but these new Orc Attack: Flatulent Rebellion trailers made my day go, er… smoother by giving me some laugh power (which is ALWAYS great for any sort of pain). So, now you know… and knowing is half the battle! The other half is too yucky to talk about, but use your imagination.

Anyway, now that you’re all turning green, I guess I can inform you that Orc Attack is launching this fall on XBLA, PSN, and PC. More to come on this “hack ‘n gas” game soon…

There’s No Beer In Hell, But All The Pianos Play DOOM There…

File this under “Now, I’ve REALLY seen Everything!”: OK, so it’s NOT Hell Paris again, but hell… someone made a piano that plays DOOM. Yeah, I want one now (and am kicking myself that I gave up on lessons as a kid), but I’ll need to steal a cargo plane, hire some some assistants and fly all the way to London’s Virgin Media Game Space in order to get this one of a kind hybrid machine/instrument. Of course, I’ll get arrested, tried and convicted and need to serve some hard time (boo, but I want to keep the film rights!), but at least I’ll have a story to tell at parties after I get out that will top the usual “I saw so-and-so coming out of a Starbucks drunk!” stuff you hear all the time, right? Hmmm… I wonder if Carmack, Romero or even Bethesda will ask for one of these to be made for them at some point. Hey, I say if anything, you can buy off that devil with a gift he’ll really flip over! You DO know he plays EVERY instrument, right? I got him a harmonica last year and he’s quite the expert at it!

SCIENCE! Be A Test Tube Wielding Smart Ass. Buy From A.S.S.!

A_S_and_SSo, let’s talk American Science and Surplus. Established 1937. Sells overstocks, surplus science gear, military ephemera and all sorts of other stuff you may not have thought you’d NEED but will find a use for once you have it in your hot little hands. Yup, they’re STILL around! I used to get their hilarious catalogs for a few years and bought quite a number of inexpensive items I used in many a shenanigan, as emergency gifts and even as parts of assorted costumes when I used to traipse out of the home base on Halloween. I’d forgotten all about them after a few moves and not renewing my catalog subscription, but when talking to a friend recently about how kids taking science in school don’t have access to actual chemistry sets OUTSIDE of the classroom, a light bulb went off and I immediately thought of A.S.S (or A.S. & S. if your ears are burning or grinning too much right about now).

Anyway, I’d ramble on about all the great deals they have and how you need to boogie on over to check out their site for a laugh once you start reading about some of their items (and clicking the optional hand drawn pictures of each, which adds another layer of fun to things) as well as how you should sign up for a catalog yourself. However, I’ll let you do just what this paragraph says at your leisure, as I hate telling people what to do. Unless it’s something like “Please give me some money so I can buy stuff from A.S.S. (oops, A. S. & S.) and maybe buy something for YOU as well!” Or something like that. It’s been a long day already for me (but you still need to check out that site!)…

If You Have to See NINE Doctors, It’s Serious… Or You’re a WHO Fan…

Well, we’re almost to that new Doctor reveal and number nine is for many modern fans, where the real fun begins. I’ve actually NOT seen any of the ninth Doc’s adventures thanks to me being occupied with other stuff during those years, but I did catch a few episode snippets of Torchwood and hoped to hell that show would get on disc along with the Ninth Doc’s shows so I could watch them all together and see how things fit. I’ll get to that soon enough, but I want to catch this latest BBC special and the episode they run just to whet the appetite a wee bit. One of these days I’ll do the binge-watching thing with a few seasons of the show just to get it set into the gray matter. I’d make it a party, but my TARDIS has room just for me and a stack of discs. It’s a HUGE stack of discs and my TARDIS is closet sized and constantly malfunctioning. It doesn’t go anywhere, but keeps coughing up stuff from the past I’ve never seen before (or don’t recall buying, ha, ha)…

Peanuts’ Citizen Kane “Rosebud” Strip Is Still The Greatest Spoiler Ever Told

If you’ve NEVER seen Citizen Kane, STOP reading this post NOW. Seriously.

Okay, well… of course, you can keep reading and ruin the experience, but that’s your problem I say. You’ve been warned.

Rosebud 1968

As a regular reader of Charles Schulz’s Peanuts for decades, even as a kid I was always floored by how deep the simply drawn cartoon was. I started reading it in the late 60’s, but I only vaguely recall some of the strips from back then. However, in 1973, one particular Sunday page stood out and as that post title notes, is what I consider the best movie spoiler I’ve ever read. Now I hate most spoilers thanks to a few favorite books and films being ruined for me intentionally over the years. But this one stood out because I didn’t know what the heck Citizen Kane was and reading this strip made that title stick in my mind and later, do some digging on the movie and its place in history. I don’t recall seeing it on TV here in New York at all, so all I had were the memories of others I occasionally asked about the film whenever the opportunity arose.

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Gravity TV Spot 3: Getting Closer… But Still Far Away….

I’m still debating with myself if this fantastic-looking flick is worth dropping $30 on to see in IMAX and 3D and I’m leaning towards a “not quite” simply because I’m a legendary cheapskate (who tips well at restaurants, mind you) that would rather spend that cash on a game or Blu-Ray/DVD I can watch endlessly. I guess I should use something else to help me decide other than that two-headed coin I got from a magic shop ages ago, but the loaded dice, “miracle” card deck and cracked Magic 8-Ball here (that’s keeps reading “Reply Hazy, Please Try Again” over and over) all aren’t helping me make up my mind. Hmmm… perhaps a windfall I can spend and not feel guilty about will be the big decider. Yeah, I’ll go walk around with a big bucket and see what the wide drops in it… back at some point with a financial report of sorts…

U55- END OF THE LINE: Lovecraft-Inspired PC Game Kickstarter Needs Some Love (It’s Already Got the Craft Part Down)…

Hmmm… there are only a few days left to get this one funded (the campaign ends on 9/19), and it’s a bit far from its goal. I thought people LOVED horror games? Unless they’re all free version of Slenderman-playing posers, of course (none of those games is actually “scary” – I find them annoying and one-note jump scare-fests for the most part). Anyway, if you have some spare loot burning a hole in your jeans, take off those jeans before you get a bad case of hot ass and pledge a few of those dollars, dinars, Euros or whatever to these fine guys from Germany HERE. If anything, at least READ the pitch page for the testimonials, some of which are pretty interesting. Kurtis Blow is still around AND a gamer? Wild!

So, Er… What’s That BIG Game Coming Out Tomorrow Called Again?

gtav-the-official-trailer_1280x720-custom.jpgOK, Okay, Ooooo-Kaaaay. I’ll eventually get to the mighty Grand Theft Auto V at some point this month (or next). It’s pretty much a given that Rockstar has already and is going to continue to mop up the high scores with this one and although I’ve reviewed a previous GTA game in the past fairly quickly (I actually had about 30 hours to blow through GTA III and do up a long review for a magazine I wrote for back then), this one will take some time to peel back all of those layers.

Of course, leave it to the folks over at NWA World to take it a bit too extreme in terms of describing some of the game’s content. This one’s definitely NOT for the kids and that Mature rating means Rockstar is pushing that envelope right out the window. It’ll be fun watching the heads over at a certain cable network explode as they run “news” items about the game being “marketed to kids” when that’s never been the case at all. Oh well… just shut up and play it, I say. Or don’t if you don’t like the content. It’s not a mandated game experience, you know…

Wait, Kate The Great Could Skate?

Katie HawkI knew Katherine Hepburn was the athletic type and all that, but a SKATEBOARD? Well, there’s some more respect for the Great Kate right there. Hell, I bet she even cut an old tree down and MADE that thing herself, heh. I probably has wooden wheels, as well. Go, Katie Hawk! I bet she just jumped over that van in the background, too. Doing a 720. I’ll never be able to watch another Hepburn performance now and NOT think of her on a skateboard. Pat & Mike will REALLY be interesting to watch again, that’s for sure…

Anyway, no I didn’t whip this out in Photoshop on a whim or after a particularly odd dream. I don’t even know how to use Photoshop, kids. This pic came from Dangerous Minds, and yes they have MORE black and white pics of celebrities on boards to ogle. This one’s my favorite pic, but absolutely go check the others out. A few look super staged (you’ll see), but you’ll still smile and wonder.