Your Life Lesson for the Day, Courtesy Valhalla Knights 3…

2013-11-10-163038For a game very unfairly labeled “misogynist” and a few other choice negative terms by some skittish reviewers who clearly don’t know the meaning of some of the big words they use, Valhalla Knights 3 sure has a few interesting side-quests and resolutions. Sure, the skimpy outfits and NSFW “Sexytime” mini-game with certain ladies in the game are there to please the more prurient otaku with itchy fingers and the old-school RPG level grinding isn’t for every taste. But dang it if Producer Yoshifumi Hashimoto and his team at K2 didn’t whip in a few oddball surprises that prove they’re not the sexist neanderthals some “journalists” think they are for making this game.

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Yeah, I’m still working on my review. I have a load of notes here and I think it’s going to be longer than I was initially thinking because warts and all, this one’s nowhere near as awful as some are saying. The Valhalla Knights series have never been known for the depth of its plots or stellar storytelling and VK3 continues that trend outside of some fun vignettes such as this one that aren’t tied to the main quest. That said, the main plot in the game does have its moments, but I’ll discuss some of those in my review…

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Granted, I’ll admit right now that the game is NOT for all tastes and I can see some taking offense at a few of the more salacious elements. Of course, it’s a free country, so it seems that a bunch of people who probably shouldn’t be playing this are doing so with varying degrees of disgust or shame because they can’t handle the content. It seems that the completely humorless, kids who convinced their parents or some other adult to buy this for them and are turned off by the lewd elements (hey, it IS a MATURE rated game, you little dummies!), or those expecting a pure porn experience (it’s most assuredly NOT that at all) are getting slapped in the head with confusion on a few fronts (as always when it comes to games that toss even the mildest forms of sexual themes into the mix).

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Diablo III On PS4: Sizzling Indeed (And Has Some PC Fans Hot Under The Collar)…

Hey, as a longtime fan of games and someone who appreciates a job very well done, I’m one of those smart folks who absolutely loves what Blizzard has done with their baby on consoles. As I keep saying, the main purpose of ANY port from PC to console isn’t to piss off those with computers at all, children. It’s to broaden the user base for that formerly “exclusive” game you who buy or build those big beefy gaming rigs thought you’d have all to yourselves. That AND these “ports” are here to make the developers and publishers some additional money when they DO succeed in delivering the goods. I say Blizzard deserves every damn penny because once you try it out with an open mind, you’ll be surprised at… How. Well. It. Works. Me, I’d rather give Blizzard (and any other developers who do it up right for gamers) money and keep them cranking out hits for as many platforms as possible if and when they please… Continue reading

Well, At Least My Vita Is Ready For The PlayStation 4…

Almost Ready...

So, Sony’s most recent system update for the PlayStation Vita has a few nifty new additions to that XMB for owners including a PS4 Link feature that seems to allow PlayStation 4 games to be streamed onto the handheld most likely via a cloud service of some sort. HOPEFULLY, it will allow for system updates for that console to be downloaded and transferred TO the PS4, as I know for a fact that not everyone who wants or has pre-ordered that console has a broadband connection or decent internet access at home. That’s going to be a HUGE deciding factor for some in this upcoming console battle as we know that out of the box, the Xbox One won’t even play a game until a mandatory update patch is downloaded from Xbox Live (and nope, you can’t use a dial-up connection!).

I’m not lucky enough to have an early console like some sites out there (*grumble*), but I’m playing on picking one up and NO, not by trying my luck eating crappy “ethnic” fast food from a flimsy cardboard box (yuck!) packed and sold by people working for soul suckin’ jerks. I’d prefer a debug unit, personally, but it would seem no one at Sony even knows I exist these days so I’m a Joe Gamer type like the rest of you at the moment. Oh well, all that does is make for better reviews at the end of the day anyway. Although I’ll tell you now that I’m the hardest person to market stuff to because I buy and play what I like, I like very odd things sometimes and that’s not “mainstream” enough for some out there, I’d gather…

Robocop Trailer #2: “He Has a Program. He’s Product!”

robocop_ver2_xlgWell, here it is, folks – the new RoboCop trailer in all its glory. For me, the jury is still out as the film LOOKS good (in that “we used a LOT of CG!” manner) and it definitely shakes up the original’s origin story significantly in terms of how Murphy gets his metal suit and why it’s now black in the new flick.

On the other hand, it also shares that very similar (and yes, slightly long in the tooth) thematic stuff many of these sci-fi remakes are afflicted with where it’s one man (or many) against the evil, rotten corporate scum who don’t give a rat’s ass about the little people. Cue dramatic music, explosions and bodies falling off stuff. But in PG-13 instead of R-rated violence because that gets more asses in the seats at the end of the day. That and yup, expect this to clock in at under two hours because less time means more showings per day as well. Any bonus footage is coming in the “Unrated” home video version, I’d bet you a hot nickel… Continue reading

Star Wars: Tiny Death Star: My Brain Just Turned To An 8-Bit Alderaan


tiny DSOh, don’t get me wrong, people. This new Google Play game IS stupidly super cute and all, and yes indeed, I laughed while watching it. But yeah, the 1977 part of me rolled over and died inside seeing this trailer and realizing that pretty much everything about the original release has now been vaporized and swept under a dirty bantha hide rug. Ah well.

Granted, it was pretty obvious the Star Wars franchise was going to end up parodying and satirizing itself harder than anyone else has in the past, so expect more of the same as Disney looks to monetize every aspect of the series from now on. Business is business after all, the new fans coming in won’t care at all about the original three flicks in their unaltered versions and everyone’s happy that they’re finally seeing more films and merch roll out on a regular basis. Ah well… back to work for me and my soul needs to find that box of ethereal Kleenex so it can go cry in the corner.

Humor? Recovering From Defeat Isn’t Hard, Folks. It’s Just A One-Step Dance…

Like everyone else out there, I sometimes fail miserably at stuff. But being old and stubborn and cranky yet willing to learn fast is actually a darn good thing if you put it into practice. Like you, I used to get upset at a setback and sink into something soft with something edible to squeeze as I planned revenge on what wronged me (although in many cases it was those three idiots me, myself and I doing the dirty work). What one learns over time is not to dwell on the not so good parts of life and focus on making oneself a better person even if it costs you a few brownie points with your dark side. Hell, letting that part have all the fun is stupid anyway, as all that does is make your nicer side pissed off and plan revenge (meaning you’re setting yourself up for a fall even faster than you can run out to the supermarket and stock up on crow pies and chocolate ice cream)… Continue reading

Valdis Story: Abyssal City – Your Side-Scrolling 2D Fix of the Week.

Frankly speaking, I completely despise the term “Metroidvania”, as it smacks of laziness on the part of people who’ve adopted it to mean ANY side-scrolling platformer with gameplay and/or visuals that are common and familiar to those who might not even like either of those two storied franchises. Granted, it also confuses those who’ve NEVER played either game, as I once heard some kid in a GameStop seriously ask a clerk for a copy of Metroidvania (eek!). But I digress (as usual). Indie developer Endless Fluff has a rather fun-looking game out now for PC called Valdis Story Abyssal City and yes indeed, if you’re a fan of those old 8 and 16-bit classics (yes, such as Castlevania and Metroid) and happen to remember a seemingly now forgotten series called Valis, with a dash of Ys and a few other old games from back in the day, you’ve stopped reading this post already and are on the game’s gog.com page and buying it. And good for you, this is, as the game is on sale for $11.99 ($3 off its original price).

And hey! What do you mean “That’s TOO much!” you big cheapskate? Back in my day, we had to pay fifty bucks or more for a game like this and WALK to the damn game store UPHILL. BOTH WAYS. Darn kids and your “Why can’t everything be free or a dollar, but free first!” mentality. Good hard work deserves to be PAID for, I say. You’ll figure this out once you get to work on something awesome (or not so awesome) and no one wants to pay you for doing anything other than giving you a pat on the head or a hearty hand clasp (and not both because you work for a cheap-ass who thinks “intern” means “SUCKER” in big neon letters). If you don’t support indie games, you’ll be playing and paying through the nose on your phone and not any wiser about that wallet draining scheme…

As Usual, Call of Duty Gets A Celebrity Crazy Live Action TV Spot…

Here’s an answer to a question I was asked by not one but TWO readers in person within the space of a week or so (yes, people ask me stuff on the street when they see me) about coverage of some of the bigger AAA titles and why I don’t spend a ton of space covering them like other sites. It’s mostly because I prefer to NOT rush out a review before or with everyone else and partly because I can;t get access to loaner debug units like I used to a few years back. Complain, gripe, whine, et cetera, et cetera. I miss my old PR wranglers who did me the occasional odd favor, but what can you do, kids? Meh, life goes on! I was supposed to get a trumpet blast with that last sentence, but I’ll settle for a bleated out note on the STL Ocarina I’m reviewing…

Anyway, I actually liked last year’s big celebrity-packed TV ad much better, but this has its fun moments:

COD_G_Wii UGranted, I’m a LOT more interested in Call of Duty: Ghosts for the single player campaign (no matter how long or short it turns out to be) and YES, I’m much more interested in the upcoming Wii U version just to see how it turned out (Yes, *shocking!* isn’t it?), as Call of Duty: Black Ops 2 wasn’t bad at all on Nintendo’s overly maligned (by some of the Internet’s troll-iest under bridge dwellers) console which REALLY just needs some love and a lot more good games from first and third parties, as there’s NOTHING fundamentally wrong with it at all.

That said, it certainly looks great on any system I’ve seen it on, so I guess everyone will have it on their a favorite console soon enough. Yeah, that’s right. I’m a root for the underdog guy myself these days, so there you go…

Mega Man Might Not Be Getting A New Game, But Music-Wise? He’s Quite Well Covered…

MM25 MMRocksAnd of course, Capcom is being trolled harder since these announcements by “fans” who are more like nasty barnacles more than people who seem to “enjoy” anything the company is putting out on the game front these days. Yes, poor MM has been through some development hell lately (although he’s popping up in some interesting fan-made and professional non-MM game projects) and sure, you can scream at Capcom until you turn bluer than the Blue Bomber about anything else you believe they’ve done wrong since the Great Clock was first constructed. But, NO. You can’t poop on the work of these talented musicians that happen to be Mega Man fans as well who’ve worked an ass cheek or two off making music for your listening pleasure just because the Internet allows you to rant at your leisure (no matter how ignorant you sound)… Continue reading

Sharp Advice From Arnold Cuts Both Ways, But He’s Got A Point…

Ah, well. So, kids – this week went from fun to weak in a “Well, that was a surprise but not SO much of a surprise” manner. Granted, with all my recent good tidings I’d naturally expected some stuff in the air to tumble down hard. but I at least figured I’d see it coming before I got smashed on the skull and would be able to leap gracefully out of the way. Okay, at least sidestep slowly away from the crushing blow and let it hit some other poor sap. Welp, I actually got splattered across the map but good (ewww), but this ended up being a fortunate thing that it happened when it did and not when I was in the midst of the upcoming better stuff that’s rolling up shortly. So ol’ Arnold up there is both right and wrong. You can kill a dream alright, but you can’t kill the dreamer unless he or she wants to cash in those chips. And I’m not going anywhere I don’t want to…