Thank you, CD Projekt RED for *magically* getting water to shoot out my nose earlier today. It’s a definite April Fool’s gag, but I’d more than gladly pay that five bucks for talking horse DLC just for the chance to have an option to have Roach talk in a Mr. Ed voice. Okay, back to work here – I’m up to my wet nostril hairs in stuff to do.
Why? Because I bet they NAILED the fan reactions to this one when they thought it up. Some of the ones posted on their YouTube page are from a bunch who now want to hope against all hope that this is real despite it being too damned crazy to exist as an actual product. The comments are almost funnier than the video to me because it’s something like 90% desperate Ash from Evil Dead fans ranting like madmen and the rest drooling about a game that will never, EVER be released (even under the most perfect of circumstances of the right people being paid for their vocal talents). Still, it’s a hoot to watch and wonder about. Touché, Telltale, touché!
Oh, wait. It’s a REAL GAME. Bleh. Well, I don’t play poker at all, so I don’t care. Well, it’ll sell like hotcakes among those who are into that, I suppose. Me, I prefer a good strategy game over losing my virtual shirt to a bunch of digital cheaters…
Look, PR people: I’ve been around since 1972 as a gamer, so no game-related April Fool’s joke can pass by me without my eyebrow sailing up into the air over a vaporware or other intentionally hokey product/project announcement. THAT said, this year three jokes really made me crack up and all were from indie publishers:
The first was Watermelon Team’s Magical Game Factory’s name and focus change to a SOCIAL games developer called Banana Games (Yikes!), which actually ALMOST got me for about a minute until I reread the press release and realized that the line “Forget about retro consoles, they’re too old (and complicated to program to, so freaking time consuming! Yuck!), and enjoy a universe of magic and fun for ONLY $19.99/month!” was a total stab in the eyeball at Facebook and other social/digital only sites that glom onto your wallet with their “free” to play products (that really aren’t).
The second was so unbelievable I laughed for a good minute because the idea is spectacular, but the proposed console? Yeah, OK. Iceberg Interactive and Amplitude Studios’ fan-favorite 4X space sim, Endless Space, called Endless Space: Wings of Freedom, coming to the NEOGEO X Gold as an arcade shooter? Well, those screenshots below SURE look real, and it’s an idea that would make X owners like me run around the room squeeealing like a chased pig. But it’s not gonna happen (too bad!). THAT said, doing something like this for the Vita and 3DS? Get on it, Amplitude! Seriously.
The third thing? well, GOG.com didn’t get me at all, but I just KNOW people on that awesome site full of DRM-free gaming goodness of the classic to current variety would LOVE to have a RetroMator 4000 running in their PC’s or Macs (or ha ha, Linuxes). This one was pretty cool because I don’t think ANYONE on the site was fooled for one bit, but there have been some amusing screenshots cooked up by some users…
Better luck next year, folks. I’ll be waiting…
Ho-kaaayyy… for the record, if you even THINK there’s going to be a bacon-flavored mouthwash (with a hint of mint at the end, yet!), you’re nuts. Or plain crazy. Or you’ll be SO upset about this gag that you’ll be calling up some shady law firm and planning to sue Proctor & Gamble for getting your hopes up (or “false advertising”, as it’s called). Granted, if you’re so upset about NOT being able to gargle with artificial pork and salt (and mint!)-flavored alcohol soup and you have THAT kind of money to hire a law firm then perhaps YOU’RE playing the bigger and better April Fool’s gag on a big company that needs that kind of surprise in their Monday morning mail.
Yes, I am a genius. But too busy of one to get to the contacting of a non-busy real or fake lawyer to set this up. Yeah, I’m too lazy, to go to all that trouble as well – so get to it and you’re welcome in advance if your, er, MY idea works out well enough to get you on TV or in a newspaper in your area…
Ah, Sega, Sega, Sega… don’t make some cranky Dreamcast fans go nuts this weekend! Still, You KNOW they would have fallen harder and FAST if it were an “official” Shenmue III announcement. Er, then again, maybe that would have been a really terrible prank to yank. You guys and gals don’t want a horde of VERY pissed off torch-carrying gamers storming the Sega offices on a Sunday morning. They’d go and do it, too…
Hmmm… I wonder if any game or tech sites are going to run this as an actual product story. My money is on some poor print newspaper’s tech section where the weekend guy sees that email and thinks he’s got the scoop on THE hot new product of the month. I wonder how many product requests Razer will get from fellow editor-types out there? Um… I’ll take a dozen, please!
Anyway, I got the joke and didn’t even need to visit the “official” site link, but it’s absolutely worth a read because it’s hilarious stuff. Good show, guys – now get back to work!
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