EVIL DEAD “College Reaction Screening”: If THIS Is So Scary To Those Kids…

Posted on March 29, 2013 by geelw

… Oh, just they all WAIT until they have to start paying back those student loans. Mua-ha-ha-ha-haaaaa! Yeah, who’s REALLY peeing their pants NOW, huh? I bet some of your parents will be watching you scream in this video and wonder if that’s all the hell you did for four (or more) years. Damn kids. OK, maybe I’m jealous that I never get invited to these screenings like the over-privileged youth of to-day. Bleh. All kidding aside, I’m glad this reboot is freaking people out, as it makes me want to see it sooner than later. THAT said, I’ll probably stick it out for the Blu-Ray set with all those juicy behind the scenes bits, as I just hate leaving the theater thinking I’m missing something. Then again, a few pints of pee are never missed and I won’t need to bring a change of underwear to the theater. Or something like that. April 5, people. Go get in line somewhere and defend that spot with your lives. I have the feeling that if you don’t go see this movie… it will come looking for you.

Hmmm… Shouldn’t it be “College Screening Reaction”? That sounds more correct (and I never went to college!)

Humor: So, iNetvideo.com Is Having A Sale…

Posted on March 25, 2013 by geelw

BIG Bunny

NotL_long poster But you could really care less about what iNetvideo.com is selling because you’re looking at the picture above they posted earlier this afternoon on their Facebook page and thinking something along the lines of “MAN, THAT’S A BIG FU@#ING BUNNY!” So let me get you back on track here. Yeah, that’s pretty damn massive lagomorph. Like Night of the Lepus massive. Which just so happens to be on sale at the site as we speak. Wait, now you’re hungry? Oh, you’ve seen that picture above, aren’t vegan at all and ran so fast into the kitchen to measure that turkey pan that you ran over one or more kids and the family pet in the process? Oh, they’ll heal up nicely – just let them cry it out. Besides, that smelly old bottle of Bactine is still in the medicine cabinet behind the big pills you take every morning. “It still stings, so it still works!”, as Grandma says.Or USED to say before she went off the The Big Sky all those years back. Ah, Grandma (*sniff*)…

Later on, the kids and pet are all snoozy and healed up, things are quiet and you’re absolutely stuffed full of rabbit photo. All is right in the world… until you realize that it’s NOT Bactine at all you sprayed everyone with, but some of Gammy Gam-Gam’s SPECIAL medicine she made in the bathtub from some old potatoes and onions, eleven garlic bulbs, a can of Sterno and some grain alcohol she gets from the guys down the hall. Yeah, the ones who wear overalls and long johns all summer. Er, a little of that goes a long way and yeah, you’ll end up calling a mere sip The Time Machine because you always wake up afterwards and it’s another day that’s passed you’ve forgotten all about. Horror Express, indeed…

Evil Dead TV Spot: “Everything’s Fine”… Unless You’re A Character In This Film…

Posted on March 8, 2013 by geelw

“The joint is jumpin’… it’s really jumpin’…”

That’s because the damn house is HAUNTED, Fats. Nasty ol’ evil Book of the Dead ring any bells for you? No? Hmmm… let me explain it a bit better in English: Get the h-e-l-l off that damn piano and make a run for the door, big man.

OK, I’m not one for ridiculous over-hype, but this flick just may be worth the bother to drag my tired butt down to the local cinema to catch. I keep flipping the usual mental coin about more and more movies and usually (since I use a two-headed coin) I end up waiting for the cable premiere. As my LAST coin toss saw my trick quarter fly out a window never to be seen again, I have to judge things more like everyone else. So far, it’s been going well, so we’ll see how this turns out. I have no huge expectations going into this, but I just may pack a pair of extra underwear and pants just in case…

Random Film of the Week: STARCRASH (The Adventures of Stella Star)

Posted on March 7, 2013 by geelw

Italian cinema has brought forth plenty of classic films and directors of assorted skill levels from Fellini to Leone, Argento, Bava and more, but Luigi Cozzi (or Lewis Coates, his “Americanized” name) deserves a special place in the hearts of a certain group of cinema fans. Known for doing relatively quick and cheap knock-offs of popular sci-fi and fantasy films, there’s a certain bizarre charm to his “major” genre works that demands repeat viewings. That and hell, if you ever have a toothache and want to forget all about the pain, you can count on a few of Cozzi’s films to make you do just that. Then again, you may just injure some other body part when you roll off a couch or chair laughing. STARCRASH is one such film and for some, the movie they saw in theaters when Star Wars seating was unavailable during that film’s long run (I recall it playing for about a year in some spots) or 1978 reissue. I was one of those people and I don’t think I’ve ever recovered from the experience… but I have gained a bit more appreciation for this offbeat mess over the decades. Continue reading →

Random Film of the Week(end), Too*: Juan of the Dead

Posted on March 2, 2013 by geelw

*Hey! You get an extra RFotW column because I usually do two or so a week and I’ve been a bit too busy to watch as many movies as I’d like. Lucky you!

As we’re near completely brainwashed here in America that anything related to Cuba is bad or will turn you into a flag-waving, manifesto carrying Commie if you so much breathe in its general direction (save for stuff that can really kill us if over-consumed like Cuban cigars, Cuban sandwiches, or a fatal clot in the ass or legs from that 48-hour I Love Lucy marathon because you wanted to catch that ONE episode you missed), seeing a great indie zombie flick pop up out of that country is a nicely reaffirming sign that people are indeed alike all over. Juan of the Dead, despite the knockoff title and low budget, is a really fine addition to the crowded zombie flick genre thanks to plenty of gore and decent FX work, a load of humor targeted at current and past political policies and a solid cast that’s just fantastic throughout.

Continue reading →

Random Film of the Week(end): Rubber

Posted on February 24, 2013 by geelw

I absolutely love that some horror fans HATE Quentin Dupiex’ Rubber (or as it’s called in France, Rubber) for a few reasons. I’m betting he knew that’s just what would happen when the jaded but none too bright gore fanatics out there rolled into theaters or caught this on cable thinking they’d be getting a relentlessly violent and gory flick that just so happened to be non-stop hilarious. Well, it IS indeed gory and often quite funny… but it’s also a one or two gag film that works it hard by going in many directions (often at once) as well as one of the more absurdly meta movies you’ll ever see. You know you’re in for a weird time when a movie starts off with two characters on a desert road talking about how things happen for “no reason” before an audience in the distance waiting around is handed binoculars in order to watch what happens next. That’s probably the most normal thing you’ll see for the next 80+ minutes, by the way…

Continue reading →

Random Film of the Week: Killer Klowns From Outer Space

Posted on February 8, 2013 by geelw

If you hate clowns for any abnormal reason, this film will probably freak every bone in your head out of your skull while making you laugh so much that you might fall off the couch and break something else. Granted, despite a bit of blood and gore it’s not really “scary” at all, but it does bring the laughs faster and furiously than some horror flicks that take themselves too seriously. The Chiodo Brothers (from up here in the Bronx, yeah!) cooked up this 1988 flick and while it didn’t become an “instant” genre classic or box office hit, for those lucky enough to catch it in theaters and later on home video, it was one of the more offbeat blends of horror, sci-fi and humor of the decade. I can recall laughing at the title before I saw this, thinking it was pretty dumb (but hey, it actually fits perfectly) and yep, I would have expected the film to be pretty dumb as well had I not been a fan of The Chido’s special effects work in another 80’s “B” film Critters, itself a bit of an underrated gem. Anyway, those Killer Klowns in the title are yes indeed, from Outer Space (their ship looks like a circus tent) and they’ve landed in tiny Crescent Cove for a midnight snack that just so happens to include the population of the sleepy little town… Continue reading →

Random Film of the Week(end): The Baby

Posted on January 19, 2013 by geelw

(Thank you, NoMoreHeroes!)

As far as commercial horror flicks of the 1970’s go they don’t get more disturbing than The Baby, a completely bizarre 1973 gem you have to see to believe. And even after you’ve seen it, you’ll probably want to watch it again just to make sure you weren’t having a really wild nightmare. Granted, the film has a few major flaws, some of which come from the writing and pacing. But chances are you’ll be so thrown off by some of the surreal acting and completely insane scenes that you’ll forgive this one for its faults.

It’ll definitely stick in your head for a while afterward, especially if you don’t see the surprise ending winding up to knock you right off the couch. Anajette Comer plays Ann, a social worker who is given the case of Baby, a 21-year old man kept in diapers and an oversize crib by his overbearing mother played by the gorgeous Ruth Roman (channeling Joan Crawford, Joan Collins and Liz Taylor) and two very pretty, very sexy yet verrrrrry peculiar sisters (Marianna Hill and Susanne Zenor). For sheer squirm in your seat value, the film scores big by tossing assorted mental and physical abuses into your lap and letting you figure out where the hell it’s going before taking a big U-turn into WTF territory… Continue reading →

Random Film of the Week Quickie: From Hell It Came

Posted on January 18, 2013 by geelw

(Thanks, Blazing Trailers!)

Oh, I should have done this one a while back as a RFoTW, but I kept hoping SOME smart cable station would show it again because I haven’t seen it in ages. That hasn’t happened, but there was a DVD release back in 2009 from Warner Bros., meaning you too can snap this up and check it out legally at some point. Sure, this 1957 flick has a hilarious looking tree monster (once you see that Tobanga, you’ll have it stuck in your head for a few days), a plot chock full of wormy holes and you can’t say those natives are anything resembling realistic.

Nevertheless, the film works in it’s own weird way as a sort of remake of Universal’s classic The Mummy, only in a quasi-Polynesian setting with an unstoppable wooden fiend as the monster to be feared. As for actual scares, there are a few here and there and as a kid, I think I laughed a lot at/with it only after I saw the film once or twice and realized it just wasn’t that frightening. Of course, most modern folks will be doubled over laughing at all that’s on display, but I guess it’s better than beating oneself on the head with a real tree branch after one too many hits off a pipe full of funny smelling dried leaves, right?

Anyway, I’m not sure if this flick helped inspire the Swamp Thing or Man-Thing at all, but it’s not hard to see that stiff tree thing being accepted into the Parliament of Trees based on his looks and mythology, getting piss drunk off his wooden ass at the bar there and getting kicked out later for peeing in the bushes. Anyway, someone REALLY on the ball needs to start preserving/restoring these old horror and sci-fi gems so they can be aired on a rotating basis. As in on a REAL horror/sci-fi channel run by genre fans, not a corporation that shoves out the same old crap reruns and lousy made for TV movies that are intentionally awful because they “think” they know what fans want.

If only they knew…

Random Film of the Week (Double Feature II): The Mysterians & Destroy All Monsters!

Posted on January 7, 2013 by geelw

Yep, two more films that influenced Japanese developer Sandlot in their creation of the fan favorite Earth Defense Force series. The former flick can be seem as the main jumping off point for the series, as the Japanese title, Chikyu Boueigun literally translates as “Earth Defense Force”, although there aren’t any giant insects to be found here. Those came primarily from yesterday’s double feature. The aliens do happen to have plenty of advanced weaponry and a giant mole-like robot called Mogera to shake things up for a bit. The film was actually the first part of a trilogy of sci-fi flicks with Battle in Outer Space and Gorath making up the other two parts. I haven’t seen either of those two in decades, so I’ll have to track them down one of these days to check out.

As for Destroy All Monsters! (or Kaijū Sōshingeki), it was probably every kid of the 60’s or early 70’s favorite sci-fi flick of the pre Star Wars era thanks to plenty of TV airings at assorted times of the day. Packing in nearly every Toho kaiju monster (it’s more than a simple Godzilla picture, that’s for sure), loads of action and an epic plot, the film is memorable for its wall to wall special effects and not a dull moment from start to finish. I need to dig this one up on DVD one of these days as it’s also been quite a while since I’ve seen it. And yes, it’s part of the inspiration for the name of this little site, but that whole story is a longer and funnier one I’ll get around to telling one of these days. Anyway, go check these films out and prepare to take a step back into some incredible (and campy by today’s standards) sci-fi films that may be ancient, but still pack a punch in terms of being pure nostalgic enjoyment…