Knock-Knock: Ice Pick Lodge’s House of 2.5D Horrors Spells S-L-E-E-P-E-R…

Posted on October 5, 2013 by geelw

The last time I played a game by developer Ice Pick Lodge, it was their 2005 PC horror/adventure/RPG Pathologic, one of those quirky sleepers that the mainstream didn’t “get” because it was one long, strange trip of a game experience. This new game, Knock-Knock (now available on Steam) looks pretty interesting in a One Piece Mansion meets Alone in the Dark sort of way. And don’t worry if you know not a whit about either of those old games. Those were the first two titles that popped into my head when I saw that teaser trailer above and the gameplay trailer below. I guess I now need to try out this horror/humor gem and see if it’s a diamond in the rough or a handful of cloudy zircons from the dollar store.

Yes, it most certainly looks as if it’ll be at least intriguing and extremely trippy sort of like a bad dream that gets funny as it ends and has you waking up laughing more than you’d thought as you were having it. Hey, that’s how I roll (out of bed) some mornings, people…

Creepy Archives #17: Nostalgia is Sheer Terror, NYC, Hot Pants, and Sharks…

Posted on September 30, 2013 by geelw

Dark Horse Comics has been compiling every issue of Warren Publishing’s excellent horror anthology magazines CREEPY and EERIE for some time now and I’ve finally had the chance to sit down with a few volumes. I had most of these mads back in the late 70’s and early 80’s when my comic collecting was getting seriously out of hand, so these reprints have been kicking me right in the nostalgic bits and it hurts so good.

Creepy Archives #17 is available as a pre-order from Things From Another World (buy it!) and among the other fine and frightening tales in this tome drawn by some great illustrators, by the way) are a few I recall quite fondly for different reasons Creepy #83 (October 1976) featured “Country Pie”, an interesting tale from workhorse writer Bruce Jones about a small town’s police trying to track a serial killer using a psychic’s clues as the killer meets up with his latest victim. While far Jones’ best script (it gives up its secret too soon and some will guess the twist right away), the story is remembered for its art from the unusual pairing of Carmine Infantino and Berni Wrightson (yes, it’s as weird as it sounds, but it works wonderfully). Infantino gets to ink his own work later in Bill DuBay’s somewhat average “The Last Super Hero”, but you’ll need to be a huge fan of his quirky artwork to truly appreciate it…

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Dexter’s Finale In A Nutshell: Monty Python Did it MUCH Better in 1969…

Posted on September 26, 2013 by geelw

(thanks, Chadner!)

Oh, brother… I haven’t been so annoyed at a season of any TV show in ages. Granted, in the grand scheme of things, Dexter has its ups and downs, but this final season was so wretched that I had to post something about it in a mini-rantless post. Too many new characters (and way too many serial killers) were introduced only to be killed off, forgotten about or tossed into the last few shows as terrifically poor plot advancement as the episodes dragged out. And so forth and so on until that woeful finale where Deb finally gives up the ghost. Spoiler: she got shot (AGAIN!), but expired from an off screen affliction related to the coma she was in and Dexter shutting off her life support at the hospital, then carting her body off during the daytime during a not well shot chaotic scene as a big hurricane was brewing up. Bleh. I guess his killing clothes make him invisible to onlookers or something. Anyway, he ends up leaving his kid in Argentina with the escaped female serial killer he was sleeping with last season (don’t ask!) and he fakes his death (Kenny Powers did it better!) only to pop up in the Pacific Northwest as a lonely bearded lumberjack sitting in his creepy cabin as the show fades out forever. Yuk, bluck, What the F#@k?! Yeah, well… good thing I have a sense of humor (and YouTube)…

Alvin and the Chipmunks Meet Frankenstein Trailer: Kids Deserve A Better Monster Flick, I Say…

Posted on September 24, 2013 by geelw

“It’s alive… it’s aliiiive!!”

I almost lost it earlier because I saw this in my inbox and thought it was a live-action and CG flick like those other modern films featuring The Chipmunks. Fortunately, it’s only a cartoon, but that doesn’t forgive Universal Studios for this one completely. Look, Frankenstein’s monster has been through animated hell enough already, so you’re not winning any friends among us crankier fans of your classic creations, people. Oh well, I guess it’s “better” than another Scooby Doo rehash (“Zoinks!”) or worse, some indie director trying to make a modern take on the classic book that misses the mark or cheap scares, core effects and a few nude scenes. *Yawn*… Well, this one’s another one I won’t be seeing unless it creeps up on cable and I happen to flip by as it’s beginning. Unless… this is actually an OLDER film and I got suckered by Universal into running it, as their YouTube channel has been running a LOT of trailers for a number of movies from their library recently… if so, oops!

U55- END OF THE LINE: Lovecraft-Inspired PC Game Kickstarter Needs Some Love (It’s Already Got the Craft Part Down)…

Posted on September 16, 2013 by geelw

Hmmm… there are only a few days left to get this one funded (the campaign ends on 9/19), and it’s a bit far from its goal. I thought people LOVED horror games? Unless they’re all free version of Slenderman-playing posers, of course (none of those games is actually “scary” – I find them annoying and one-note jump scare-fests for the most part). Anyway, if you have some spare loot burning a hole in your jeans, take off those jeans before you get a bad case of hot ass and pledge a few of those dollars, dinars, Euros or whatever to these fine guys from Germany HERE. If anything, at least READ the pitch page for the testimonials, some of which are pretty interesting. Kurtis Blow is still around AND a gamer? Wild!

A Friendly Reminder From AMC (Plus A Chance To Chase or Be Chased)…

Posted on September 13, 2013 by geelw

Just a friendly reminder that The Walking Dead kicks off Season 4 on October 12, 2013. If you’d like to give yourself a mild heart attack before that day and you’re in the NYC area, feel free to check out The Walking Dead Escape, the LIVE event where you can be a Survivor or Walker as you either try to make it through a tricky obstacle course or try to stop people from doing so.

As awesome as that latter event sounds… I won’t be attending, as I value my life too much to be trampled to death by some screaming fans. However, YOU can register and step up to the plate and have the time of your life. Have fun if you do go and if you’re a Walker, don’t even think of wearing that makeup job you get on the subway or anywhere else in the city. We’re crazy enough here without having to get freaked out by some grinning tourist dressed as a zombie. And you don’t want to run into a crazed homeless guy who thinks it’s the “REAL” zombie apocalypse and decides to do you in with that shopping cart he’s pushing around (ouch!)…

Random Art: Stuff to Not Wake Up and See #5 (Collect ‘em All!)

Posted on September 11, 2013 by geelw

If you’re going by the dictionary definition (well, a modern dictionary) or watch too much Cinemax, the idea of the humble Succubus going about her nightly work might actually sound a bit too thrilling to some of the guys out there (she’s SO sassy!), but you may want to pay attention. Or at least wish you paid MORE attention back in school.

Allow me to learn you by stealing my own quote here:

There’s nothing like running into one of these ladies of the evening, which just so happen to be the possessed (and extremely pissed off) corpses of mistreated ladies of the evening.

Unlike your garden variety succubus, these much more evil things aren’t going to try and lure you in with batting eyelashes and swivel-hipped strolling. Let’s just say you’re not going to forget your first time, as it’ll be your last (and yep, it’s going to hurt quite a lot)…

So, yeah… Pleasant Dreams (BTW, just keep the window shut and maybe wear something with lavender sprinkled on it. Succubi HATE lavender)…

Cute? Hell! DOOM Plushies Make for A Nice (But Scary) Sleepytime…

Posted on September 11, 2013 by geelw

DOOM! Amusingly enough, today seems to be doomsday in terms of my posts. Anyway, aren’t these little demons Cute? Yes? No? maybe you just peed a little imagining one or both rolling out from under your bed or off a shelf in the dark to come after you for not cuddling them right out of the box? Yeah, well… next time you’ll know. Those ball lightning and fireball burns will only be first degree at best although I won’t help you come up with an excuse for those bite marks and scratches. “It was the dog/cat” only works once or twice. Hell is other people MOST of the time, but thanks to the Bethsoft online store, it can be small and fuzzy other demons. $15 each and yup, you need to buy both so if they happen to start fighting, you can hop out of bed and go sleep in the bathtub. Don’t forget to lock that door…

Random Art: Stuff to Not Wake Up and See #4 (Collect ’em All!)

Posted on September 11, 2013 by geelw

Well, if you happen to live in the woods or near the woods and see a nasty-looking rotted hand pop up from the cold hard ground, you probably don’t have to worry TOO much. If it were a “real” zombie, it would have to be someone who was buried without being embalmed and even if they DID spring back to life, by the time that undead (or re-living) creep made his or her way back up, they’d be missing most or all of their fingers and probably an arm. So, nope, don’t scream at all. Either stroll over to the phone and ring up the authorities or if you happen to own a legal firearm, well… I guess that’s an actual trespasser you can take care of without getting in too much trouble. Granted, you’ll be needing to explain how the hell an non-embalmed body came out of the ground on your property, but if you didn’t put it there, that clueless act you’ll be putting on will be one hundred percent legitimate. Pleasant Dreams!

Chucky… You’re Back (Again)! But You (Still) Don’t Scare Me…

Posted on September 10, 2013 by geelw

Oh, I dunno. None of the Child’s Play movies ever frightened me at all and the more violent Chucky flicks were more amusing and bizarre (and gory) than actually scary. So this recent attempt at freaking me out with a new (and sometimes CG animated) Chucky is falling on deaf eyes or something like that. Yeah, you can come over and film me while I watch this, but you’ll see what looks like a scream is act-ually a big, fat contagious yawn. Come on, you know you’re about to YAWN just by reading that word. Go on ahead. It’s supposed to work that way. Ready? One… Two… Three… Therrrre you go. See? And hey, if you didn’t yawn – read this again with the cat or dog nearby and they’ll yawn. Bet you a nickel.

Er, where was I again? Oh yeah – sorry Universal, this one didn’t do a thing for me. Yaaaaawwwwnnnn… Zzzz (and better luck next time)…