Grand Theft Auto V Cover: Meet The New Neighbors (You’ll Be Seeing A Lot Of Them Soon)…

GTA_V_CoverAnd here you go, your time-eater for the month of September (and beyond for some). September 17, 2013 is the big day, so expect some “sick” people at home with the GTA flu (TM) for a few days. Hilariously, there’s actually been some needless ire out there in Internet-land that Rockstar Games’ last two GTA games have been “too serious” when despite the open world shenanigans that can be pretty funny (well, in a slapstick-y gory way) that deeper, story driven narrative has been part of the franchise since the first games back on the PC and older consoles.

Granted, the games were more intentionally cartoon like in their character designs, but the evolution in visuals has been a natural thing thanks to Rockstar wanting to go in that direction as means to pull off more mature storytelling. THAT said, the game, like GTV IV, should be hilariously funny in terms of the assorted in jokes in everything from car names to radio spots that pop up as you’re driving around. The more of a “sophisticated” gamer you are, the more of these amusing references you’ll appreciate, I say. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go polish my pipe and air out my smoking jacket. With my pinky out.

Dead Island Riptide TV Spot: Gilligan Wouldn’t Last A Minute, Either…


 

OK, as great as this sequel to Deep Silver and Techland’s hit zombie game looks, now I really, REALLY want to see someone do an official mod that turns this game into that lost Gilligan’s Island episode and makes it out as DLC and/or part of the inevitable Game of the Year edition. “What lost episode?” you ask? Well, you know… the one where the Professor tries to come up with a new beverage made from coconuts and those strange barrels of green, glowing goo that washed up one day. Yeah, THAT episode. Uh, huh… it’ll indeed be BIG fun seeing the Skipper turned into a fat zombie who starts chasing after the rest of the cast, but you just KNOW it’ll be MUCH better if it’s Gilligan who goes undead first and turns on everyone else.

To wit:

SCENE: Outside the Howell’s cabin, night. Spooky music plays on the soundtrack…

SKIPPER: GILLIGAN! Put down those coconuts!
GILLIGAN: Grrrrrrrroooowwwr!
GILLIGAN turns around slowly, the SKIPPER sees that they’re not coconuts he’s holding… but the heads of THURSTON HOWELL and EUNICE WENTWORTH HOWELL. Spooky music grows more dramatic, increasing in tempo…
SKIPPER (shocked): GILLIGAN! What did you DO, little buddy?!
GILLIGAN: Grrrrrrrroooowwwr! (throws heads at SKIPPER, then pounces on him)
SKIPPER: No, Gilligan, NOOOOOOO!! GEEEEYAAAAAAAGH!!!!!

Camera shot pulls away as GILLIGAN tears SKIPPER apart…

(Or something like that…)

New Thief 4 Trailer: Hmmm, Now You Need A New Logo, Too…


 

He’s baaaaack… and before you know it, you’re waking up with a headache, your purse full of gold is long gone and if he needed a disguise and you were the right size, so are your pantaloons. Poor (and now poorer you). That wasn’t some April Fool who clubbed you and cut your purse either. No news on exactly WHEN this one will be all done, but I’d bet that’s the way the man himself wants it. Hell, would YOU tell your mark you were good and ready to swipe their stuff? Then again, a good thief loves a challenge, right? This could get interesting, folks… stay tuned…

Defiance “This Place” Trailer: “The First Rule of Fight Club Is…”

 

Well, you most likely KNOW that part already (if you’ve actually seen Fight Club, that is). I think there’s some other unwritten rule later on about NEVER fighting the blue alien who looks like he’s going to break you into five pieces, but whatever. Besides, who reads the manual to anything these days? It’s obviously much worse in the future (and I can only wonder HOW new furniture and bicycles will get put together then – it’ll be kids and wives falling down everywhere thanks to lazier dads not figuring stuff out even more!). Anyway, contrary to what I’ve been posting previously (Oops!), DEFIANCE actually premieres on April 15, 2013 (9pm/8 Central Time) on syfy. That’s Tax day for many here in the US (whee!), so you can cry when you send out those forms and your check for what you owe Uncle Sam (who must be doing a LOT of shopping at QVC or something with all that money he gets) and come home later to feel better in front of a cool-looking new TV show. AND game (which hits stores on April 2), if you’re connected and want to dive into more of the lore in a more interactive manner…

Deal of the Week! Bundle Stars Brings More Overkill to The Indie Game Bundling Scene…

 

bundlestars_logoOK, you head looks too tightly attached to your neck today, so here’s an amazing offer to get it spinning really fast. Put on a hat and sit in a room with a low ceiling before reading further. All set? Good. FIRST: Go to the Bundle Stars Facebook Page NOW, “Like” the page, agree to that App TOS and *BOOM!* You get Dark Matter (a fun PC space shooter) for FREE. Download that, then boogie on over to the Bundle Stars site and prepare to keel over and thank me later. Got a measly five virtual dollars in an account somewhere? You can get a whopping TEN more PC games for that fiver (Yaaaaah! Your head just flew off your neck, right? Go get it back and sit down – I’ll wait) and that ten games includes some real winners and not much “filler”, especially if you’re a more open-minded gamer looking to shake up your library or try something new.

There are TWO different bundles to choose from – I prefer the variety in Bundle Five (which has seventeen days of availability to go) over Bundle Four (this one expires in three days) but hey, it may be the opposite for you or you over there on the right. You can indeed nab all those games for five bucks, pay less for two or more if you want more of your money to go to charity. Heck, you can even buy these as GIFTS for that picky gamer on your “I dunno what a gamer wants!” list and see what happens. Hopefully they have a Steam and/or Desura account (or you do if you’re getting these for yourself). Anyway, pay up and get to the downloading, installing and PLAYING part. You won’t come up for air for weeks, people will think you’re on vacation or something and you’ll be educating yourself about some fun titles you’d have otherwise avoided. Sound like a plan? Well, stop reading and get clicking, I say!

GRID 2 Update: Now, This Is A World Series I’d Defintely Watch (And Play!)…

 

…Fortunately, I’m more of a hands-on guy. Even better, Codemasters is BACK in town in a week or so with more of the game to show off and yes, indeed – I’ll be there. A wee bit early in the morning for my tastes, but eh, what can you do? I have an appointment with this at 10am, another appointment a block or so away to see Starbreeze Studios’ new game, then it’s back to the same spot I started from for a few hours of Namco Bandai Games’ lineup. I could use a clone right about now, but I guess that’s not going to happen before these press events coming up. Anyway, GRID 2 is looking great and is skidding into stores here on May 28 2013 (or May 31, depending on where you live)…

Pathologic: GOG.com Gets A(nother) Unique Indie Horror Game…

With a name like Ice-Pick Lodge for the development team behind this Russian PC game from 2005, Pathologic was guaranteed at least some notoriety from gamers who pay attention to such things. However, this horror-themed adventure/RPG hybrid seems to have been forgotten over the years until the folks at gog.com dug it up, got it working and available as the latest game in their growing library. The surreal visual style is a bit dated (I like it a lot), so the graphics whores will get all pissy that it doesn’t look as if were made last week. Nevertheless, the game still has that odd overall charm familiar to games such as Deadly Premonition, D2, Silent Hill and a bit of Call of Cthulu: Dark Corners of the Earth (among other quirky horror games). Anyway, three playable characters, an intriguing game world and story, plenty of unsettling imagery and yep, death comes a-calling looking quite strange here. Even better – this one’s only $9.99, so definitely check it out if you’re in the mood for something weird and wild…

New Grand Theft Auto V Screenshots: A More Complete Vacation Package Deal…

GTA_V_Packs 

V-76-1280 It may LOOK as if I’m not following Grand Theft Auto V around like a very talented stalker dear reader… but that’s quite misleading. I just haven’t written a lot about it because I just KNOW that it’s going to be one of those games that doesn’t require a ton of words written before its actually PLAYED in order to enjoy everything it will offer. Given Rockstar Games‘ dedication to each new installment of the series, it’s been clear from the first reveal that GTA V will be the deepest and best game in the long-running franchise. Anyway, a few more screens to get YOU talking are below. Me, I’m just smiling and thinking about how I’m going to manage my time when I fire this game up for the first of many times. The series is well known for sucking all too many hours from the day once you get in, start peeling back its layers and finding hidden secrets galore. Skydiving AND Scuba in the same game? And a few types of flying machines to go with the ton of cars, bikes and other fine rides? September 17 will be a perfect day for a good chunk of the country to call in sick, I predict.

Of course, if you’re REALLY smart, midnight crush launches aren’t your thing and you’d have already pre-ordered the game directly from the always awesome Rockstar Warehouse online shop, which has a cool GTA V-themed bonus T-Shirt you won’t see elsewhere. Hmmm… someone give these guys the James Bond license and let’s see what happens if they make a wholly original product, I say…

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Making of Defiance: Tarrs vs McCawleys (Or: Meanwhile, Back @ The Space Ranch)…

 

Saddle up, pardners and get ready to hit the trail! (or something like that). OK, so syfy’s upcoming show/video game extravaganza DEFIANCE has that whole space western thing going for it, but this is actually a good thing at the end of the day. It should get the show some appeal to those sci-fi fans who prefer their shows a bit tumbleweedy and familiar and cranky old goats like me who have the occasional Bonanza or original Battlestar Galactica flashback (or Battlestar Ponderosa, if I recall what Harlan Ellison rightly called the show back in the day).

Snark aside, I really like what they’ve done with the show so far and will give it a season to do its thing on the parts of my brain that click with the genre. Hopefully, the show and game will do well in this still stupid economy and current ratings format that see shows get axed if viewership only dips a TINY amount after the usually highly watched pilot episode. That’s a stupidly expensive way to do business, particularly with fickle audiences that often come BACK to a show later on in the first season to catch up. As always, we shall see…

Watch_Dogs: Threat Monitoring Report: Beware The Launch Day Stampede.

 

I’m one of those people dying to play this upcoming soon to be classic… but I’m smartly also NOT following every single thing written about it all around the Internet because that’s the fast road to mental hell. A million “what if” posts and too much over-speculation ALWAYS leads to disappointment or over/underblown expectations and other dopiness that can derail an otherwise excellent game experience. I’ve just been ignoring everything until I hear the game is PLAYABLE and coming to NYC on a press tour where I can wrap my grubby paws around a controller to see what’s what and let YOU know about it. Of course, that all revolves around someone at Ubisoft’s PR team actually contacting me (which hasn’t happened for a while, ha ha – maybe they’re watching ME to see what I do?), but as always, we shall see. Hey, I’m a nice enough guy and don’t bite unless you ask politely (*Woof!*)…