Random Film of the Week(end): Camel Spiders

Posted on December 14, 2014 by geelw

Okay, I was bored, annoyed and in the mood for something stupid to waste about an hour and a half or so. That sort of opening line is usually reserved for someone confessing to a crime of some sort. But it was my excuse for sitting down last night to watch Camel Spiders, a 2011 direct to video “B” flick so laughable and intentionally awful that it made me forget about most of the stuff bugging me.

Initially, just seeing the title made me laugh enough to want to check it out and see if it was as cheesy as it sounded. But it wasn’t until about 2/3 of the way in that I remembered that “Camel Spiders” are real, really large and have a somewhat larger following. Well, I’m sure those so-called fans would run the other way (and right into a wall) if they came across one or more of these eight-legged freaks in real life. Unlike too many of the victims in this dopey film who just stand there and get attacked or approach those puppy-sized pests with curiosity that just gets them killed off quickly… Continue reading →

Kitchen Nightmares III: Holding Patterns (and Who Can I Sue If I Drop Dead of Starvation?)…

Posted on November 30, 2014 by geelw

So, the kitchen here still hasn’t been returned to its normal state, but the work is set to begin on December 5th. The stove can still be used, but once the sun goes down, you’re taking your life in your hands if you try to chop anything in the kitchen. Sure, I can sit in the living room and get all rustic with a cutting board in my lap or on the coffee table, but there’s something so odd about doing this (and yeah, one slip means I’ll be adding a body part to whatever I’m cooking). I’ll have to bug the management here about some sort of cooking/meal solution once the repair/rebuilding work gets underway. Once it starts, the kitchen will be off limits for at least four days straight and then a few days more after a weekend break. Bleh. I hope to hell they don’t think I’ll be ordering out or eating fast food for all that time, as that’s not a good idea for me for a few reasons.

(Thanks, SeriouslyDead!)

Feh, at this point I just want this long national nightmare to be over so I can go back to living like a normal person. Maybe I’ll slap on some zombie makeup and start groaning at the workmen when they show up to spur them to get the job done faster. Then again, the lack of craftsmanship and care here is pretty shocking. The team that removed the asbestos from the kitchen had a fat guy who busted the burners on the stove AND chipped the paint on the stove because he stood on them when he was doing the ceiling. Gyahhh. I despise that sort of idiocy. Okay, let me go lie down before I bust something.

READS: The Art of Living Dead Dolls

Posted on November 3, 2014 by geelw

The first thing that struck me about Mezco Press’ The Art of Living Dead Dolls ($20.00) was that the great Basil Gogos is still among the living. The 78-page magazine-sized trade paperback has an energetic intro from the master monster painter himself to kick things off before the parade of awesome pro and fan art to follow. Granted, it would have been really great to see a Gogos version of a Living Dead Doll here. But just knowing the man is still around made me smile and reminisce about some of his stellar horror covers for Famous Monsters of Filmland magazine back in the 60’s.

The assorted art ranges from surprisingly cute to genuinely disturbing and you’ll see pieces from illustrators such as Joshua Hoffine, Angus Oblong, Dan Brereton, Yuki Abiko, Emily Yishizawa, Michael Pasquale, Rotten Orange, Stephen Blickenstaff, Shelby Vogal, and others. The different interpretations of dolls from the Guinness Book of World Records-holding lineup shows how they’ve inspired each artist in creating their memorable works. My personal favorite doll is knife-wielding Sadie, with her odd eyes and simple black dress. She’s very well represented here in a number of nice drawings and paintings, but I’m betting fans will find their favorites here among the pages of this coffee table tome. Or is that coffin table? Mua-ha-ha-haaaaa!

After the eyeful that is the pro gallery, there’s a few pages of nice fan art, again in many different styles. The book closes out with some great tattoo work fans have photographed and sent in to be immortalized in print forever like the images on their skin. As this is more of an artistic celebration, the book isn’t exactly text-heavy brain food at all. Those who want an entire history of the doll line will want to also pop on over to the official Living Dead Dolls site to discover more about these creepy collectibles and see how the lineup has changed over the years. Longtime to recent LDD fans will eat this book up and yes, it makes a great gift if you’re giving someone one of the dolls this year (or whenever) and need a nice bonus to add to that horror-themed holiday/birthday/other occassion gift box.

BUY IT! Neverending Nightmares Gets a Halloween Sale on Steam

Posted on October 30, 2014 by geelw

Shhhh. I’ve got a secret! I actually have yet to PLAY Neverending Nightmares, Matt Gilgenbach’s psychological horror game based on his struggles with mental illness. However, I’ve gotten a few friends to buy the game and all of them have thanked me sarcastically for giving them all some pretty wild nightmares. Of course, my response was “Is that good or bad?” or “But, did you like the game?”. And the answer was always the same “Yeah, but…” followed by descriptions of stuff that happens during the horrific journey into side-scrolling madness. So, yeah, I guess I need to grab this soon over Steam, huh?

My problem is my backlog is SO bloody huge that I’m behind on stuff I need to review and I probably won’t get to this one for a few weeks at best. Well, this 25% off sale is kind of twisting my arms (ouch!),so I better make a decision soon, as I kind of NEED my arm. Um, and the other one, too (ouch!)…

Film Review: EXTRATERRESTRIAL

Posted on October 29, 2014 by geelw

The Vicious Brothers’ (Colin Minihan and Stuart Ortiz) third film, EXTRATERRESTRIAL is a sci-fi/horror hybrid that takes its cues from plenty of genre films with interestingly mixed results. If you go in expecting something completely original, you may be mildly to moderately disappointed. On the other hand, it’s a fine example of the perfect mindless popcorn flick if you go in blind and let what’s here smack you around during its 106 minute running time.

Yes, it’s formulaic and yes, it’s maybe a few minutes too long thanks to some visual effects overindulgence, slow build-ups to stuff you know will happen and what I like to call a “jump & thump scare” sound mix where loud noises carry fright scenes more than the actors. Warts and all, you can clearly see the Brothers have scads of talent in what they do and how they do it – they just need a bit more polish in the polishing things up department… Continue reading →

MAN CRATES Wants to Check Your Horror Scenario Survival Skills. There Just May Be a Test Later…

Posted on October 27, 2014 by geelw

Photo: MAN CRATES

Okay, given that the world is both looking like and turning into a real-life horror movie, it’s best to be well prepared for all sorts of emergencies. Fortunately, we have the fine folks at MAN CRATES (which always needs to be spelled in BOLD caps when written and yelled out loud when said, by the way) to help out in a pinch.

Okay, I’ll admit it, I’m not very much prepared for any disaster because I tend to avoid them by curling up under a few blankets and not looking out the window until it’s SO quiet that I hear nothing but the butterflies flitting by and the morning dew drying on the leaves seven floors below. But that’s no longer an option in this age of potential panic situations popping up without so much as a moment’s notice.

MAN CRATES to the rescue? Oh, yes indeed… Continue reading →

Spooky’s House of Jump Scares: Oh, It SURE Looks Cute At First…

Posted on October 27, 2014 by geelw

(Thanks, Akuma Kira!)

Ha and double ha. For a while, Fridays over at Desura have been interesting thanks to the site dropping four free indie game downloads for all in their Freedom Fridays promotion. Some of these games have been clunkers, others have been classics and a few defy a proper description because they’re so weird or unfinished or both that they feel like experiments that have taken a life of their own, bumped off their programmers and just forced themselves onto the site leaving a trail of corpses in their wake. Thankfully, Lag Studios‘ unique Spooky’s House of Jump Scares doesn’t fit into that latter category.

As you can see from that trailer above, the game starts off cute and simple-looking with cardboard monsters popping out of walls to maybe make you jump a little. But at some point during its thousand rooms, things take a decidedly dark turn as actual monsters drop onto the scene and give chase to your nameless character, a plot of sorts comes into play in the form of discovered notes and all of a sudden, the game with the dopey name you got for no money is freaking you out and you have to keep playing just to see what horrors that next room reveals. Okay, it’s no P.T. or Outlast, but the game will run on nearly anything and has enough tricks up its sleeve to be a nice little Halloween surprise. Anyway, go get Spooky and let her get under your skin. Hey, even if it doesn’t scare you at all, it’s FREE and you can’t be afraid of that price point at all…

Sunday Gives Me Both Barrels, But I’ll Be Quite Alright…

Posted on October 26, 2014 by geelw

(Thanks, John Thomas!)

And how was/is YOUR Sunday? Mine is pretty lousy at the moment, but pretty much everything’s fixable with some time and a bit of money. My home PC decided to flip out and not want to boot up properly, my backup solution isn;t working (thank goodness for the laptop), the connection today is super-slow, I accidentally broke the paper holder on one of the printers here (nothing a little glue can’t fix, but it was a total “DUH!” moment when it happened), my Logitech G15 finally died, I can’t find the driver CD for my gaming mouse, some of the plants I was growing decided to keel over thanks to the temperature changes this past week and I still need to get to that pile of laundry I was supposed to do last week, but kept putting off because of so many games coming in and me needing to get to them. Yaaaaah. There are a few other things going on as well, but those are for me to know and you to not find out.

(Thanks, DreamWorksTV!)

Eh, small world problems, but all happening around the same time makes for a REALLY annoying day. Eh, here’s a little laugh for you while I get back to trying to actually be something resembling “productive” today. Back in a bit…

PlayStation Store’s Sale of the Dead Brings You Some Scary Good Bargains…

Posted on October 25, 2014 by geelw

(shakes fist at monitor)… Stupid Sony. Having another PSN sale on some stuff I might want just when I’m poking around for something light and kind of fluffy to play between bigger games. Yeah, I got Dead Nation (finally) for under 4 bucks, but stopped there because I do have some things to take care of here outside the gaming sphere. Anyway, check out the long list of games, movies and TV shows (okay, mostly movies and TV shows, as the game presence is a bit limited this week) for some decent deals if you’re looking to stock up on content for one of your consoles or that Vita you’re not telling anyone you own for some oddball reason.

Or, hell… at least get Dead Nation if you own a Vita. It’s a ton of fun so far and I just may want someone around to hop online with in the not too distant future…

BUY IT! Deadly Premonition: The Director’s Cut Gets Price Slashed in Time for Halloween

Posted on October 24, 2014 by geelw

In case you missed this great and epic oddball horror adventure from Access games and the mind of Swery 65, well, you now have ZERO reason not to want to try it out (well, unless you don’t have a decent enough PC to run the game, of course!). Deadly Premonition: The Director’s Cut is now (well, from now until October 27) a measly $2.49 on Steam! That’s like $24.99 with a “9” missing! Or 90% off, if you actually know how to do math better than I do it. The Steam version adds some new content and nicer visuals than the console versions, but don’t go in expecting the most stellar looking game that’s perfection in all areas.

Come visit Greenvale for the weird people and offbeat vibe and stay for the surprisingly more compelling and poignant tale that unfolds as the game progresses. DPTDC has surprises in store for those who stick it out and survive each chapter and by the finale, you’ll emerge as someone who might want to try more games in this vein because this one went above and beyond the call in a few key areas. Anyway, enough rambling from me – go get this game!