Random Film of the Week(end): The Indestructible Man

Posted on July 20, 2013 by geelw

One of those crazy 50’s “B” sci-fi/horror flicks that sticks in the mind thanks to the performance of its lead, The Indestructible Man is also one of those forgotten gems that modern audiences would most likely laugh out of a theater or change the channel after a few minutes of dialog during a slower moment. Of course, I grew up seeing this flick countless times on TV, so it was a formative part of my misspent youth. Combining sci-fi, horror and film noir elements and featuring a creepy performance from Lon Chaney Jr., this is one of those short, snappy little movies that makes for a nice jolt as well as few unintentional laughs.

Chaney plays Charles “Butcher” Benton, a convicted killer and thief who’s been given the gas chamber treatment, but has his dead body illegally sold to a scientist for research purposes. Of course, it being the 1950’s and a “B” movie and all, that scientist happens to be studying the effects of electricity and his own chemical concoctions on dead subjects and ends up quite thrilled when Benton is brought back to the land of the living. Naturally, when you beef up a dead man with voltage and vitamins, his first response will be to kill you and your assistant then take off with intent of wiping out just about anyone who sent him behind bars. Maybe that stupid scientist should have invented a time machine so he could pop up today and read this post, then zap back and get better prepared…

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Retro Summer Heat: Bad Girls Go to Hell Trailer

Posted on July 19, 2013 by geelw

This post is for the smiling guy I saw out walking today wearing a suit and tie all buttoned up and saying to his baking lady friend (trying to keep up in her high heels and about to melt makeup) “This heat is NOTHING to me! HAHAHAHAHA!”

Yeah, you suck and the planet you come from sucks as well.

Note: SOME would say this trailer is NSFW, but given that I’m posting this after work hours, YOU can watch it and not feel guilty or cheap. Unless you’re watching this at work and get creeped on by your boss. Oops – now he’s going to think a lot less (or more) of you and you’ll get a raise or a demotion or something. Whatever it is, even if it’s “good”, it’s not good, as now he’ll be sliding by with a grin on his mug, a mug in his claw and a “Whatcha watchin’?” leer to really freak you out. OK, other than clips on some ancient HBO show and stills from a book a friend lent me many years ago, I’ve actually never seen a Doris Wishman-directed film. The trailer makes me want to. It’s the title, silly. Well, OK… the sheer camp value is also the kicker here. Anyway, yeah… some of you need another shower, the rest of you want to chase me around the room with a spiked baseball bat. It’s too hot for the latter, so just stick your head and feet into a nice bucket of ice (or ice cream) and cool off. You can hate me in the winter or something…

Or you can hate the fine folks at Sleaze-O-Rama for twisting your arm and “making” you click that link… and yeah, Bad Girls go to Hell 365 days a year – they just wear less in this weather.

Random Film of the Week: THE CAR

Posted on July 17, 2013 by geelw

Since it’s hot as HELL outside, I figured I may as well throw you readers a bone in the form of a film with a lot of heat under its hood that won’t burn you (unless you’re expecting it to blow you away with stellar acting and a memorable plot.) If you take it at all seriously (and it’s VERY hard to do so, mind you), 1977’s THE CAR isn’t a great film by any stretch of the imagination, but it sure as hell is a really and unintentionally hilarious one.

It’s more or less a nasty-tasting cake made up of equal parts of single-word title films (JAWS, DUEL), a dash of devil possession from some other popular 70’s flicks, a custom George Barris ride that looks like a tricked out rolling bathtub and some (as in too many) scenery chewing lead and character actors having at the jumbled script and its crazy plot diversions.

This is a “Yours is not to question why…” flick, plain and simple. Small run down desert town gets visited and its citizenry terrified (and run down) by a mysterious driver-less evil car from hell (more or less). Sheriff and crew take on car with mixed and amusing results until they realize that good old fashioned explosives and a few tons of boulders solve many problems. Crash, Bang, Boom… The End? Yeah, it’s that simple enough to be a thirty minute episode of some sort of horror anthology on TV (or as part of a much better film anthology), but THE CAR is padded with a number of dopey subplots that don’t really go anywhere because after too many minutes of greasy buildup someone usually gets killed (and taken out of the picture as a result), leaving that screen door swinging in the breeze until the next victim shows up…

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Seventh Son Trailer #1: This May Be Dragon You Into Theaters Soon Enough…

Posted on July 15, 2013 by geelw

Boy, am I SO behind on my fantasy novel reading… I guess. I’d never even heard of The Wardstone Chronicles until this trailer for Seventh Son rolled around and while I don’t think I’ll be diving into any of the books anytime soon, this trailer looks pretty cool in a flash-forward about a year to “When I finally caught this on cable I was really surprised at how good it was!” manner. Of course, that’s not what WB and Legendary Pictures want to hear, but that’s how I roll these days with those crazy ticket prices. “I’ll take “LESS Expensive Cinema Gimmickry” for $200, Alex!”… or something like that…

Random Film of the Week(end): Mr. Majestyk

Posted on July 14, 2013 by geelw

Goofy name of its main character aside, thanks to a snappy Elmore Leonard script, solid direction from Richard Fleisher and some enjoyable performances from its cast, you can’t not love Charles Bronson as a hard-nosed yet quiet Vietnam veteran turned single-minded melon farmer who simply wants to get his crop in while some people want him deceased for a few too amusing reasons.

The poor guy just wants to hire his labor from an eager pool of migrant workers of mostly Mexican descent, but a local hick/thug named Kopas tries to force his more local drunkard/bum laborers on Majestyk’s melon farm with the usual threats. Of course, Majestyk isn’t having any of this (just the thought of drunks picking melons is amazingly amusing), so his military training gets put to use, some asses are kicked and the former future vagrants and their “boss” get sent packing. The man’s got melons to pick and all fools are suffered VERY lightly…

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TURBO Thoughts (and Too Much Honesty…)

Posted on July 13, 2013 by geelw

So, TURBO wasn’t bad at all. The 3D is OK, the kids will dig it, the parents will get a laugh at the stuff that’s written in for them (which will lead to the kids BUGGING you with “What’s so funny?” until you have to shush them and say you’ll tell them later) and it’s bound to get some sort of sequel (even if it’s straight to video, as I can see a certain character wanting revenge).

For the record, you’re not seeing this for any Oscar-winning performances or the “best” in animation (although what’s here is quite good in that stylized manner expected of a CG family flick). But there’s nothing wrong with turning one’s brain off, plopping into a seat and watching a snail imbued with nitrous and possibly sports energy drink super-speed blaze around and exhaust nearly every possible gag about fast gastropods. I say NEARLY because it seems as if they’re saving the rest for that inevitable sequel. Not sure the same cast will be back (hey, money isn’t free!), but I bet there are a lot of actors who can sound just like the cast here and no kid will be the wiser.

(thanks, DreamWorksAnimation!)

Speaking of wiser, I’m guessing whatever good karma I have just got a kick up a notch as I was looking for a restroom after the show and while poking about the floor I was on, I opened a door and walked into a showing of Pacific Rim that was about a half hour away from the ending. I suppose I could have been a jerk, grabbed a seat and stuck around for the next showing, but I had to pee and I also needed to get to work on some posts today and a few other things I’d planned out previously (Hey, laundry sorting is important! Separating the pile into bags keeps it from forming into THE BEAST FROM THE CLOSET!*). I did pop my 3D specs on to checkout how the film looked and it wasn’t bad. Then again, I think I also left because I hate coming into a film near the ending (or hell, after it begins). I like watching stuff from the start and paying attention, not playing connect the dots (unless I’m re-watching Rashomon, Memento or Pulp Fiction one more time)…

Oh yeah, the restrooms were on a higher floor, which I found odd for such a huge theater, but oh well…

EDIT: Aha- I see that Dreamworks is as always, twenty paces ahead of me. There’s going to be a TV series called Turbo: F.A.S.T. (Fast Action Stunt Team), which will air on Netflix in December 2013, so there you go. I don’t use Netflix (*gasp!*), so like that that Arrested Development reboot, I’ll be missing this too. Hopefully, the series won’t drop all its episodes at once and burn itself out like AD did (the show always worked best in small doses), but I guess we’ll see what happens. Er, you who use Netflix will see what happens…

(*No, I don’t keep my dirty laundry in a closet and neither should you. It’ll stink up the place if left in too long AND it’ll fuse together into the shape of some elder god of dirty clothes and eat you as you sleep. You’ve been warned…)

Curse of Chucky Trailer: That New CG Dolly Doesn’t Scare Me One Bit…

Posted on July 11, 2013 by geelw

Bleh. No wonder this is direct to Blu-Ray & DVD, although I won’t stop you from buying or renting it. Some folks are creeped out by this new digital Chucky, but I couldn’t stop laughing once his eyeballs bulged when that gal leans in closer. Maybe I’ll catch this on cable in a few months and change my mind, but probably not. For my money, 1945’s Dead of Night still has the scariest single “animated” doll on film, but I’ll give it up for Trilogy of Terror’s “Amelia” chapter for putting me under a couch. This new film might put me under a couch if I’m rolling on the floor laughing… we shall see…

Oldboy Red Band Trailer: Spike Hammers it Home…

Posted on July 11, 2013 by geelw

Ouch. Well, this looks pretty intriguing, that’s for sure. If you’ve NEVER seen the original film… YES, you should do so soon (as in if anyone asks “Whatcha doin’ this weekend?”, you’ll say “Watching OLDBOY!” and mean it!). I’ll admit to still wondering why Spike felt the urging need to remake a film that really didn’t need it, but hey, this remake thing worked for Scorcese with his multiple award winning The Departed, so perhaps Mr. Lee is onto something. Granted, Oldboy has got some meaner twists and turns than Internal Affairs did and the resetting of the story to a more Americanized setting may ruffle a few feathers… but again, it worked very well for Scorcese. I’m gathering Samuel L. Jackson doesn’t mind playing a total creep (and getting killed for that) again, as his intensity sure makes anything he’s been in lately pretty interesting. Well, except for that iPhone commercial… that made me hate gazpacho and measuring cups. And Siri (it’s a good thing I don’t own an iPhone)…

SHARKNADO: Um…OK, I Was Wrong About APE…

Posted on July 10, 2013 by geelw

(muchas gracias, MachinimaETC!)

Well… I should have expected this after Sharktopus, but still… wow. Actually, double wow and a slap to the jaw because I thought of the frogs raining down from P.T. Anderson’s excellent film Magnolia as soon as I saw the “poster” for this soon to be instant classic. Ah, SHARKNADO… you’re a puzzlement! Will I waste two hours with commercials watching this? Mmmmmaybe… not, as anything with Tara Reid in it makes my ears smoke pretty badly. She delivers lines like a drunk mailman delivers a box of champagne flutes. The trailer is more than enough for me to see exactly where this will go and even if it has a surprise ending, I can just ring up a friend I know is going to catch this and ask him what happens. I generally have a super high tolerance for stuff like this, but too much during the week is like stirring heroin into your coffee. Er, not that I’ve ever taken heroin, mind you. I just overheard that analogy made a few years back and have been dying to use it somewhere. Wait, does that me I have to drop dead now? Crap. I still have so much to do! *THUD!*

MORE Pacific Rim TV Spots: Damn Jaegers Move Too Fast For This Old Man to Catch…

Posted on July 8, 2013 by geelw

Yeesh. Just as I’m typing up another post about how Warner Bros. got the drop on me and ran a “new” Pacific Rim trailer (above) not more than five minutes after I posted the last post about them doing it, they go and drop THREE in a row, meaning they’re using robots themselves to get past my slower than usual defenses.

Hey, I can blame the heat, age, no socks today and the fact that I woke up too damn early (again!) on all that, but WB doesn’t care at all. Their new baby is getting decent notices, all they really want to know is when your ass is going and how many friends you’re bringing with you.

Oh yeah, they also want to know if you’re buying the Blu-Ray/DVD combo pack when it’s released around oh, December or January… Just nod for “Yes”, as there’s currently no selection for “No” at this time. You can stay on the line and a representative will be with you shortly, but I’m gathering it’s going to be a looooooong wait. And hey, how the hell did you get this number anyway?