Jem and the Holograms Trailer: Welcome To The Blonder-dome

Posted on September 10, 2015 by geelw

Not being a fan at all of the old cartoon and spending time watching a few too many old episodes over the last week or so makes me an easy judge of how this film will do at the box office. The answer is “terribly or worse” for a few key reasons. Reasons one and two: Based on poking around the internet and reading a few too many “totally outrageous!” comments, the older fans didn’t ask for it and the younger ones don’t really exist. That is, unless they have parents trying too hard to be their best friends and think this is a gateway to that friendship.

Cue the future news stories of kids possibly bumping off those parents in their sleep after being taken to see this turd.

It’s also perhaps somewhat sadistic (or masochistic, depending on how you angle that shoe mirror) of them if those parents dragging their tweens to this think it’ll be as “cool” as the show was only to find out they’ve been unfriended before or during the end credit roll. That’s going to be one long, looooong drive home from the multiplex is all I’m saying. (THAT said, okay, okay. I kind of liked the writing in some of the episodes, so I’ll blame the great Christy Marx and the shows other writers for making me enjoy most of those episodes, grrrr!)

Um, where was I again? Oh, yeah…

Sorry, but the whole sappy dramatic movie of the week look of this unspecta-clueless trailer screams “Lifetime quickie flick!” more than something worth paying money to sit stupefied in front of. Hell, at least the live action Josie and the Pussycats flick didn’t go for schmaltzy “realism” at all. It wasn’t a good film at all either, but it at least went down in flames winking at itself. Anyway, Hollywood has been suffering from remake-itis for decades, but this cobbling of ancient cartoons and TV shows only boomers who haven’t grown out of them yet will recall with any sort of warm nostalgia (nope, that’s not a mild case of incontinence) is getting out of hand. Ah well. This one will pop up on cable within what, eight or nine months of its theatrical release? Probably. Will I watch it? Probably not. But curiosity has drawn many to many a train wreck, so as always… we shall see.

#TBT: Smart Advice For Stupid People, Kubrick Edition

Posted on September 10, 2015 by geelw

(Thanks, cladegaard!)

It may be hard to swallow for some of you out there, but here’s an uncomfortable (and thankfully, verifiable) fact: “American” isn’t a language. Never was, never will be. I guess some people into speaking their minds at every opportunity in front of a camera won’t ever grasp that being the loudest person in a room doesn’t make you at all correct in what you say. It’s amazing that some continue to get away with this stuff and flock in the irate, gullible sheep because of the VERY oddball belief that someone who has strong convictions about stuff means they’re somehow immune to being dead wrong every time they open their mouths. Of course, if those strong beliefs go against yours, that person is somehow an idiot. Even if they know more and are dead-on correct, too many out there won’t open their brains to fresh ideas because of fear and plain old ignorance.

If you’re somewhat cranky about that news flash above, go find someone who still believes without a shred of doubt (and less proof) that the earth is flat, the Matrix is real, or that Santa Claus isn’t a relative or very good friend running up his or her credit cards (or paying in cash if they have it handy). Holding onto as many untruths as possible as one ages only keeps the crap train alive too long and makes us less smart about things we need to let die off gracefully. Pulling the plug on the old ways is hard, yes. But that necessary mercy killing of dated thinking will surprise you in how it unlocks doors you’ve never even seen in that brain-shaped house in your head.

Also, regarding refugees seeking asylum: Anyone on the “Send ’em back so they can fight!” or other “not in my backyard!” tip should take those words and apply them to the Mayflower landing as seen from the perspective of the natives in that era. The world would most certainly be a far different place if that particular boat full of immigrants was turned away in anger, ladies and gents. Nope, I haven’t a hearty clue or a handy solution to this particular (but not *new* at all) problem other than to say ignoring or flat out erasing history has always been mankind’s main folly and we seem to never want to learn how not to dig these ruts in the first place.

Class dismissed.

20XX: This Mighty Number’s Going To Be Mega, Man!

Posted on September 10, 2015 by geelw

If you’re a Mega Man fan who’s cranky that Kenji Inafune’s “homage” Mighty No. 9 has been delayed until next year, you might want to poke your mouse over to Steam pronto and check out 20XX, the upcoming 2D side-scrolling rogue-like platformer from Batterystaple Games currently in Early Access on Steam. That alpha version will soon be getting boosted up to beta status next Tuesday, but what’s here is very playable and well on the way to being an instant classic any MM fan would love. 20XX is a mash-up of familiar gameplay with rogue-like randomness to the levels and lots of loot to collect. It’s also old-school tough, great looking and a ton of fun to play.

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