According to Guinness (no, not THAT other Guinness, silly – we don’t go back to the Swery65 Bar until Saturday’s post), the longest time spent holding one’s breath underwater was 22 minutes flat by Stig Severinsen of Denmark at the London School of Diving (which is in London, of course), on May 3, 2012. While I don’t think FBI Special Agent Francis York Morgan (just call him York) and his young charge are intending to break that record any time soon, YOU can certainly feel free to make that attempt on your own. Just set a timer and stare at this screenshot while holding your breath and see how long you can last. Simple, no? Um, you MAY want to practice for a bit before you go contact the Guinness people (no, not THOSE Guinness people!), but you SHOULD be able to do quite well because you won’t be underwater at all (unless you’re reading this in the bathtub while holding a tablet). That and if you need to give up, gasping for air doesn’t get you two lungs full of water (or dirty soapy water if you’re in the tub). If you do happen to break that record, let me know and/or give me partial credit – I like to know I occasionally inspire people to do great things.

By the way, you’ll also get plenty of practice gasping and holding your breath when you play Deadly Premonition: The Director’s Cut, coming exclusively to the PlayStation 3 on April 30, 2013. This update to the former Xbox 360 game features updated HD visuals, PlayStation Move and 3D TV support, new content, DLC that extends the game’s lifespan and more. Feel free to pre-order the game now or face the fact that you may not get a copy when you really want one. I predict your breathing practice will get quite a workout because you’re not coming up for air for some time once you fire this game up.

You’ll also make Game Director and part time eye wear model Swery 65 a VERY happy man. He’ll be able to finally buy those Bootsy Collins sunglasses he’s been eyeballing on eBay or maybe even that cocktail table Ms. Pac-Man he saw at a bar here in the US when he attended this year’s GDC. Of course, he could also buy himself an airplane ticket to come shake the hands of everyone who picked up a copy of this game, but (wait for it…) don’t hold your breath…

Hoo, boy. Special Agent Francis York Morgan (just call him York, please) MAY be a paranormal talented investigator extraordinaire with his special invisible friend Zach whispering stuff in his head, but MAN, is he a sucker when it comes to falling for the silliest gags. Get this: he actually BELIEVED that people are supposed to give and received gifts on April 1st and yep, those Hawaiian themed pajamas he’s got on are getting him into some nasty trouble as you can see by his dwindling life bar. For the record, creepy not-quite undead horrors HATE Hawaiian pajamas and in fact, they tend to freak out even more when they smell coffee and GUESS who had three cups of the A&G Diner’s special Kona Blend? OH, yeah, it’s going to be a loooooong day, that’s for sure. And yes, it was Sheriff George Woodman who gave York those PJ’s. York gave him a new expensive hat, but George picked it out (of course), the bum. Well, they DO say “April is the cruelest month”, right?…

Will our hero survive his not a real holiday encounter with these fiends? Or will he be pushing up daisies and headed back to that last save spot to try again? You get the chance to find out yourself if you’re smart enough to pre-order and buy a copy of Rising Star Games’ Deadly Premonition: The Director’s Cut, headed exclusively to the PlayStation 3 on April 30, 2013. Updated HD visuals, all-new content, PlayStation Move and 3D TV support, and more, more, more are all in store for you lucky devils out there. Even more important, I think you don’t have to wear those silly PJ’s if you don’t want to. You’ll still have to deal with those evil, smelly killy things coming after you, but they just might be a little nicer. Maybe.

And look! York got Sheriff Swery a new hat as well, but at least HE didn’t go pick out the most expensive one in the catalog like stupid George did. Someone ought to teach that guy a lesson like “Be nice to the people you meet on the way up… they’re the SAME people you’re going to meet on the way down…” or something like that. I forgot what he got York, but it’s probably something like an autographed picture or a copy of that game he worked on. Hey, everybody needs a hobby, I say…