(thanks, deadenddrivein!)
Since I’m feeling sick as a dog today, I’ll share the wealth (without making your temperature go up to stay in bed levels) by getting you a bit queasy with this rather wretched 1980 sci-fi/ “horror” film that completely wastes the talents of too many good people and is so surprisingly awful that anything resembling a proper remake would require the invention of a mass mind-wiping machine PLUS time travel so you could stop the original from being made.
Yes, Saturn 3 is THAT bad for a big movie fan such as myself, but it’s much worse because as soon as you start listing most of the talent behind it, you see that most of them have done far, FAR better work than this stinker and you can’t chalk up this film’s failures to everyone simply having an “off” day every single one it took to make this howler…
Yuk. So, I’m a bit under the weather today thanks to too many people in a few places I drop into for some wi-fi time being too generous with their germs. Bleh. I hate having a cold or whatever this is in such nice weather, but I’ll need to resist the temptation to start carrying around a paddle to whack those public sneezers and wheezers on the back of their head while telling them to stay the hell home if they’re not feeling well. Especially when there’s a table full of them all yakking about their symptoms and what meds they’re taking while still under the spell of what’s laying them low… 
For years, I disliked most of Clash of the Titans because by 1981, I’d thought I’d outgrown the type of work Ray Harryhausen was doing and it seems that, despite the film’s OK success at the box office, some movie audiences just weren’t into so much classic stop motion animation in such a large scale film either.
When I was a wee bairn, I actually went to two different schools where some kids thought this 1967 film was based on actual facts and at least one really deluded kid thought it was a documentary. Seriously. My ears still spin in opposite directions thinking about that, but I digress. You’re either watching One Million Years B.C. for its faux historical value, Ray Harryhausen’s excellent dinosaur effects or Raquel Welch with a side order of Martine Beswick in that cave gal cat-fight sequence. Don’t deny it, now…
While I was too young to see this one in a theater during its initial run, I do recall the poster giving me the creeps whenever I saw it in a subway station back then. When it turned up on TV a few years later as an ABC Sunday Night Movie, I can recall watching it and being to scared to stick around for the ending, but not being able to move from my spot in front of the TV. I don’t recall whether or not I slept that night, but I think I was not good for much for a few days afterward.
"DESTROY ALL FANBOYS!" 