The Four Horsemen Have Been Busy @ The Movies For Ages. You Should Be Very Pleased About That.

Four_HorsemenSo, Nick Powell over at The Cinematic Katzenjammer asked for contributors this month to write up a post or do something creative using The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse as a starting point and any horror-themed movies that happened to fit one or more of their particular talents. I decided to have a bit of fun picking four films (one for each rider) and pointing to moments in each that to me, define the essence of their namesakes. They’re not all horror films, but if you’re in the right mood you’ll see the horror in parts of them.

Amusingly enough, the devil has gotten his due here as well. ALL of these were done up as Random Film of the Week entries at one point, but three were lost when I misplaced a USB thumb stick with a ton of other fresh content I’d done for the site a few years back when it was on Blogger. One good reason for me doing this post was to kick myself in the butt hard and get on to full rewrites soon of those three.

In addition, I’ll warn you now that the Fifth Horseman (Spoilage!) is on board. So if you haven’t seen any of the four flicks listed here… you’ve been warned in advance. Which is unusual in this day and age, as spoilers usually just spill out and all over you in the oddest of places. Hell, I heard the end of Gravity from a yakky lady babbling like a jerk on her cell phone in a grocery store a few days ago. I wanted to throw a large can of low-sodium black beans at her head, but I’d be typing this from a jail cell, it was the last can of that brand on the shelf and I needed it more than her head needed a two-pound can-sized impression in it.

Anyway, saddle up and get ready to ride (or duck behind something and hope you’re unseen)… we’re off! Continue reading

The Ugly American: Getting Back Into Shape (Part the First)…

Dark American

For the past week plus or so, the last movie theater in my area has been shut, but it’s at least not as terrible as I’d initially thought. When I first strolled past on my usual route a block away, I noticed the blank marquee and side panels and immediately thought the place was out of business and gone forever. That would have been COMPLETELY lousy, as it would mean Parkchester going from having five or six movie theaters in the 1970’s when we moved here to having ZERO for a pretty large community of people. Granted, the last few theaters before the American shut down in the late 80’s and 90’s and all have been turned into stupidly useless shops, a church and at least one gym that aren’t needed at all because we have PLENTY of those already in the area. So no one of a certain (younger) age knows that there were plenty of options every night of the week for seeing movies in this area other than The American.

And yes, it’s too bad for them that those older theaters are dead and gone…

Continue reading

Batman Arkham Origins TV Spot: Every Story Has A Beginning…

It’s almost here, so hopefully it’ll follow in the footsteps of the previous installments when it comes to delivering the goods. Of course, my take is even if it’s not quite as stellar as the two Rocksteady-developed Batman games it’ll still be the best Batman game you’ll play this year and one of the better licensed superhero titles to date. Naturally, Lego Marvel Super Heroes will have something to say about that, but to me, those Lego games are quite different in tone and content than what’s here. On the other hand… if TT Games ever got to making a serious game in the vein of the Arkham titles, they’d be a force to be reckoned with if they nailed everything they aimed at.

And yes, if you’re a tablet user you can grab Batman Arkham Origins – Mobile for your iOS and Android devices this holiday season.

Humor: Did You Know Fig Matches Quite Well With Ham?

(thanks, robatsea2009!)

OK, so I’m having a suddenly NON-productive day thanks to a big fat Firefox crash that happened after a big fat Windows crash that ended up having Firefox lose my profile and every setting as it was attempting to restore them (Yaaaaaah!). It seems that the only solution other than trying to rebuild the .ini file (which is a VERY bad idea if you don’t know how to) was to delete the profile from the Firefox program folder which forces Firefox to make a new one. Problem One SOLVED, but this brings Problem Two to the forefront. New profile equals new passwords for EVERYTHING if you didn’t remember the old ones and have them handy. Blaaaaaaah. I need a cookie or a big laugh or something and thankfully, Big Fig is there with both. Watch this at least twice – once for the reaction shots from the mom and the other for BF doing that thing he does so well. OK, I’m off to dig up or recreate a ton of passwords now (Blaaaaaaah). Thank goodness that kid didn’t ask for Kool-Aid and cookies, is all I’ll say – that would have been s fight (and ad) for the ages, folks.

MUSIC! Retro City Rampage Soundtrack Will Rock Your Ears To Bits…

virt, Freaky DNA and Norrin Radd - Retro City Rampage Soundtrack - coverYeah. You NEED this download NOW. Your gamer side will squeeze you hard and your music side will grin as its head bops up and down to these pleasing bloops and bleeps from the not terrible at all trio of virt (Jake Kaufman), Freaky DNA (Leonard J. Paul) and Norrin Radd (Michael Creamer). 35 tracks, available on Bandcamp as a digital download or CD. That very limited edition 23-track Vinyl LP (Holy K-Tel, Batman!) is all sold out online (booo!). But I’ll bet you a nickel if you poke around your nearest or farthest hipster record shoppe that still does mail order (or is within traveling distance), you MAY be able to score a platter for not a king’s ransom. Unless Prince buys that last copy… then it’s going to cost you more…

Short Takes: What You Should Be Playing This Week (Randomly, of Course)

Skylanders SWAP Force Wii USkylanders SWAP Force: HD quality visuals, jumping and all new customizable figures all for the first time on the PS3, Xbox 360 and Wii U make this latest entry in Activision’s supremely successful yearly cash cow a huge must. Wii and 3DS owners don’t get HD graphics (obviously), but the core game is the same deal. In SWAP Force, the gameplay is even more addictive than ever (and yes, some of you adults will be sneaking in time when the kids are asleep or at school), the story longer and more interesting (in part thanks to the enthusiastic voice acting all around) and overall, this makes for both a great entry into the series as well as the latest installment that will have your wallet making faces at you whenever you yank out that cash or card to buy more figures. $74.99, pretty much anywhere that sells video games.

VK3_coverValhalla Knights 3: This new PlayStation Vita exclusive from Xseed Games looks to bring Japanese developer K2’s niche grind-heavy RPG series to the masses with the best looking (and possibly, playing) installment to date. The Vita seems to be the prefect platform for this combat-heavy game that now includes an optional segment that features a bit of NSFW visits to a sort of love hotel where players can er, “score” additional playable characters and gear if they partake in a series of racy mini-games. Given that the other entries in the series have been given Teen ratings, that M VK3 is sporting must mean you’ll want to keep this away from the kiddies. That’s no problem here, as any kid that comes near my Vita is pulling back a stump… with a lollipop stuck in it (hey, I’m NICE mean old guy)… $39.99 (retail and digital).

F1_2013_tinyF1 2013: Longtime fans of the actual motorsport have been a bit disgruntled these past few seasons thanks to the juggernaut crushing all under his speedy wheels that is three-time champ Sebastian Vettel. However, Codemasters is giving them a chance to beat the man at his own game, provided you’re sitting at home on your couch or in front of a high-end gaming PC setup. This year’s installment is even more gorgeous than ever, has some solid improvements (you can now save between events!) and that adjustable difficulty means even total newbies can actually make it around the track with some effort. While it’s definitely NOT for the NASCAR crowd of those expecting power-up and arcade-style gameplay, it does a decent enough job at breaking down the F1 experience that the Codies really don’t need to do more next year. Well, except add MORE Classic cars and courses, as the small amount this year is VERY welcome, but made me want to see what they could do with a few dozen more rides from the 70’s to 90’s (or perhaps earlier). $59.99,

The Wolf Among Us 3The Wolf Among Us: I’ve not read any of the Vertigo comics this first installment is based on, so it’s pretty obvious that my excitement about this game is lower than those who have. On the other hand, given that it’s coming from Telltale Games and is modeled on the success of the company’s hugely successful multi-platform hit The Walking Dead, this one’s a no-brainer as far as the usual “should I play this?” stuff some of you go through. Given that this chapter is a slower-paced mystery with gameplay that’s heavily Quick Time Event focused and what looks to be a growing cast of really interesting fairytale characters updated and placed in an alternate New York City setting, it’s certainly right up my adventure alley and Telltale is actually offering up a really cool deal for that $24.99 (PC or Mac) price tag. Once all the chapters are complete, PS3 and Xbox 360 owners will hopefully get a retail version as well (like The Walking Dead did), but we’ll have to see if Wii U and Vita owners get as lucky…

Humor: My Potential Halloween Costume Options (If I Were To Venture Outside That Day)…

I don’t go out on Halloween anymore because I’m old, slow, cranky in crowds and shouldn’t eat so much candy. All that and it’s just not safe in this city under certain circumstances. I used to pop out in costume and attend all sorts of activities up until the late 80’s/early 90’s so all those memories (fading or not) suit me fine. That said, thanks to a recent wave of nostalgia hitting me over the head, I’ve decided to at least go to the trouble of picking out potential costume ideas if I was going to hit the Halloween party circuit this year. Both choices are from ancient TV ads I saw too many times growing up and yeah, both outfits are bizarre in their own ways for a number of reasons. Anyway, the first one is cool because I actually never liked Fig Newtons all that much until I saw this ad. Later on, I could blame D.H. Lawrence for making me confused about figs, but that’s another story for another time, *ahem*…

(thanks, BICUSAWriting!)

As for that other costume, hey – who doesn’t like bananas that can draw cartoons? Well, I know a few folks who despise them (well, just the bananas part) and I used to hate them myself for a while. But they’re LOADED with potassium and other good stuff and I need that good stuff to keep breathing. I was thinking of a few other costume options, but I don’t even think anyone would even get a huge box of Calgon strolling down the street other than a few old ladies who’d chase me down and ask for free samples. Or I’d be chased down the street by actual Asians calling me a racist for my stupid cardboard and paint outfit. Who knew nostalgia could be so dangerous to one’s health?

Hmmm… maybe I’ll stay home after all and just watch spooky flicks on TCM all day. Yeah, that’s the ticket…

The Amazing Spider-Man 2 Game Teaser: A Bit Early For That Bug in Your Ear, But…

I didn’t like the Spider-Man movie reboot at all for too many reasons to list here, but the game was actually pretty decent stuff. Although this teaser for the game based on the upcoming sequel (also set for a 2014 release) isn’t showing anything at all on the actual gameplay front (it’s still in production just like the film), I’m gathering the dev team is planning to stick to what works well as opposed to going too far out on a limb to be “innovative”. Granted, there’s only so much you can do in a super-hero themed game (even one set in an open world NYC), so I’d say the best way to enjoy this one (as well as the new film) is to go in with no expectations whatsoever and come away surprised when you do get hit with something more fun than you thought. Of course, given the cast of villains in that movie sequel, I’m not expecting much anyway, har har…

Hercules: The Legend Begins Trailer: From Spartan Beginnings…

So, Renny Harlin is finally back in the director’s seat on a big-budget film… but doing what looks like a mash-up of 300 and every other film or TV show that was “influenced” by Zack Snyder’s comic-book inspired mini-epic. *Sigh.* Sure, it’s a hell of a lot better than seeing Lou Ferrigno punch a bear into space (and turn it into Ursa Major!) or listening to some of that wretched dialog from those old 60’s Hercules flicks (To wit: “She’s in MY house now, Hercules, and I’m going to celebrate… by GOING THERE!”). On the other hand, if this film is as by the numbers as it looks, I’ll settle for a complete series DVD of that ancient The Mighty Hercules cartoon from the 60’s. Hey, a little Johnny Nash goes a loooooong way. Probably way past Ursa Major at least…

The Hobbit: The Desplation of Smaug TV Spot 3: This One Better Not Be Draggin’…

Okay, so I finally caught The Hobbit on HBO when it premiered on Saturday and yes, I fell asleep about 25 minutes in. That was bad, however I did wake up about 25 or so minutes later and sat through the rest of the film, save for a quick break to boil some water for tea. Granted, I was a bit sick and a little bit tired from the cold that was knocking me around, but still… the film did drag-on a bit (yeah, that’s supposed to be a pun). I liked it overall, but after that blazing opening sequence it took a while to get going again then between jokes it’s pretty much a non-interactive CG movie that winds its way up, down and all around to that ending where you just so happen to look at your watch and realize as Smaug’s eye opens and the credits roll that you’ll need to come back to that theater to see what happens thanks to that big dragon not quite revealing himself. I’m gathering this sequel will have TOO much of Smaug for some tastes… but in my opinion there’s no such thing as too much of any dragon (unless it’s that damn purple dinosaur Barney trying to pretend he’s one)…