The Doctor Has Time To Make A Turkey? This Will Be A Long Christmas Episode, I Guess…

Yeah, I know it won’t be a lengthy Food Network-like how-to scene at all, friends. But I got big a laugh the other day when I read the plot synopsis and found that this final Matt Smith episode spans some 300 years (!), which means that’s more than enough time to cook up the biggest bird you can find and then some. Still… I wonder how HUGE a space turkey would need to be to take 300 years to cook and yeah, you’re not putting that raw stuffing inside, buddy. Unless that’s how you need to kill off a massive army of Daleks, Cybermen, Weeping Angels and Silence all intent on doing you in. Of course, that’s NOT how it’s all going to go down (hell, it better not!), but it would be disgustingly awesome to see the episode suddenly turn into that infamous and particularly nasty dining scene from the finale of Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life but with a few spaceships full of aliens barfing all over each other instead of one really massive man making an entire restaurant very sick as he loses his lunch (and dinner and a few breakfasts).

OK, that’s pretty much a big, fat “YUK” just thinking about that happening. But it would be pretty darn memorable, no? Well, then… now that we agree, how about a teeny-tiny slice of pumpkin pie for you, sir or madam?

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes Trailer: I Thought “Ape Shall Never Kill Ape!” Was A Golden Rule?

So, not only will there be a sequel to Rise of the Planet of the Apes, it looks as if this time it’s (even more) war as ape versus ape action will fill theaters next July and get the CG fans screaming. Me? I’ll wait for the cable premiere, as all these computer-made flicks just get on my nerves after anything over five minutes of otherwise hard work that’s failing to keep my interest the more of these effects hit me over the head. I’m NOT getting jaded at all, mind you. I just miss the days of practical work looking better in some respects and not as “perfect” because every motion is animated to a “T” and overemphasized to the point that it looks TOO realistic or worse, you get those “impossible to capture with a real camera” moments piled one atop the other and it’s basically not the director directing any longer. Yeah, we’ll see… we’ll see. It looks interesting and all, but if it’s not as “kinda fun” as Rise was, I’ll be sending a box of rotten banana peels to Fox with a mildly nasty note…

Nintendo Direct 12/18/2013: Some Very Nice Surprises From Now ‘Til Thenever…

I actually wasn’t expecting all that much from this new Nintendo Direct video, as it clocks in at just over 33 minutes and the last live reveal the company did outside their straight to the consumer YouTube series was underwhelming at best (or: I don’t give a rat’s banana about Cranky Kong!). That said, there were some nice surprises here in the form of NES Remix a cool mash-up mini-game series available today on the eShop and for me, Hyrule Warriors is going to be a go-to game for a while whenever it actually hits retail. Seeing a Legend of Zelda take on the supremely addictive long running “mindless” hack and slash Dynasty Warriors franchise (done by the folks who make those games, of course) made me a wee bit too giddy. I say this one should have been a launch or launch window game for the Wii U just because it’s one of those series that like it or not, anyone who can hold a controller can dive into and play without a single tutorial or hand-holding moment…
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Interstellar Teaser Trailer: What You Do After You’ve Gone Batty Thrice…

So, it’s about a year away (!), but Christopher Nolan’s upcoming Interstellar looks as if it will be one more intensely interesting film from one of the more prolifically creative mainstream directors working today. Granted, this SUPER tease may as well be a trailer for a Salvage One movie or a more serious version of Joe Dante’s EXPLORERS, but I like that vagueness going on here and the fact that we have to wait a whole year to see what’s coming. Naturally, there WILL be updates as more of the plot and cast are revealed, but with any new film, I prefer to stay the hell off the internet and far away from speculation and spoilers because it just makes for a better overall viewing experience. Try it sometime and see, I say…

Legend of Oz: Dorothy’s Return Trailer: Strike Two, Or a Bloop Single? We’ll See…

Hmmmm. Let’s see now: one point for being a new Oz flick. Minus one for being a new CG animated Oz flick that looks like it’s a video game intro. From 2000. Point for the all-star cast. Minus one for the all-star cast if you hate stars. Point for coming out of nowhere (I’d never heard of it until now). Minus one for coming out of nowhere (meaning it’ll be on video three months after it hits theaters). Eh, I’m torn on this one for sure, kids. Then again, if it’s better than the last Oz film I tried to watch, it’ll be a welcome sight for sure. And what’s with the PG rating? “Scary images and mild peril” sounds to me like a darn good time provided I’m at home or with friends and not strolling down the street to the supermarket…

Edge of Tomorrow Trailer 1: Cruise Control, Straight Into The Future…

SEVEN months away and they’re running trailers from what looks like a complete film? Well, this isn’t the first sci-fi flick that’s rolled out footage so early, but to me, this is Warner Bros. and Mr. Control making sure action fans get their drool on and line up like good little droogies by the time trailer 19 rolls around in a few weeks or so. Yeah, I’m no big Tom fan these days for a few reasons, but I will say this looks exciting to a point. Then again, he’s not getting any younger, so he’s going to be making with the acrobatics until someone carries him off to that other planet he thinks he’s going to be going to in real life. Eh, as long as it’s better than Elysium was. I was hitting myself in the head with a piece of popcorn that rolled under the coffee table here about an hour into that one. It’s called tough love, people…

The Time of the Doctor Trailer: All Good Things Must End (But Time Never Ceases), Indeed…

Yes, it’s been a nice long run for Matt Smith as the Doctor, but that’s all coming to an end soon and of course, he’ll be missed by many. That said, the beauty of Doctor Who is seeing who regenerates into the character and how they portray the time lord once he’s back on his two feet. Given the ending of that 50th anniversary show a few weeks back, things are coming to quite a finale that’s bound to get new and old viewers assorted cases of the chills, shakes, whines and other afflictions the way only this series can. Peter Capaldi has some big and interesting shoes to fill, but I’m not worried one bit. Fifty years and still going strong means I’d say this show has no plans of slumping or sleeping on its many laurels. Granted, not every Doctor or episode has been everyone’s cup of tea. But you have to admire anything that’s around for so long and still getting people to stop, drop and roll in front of their televisions on a regular basis (and bring a few friends along in the process)…

Telltale Games Swings Two More (Soon-To-Be) Hits Towards The Fences…

I have the feeling that Telltale Games’ genuine PR guru, Job Stauffer, has some sort of powerful hex action going on at the offices there, as ever since he’s been on the job, a lot of really nice games have started popping up from a few developers and into the eager hands of gamers worldwide. Okay, Telltale already had some great titles before he started working for them, but when you have The Walking Dead (One game, an expansion and a second title on the way soon), A Wolf Among Us, and now Game of Thrones and Tales From the Borderlands as properties to represent, you’re either REALLY damned lucky or you’ve got a voodoo spell in play that may cost you your immortal soul over time, but assures you’re remembered forever as “That AWESOME PR guy” by anyone who speaks your name. Of course, NOW that I’ve spilled the beans, I suppose someone somewhere is making up a little doll that sorta looks like me that’s about to get some vintage hatpins shoved into it with relish. Ouch. Ouch, ouch. Okay, I’m just practicing now… I’ll need to same my screaming voice for later on when the actual pain hits…

In plain English: Man, I can’t wait to play these.

Psst! Um… Hey, Job? You can stop now with the old hatpin counting and doll making. No one really READS my site anyway, heh!

The Amazing Spider-Man 2 Trailer: Busier Than Times Square At New Year’s Isn’t The Best Thing Ever…

Sure, it looks thrilling and all, but I’m not on board with the secret life of Peter’s dad, Andrew Garfield’s massive head with that massive pompadour (or whatever hair shape that is on his head) and a few other pesky things. The Rhino is a Transformer? Oh well – better than than Paul Giamatti in a smelly fake rhino hide suit, I’d gather. The film looks even more like a video game in those action scenes and while that MAY be a good thing to some of you out there, the fact is there’s a game in the works and the movie doesn’t need to go that route to keep my attention. But, hey… it’s what the people want and what they’re going to get no matter what grumpy guys like me grouse on about. Well, for all the stuff flying around and Spidey in peril shots, the only saving grace here is you can’t tell what the heck is going on with the story at all. Then again, this may simply mean this sequel is even more plot-laden than the reboot was (which is not a good thing at all). Oh well – as long as there’s no disco dancing in this one and Peter somehow loses the skateboard and attitude between now and the release date, maybe there’s something here to salvage into whatever the third film will eventually be.

Dark Souls II Update: 18 New Screens, Same Old Waiting For That Release Date To Roll Around…

Behold, adventurers! Or something like that. Okay, I got lazy and didn’t convert the LAST set of Dark Souls II screens from bitmap to JPEG (WordPress HATES bitmaps, it seems!), but thankfully, Denny Chiu at Namco Bandai still likes me (Hi, Denny!). Thanks to him, my inbox was blessed with these new screens I will more than verily happily share with you below:

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There, that was simple enough, right? I’ll get those other screens up soon as well with an appropriately goofy post about why it took so damn long. I blame a faulty TARDIS circuit, a rogue dinosaur and a bag of shrimp chips past its sell date, but that excuse may change…