Um, Hey Arnold? What’s My Motivation For Today?

Posted on October 20, 2013 by geelw

Really? Well… Oooo-kay. Although I have no enemies I can think of (they’ve been well taken care of) and any wimmen lamenting over and around me seem to be quite invisible. And I bathe regularly! Not that I’m complaining, mind you. Less distractions (and lesser hiding of assorted body parts) means more time to write stuff. Save for days when I’m feeling a bit low or loopy and need some words of encouragement. Hmmmm… I guess I need to go learn to ride a horse and swing a sword around. And yell a lot more than I normally do. Which is rarely unless I fall off a horse onto my sword (ouch) or keys (OUCH). Memo to self: don’t carry your keys when riding a horse. Get an enemy or their soon to be lamenting wimmen to hold then until I’m done with der crushing. Thanks, Arnold (I think)…

Humor: And Now, Some Handy Advice From Arnold..

Posted on October 19, 2013 by geelw

So, yeah… Schwarzenegger is BACK and was recently taking requests for his greatest quips from his fan base. Rather than run them all here like some sites, I’m going to dole out one a day or every other day based on whether or not I can come up with something amusing to say that fits the quote. Of course, this first clip makes me wonder if Arnold will take his own advice and get to his own choppa, given that blazing inferno in the background. On the other hand, he may have set that fire just for effect or is having a damn huge backyard cookout and shot that video while waiting for those steaks he just turned over to get done. And if you have to ask what a “choppa” is… just don’t ask anyone at all. Silently rent 1987’s Predator and watch it when no one’s looking so you can be more up to date on this sort of thing. Yeah, there will be a quiz later (and probably given by Arnold himself, what with the fan service he’s been doing lately)…

Carrie “In Theaters Now” Spot: Thanks For Sharing, As I Sure Wouldn’t Know It Was!

Posted on October 18, 2013 by geelw

Seriously, the last movie theater here is still closed and I’m feeling a bit morose and annoyed about that fact. I’m hoping that asbestos issue is resolved and it gets opened back up soon. The nearest theater is a multiplex a train or bus ride away, but I’ve heard that it’s overpriced and a pain to get to because you need to walk a bit after the public transportation jaunt. That and it’s packed with the most infuriatingly ill-mannered viewers who pay no heed to cell phone turn-off notices, bring bawling toddlers into R-rated movies and commit other low crimes against civil behavior that a normal person would go mad if they went there on a regular basis. From my source who frequent there because he’s hooked on films more than I am (well, he tends to watch more crap movies than I do), he also knows that the staff lets their friends hang out there (once they buy a ticket) and sneak into the other theaters to catch other films unless there’s a supervisor hanging about to keep things in check. Granted, that stuff has been going on since movie tickets have been sold, so it’s no big deal to me. On the other hand, I can see that being annoying to anyone trying to run a legitimate business where profits need to be calculated on a per-seat basis…

Anyway, reviews seem good on this Carrie remake, so that’s at least a good thing to see…

The Ugly American: Getting Back Into Shape (Part the First)…

Posted on October 17, 2013 by geelw

For the past week plus or so, the last movie theater in my area has been shut, but it’s at least not as terrible as I’d initially thought. When I first strolled past on my usual route a block away, I noticed the blank marquee and side panels and immediately thought the place was out of business and gone forever. That would have been COMPLETELY lousy, as it would mean Parkchester going from having five or six movie theaters in the 1970’s when we moved here to having ZERO for a pretty large community of people. Granted, the last few theaters before the American shut down in the late 80’s and 90’s and all have been turned into stupidly useless shops, a church and at least one gym that aren’t needed at all because we have PLENTY of those already in the area. So no one of a certain (younger) age knows that there were plenty of options every night of the week for seeing movies in this area other than The American.

And yes, it’s too bad for them that those older theaters are dead and gone…

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Hercules: The Legend Begins Trailer: From Spartan Beginnings…

Posted on October 14, 2013 by geelw

So, Renny Harlin is finally back in the director’s seat on a big-budget film… but doing what looks like a mash-up of 300 and every other film or TV show that was “influenced” by Zack Snyder’s comic-book inspired mini-epic. *Sigh.* Sure, it’s a hell of a lot better than seeing Lou Ferrigno punch a bear into space (and turn it into Ursa Major!) or listening to some of that wretched dialog from those old 60’s Hercules flicks (To wit: “She’s in MY house now, Hercules, and I’m going to celebrate… by GOING THERE!”). On the other hand, if this film is as by the numbers as it looks, I’ll settle for a complete series DVD of that ancient The Mighty Hercules cartoon from the 60’s. Hey, a little Johnny Nash goes a loooooong way. Probably way past Ursa Major at least…

The Hobbit: The Desplation of Smaug TV Spot 3: This One Better Not Be Draggin’…

Posted on October 14, 2013 by geelw

Okay, so I finally caught The Hobbit on HBO when it premiered on Saturday and yes, I fell asleep about 25 minutes in. That was bad, however I did wake up about 25 or so minutes later and sat through the rest of the film, save for a quick break to boil some water for tea. Granted, I was a bit sick and a little bit tired from the cold that was knocking me around, but still… the film did drag-on a bit (yeah, that’s supposed to be a pun). I liked it overall, but after that blazing opening sequence it took a while to get going again then between jokes it’s pretty much a non-interactive CG movie that winds its way up, down and all around to that ending where you just so happen to look at your watch and realize as Smaug’s eye opens and the credits roll that you’ll need to come back to that theater to see what happens thanks to that big dragon not quite revealing himself. I’m gathering this sequel will have TOO much of Smaug for some tastes… but in my opinion there’s no such thing as too much of any dragon (unless it’s that damn purple dinosaur Barney trying to pretend he’s one)…

Random Film of the Week(end): MARTIN

Posted on October 13, 2013 by geelw

(thanks albademorti!)

I think I like MARTIN the best out of all George Romero’s films because despite its age it still holds up one of the best modern takes on the vampire genre (even though the titular character only thinks he’s one) and is about as uncompromising as it gets from beginning to end.

It’s also an extremely hard to watch film if you’re squeamish about a few things like needles, fresh razor blades and blood, but everything clicks on multiple levels and there’s a powerful payoff at the end that offers up a bit of slyly amusing social commentary common to Romero’s work. If all you know about vampires is that tween sparkly Twilight crap or even the used to be interesting before it went into fairy fantasy crazyland True Blood, this one will stake a claim in your brain as soon as you meet the titular character doing his version of the bloodsucking thing he needs to slake his thirst…
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Machete Kills… Some Time (If You’re Up To Another Trip to Camp Value)…

Posted on October 11, 2013 by geelw

Welp, I knew this wasn’t going to be Gone With The Wind (unless you count how long it lasts in theaters, ha, ha), but it’s here, ready and more than willing to take some dollars from your wallet and beat you senseless with its non-stop Rodriguez-ness. I guess I’ll see this like I did the original Machete – on cable, and surprised that I didn’t know it was premiering so soon. Amusingly enough, I had a weird dream about Sofia Loren and Sofia Vergara standing next to each other on a subway giving each other the once over and I woke up laughing because by the same point in their careers, Loren had done the sexpot thing as well as more mature acting work and had multiple awards and international acclaim. Sofia needs to step it up, methinks… although you big fans of her body of work (Ah. Ha. Ha.) will probably disagree. On the other hand, Danny Trejo looks like he fell down a mountain on is face a few too many thousand feet, but that mug has brought him fame, fortune and a variety of roles that has cemented him a place in the hearts of many. Er, sort of. Given that he dies a lot in the stuff he makes, it’s finally good to see him playing a somewhat invincible dude you don’t want to mess with!

Random Films: Two From France I Can’t Watch…

Posted on October 11, 2013 by geelw

OK, some stuff from the vaults with a goofy story behind them. My late dad gave me a box of VHS tapes around 15 or 20 years back and these two were ones that I couldn’t play on my NTSC tape player (they’re both SEACAM format). I recall telling him this later when he called to ask if I liked the movies and he said he’d “get back to me” later on this. I knew what that meant, so I told him he didn’t have to go looking for a player here at all because even if he DID find one, I’d still need a TV that could play it. If you ever knew my dad long enough, you’d know he had a sort of single-minded pursuit of the great deal mindset to him that was fascinating and slightly pesky once in a while when he’d end up with multiples of some items if you’d simply asked for one. I had to stop him from looking for a VCR and TV on that occasion because I knew he’d somehow find both in his travels and I really didn’t want him to spend that money just so I could watch two movies, one of which I’d already seen…

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Lars Von Trier’s NYMPH()MANIAC: Five Hour Erections Guaranteed, No Pills Required.

Posted on October 10, 2013 by geelw

“Side effects may include…”

Soooo, Lars Von Treir’s new film is called Nymph()maniac (or, Nymphomaniac for those of you who don’t get the spelling or the obvious imagery from that simple teaser poster to the left. Two films. Five hours. Lots of sex. Not for kids (unless you want those freshly traumatized kids who want to strangle you in your sleep for taking them to a Lars Von Trier film). Coming in explicit and non-explicit versions. Probably won’t make its cost back in theaters, but on home video where folks can see it in private. Guaranteed to be controversial on certain “news” channels. And so forth and so on. I was going to run some of the many posters of the cast in solo poses, but they’re probably a bit too NSFW for some tastes. That said, you can check them out (and yes, download them if you like. You KNOW you want to) on the official movie site (they’re HUGE) and go mark your calendar or whatever it is you do when a Von Trier film comes out. Let’s see now… I wonder how many discs these two flick will get when it does get released on Blu-Ray? And if it’ll come in a plain brown wrapper (ha, ha).

Expect half-full theaters on uncomfortable people giggling nervously and looking at the walls or ceiling in spots and the usual fearless hipsters bringing their dates when this one reaches theaters. Well, it hits Europe on Christmas Day 2013 (which is pretty amazing if you think about it), but there’s no North American release date just yet. Hmmmm… I wonder what the US ads and TV commercials will look like once the Puritans get to them?