Review: Road to Ballhalla

Posted on October 9, 2016 by geelw

Too perfect in it’s design to train and tremendously frustrate lesser-skilled players, Road to Ballhalla excels as a reflex, stress, and bragging rights test for all ages. Impatient controller tossers need to go collect stamps or something else a good deal more relaxing.

Platform: PC
Developer: Torched Hill
Publisher: tinyBuild Games
# of Players: 1
Release Date: 8/6/2016
MSRP: $14.99
ESRB Rating: N/A
Official Site
Score: A- (90%) BUY IT!

Oh, Road to Ballhalla, I love you, I hate you. You’re a cross between Marble Madness as redesigned by The Joker, and a holiday-visiting drunk uncle dressed like The Joker (but on Thanksgiving or Christmas, yikes!) except without the people dying from Smilex gas or other nasty tricks stuff. Yes, it’s an absolutely fantastic game and double yes, you should buy and play it. But if you’re a temper-tantrum inclined sort prone to personal property destruction, go let someone else play while you watch, preferably strapped to a comfy couch.

It doesn’t help (but it really does) that the game goads you at every turn with lousy, hilarious puns whether you succeed or fail. Failure, by the way, is this game’s trump card and it’s worth failing getting your ball to the goal a few times just to experience uncontrollable rage and uncontrollable laughter simultaneously. Well, provided you have a sense of humor after the tenth or so time watching your ball shatter thanks to that onnnne spot giving you grief. Okay, more than one spot if you’re like me, gyaaaaah.

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Earth Defense Force 5: If You Just Needed ONE Game in 2017…

Posted on October 9, 2016 by geelw

Holy Crap. I’d been so busy last month with missing consoles and personal stuff that I very COMPLETELY forgot to pay closer attention to Tokyo Game Show (TGS). Well, thanks to me finally coming up for air and asking myself while playing EDF 4.1 on my PS4 last night “Hmm, I wonder if any EDF5 news was announced…” before I passed out for the duration. Yes, the PS4 has an auto shutdown, thank you very much.

Anyway, I woke up this morning with bugs on the brain, checked YouTube and… WOW:

Yeah, I need this. I decided to look up some actual hands-on play and… my eyes are around here somewhere, as is my jaw:

Good gravy on a stick. Give me this, Breath of the Wild, a ton of indies and I’m good for all of 2017.

-GW

Review: Halcyon 6: Starbase Commander

Posted on October 7, 2016 by geelw

Every Captain is a red shirt in this tough as nails retro-looking space strategy sim. Dive in head first and enjoy, but try not to get too attached to anyone… they’re most likely not going to be around to collect that space pension.

Platform: PC
Developer: Massive Damage Inc.
Publisher: Massive Damage Inc.
# of Players: 1
Release Date: 9/9/2016
MSRP: $19.99
ESRB Rating: N/A
Official Site
Score: B+ (85%) BUY IT!

There’s an Achievement for losing ten captains in Halcyon 6: Starbase Commander that you’ll very likely see pop within the game’s first three hours. Or less if you can’t keep up with this excellently fierce hybrid of simulation and turn-based combat. Don’t let the pretty pixels lure you into false sense of security, folks. The AI in this game will eat you alive every chance it gets and not paying attention to the clock, your crew’s needs and a few other variables will have you headed to a previous save or even restarting entirely if you’re lax in your remembering to save duties.

Talented developer Massive Damage Inc. has cooked up a fine mix of throwback and modern gameplay that echoes the classics while getting in modern time management bits and impressive turn-based combat that will keep you glued to the screen even as things fall apart. While not as deep or complex as the original X-COM or a few other gems from days one by to present day, the game’s got a way of luring you in with plenty of challenge, some great humor when needed and a ton of replay value. Fallout Shelter with a hefty side of 4X, anyone? YES.

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Review: Moirai (Or: Brave In The Cave Matters Not So Much, Maybe.)

Posted on October 6, 2016 by geelw

Got twenty minutes (or closer to fifteen) to spare and an active Steam account? Good. Do yourself a solid and go play Moirai. It’s free, short and has a corker of an “ending” that may make you a little tense for anywhere from a few seconds to a few days. “What the hell does that mean?” you ask? Well, that’s part of the game’s lure, I’d reply.

Julia has gone missing, you go look for her, some guy outside a cave gives you a knife. that’s all I’ll say here. SOME so-called writers have gone and spoiled stuff after that, but those folks probably had a word count to meet or think they know their jaded audiences too well to give them credit to be curious. Not my style, folks.

Funny thing. I started writing this post, the water in the kettle I put on a few minutes ago boiled, I got up, made a cup of tea, decided I was a little hungry and ended up having a quick snack with my cuppa. By the time I got back to typing this out, I’d spent a longer time doing all that than I did on my first play of Moirai. Weird? No, that’s just how I roll sometimes.

Moirai is an experimental, first person game created by Chris Johnson, Brad Barrett and John Oestmann. You should play it once or twice. Maybe more if you like.

Score: A (90%)

-GW

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Blu-Ray Review: The House of Seven Corpses

Posted on October 6, 2016 by geelw

“Trust me… dying’s easy! Living is hard”

And so is watching some movies, pal.

Upon finding yourself on the set of a horror film or hell, ANY film where someone starts reading from a musty old book written in an indecipherable language, Rule Number One is this: LEAVE. You want examples? Sure. Equinox, The Evil Dead, In The Mouth of Madness, The Beyond, Necronomicon: Book of the Dead, The Ninth Gate, and so forth and so on. ALL of these flicks were initially rom-coms until someone on set decided to crack open a nasty, smelly old book they found, bought, pilfered or borrowed and all hell lit-er-al-ly broke loose.

Okay, not really. But you know you’re in for a deadly day for night shoot when there’s an old tome read and not much common sense exhibited by the cast once stuff starts going south. Sadly, 1974’s The House of Seven Corpses isn’t as good or fun enough a flick to watch as the above mentioned ones, wasting its tome (ha!) with too much “exposition” from annoying characters, John Carradine phoning in a performance from a better, scarier but campier film, and some slightly to moderately creepy undead that whittle down the cast and crew of a ~~romantic comedy~~ cheapie horror flick one by one.

It’s probably not a big co-inkydink that the film was produced by a company called Television Corporation of America, as save for a few moments, this looks and feels like a TV movie of the era. No, that’s not a complement.

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DVD Review: Psychomania

Posted on October 6, 2016 by geelw

This one’s for Mr. Bruno, who asked how this 1973 British “horror” flick was. Here’s your answer in the form of an opinion, sir. While it’s got a cult following, is fun as hell to watch, has some striking imagery, Psychomania (aka The Death Wheelers) is very much a “meh” genre flick overall that hasn’t aged well and isn’t even remotely scary. It has some fine ideas and even a solid John Cameron score holding things together. But a lack of “edginess” or even a true sense of danger doom it as a “serious” scare flick.

That said, it’s got that cult following that adores it for a few key reasons such as a brilliant opening sequence, those GREAT skull painted motorcycle helmets worn by The Living Dead cycle gang, a killer shot of a formerly deceased biker bursting from the grave on the bike he was buried on, and a bunch of hilarious demises as most of the gang kills themselves in order to return as immortal bikers… from helllllll!

(Thanks, BFI!)

The plot goes like so: Death-obsessed cycle gang leader Tom Latham (Nicky Henson) discovers he can die via suicide and come back as an un-killable death-obsessed cycle gang leader with the aid of his frog-cult worshiping mum (Beryl Reid). Once risen, he lets his gang, The Living Dead in on his secret and they follow suit, save for his girlfriend Abby (Mary Larkin) who doesn’t want to join the ranks of the undead. There’s a bunch of bloodless murders and pre-Mad Max road crimes and chases, a lot of talking and a very weird finale that may baffle you if you weren’t paying attention to the kooky story and just wanted a more brainless flick to chill out to.

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What’s In The Box? (Or: Hello, Slim!)

Posted on October 5, 2016 by geelw

Holy hell, my long national nightmare is OVER. I’ actually too damn busy to post the whole story here, but it involved a refund, a quick re-buy and this thing showing up SIX DAYS EARLIER than the expected date. Wow, but YES, I’ll take that over the nonsense I went through for too long last month. Anyway WHEE. Wait, my workload just tripled? WHEEEEE!!

(faint, *THUD!*).

(Thanks, cronocembalo!)

Um, back in a bit. I need to go lie down, have a drink, fry some chicken to celebrate and play a game or three. All at the same damn time. Whee?

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The Silver Case Demo Hands-On: Dread, Delusion, And A Little Death

Posted on October 5, 2016 by geelw

With its October 7 release date right around the corner, Grasshopper Manufacture has released a new demo and trailer for the remastered version of The Silver Case, set to hit PC as a digital download on Playism, Steam, and the Humble Store for $19.99 (Standard Edition) or $29.99 (Deluxe Edition with a digital art book, soundtrack and comic). The new demo features two slices from the game starting with the harrowing opening chapter “lunatics”.

As I proudly still own the 1999 PlayStation import, seeing and playing this chapter all over again with enhanced visuals (and yes, in English) that still echo the original but with more detail brought a smile to my face despite the grin proceedings taking place. I won’t spoil a thing (you can and *SHOULD* give the demo a test drive) other than to say the mix of tried and true adventure gaming, unique interface and graphic novel meets cinematic presentation elements combined with a mature script will have you engrossed and enthused to play the final version. As with his other mature titles, Goichi Suda’s style is evident in the deadly manner in which some events play out, plenty of vernacular usage (hey, we’re all adults here, right?), and offbeat, welcome humor to break up the tension… or add it in cases where someone might not live.

For those of you craving physical product, you’d best move like a bullet. The fine folks at Limited Run Games are doing a fantastic (and yes, LIMITED) boxed retail version ($49.99) available for pre-order ONLY on their site until midnight, October 20. Yes, my eyeballs needed to be retrieved from under the couch after I saw this blissful box of beauty.

Inside are the following items:

DRM-free game disc with installer
Soundtrack CD
Artbook
22-page manga
Two-piece manual set
Individually numbered box – numbers will be issued by order of purchase. The box is 7.75″ x 9.5″ x 1.75″ – the same box dimensions as many classic PC games from the 80s and 90s.
Game download on Steam

Of course, broke-ass me will have to settle for a standard digital code, but I can live with that. Getting to finally play this and fully grasp the plot is well worth the long wait. Or short wait, if you’re new to the game and are holding your breath for the next 48 hours. Also, if you’re only buying the game digitally and want to do a double-take of sorts, go with the Playism version, I say. That purchase gets you a DRM-Free download as well as a Steam key, meaning you can choose to get gifty with it if you like. Hopefully the game does well enough to get console ports down the road, as it’s quite a ride and deserves to be played by as many as possible.

As usual, we shall see.

-GW

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Hide and Shriek: Funcom Looks To Scare Up Some MP Madness For Halloween

Posted on October 5, 2016 by geelw

Last October, Funcom released the great chilling single player horror adventure The Park, a fairly short and somewhat bleak experience that was memorable on a few levels and well worth its price point. This year, the company is going for a more lighthearted online 1 v 1 multiplayer-focused experience with Hide & Shriek, set to launch later this month (Did someone say SOON-o-ween? No? Must have been the wind!).

Teaser? What teaser? Oh.. THAT teaser! Let’s have a look now, shall we?

Here’s a bit more about what to expect:

It`s Halloween and the students of magic at Little Springs High and Innsmouth Academy are about to honor an ancient tradition: sneaking into school after midnight, turning themselves invisible, and scaring the living hell out of each other!

Hide and Shriek is a one vs. one multiplayer romp played out in ten minute matches. Your objective is simple: be a mischievous little rascal and scare your opponent half to death before time runs out! If there is no clear winner when the timer stops, the player with the most points wins the game. Points can be acquired by scaring your opponent, luring them into traps, or performing an ancient ritual.

There is just one catch: you are both invisible!

You will need to use cunning traps and potent spells to reveal your opponent. Once you spot them, sneak up on them and give them a good scare! Just remember they are looking for you too, and if you`re not careful you might be the one jumping in your seat!

Play with friends or strangers in ten-minute one vs. one multiplayer matches!
You are both invisible! You will need all your cunning to spot your opponent: look for doors opening, objects flying in midair, or traps being sprung!
Over thirty different spells to discover, each with their own impish effect: blind your opponent, booby-trap doors, unleash a demon upon them, and much more!
Shriek at your opponent to scare them! Use scary masks of famous characters like Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton, or use skulls and zombie heads that can be modified with accessories like gooey eyeballs, bloody hatchets, and much more!
Dominate the leaderboards or get scared trying!

Well, then… I’m gathering this one will scare up some decent sales soon enough with or without the political addition some on both sides of the isle here in the U.S. of A. may get a bit testy over. But hey, all in good fun, right? Anyway, the idea is solid, those visuals look great and if the price is right, this one could be a seasonal smash hit when all is said and dome.

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Wii U Quickies: PONCHO, Meet Severed

Posted on October 5, 2016 by geelw

With the Wii U seemingly in its final year of being a viable console to some pundits and players, it’s very important to note the console has in fact been the recipient of a number of incredible indie games over the past few months, most recently through the eShop Nindies selection.

Sure, first party titles are always key and should be on any console worth its salt. But the indie scene on Wii U is chock full of cool titles that Wii U-only gamers have either gotten in the past, are getting now or have been popping up as improved ports over versions previously released on PC or other consoles. Most are well worth an instant buy for those who want to support both Nintendo and the dev teams that cook up these gems. Here’s a quick look at two of the best you can buy (in no particular order, of course):

PONCHO (Rising Star Games, via Nintendo eShop, $9.99): Delve Interactive’s gorgeous, highly challenging side-scrolling platformer’s best tricks are the unique gameplay that has you hopping between different planes to progress through levels, and how surprisingly tough yet slyly meditative the game can be.

While a nice retro vibe is indeed here to be felt by nostalgic minded gamers, the lovely pixel visuals get kicked up into the modern age thanks to plenty of tricks older hardware couldn’t pull off so fluidly. The open world mixes in plenty of surprises to discover, with no lives system in play to drive you batty. That said, prepare to leap of faith your way in some cases where you have no other options but to cross your fingers, toes and anything else save for your eyes because you need to kind of stick that landing.

Jumping like mad through foreground, middle, and background elements like a champ, chatting up cute to not so cute robots who have a lot on their metal mind cases and overall, spending a good long time in this rich, intriguing game world learning what’s what makes this one a keeper of a sleeper. And yes, the music is pretty much perfect, emulating and enhancing its 16-bit inspired tunes that drive the action onscreen.

Score: B+ (85%)

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