The Last of Us Redband Trailer: Now With 100% More “Ewww, I Get It…”

Posted on April 1, 2013 by geelw

I’ve always found the concept of the Redband (or Red Band) trailer a bit stupid when all is said and done. YES, I understand that this stuff isn’t for the wee bairns, lest their dainty eyelash hairs catch fire from the heinous evil that they see, but hell. I mean, you can easily see this stuff on YouTube and so can little kids who can search for violent stuff like this, but whatever. For some reason, the ESRB keeps an iron fist on this type of content despite broadcast TV being much MORE violent. Oh – click on that pic of the Survival Edition to see the video. I don’t want the ESRB to come by and break my legs…

Speeeeeaking of breaking legs… (this just in!): As for ACTUAL violence and nasty gore NO one should see, er… how about some nice and gory NCAA basketball action, hmmm? I didn’t see that shocking video, but I certainly couldn’t get away from people talking about it all damn day. Double hmmmm. Maybe that sort of thing, nasty as it is, should go into the next EA Sports hoops game, so fans of that sport know it’s not all slick tattoos, hottie cheerleaders and fatty signing bonuses that net you an automatic sneaker contract that turns you into a multimillionaire a blown knee or worse away from no career before you’re 30 or so. Anyway, Naughty Dog’s new masterpiece, The Last of Us, which has NOTHING to do with sports or real violence hits retail on June 14, 2013. Get it and be prepared to hole up for a while.

Dead Island Riptide TV Spot: Gilligan Wouldn’t Last A Minute, Either…

Posted on April 1, 2013 by geelw

OK, as great as this sequel to Deep Silver and Techland’s hit zombie game looks, now I really, REALLY want to see someone do an official mod that turns this game into that lost Gilligan’s Island episode and makes it out as DLC and/or part of the inevitable Game of the Year edition. “What lost episode?” you ask? Well, you know… the one where the Professor tries to come up with a new beverage made from coconuts and those strange barrels of green, glowing goo that washed up one day. Yeah, THAT episode. Uh, huh… it’ll indeed be BIG fun seeing the Skipper turned into a fat zombie who starts chasing after the rest of the cast, but you just KNOW it’ll be MUCH better if it’s Gilligan who goes undead first and turns on everyone else.

To wit:

SCENE: Outside the Howell’s cabin, night. Spooky music plays on the soundtrack…

SKIPPER: GILLIGAN! Put down those coconuts!
GILLIGAN: Grrrrrrrroooowwwr!
GILLIGAN turns around slowly, the SKIPPER sees that they’re not coconuts he’s holding… but the heads of THURSTON HOWELL and EUNICE WENTWORTH HOWELL. Spooky music grows more dramatic, increasing in tempo…
SKIPPER (shocked): GILLIGAN! What did you DO, little buddy?!
GILLIGAN: Grrrrrrrroooowwwr! (throws heads at SKIPPER, then pounces on him)
SKIPPER: No, Gilligan, NOOOOOOO!! GEEEEYAAAAAAAGH!!!!!

Camera shot pulls away as GILLIGAN tears SKIPPER apart…

(Or something like that…)

New Thief 4 Trailer: Hmmm, Now You Need A New Logo, Too…

Posted on April 1, 2013 by geelw

He’s baaaaack… and before you know it, you’re waking up with a headache, your purse full of gold is long gone and if he needed a disguise and you were the right size, so are your pantaloons. Poor (and now poorer you). That wasn’t some April Fool who clubbed you and cut your purse either. No news on exactly WHEN this one will be all done, but I’d bet that’s the way the man himself wants it. Hell, would YOU tell your mark you were good and ready to swipe their stuff? Then again, a good thief loves a challenge, right? This could get interesting, folks… stay tuned…

Game of Thrones Season 3: A Threesome of Features To Heat Up Your Monday…

Posted on April 1, 2013 by geelw

Ewwww. That already infamous “Men don’t need nipples” line and scene from the Season 3 premiere nearly sent a cup of hot tea flying into the air last night, fortunately, you could see it coming a mile away (hopefully). Still, yikes. If that’s the army Daenerys wants (and gets), what’s she going to do with them should she also gain the throne she desires and there are a few thousand left? Probably buy them some chairs so they can FINALLY sit down, ha ha. Hmmm? Of course, given the “feel no pain” way those guys work, it should be quite an epic battle that takes place.

Er… Well, as long as we don’t get shot after shot of nipple slicing (yuk)…

Anyway, I still haven’t gotten around to reading any of the books (and don’t really plan on it as like The Walking Dead, I know that there’s a GREAT deal of deviation and additions to the source material), so don’t tell me anything. I have a dragon under my bed and it knows your address. Or so it tells me. Hey, I just feed it whomever shows up ringing my doorbell unannounced (so there are a few cable TV salespeople not annoying others about needlessly expensive and some pompous proselytizers missing a few sheep from their flocks, methinks)…

And of course, these interviews are always hilarious to watch because of the dumb questions that get pitched at people who really can’t say much for any number of great reasons. Still, a little insight goes a long way, that’s for sure. I wonder what the motto of House Martin is these days? Hmmm… that’s a good question to ask, I bet (or not)…

OK, OK, Telltale Games’ Poker Night 2 Wins The BEST April Fool’s Game Gag of 2013…

Posted on April 1, 2013 by geelw

Why? Because I bet they NAILED the fan reactions to this one when they thought it up. Some of the ones posted on their YouTube page are from a bunch who now want to hope against all hope that this is real despite it being too damned crazy to exist as an actual product. The comments are almost funnier than the video to me because it’s something like 90% desperate Ash from Evil Dead fans ranting like madmen and the rest drooling about a game that will never, EVER be released (even under the most perfect of circumstances of the right people being paid for their vocal talents). Still, it’s a hoot to watch and wonder about. Touché, Telltale, touché!

Oh, wait. It’s a REAL GAME. Bleh. Well, I don’t play poker at all, so I don’t care. Well, it’ll sell like hotcakes among those who are into that, I suppose. Me, I prefer a good strategy game over losing my virtual shirt to a bunch of digital cheaters…

mimoco Makes Up For Last Year’s April Fools Joke Gone Wild: Jar Jar Binks Lives!

Posted on April 1, 2013 by geelw

OK, I missed this one last year, but I did hear from a friend who fell for it hard and will still rant about it if asked to retell the tale. Anyway, the company has announced a VERY limited edition MIMOBOT for the much-hated Star Wars Episode One: The Phantom Menace character, initially introduced as a 2012 April Fool’s joke that actually made some Star Wars fans a bit cranky.

This year, the company has gone and made the thing up for you guys, but the catch is… there are ONLY a mere 500 of them! Meaning they’ll probably be all gone as I type this (or by the end of the day) and you Jar Jar fans (wait, there are actually 500 of them? “Meesa no tink sooooo!”) will be chasing after me (and poor mimoco) with laser torches because you’ll think you’ve been had TWO years in a row! GET IT HERE, go wild with all the goodies included on the drive and feel free to Force Bounce around the room afterwards with a big grin on your face. Er, just don’t start asking for other obscure (or need to be obscure) characters from the films. I’m not sure mimoco wants to be remembered as the company that brought out a line of Star Wars Holiday Special Wookie Family MIMOBOTS… or DO they?

“Meesa tink Jar Jar should get a yeerly MEEMOBOT…” Oh shut up, Jar Jar (*Boot!*)

Best April Fool’s Game Gags: One Almost Works, Two Are Too Good to Be True…

Posted on April 1, 2013 by geelw

Look, PR people: I’ve been around since 1972 as a gamer, so no game-related April Fool’s joke can pass by me without my eyebrow sailing up into the air over a vaporware or other intentionally hokey product/project announcement. THAT said, this year three jokes really made me crack up and all were from indie publishers:

banana_WM

The first was Watermelon Team’s Magical Game Factory’s name and focus change to a SOCIAL games developer called Banana Games (Yikes!), which actually ALMOST got me for about a minute until I reread the press release and realized that the line “Forget about retro consoles, they’re too old (and complicated to program to, so freaking time consuming! Yuck!), and enjoy a universe of magic and fun for ONLY $19.99/month!” was a total stab in the eyeball at Facebook and other social/digital only sites that glom onto your wallet with their “free” to play products (that really aren’t).

The second was so unbelievable I laughed for a good minute because the idea is spectacular, but the proposed console? Yeah, OK. Iceberg Interactive and Amplitude Studios’ fan-favorite 4X space sim, Endless Space, called Endless Space: Wings of Freedom, coming to the NEOGEO X Gold as an arcade shooter? Well, those screenshots below SURE look real, and it’s an idea that would make X owners like me run around the room squeeealing like a chased pig. But it’s not gonna happen (too bad!). THAT said, doing something like this for the Vita and 3DS? Get on it, Amplitude! Seriously.

retromator4K

The third thing? well, GOG.com didn’t get me at all, but I just KNOW people on that awesome site full of DRM-free gaming goodness of the classic to current variety would LOVE to have a RetroMator 4000 running in their PC’s or Macs (or ha ha, Linuxes). This one was pretty cool because I don’t think ANYONE on the site was fooled for one bit, but there have been some amusing screenshots cooked up by some users…

Better luck next year, folks. I’ll be waiting…

EDF 4 3rd Trailer: It Just Got “Classier” In A Big Guy In A Metal Suit Kind of Way…

Posted on April 1, 2013 by geelw

Earth-Defense-Force-2025_2013_03-28-13_043 Holy Cats. That, friends, is the new FENCER class in action here and if this video is any indication, Earth Defense Force fans worldwide will be in for a real treat using this new class. Three more screenshots of this beefy guy are below and below the jump is a big gallery of the fun pre-order DLC bonuses Japanese gamers will get from a few locations the game can be purchased from. If you want to zone out completely on a HUGE gallery of hundreds of EDF images, check out Gematsu’s big, honkin’ page of screens.

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Deadly Premonition: The Director’s Cut Random Screenshot of the Day: April Fool, York!

Posted on April 1, 2013 by geelw

Hoo, boy. Special Agent Francis York Morgan (just call him York, please) MAY be a paranormal talented investigator extraordinaire with his special invisible friend Zach whispering stuff in his head, but MAN, is he a sucker when it comes to falling for the silliest gags. Get this: he actually BELIEVED that people are supposed to give and received gifts on April 1st and yep, those Hawaiian themed pajamas he’s got on are getting him into some nasty trouble as you can see by his dwindling life bar. For the record, creepy not-quite undead horrors HATE Hawaiian pajamas and in fact, they tend to freak out even more when they smell coffee and GUESS who had three cups of the A&G Diner’s special Kona Blend? OH, yeah, it’s going to be a loooooong day, that’s for sure. And yes, it was Sheriff George Woodman who gave York those PJ’s. York gave him a new expensive hat, but George picked it out (of course), the bum. Well, they DO say “April is the cruelest month”, right?…

Will our hero survive his not a real holiday encounter with these fiends? Or will he be pushing up daisies and headed back to that last save spot to try again? You get the chance to find out yourself if you’re smart enough to pre-order and buy a copy of Rising Star Games’ Deadly Premonition: The Director’s Cut, headed exclusively to the PlayStation 3 on April 30, 2013. Updated HD visuals, all-new content, PlayStation Move and 3D TV support, and more, more, more are all in store for you lucky devils out there. Even more important, I think you don’t have to wear those silly PJ’s if you don’t want to. You’ll still have to deal with those evil, smelly killy things coming after you, but they just might be a little nicer. Maybe.

And look! York got Sheriff Swery a new hat as well, but at least HE didn’t go pick out the most expensive one in the catalog like stupid George did. Someone ought to teach that guy a lesson like “Be nice to the people you meet on the way up… they’re the SAME people you’re going to meet on the way down…” or something like that. I forgot what he got York, but it’s probably something like an autographed picture or a copy of that game he worked on. Hey, everybody needs a hobby, I say…