CE Week 2013: Fujiiryoki Will Get Your Big Ass Fit While You’re Standing Still or Lying Down…

Posted on June 30, 2013 by geelw

Every time I see one of the many, MANY ads for diet pills, magic sprinkly chemical powders or drinks that make you full and other ineffectively expensive crap pushed on the public to people who think losing weight is too hard because actual exercise is involved that’s more than driving to the mall or walking down to the mailbox (or on a real daring stroll, to the local pharmacy).

I’m betting some real money of my own that if some of these quick fixers and anti-fitness fools added up all the money they’ve ~~spent~~ wasted on those “wonder” drugs and processed junk that only makes their purses and wallets lighter, they could all each afford a Fujiiryoki FJ-099 Body Slimmer and/or one of the company’s heavenly massage chairs.

Not to get all heavy on you (ha ha), but if you can ambulate yourself out to grab a diet pill of questionable origin and even more debatable effect and moan to your friends that it didn’t work or it worked too well but only in that “Welp, now I’m hooked and my liver/kidneys/spleen hates me!” kinda way… well, you’ve got no one to blame but yourself. Meanwhile, Dr Fuji’s expensive solution pays for itself, does a few awesome things to that body you’ll see AND feel and guess what? I bet you a dollar you’ll be laughing your ass off as you rumble those pounds down and get back into fighting shape. As soon as I saw Dr. Fuji on that CE Week show floor getting his Gangnam Style on while dancing on that Body Slimmer, yeah, I laughed at and with him before strolling past. The second time I circled past and saw a web show crew filming a funny promo spot, I decided to step up after they cleared out and see what the whole “Butt Show” thing was about.

Boy, was I (and my butt) VERY surprised…

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CE Week 2013: Westinghouse Digital’s 84″ 4K Whiteboard Has Much Better Potential Than Even They Think…

Posted on June 30, 2013 by geelw

With all the fuss and bother over 4K televisions as the *new* new standard at last week’s CE Week,I was actually quite bored by this latest in the resolution revolution. Sure, all those massive TV’s LOOK phenomenal, but the current problem here is they all fall under the “bigger is best!” and “early adopters will indeed pay MORE for this new technology!” categories more than doing anything actually revolutionary.

That’s right folks, you’ll need a room the size of a small classroom and above and an entire wall or equivalent floor space for these door and door plus sized higher-def sets that come in at thousands to tens of thousands of dollars. If that’s not enough to keep the folks with small apartments and smaller wallets away in droves, there’s not a single 4K ready program out there to watch, meaning you’re buying into a TV that’s TOO good for what you’ll probably be watching. Yes, I’m sure that high-high def TV programming is on the way, but you all KNOW it’s going to be a reality show cavalcade and more sports (and if you’re spending that much on a TV and not season tickets… um… oh, nevermind)…

Don’t get me wrong – the image quality on every set I saw was phenomenal and I had to admit that had I the space and funds, I’d probably dive right in feet first just for gaming purposes and to check out my current blu-rays to see if I could notice whatever benefits upscaling had. Then again, I’m not that discriminating video guy other than demanding that black are blacks and not shades of greyish or blob-like darkness found in off-brand and some major HD sets. Other than assorted internet functions that basically turn your TV into a wall-sized facebook page or super-crowded screen full of apps, none of these new and expensive sets seemed to offer anything game changing other than bigger screens and nothing to do with them but engage in the usual passive viewer behavior. However, as soon as I walked around to the Westinghouse booth and saw their new 84″ LED 4K Interactive Whiteboard being displayed, my head nearly spun itself off in amazement.

(thank you,MyTVcollection!)

You can DRAW directly on the screen. If you’re thinking or saying out loud “And?”, guess what – you’ll catch on eventually (I think). As my brain was whirling around from all the artistic applications of such a device, one of the reps started in with his pitch about how the TV is “a high quality alternative to projectors in many government, educations and corporate settings” and I was really wishing he was thinking as far outside of the box as I was…

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Gran Turismo 6 Amazon Pre-Order: That Fake Million Bucks Will Get You Really Popular…

Posted on June 24, 2013 by geelw

As far as gimmicks go, this one’s pretty nifty. Pre-ordering a copy Gran Turismo 6 on the PlayStation 3 nets you a cool one million dollars…(YES!) in the game (Oh.) to spend on anything you want (well, provided it’s in the game). While that may seem like a lot of money, I’ll lay a real millionth of that that there will be a few really wicked rides that cost close to that amount, meaning some folks will end up with a bunch of less expensive rides while others will go all out and buy the most expensive two or three and spend the change on buying pricey upgrades in order to blaze past any online competition.

While I prefer MY million real and in small denominations please (ever try and break a hundred buying a slice of pizza when you’re the first customer of the day? Yeah, that’s a pain in the ass), this is a pretty nice bonus that takes up NO shelf space and doesn’t require you to worry about coming home one day to find the dog or cat gnawing on it. On the other hand, if your pet watches you as you game, I bet you’ll wonder why that controller has claw marks all over it and your TV and PS3 somehow keep turning themselves on while you’re not home.

Hmmmm…

Late Night Game Week (Final Stage!): Wii, U Get 2 C That Jimmy Still Sux!

Posted on June 22, 2013 by geelw

Ha ha. OK, I had to do that horrid spelling job in the header as a little in-joke even I don’t get and yep, it’s another pre-show title to save time because I just KNOW Jimmy’s going to lose it and fail at another game live on TV. Anyway, saving the Wii U for his final post=E3 Game Week show meant this was either going to be a blowout for Nintendo because more people stayed home to watch OR… a bust because they were all out clubbing or whatever the crazy kids do on a Friday night (har har). Anyway, the 20-Ryu Hadouken/cartridge blowing/toothbrush circle bits was dumb and funny (and all those “World Records” they set WILL be broken over the weekend, I bet). That multiple video games “record” bit was stupidly awesome, though. Jimmy “played” six games all at once for twenty seconds and looked as if he was trying to escape from robbing a vintage game shop and ran into an arcade only to be trapped on a Dance Dance Revolution Supernova machine. Or something like that – just watch the video:

See? Now go break THAT record, Mr. or Ms. Guinness…

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E3 2013: Skylanders Swap Force Trailer: Easy Money, Guaranteed For Activision

Posted on June 17, 2013 by geelw

There’s really not much to say about Skylanders Swap Force other than it’s going to be a big winner this holiday season. New developer, new engine, updated HD visuals for current-gen consoles, new gameplay, characters and more all indicate that this will be the best game in the series to date. Add in the fact that yes, all those older figures will work with this game and it’s pretty much a given that no matter which platform you pick, the kids will be happy with what they’re getting. Of course, if you’re a kid at heart hooked into the Skylanders thing, you’re thrilled even more because your own allowance is much bigger and you can stock your shelves with every figure you can get your paws on and then some. Er, you do look a bit pale, though – the game isn’t out until October 13, 2013, you know… plenty of time to get outside and work on that tan. That sunshine DOES have a few benefits, you know…

E3 2013: The Walking Dead – 400 Days Trailer: Telltale Returns To More Gory Adventure Glory

Posted on June 16, 2013 by geelw

Last year’s release of Telltale Games’ superb adventure game, The Walking Dead showed that there’s more life to the adventure genre than some critics and jaded gamers thought. The episodic horror hit garnered a number of Game of the Year nods and awards from all over the map and for its compelling narrative and its multiple path-driven gameplay and despite some gore and violence (that served the story, mind you) it seems many people who weren’t into gaming per se wanted to play this for the plot. Anyway, the game did well enough that of course, a new set of downloadable stories on the way and based on this trailer (and the pile of “Best of Show” awards the game has gotten, The Walking Dead – 400 Days looks to be more of the same great and frightening descent into a world gone completely insane. The key in both the last series and this one is it’s less about the zombies and more about those still living affected by them and those who may or may not die based upon the player’s actions.

In an interesting move, developer Skybound Entertainment is giving players five stories in one DLC episode this time out and the game is also set to hit multiple platforms (PC, Mac, PlayStation 3, PlayStation Vita and Xbox Live Arcade), meaning more will be playing it at the same time if the release date for all of those systems lines up. All those positive press vibes will be great for the developer and publisher as well as fans of the comic and TV series who want more (and GOOD) licensed content that stays true to the source material. I’m already practicing my reflexes, as those conversation-based timed events and action scenes can indeed be as scary as the story making your spine rattle. Back with more on this one soon…

Chronicles of the Mind: Truth or Dare (and/or Consequences) For The Egghead Crowd…

Posted on May 10, 2013 by geelw

Based on this video and the game description alone, I’d say cops and judges need to keep a deck of Chronicles of the Mind cards with them at all times. Imagine the confessions and such that would get revealed after a round of this with some suspect who tends to get all talky as soon as they’re distracted by a “simple” little game such as this? Of course, that would mean people across America would be flooding the Griddly Games site with purchases as they’ll want to invite local politicians to attend and play a weekly game session just so they could see and hear what they REALLY think instead of hearing half-truths (or no truths) on assorted cable news and talk radio channels.

Hey, I don’t need a fun card game to know some people are really gullible when they get to gambling (or thinking they’re going to win a prize when they “win” a game), so why not take advantage of that wired in greed and get some actual answers, I say. Once again, Canada comes to our rescue, so make sure to thank the fine folks up at Griddly when you get the chance…

Random Music Battle Time: Blur vs. Liberace (Well, They Both Kind Of Win)…

Posted on May 10, 2013 by geelw

While waiting for a game to download the other day, I randomly Googled something and got something else entirely, and with a little brain work and rewriting here’s one result of that mistake: Song 2 by Blur, meet Song 2 as performed by Liberace. Yeah, it was a tough battle, folks… but believe it (or else), the results were a dead tie at the end of the voting. Well, actually, one half of my brain was bouncing up and down and the other was laughing, so that’s how that all worked out.

Liberace DVD Of course, Liberace gets the last laugh (and probably wins the bigger prize) because hell, he was a lot more talented (and funnier) throughout his long career than Blur will most likely ever be (or have been… hey, are they still even around?). That and you won’t lose your hearing from listening to too much of his music with the volume way up (well, depending on your age, you probably have some hearing loss if you’re a Liberace fan, ha ha).

Anyway, the fine folks at Shout Factory and Timeless Media Group have actually just released Libreace: The Ultimate Entertainer on DVD this week, so you can go see for yourself (c’mon, be brave! Expand those musical horizons! I won’t tell…) for a mere $13.98, which is a bargain considering what’s on the disc. Hey, get it as a Mother’s Day gift for someone old enough to appreciate that man’s work and you’ll get a few cheeks pinched afterward (make sure you’re sitting sown when you hand over that package)…

And hey, I’m betting Michael Douglas will make me fall of the couch laughing in a few with that HBO biopic coming up… we shall see, I suppose…

Bethesda Opens Online Shop (And Wallets Will Lighten Like Magic)

Posted on March 14, 2013 by geelw

OK, that Vault 101 Hoodie and Vault 101 kicks combo? Yup, I feel the need for one (Size L) and a pair of those (Size um… 12?) even thought I usually hate licensed gaming wear. And suede anything. Then again, sinking close to 300 hours into Fallout 3 does that to a guy. Or girl, as I see both are popular Wishlist items on the newly launched site for both sexes. Anyway, the brand apanking new Bethesda Online Store has those goodies and MORE, all designed to steal your disposable income and make your closet groan under the weight of the swag you scored. Now, if only Bethsoft could whip up a working Vault-Tec unit, some talking Pip-Boy figures and a few other fun products, they’d be seeing some traffic from the future as well. Hey, once we’re all nuked into dust, those survivors won’t have access to the internet or mail order, for that (anti)matter…

Oh yeah, in case you’re taking bets, I’m betting the hoodie and sneakers are some of the first items to sell out completely. Don’t hold me to that or it’s a whole five cents I need to pay you.

Toy Fair 2013: Skylanders SWAP Force Trailer: Change Is (REALLY) Good!

Posted on February 5, 2013 by geelw

Activision and veteran developer Vicarious Visions (along with Beenox and n-Space for the Wii and 3DS respectively) could have gone and done the next Skylanders game just like the two Toys for Bob developed entries, but they decided to get fun and funky with the features and kids (or people like me who love the time-sink addictive quality to the games) are going to be very nicely surprised. Skylanders SWAP Force will feature 16 new characters with interchangeable torsos and legs that allow up to 256 character combinations. Think of it as a bit of a money and space-saver, parents…but know that there will also be 40 new and redesigned Skylanders popping up at retail this fall and Holiday season. I’ll post screenshots and my shaky camera gameplay footage I shot at the press event tomorrow, but it’s safe to say that the SUPER gorgeous HD visuals, new gameplay mechanics (EVERY Skylander can now jump and a few can fly!) and in-engine cinemas will make this the hottest ticket once again all around the globe.

Back with more info soon – start saving up, parents… you’re about to make another big investment this fall.