Rambo: The Videogame Reveal Trailer: Gore Patrol, Reporting For Duty!

Posted on July 10, 2013 by geelw

OK, I wasn’t expecting this game to be anything close to “great”, but I did get a chuckle that Reef Entertainment and developer Teyon have basically taken the extreme violence from 2008’s Rambo and transplanted it into the older films. Of course, if you go back and watch First Blood, you’ll see that John Rambo didn’t actually kill a single person during the film.

The one death he “caused” was actually the fault of the idiot in that helicopter who didn’t think for a second that hanging too far out from that chopper trying to put a bullet into our harried hero was a good idea. Yeah, a lot of people get themselves hurt in that film, but they did pretty much ask for it. Granted, the rest of the series did amp up the body count considerably, so I’ll have to see where this game takes those chapters.

Yeah, I stuck the trailer below the jump, as it’s a bit icky with some gory neck stabbery and an exploding body. Nothing like a little of the old ultra-violence to get your eyeballs wide awake, huh?

Continue reading →

It’s Hump Day and Conan Still Hates Camels.

Posted on July 10, 2013 by geelw

OK, this camel-socking joke has a (VERY) short lifespan, but I’d forgotten about the cinema from Cauldron’s 2004 game Conan (or Conan: The Dark Axe), which never got a US release. It’s not bad for what it is (I own the PC, PAL format Xbox and GameCube versions), clocks in at about 8 or 9 hours the first time through and has versus and survival modes that strangely enough don’t allow you to play as Conan(!). Anyway, yeah… more digital animal abuse (again!) just means I get put on that camel hit list again (which is why I avoid zoos, deserts and anything else where there’s a chance I’ll be set upon by pissed off humpbacked four-legged creatures. Well, I’ve had dreams with camels in them, but I’ve never punched one and they’ve pretty much left me alone…

Bad PR 101: Sega’s “Funny” Folly Went Over (and On) the Heads of Some…

Posted on July 9, 2013 by geelw

Yeah, that postcard to the left was promising back in 1996, but less than three years later, the Sega Saturn ship was about to come crashing to earth in a slow nuclear explosion. While the console did get a number of excellent titles, fans of the system in North America suffered through Sega of America’s leadership at the time that seemed to ignore some pretty obvious Japanese 2D imports in a few genres in favor of approving too many first and third party polygon-based games or imports that seemed “safe” bets if the right segment of the system’s audience was willing to buy them.

Combine that with some third-party games taking seemingly forever to arrive and Sega deciding to only ship limited quantities of the last few major games on the platform and having the gall to rub consumer’s faces in it for the best game on the platform (see below the jump) and you end up with a console that died a horrible death it really didn’t need to…
Continue reading →

Scribblenauts Unmasked Will Keep Your Superman Fix Going Into the Fall…

Posted on July 9, 2013 by geelw

Yeah, Warner Bros. Interactive and 5th Cell have got your Superman right here. Pick one from that list above and you’d best believe he’s going to be in action in the upcoming Scribblenauts Unmasked – A DC Comics Adventure,set to launch itself onto Wii U, Nintendo 3DS and PC in September.

To the press release, Robin! (Hey, Batman is in the game too, so I’m just representin’ here!):

Scribblenauts Unmasked – A DC Comics Adventure is a new game that melds the boundless creativity of the award-winning video game franchise with thousands of DC Comics characters and objects across DC Comics worlds – all drawn in the classic Scribblenauts art style.

The game features a story where players embark as protagonist Maxwell on an imaginative and comical quest, taking them through Gotham City, Metropolis, Atlantis and other iconic locales from the DC Comics universe. Fueled by the player’s imagination, Maxwell must use his magic notebook to put a stop to the villains’ evil schemes and save the day! Scribblenauts Unmasked – A DC Comics Adventure will be available on Sept. 24, 2013 for Wii U, Nintendo 3DS and PC.

BEYOND Two Souls – The Origins: Well-Told Tales Come From Many Sources…

Posted on July 9, 2013 by geelw

Once again, David Cage shows why he’s one of the best and most important game creators working today. Turning a personal tragedy inside out and creating a wholly unique game experience loosely based on it with the dev team at Quantic Dream is going to send PlayStation 3 owners into stores by the millions to buy and play BEYOND: Two Souls when it hits retail and PSN on October 18, 2013. As with Heavy Rain, expect gameplay innovation and impressive visuals (quite possibly the best looking game on the PS3 this late in its life cycle) to go with that story you’ll be playing through.

And hey, look! It’s a way too brief PlayStation 4 Killzone: Shadow Fall teaser just because I can pull this stuff off and get away with it…

Lost Planet 3 Monologue Trailer: Talking to Yourself Too Much Will Make You Crazy (About E.D.N. III)…

Posted on July 9, 2013 by geelw

So you like to chat it up when no one’s around – I’ll still hang out with you when your game comes out, Jim. Between the solid losers STILL whining about the game because they think it’s a sequel (it’s a PREQUEL, for the thousandth plus time!) and it’s not like LP2 (which really wasn’t that great a solo experience) or just hating it for being developed in the U.S. of A. and not Japan (hooray for blatant gamer racism? Um, nope). Add in those who haven’t played it who seem to be clairvoyant in their predictions about the game or are even comparing this to games like GTA V (Why? I have no idea.) and you get a game that might have some trouble getting noticed by the hard-headed. Hey, Jim! I got your back, man – and I’ll even though your game comes out in late Summer, I’ll be keeping all the windows open, the fans on full blast AND wearing a hat to keep my ears warm in solidarity as I play LP3. Speaking of hats, Say, Jim? didn’t your grandma warn you about stepping outside without one (or a decent scarf)? You’re going to get ice cubes on your ears!

Grand Theft Auto V Gameplay Trailer: Fall’s Officially A Bust For Productivity In America…

Posted on July 9, 2013 by geelw

It’s always amazing for me to see how Rockstar continues to push the envelope with each new GTA game and Grand Theft Auto V is no exception. September 17 will be a REALLY awful day for productivity across the US and a few other spots this game shows up in, so expect to not see or hear from a lot of folks you probably think aren’t gamers who suddenly disappear for a few days only to pop up for air looking tired as hell but smiling a bit too broadly. For you non-gaming readers, just watch the trailer and let that narrator guide you through why this new GTA is so impressive and important. I don’t play online, but that ending made me grin a bit more at what’s coming in the next trailer. It’s too bad all those time machine plans I see for sale online are trash, or I’d be putting one of those things together just to keep winding time backwards in order to complete the game in a day. As it is now, I’m gathering I’ll be spending a few hundred hours exploring every nook and cranny outside the story mode (as that’s where the game’s bigger secrets will most likely lie)…

Captain America: The Winter Soldier Teaser Poster: That Shield Needs a Few Coats, I Think…

Posted on July 9, 2013 by geelw

“Uh-oh… better get Maaco!” Well, at least it’s rustproof, right? I actually hope that if there’s a soundtrack CD, that’s the image that goes on the disc so it looks as if it’s Cap’s shield spinning REALLY fast. Anyway, the first film was pretty fun, so I’m hoping this sequel keeps the stuff that worked and adds more without being too overblown for the sake of being a pre-summer 2014 blockbuster. I think that Marvel is on a very nice roll these days (mostly), so every good film they get out makes forgetting about the past mistakes easier. That said, some of the not so hot flicks has a few interesting elements, but I’m not sure the world is ready for revisiting those characters just yet…

Monday Madness, Too: Couples Retail Therapy, 1932 Style!

Posted on July 8, 2013 by geelw

(thanks again, Good Old Days Returns!)

Wait, What? “CHECK YOUR HUSBAND??” OK, right! Yeah, you WISH that mall near you or five states away offered this particular service. You’d be dragging that battle-axe out every other day to peruse some shoes just so you could pay a dollar to get tagged, shuffled into the back and woman-handled for a bit while your wifey-poo gets her Blahnik fetish taken care of. And if there’s an artist side of your better half, a trip out for some Secs in the city with a little baggage room squeezin’ on the side? Certeza, porque não? (Você só vai entender essa piada se você falar mal traduzido Português, pela maneira… Obrigado, bing!). I don’t know what film this is from, but I can see this taking off fast in some states where a handful of wealthy fatcats make more than the entire middle class in their area and feel entitled to do endure such treatment on a regular basis. That’s one sure way to make an economy boom – make everyone giddy because those who have the money are making it rain down on those who don’t…

Yeah, right – that trickle down stuff only happens when some drunk bazillionaire “accidentally” pees on his chauffeur who’s trying to extract him from the back seat of that hideous stretch Bentley or has done so, but is trying to keep him away from the koi pond…

MORE Pacific Rim TV Spots: Damn Jaegers Move Too Fast For This Old Man to Catch…

Posted on July 8, 2013 by geelw

Yeesh. Just as I’m typing up another post about how Warner Bros. got the drop on me and ran a “new” Pacific Rim trailer (above) not more than five minutes after I posted the last post about them doing it, they go and drop THREE in a row, meaning they’re using robots themselves to get past my slower than usual defenses.

Hey, I can blame the heat, age, no socks today and the fact that I woke up too damn early (again!) on all that, but WB doesn’t care at all. Their new baby is getting decent notices, all they really want to know is when your ass is going and how many friends you’re bringing with you.

Oh yeah, they also want to know if you’re buying the Blu-Ray/DVD combo pack when it’s released around oh, December or January… Just nod for “Yes”, as there’s currently no selection for “No” at this time. You can stay on the line and a representative will be with you shortly, but I’m gathering it’s going to be a looooooong wait. And hey, how the hell did you get this number anyway?