So… I’m in the library typing away yesterday when I look up and a DVD catches my eye. “Wait, someone made a Diablo III movie? ALREADY? No, that’s not even possible! OR right!” I think (plus a few other things) as I hop out of my seat and reach for the case. It turns out that I was right and it’s just probably one of the worst cases of trademark theft and sheer laziness in coming up with a logo I’ve ever seen.
This, ladies and gents is el Diablo de Culiacan a 2011 Mexican action film that I haven’t seen (but probably should just to get it over with) and based on the trailer below has absolutely, positively 100 percent NOTHING to do with Blizzard’s multimillion selling game series. Check it out:
That said, I think even Sony realizes the insanity of forcing PS4 owners to pay for the “privilege” of multiplayer gaming on their new console. Stick around until the end of this trailer and note how that stupid little thing about paying to play online is shoved in quickly at the end. Granted, they just hit you on the head HARD with the free games mallet and you’re already so dizzy you didn’t even realize you’d whipped out that credit card and signed up. The free games are MORE than worth that $50 and yes, Sony’s not kidding about that “instant game library” thing. The drawback to this is STORAGE space, as even though you get free cloud saves and a nicely sized HDD this time out (which is still small when you consider the size of some new games), you can’t access them should PSN go down for the count for a few days or even a few hours for simple maintenance.
Thankfully, the PS4 will play disc games and anything you have stored locally offline if the game has offline play. Anyway, I think they need to DUMP the requirement to pay to play MP games, as it’s NOT a privilege at all. If a game is made to be played online, any fee should be part of the price of the game, period. Asking people to pony up as part of a package is lame, even if they do get what amounts to a few thousand bucks a year in free content. Granted, having thee time to PLAY all those freebies AND buy and play NEW games requires either quitting one’s day job, renting out a TARDIS so you can go back in time to fire up a game, complete it and go back to start a new one and some other time magic. But hey, who can pass up FREE when the buffet is so tantalizing?
That image to the left is the inside of my head after a few minutes on that so-called “hot” site, Buzzfeed. I generally avoid places like that on the internet because I can feel my intelligence draining away as soon as I start poking around to find anything that actually keeps my attention long enough to finish, but I’m trying to be less stuffy in my online reading choices.
Granted, I barely have time to write all that I want to and read what some of you folks on my too short list of semi-regular spots to visit cook up. But on occasion, a friend here and there will shoot over a link to something on one of those much bigger mainstream sites that generate millions of hits (and millions of ad bucks I sure don’t get) and I’m finding myself poking around because I’m trying to be a nice guy more than wanting to waste five minutes or so reading silly polls and other junk that aren’t actually informative.
At best, you’re “entertained” with a few chuckles before you remember you had something actually important to do. At worst, you’ll be reading things you don’t care about and wanting to chase the person around who sent you that link with a sharpened or blunt stick wanting your time and brain cells back. I don’t claim to be the smartest guy on the planet these days, but if I’m going to dawdle anywhere, I’d prefer to waste my time when I want to as opposed to because someone else finds a shiny object to dangle in my field of view.
SEVEN months away and they’re running trailers from what looks like a complete film? Well, this isn’t the first sci-fi flick that’s rolled out footage so early, but to me, this is Warner Bros. and Mr. Control making sure action fans get their drool on and line up like good little droogies by the time trailer 19 rolls around in a few weeks or so. Yeah, I’m no big Tom fan these days for a few reasons, but I will say this looks exciting to a point. Then again, he’s not getting any younger, so he’s going to be making with the acrobatics until someone carries him off to that other planet he thinks he’s going to be going to in real life. Eh, as long as it’s better than Elysium was. I was hitting myself in the head with a piece of popcorn that rolled under the coffee table here about an hour into that one. It’s called tough love, people…
Sure, it looks thrilling and all, but I’m not on board with the secret life of Peter’s dad, Andrew Garfield’s massive head with that massive pompadour (or whatever hair shape that is on his head) and a few other pesky things. The Rhino is a Transformer? Oh well – better than than Paul Giamatti in a smelly fake rhino hide suit, I’d gather. The film looks even more like a video game in those action scenes and while that MAY be a good thing to some of you out there, the fact is there’s a game in the works and the movie doesn’t need to go that route to keep my attention. But, hey… it’s what the people want and what they’re going to get no matter what grumpy guys like me grouse on about. Well, for all the stuff flying around and Spidey in peril shots, the only saving grace here is you can’t tell what the heck is going on with the story at all. Then again, this may simply mean this sequel is even more plot-laden than the reboot was (which is not a good thing at all). Oh well – as long as there’s no disco dancing in this one and Peter somehow loses the skateboard and attitude between now and the release date, maybe there’s something here to salvage into whatever the third film will eventually be.
I didn’t like the reboot at all for many reasons and I don’t think I’ll like this sequel equally at all either (he said, intentionally mangling the language with relish). If this one’s as overblown and underwhelming as the reboot was, I’m only going to be smiling when the people who think this will be better get what they deserve when they pay up for that movie ticket. Now, I don’t wish Spidey any ill will at all, mind you. I just wonder how a TV series would do as a weekly show or series of monthly movies that might cost a lot less than what’s looking like a CGI-packed ego project (with Stan Lee popping up in a cameo again). Then again, other than bits and pieces, none of the Spider-Man films has ever really been my favorite. I think I’ve seen the first one three times, but every other one except for the reboot twice. That one I saw once on cable and I almost changed the channel when (yet again) Peter Parker was mask-less for too long as if it’s contractually obligated for his secret identity to be revealed to as many people as possible at the most inopportune moments.
Bleh. Anyway, all these days of “Ooh, here comes the trailer!” trailers and the resulting foaming at the mouth and pants from the usual suspects online only add to the sense of desperation I sense going on from folks who so want this to be bigger than it needs to be. These folks so want the movie to be better than it is that they’ll fool themselves that it’s much more awesome than it actually turns out to be. Of course, that’s Hollywood these days, so I guess I can take it or leave it as usual. Leaving it gives me more time to do stuff I care about a lot more than a film with what’s going to be a four or less month trip to Blu-Ray at the end of the day…
Yeah, I’d be canning whomever thought up this poster like a bunch of cranberries, as my cartoon nostalgia sense tells me that this one will be dead on arrival after the first weekend at best. This turkey is planning to gobble up box office dollars while neglecting the fact that the original shorts worked perfectly because they clocked in at about five minutes and weren’t padded out with needless stuff that’s only going to appeal to folks who’ve never seen an episode of the Bullwinkle cartoons they came from. Ah well… I guess I should just shut the heck up and surrender, huh?
When I saw the trailer for the new CG flick the first time, I didn’t laugh at all, and seeing it again recently made me more annoyed than ever. But whatever, right? It’ll be “fun” for the kids that don’t care at all about history and nostalgia, that’s for sure. On the other hand… when the adults in the theater are groaning at the end like the ones behind me who hadn’t seen the trailer until then, I’m gathering Dreamworks will be wishing for their very own time machine so they can go back and erase this project from their books. Yuk.
(thanks DestructionMode!)
Okay, so only a handful of states actually celebrate this now obscure holiday, but I find it amusing that more states and workers aren’t using this to get that one more day off in a week where pretty much nothing gets done save for people gear up to get the hell out of Dodge and go driving tens to hundreds of miles just to stuff themselves full of food that will make them sleepy before they get back IN those vehicles to head out and spend all their money shopping for a lot of people they really don’t like all that much (i.e. family members). OK, so I’m a little and intentionally cynical during this time of the year up to THAT time of the year. But that’s because it’s when you see what I like to call “hypocrisy inaction” where people rant about the old ways being trampled while they themselves can’t force themselves to pass up on that nineteen dollar boombox or two buck sandwich maker that will burn up anything that’s placed between it.
There are a few other things that bug me about this time of year, but I won’t “rant” about them here because I think nearly everyone has their own holiday horrors or knows people that become a bit TOO cheery to be around as if they’re in some Bizarro world where teddy bears, lousy sweaters, fruit cakes and happy-happy joy-joy greetings 24-7 are their marching orders. And. They. Just. Won’t. STOP. Hmmm… that’s practically a Doctor Who episode if it hasn’t been done already. Alright, shutting up now – just ignore me and get back to buying that Butterball and reading up on the pre-pre-pre Black Friday deals you’ll be pissed off at because as soon as you buy something, the price drops elsewhere and you feel like a sucker. Again…
Somewhere, Cecil B. DeMille is stomping around in knee-length leather boots and aviator pants yelling into his megaphone at this trailer. I can see him saying something like “There needs to be a ten commandments of movie-making!” or something similarly snarky. I may catch this on cable at some point, but spending my hard earned money on a movie like this is out of the question for me. Well, it should be entertaining and thankfully, wasn’t advertised as “based on”, “inspired by” or “from the incredible” true story or anything close to that. But hey, between the action movie music in the trailer, the expensive CGI effects and a cast of actors all looking worried or pissed off or hopeful at the right moments, I guess this will rake in the bucks no matter what the biblical scholars and fundamentalists have to say. I certainly wouldn’t want to be in between that particular rock and hard place, that’s for darn sure…
Well, given that this one’s headed at full speed towards being either a mega-hit or a mega-bomb, it’s at least nice to see all the actors throwing themselves into their parts as much as those CGI cars are throwing themselves across the screen. Granted, I’m betting people aren’t going to be seeing this for the “acting” all that much, as it seems the car body count will be high enough to keep them more distracted than any great thespian action going on. Of course, the laws of physics are being broken to hell in this one in the same manner it’s busted up in other popular car carnage flicks. But heck, if you’re expecting total “realism” as a fan of the video games this flick is based on, you probably still have a 3DO plugged in and on top of your old analog TV. Hey, I liked that first NFS game back in the day too…
So… I’m in the library typing away yesterday when I look up and a DVD catches my eye. “Wait, someone made a Diablo III movie? ALREADY? No, that’s not even possible! OR right!” I think (plus a few other things) as I hop out of my seat and reach for the case. It turns out that I was right and it’s just probably one of the worst cases of trademark theft and sheer laziness in coming up with a logo I’ve ever seen.
"DESTROY ALL FANBOYS!" 