While licensed movie swag is indeed cool to buy and own, in some cases, specifically with fantasy films like The Hobbit or The Lord of the Rings trilogy it can get you into a good deal of trouble under the wrong conditions. Granted, a nifty T-shirt, cap or other wearable isn’t going to cause anyone grief at all (unless you’re wearing all that to some sort of formal dress meeting), but that replica sword and shield? Yeah, try toting those down the street on a fine day and you’ll be face down on the pavement surrounded by the local gendarme. Fortunately, the fine folks at STL Ocarina has an option that will not only keep you OUT of trouble, it might garner you some local fans in the process.
Their 6 Hole Lord of the Rings Shield Ocarina ($32.99) plays in C5 to E6 pitch and is a perfect gift for yourself or anyone who wants a little more music in their life. Don’t know how to play the ocarina? No worries there, chief. You can actually download free tablatures from STL’s website and learn anywhere you can carry that new tune-maker you’ve just picked up or gotten as a gift. Other than being terminally lazy, you have no excuse not to, I say. With your new instrument (which, by the way is made of high quality ceramic and comes in a gorgeous black and silver) you can soothe a few savage breasts, perhaps charm some rodents to follow you out of town to the nearest body of deep water (whereupon you’ll find that they actually swim pretty well – they’ll thank you for that trip to the lake or beach, by the way) and probably make some new friends in the process.
STl also has a load of other fine ocarina from plastic to video game and comic licensed to collectible artisan-quality models, all of which should please that person looking for something unique this holiday season (or any other time, for that matter). So you know what to do, right? Of course, if you run into any wayward gold-hoarding dragons in your travels, you’d better hope that you’ve learned to playing something really cool on that new Ocarina. I think it will survive the fire blast pretty well, but it doesn’t make much of a decent shield unless you’re just under 3.5 inches tall and can hide behind it…
So, did you hear the one about the people who want to do a sequel to “It’s A Wonderful Life” getting an internet sized hobnailed boot thrown at them for even deigning to think of such an outrage? Neither did I, as that could be disaster flick was only just announced. That’s one reason why Bad Santa and A Christmas Story have long since replaced that well-known and beloved classic as my favorite holiday movies.
"DESTROY ALL FANBOYS!" 