E3 2013: Oh, Valhalla Knights 3… What Are We Going to Do With You?


 

Hoo boy. Sometimes, I’ll see an article that criticizes certain types of genres of Japanese games for being too sexist or exploitative or out of touch with or whatever and I usually chuckle because often the game or games in question have zero chance of arriving here because of that content. Of course, of the games that do make it over with saucy scenes or imagery that may offend, some of the content is altered or snipped out completely so as to appeal to more puritanical American tastes. Granted, this sort of censorship offends fans of imports arriving unsullied and over time, some game companies has slowly allowed much of the silliness to slip in in various states. Well, Yakuza 4 and its in-context Geisha club antics and the Ar tonelico series’ eyebrow-raising “Dive Station” mind dating elements (trust me, it’s weirder than it sounds) have nothing (and I mean no-thing) on what’s going on in Xseed Games’ upcoming Vita exclusive, Valhalla Knights 3.

That trailer above doesn’t show anything outrageous – it’s below the jump, you pervs (and a link at that!)…
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LEGO: The Movie Trailer: So, It’s Not A Joke After All? Ho-kay…


 
Yikes and “Hmmmmmm…” Here we go. OK, folks – given the quality of some fan-made Lego movies (go hit the YouTube at your leisure and see for yourself), the very idea of spending a TON of loot for a CG film and all that expensive voice talent just makes me cringe a wee it too much. Yeah, it looks funny and yes indeed, LEGO probably got all the proper clearances for all those characters in one internet video conference call. Still, there’s something… off about this flick that I’ll most likely not see at all in a theater, but catch on the cable rebound circuit and think it’s not too bad at all (but still wonder if some super-fan could have done it for a few hundred bucks over the course of a few weekends)… as usual, we shall see…

It’s Tuesday, Right? Time To Take A Little DETOUR…

(thanks, TheVideoCellar!) 

Yeah, you had a bad day at work, right? You look like you could use a break from that grumbling and mumbling about chasing your boss around the office with a blunt object as well as a little lesson in karma. Here’s probably the best cure for your troubles in one of the most amazing film noir gems you’ll ever hit your eyeballs with. I think I did a Random Film of the Week on Detour previously, but I’m too tired to check.

EDIT! Nope, I did NOT do one – this will be rectified soon!)

Anyway, pull up a seat, Pete and feast your eyeballs on this dusty jewel that still packs quite a punch. Watch out for Ann Savage as Vera here – she’ll cut you if you don’t watch your back… or worse… maybe.

E3 2013: KILLER IS DEAD 4th Trailer: Everyone Dies (But Not as Stylishly as Here)…


 

Welcome to Trailer #4 for KILLER IS DEAD – please be sure to keep your hands inside the ride, ladies and gentlemen. I like how this starts out all sad and moody before going into the crazed gameplay and finishing with a it of humor and a little step into crazy at the close. That’s a Suda 51 game in a nutshell for you, so his fans are certainly pleased. I’m one of them, so I guess that means I’m grinning a wee bit too broadly right about now. One day you’ll all understand, trust me. It’s hard to go into detail about what makes a grasshopper manufacture game so wildly fun, but that’s where a trip down that certain road reveals all (or some of all)…

GOG.com’s Summer Sale Is ON: FREE Torchlight For All! More Games @ HUGE Discounts!


 
OK, this is just great (plus tax, which still makes this deal FREE, by the way). Scoot on over to gog.com and check out their Summer Sale for up to 85% (!) off select DRM-free games and a FREE digital copy of Runic’s awesomely addictive dungeon crawler, Torchlight waiting for your hot little hands to snap it up. Torchlight is a Diablo-style hack & slash RPG with a lovely cartoon style (it sort of looks like a mildly angry Disney cartoon), additively simple gameplay, and loads of loot to collect. Sure, it’s a solo-only focus, but the game has a way of hooking you in and keeping you occupied that’s hard to explain. Poke around the internet for some mods that add levels, items, new character skins and more to the experience and you end up with a game that’s bigger than it seems. Even if you don’t buy anything else, a free game any day of the week is a fantastic deal, I say. Act fast, though – Torchlight goes back to being a paid product on June 20. Oh, look at that… the room cleared out faster than if a gassy cow exploded in a corner… people just love those deals!

Amusingly enough, I’d get this…but I have three copies of Torchlight here already. er, no… FOUR (2 physical discs, one on each computer here). Yes, I do love my Torchlight. It’s like a digital blanket of demons and loot… ahhhh…

Jimmy Fallon Is Still Quite The “Spaz” As A Live TV Gamer. Oh Well…


 
That said, I like that he’s so enthusiastic when he plays games even when he’s awful at them. Still, he did whip Microsoft’s Phil Spencer at the new Killer Instinct (it sounded like a flock of woodpeckers over on Jimmy’s arcade stick) before zipping over to Forza Motorsport 5 for some slow-ish racing action. No, the game wasn’t slow at all, kids. Fallon just drove that fake ride like I’d drive a real car on a real road (and I can’t drive – although I’ve actually driven a few times). As for how the games looked, well see for yourself, but DO play the video in HD. It’s hard to tell on a standard def TV or much on a HD set, as you kind of need to be in the same room to get the full effect of “next-gen” visuals. Still, Spencer was light on the details (well, five minutes is not a lot of time to do a segment on two games) and may have made a slip of the tongue (or not) by stating “The Xbox One has THREE times the power of the Xbox 360!” to Jimmy as he was tolling around and smashing the front of his expensive looking digital car. The problem with that three tmes thing… well, it’s TEN times the power elsewhere (Oops).

Well, the article says ten time the “computational power”, but still… it’s an awful mistake if it was one and given Microsoft’s PR stumbles these last few weeks, it’s another of the last things the company needs when it comes to damage controlling a sticky situation. Oh well… at least Spencer got the $499 price right on the nose. Fallon’s earlier spot on bad games was pretty funny as well. Hmmm… I think I need to send him a list of stuff one of these days (and maybe loan out stuff he can’t find), as I have 2000+ games here and probably more than a few stinkers in my kusoge pile…