Random Film of the Week(end), Too: THE HAND

THE HAND_MPFor the record, I hated THE HAND when I first saw it and don’t like it much more today. Not because it’s not scary at all (its one or two jump scare moments and the nutty ending work for me), and not because Michael Caine isn’t “givin’ it ‘is awl” (heh) as a strip cartoonist who loses his drawing hand in a freak accident, gets a prosthetic replacement and soon has a bit of a psychological breakdown afterwards that involves a few dips into murder. Nope, Caine is fine and creepy here as Jon Lansdale and in fact, the other actors do a mostly fine job with Stone’s script (based on the Marc Brandel novel “The Lizard’s Tail”).

My big beef with the movie is how very, very little of Barry Smith’s outstanding comic art (created specifically for the film, mind you) is seen once the main credits have finished rolling. It’s a shame because the films isn’t quite the horror film it needs to be despite trying very hard to bridge the gap between low budget indie and major studio first effort (it was Stone’s first time behind the camera on a feature film). Granted, this isn’t supposed to be a Smith biopic or anything like that and I eventually saw a chunk of the art in an interview Smith did around when the film was released or so (and it’s some beautiful work). But for all the story’s emphasis on Lansdale’s Mandro character being so important (hell, no hand, bro means NO Mandro!), we never see that much of the artwork up close or find out much about Mandro other than the art looks like Marvel’s Conan the Barbarian when Smith’s art really matured near the end of his run on the book… Continue reading

Random Film of the Week(end): LIFEFORCE

LIFEFORCE_MPIf you were a big sci-fi flick fan around in 1985 and of a certain age, you probably went and saw LIFEFORCE for one of two reasons. You were either a horny guy or gal looking for cheap thrills or you were the girlfriend, husband or wife of that horny guy or gal elbowing your man/woman in the ribs and hissing at him every time Mathilda May appeared on screen, naked as a jaybird or not. Of course, there were most likely couples who saw this and grinned together at her wondrous curves, but let’s not turn this into a more saucy post than it’s intended to be.

Granted, at least a jaybird had feathers and it’s a damn good thing women back in that era weren’t overly obsessed with strategic downstairs depilatory action or this film might not have been as fun to watch as there would need to be some even more strategic editing than what’s here. Based on Colin Wilson’s 1976 novel, The Space Vampires with a screenplay by Dan O’Bannon, directed by Tobe Hooper and chock full of some wild practical effects,lots of blood and some gore, scenery chewing performances from most of the cast and an ending that’s still a bit baffling on a few fronts, this is one of those films that you’ll either love outright for its craziness or hate because after all is said and done, it doesn’t do anything grand with its space vampires at all other than show off how nude they are… Continue reading

How My Brain Works (Sometimes): Wie sauber schnee von den Stiefeln (mit musikalischer Begleitung)

So, it snowed a lot last night and part of this morning in a few too many places. Yeah, winter sucks. Anyway, as I was going outside into the stupidly cold air and saw that deeper than it looked but already mostly shoveled snowy white world, some guy comes into the building and starts stomping his feet, one at a time in a beat that made me chuckle because I watch too many movies and retain certain scenes in my head for future use. Why I do this I have zero idea, but I think it’s because it makes me laugh a lot when I see scenes from real life that remind me of made up movie bits.

Anyway, this is probably the ONLY proper comedic use of this interesting musical clip from The Battle of the Bulge. Toss in some crappy bing-translated German above (it’s supposed to say “How to clean snow from your boots (with musical accompaniment)”, but feel free to correct me if I’m wrong) and ta-da! That’s how the magic happens around here. Yeah, magic. “Hey, Rocky? Watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat!”
:

  (Thanks, GunOfNeverone!) 

Or maybe I just need another cup of coffee. I think I only got about five or so hours of sleep between last night and this morning. Anyway, stay warm and stay the heck inside if you don’t need to be out in this mess. The things I do for you folks…

Random Film of the Week: Beyond The Poseidon Adventure

beyond the PA_MPOh, why do I do this to myself? Well, because someone had this flick handy, read my review of the original and offered it up for review, that’s why. That and I’m issuing a shot across the bow to anyone thinking this rusty old clunker will be a good movie because of the list of stars (some of the fading and fallen variety). Anyway, thanks in part to the massive success of blockbusters such as Jaws, Star Wars, Close Encounters of the Third Kind and Alien (among others) to by 1979, the star-studded disaster epic was pretty much dead in the water. However, Hollywood kept them coming for a little bit longer despite poor critical and audience reception.

Sadly, when original ideas started drying up, sequels to older crowd pleasers because one escape route that seemed to fail spectacularly despite stunt casting efforts galore. The great 1970 film Airport devolved into three miserable “look at the law of diminishing returns in action” sequels before crash-landing and for some reason, producer/director Irwin Allen decided to hold out for seven years to make a follow up to his smash hit The Poseidon Adventure. Well, he did get the seriously star-packed and seriously goofy disaster flicks The Towering Inferno and Earthquake made plus some TV projects in the interim, so he was a busy man. However, in the case of Poseidon’s second go, the result is pretty awful as a sequel, so seeing Beyond The Poseidon Adventure only comes recommended if you can mentally separate the two films and pretend this follow-up flick is a bad dream had by one of the survivors of the first movie… Continue reading

I’m Still Half-Dead. Here’s A Kung Fury Trailer to Watch (And Keel Over Laughing About)…

So, I’m surprisingly alive, but I think I took a five-minute nod earlier. Anyway, this trailer for a Kickstarter funded film project is making the rounds and while it does pack a punch in few places, all that green screen work is a wee bit TOO perfect for an 80’s action flick. Yeah, yeah, it’s cheesy and hilarious, but somehow, the perfect mattes and effects seem more out of a full-motion video game than an intentionally awful movie that would have landed in a theater around 1987 or later. Granted, if this WAS a game project, I’d pony up a sack of pennies in a heartbeat (BOOM!). But as it is, this is going to make its target without a dime from me and make a lot of people smile in the process. Granted, this could end up like the next Snakes on a Plane if the jokes wear too thin, as what’s here is basically an expensive Saturday Night Live short film that’s stretched to what’s seemingly feature length. That said, you have to love the computer effects and Nintendo Power Glove with the finger tips cut off (those things were always too tight for adults unless they has kid-sized mitts) plus a few other things…

Random Films of the Week: Some Unconventional Holiday Movies? Sure, Why Not?

Topkapi_steal bigSo, I was sitting around with a few friends a few weeks back talking about movies and such when the subject of Christmas and holiday-themed movies came up and yes, everyone agreed that It’s A Wonderful Life, Miracle on 34th Street, A Christmas Story and a few other classics were all going to be watched at some point during the Season of Greetings. Interestingly enough, a few very unconventional titles got mentioned during this conversation to the point that I decided to toss a few of these films at you in a post and see what you think.

For some strange (well, not so strange) reasons, there are a lot of very non-holiday films on some people’s Holiday viewing schedules with most set during the winter or with cold weather as a big part of their plots (but not always). Anyway, as I see you’re wearing those dodgy jammies and overly fuzzy slippers you got yesterday as gifts and have that cup of “eggnog “at the ready, let’s get started with three or four for now and pick up some others in a future post…

Continue reading

READS: Anyone Want A Big Deal, Big-Ass Movie Criticism Book from 1971?

NYTDOTF (1) Merry Christmas and all that stuff like that there! Okay,unlike the previous giveaway post this isn’t quite a freebie, but more of a trade of sorts. I’m clearing out a closet full of assorted things here and figure someone who loves movies might want this rather thick and heavy old tome. As you can see, it’s the 1971 volume of The New York Times Directory of The Film, which is 1243 pages thick and packed with reviews of the papers top ten films from the years 1924 to 1969 (but I think a few 1970 films get mentioned). Read on for more info!…

Continue reading

Stupid Stuff I Think Of When I Really SHOULD Be Working #362…

(Thanks, MZ774!)

So, I sometimes tend to let my mind wander all over the place when it gets busy around here, but then again, no one is ever in complete control of their brain and what it thinks. Anyone who says they are is lying, but they may also be unaware that their brain is getting the better of them by allowing the very thought of control from outside to creep in just to keep them properly pacified. Anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah… I’d been kicking this idea around for a while and some people have even done stuff like it in the past, but I’d always wanted to see popular modern films get reworked as if they were done in different time periods by famous writers of those eras. Now, before you get all “but that’s been done already and a LOT of times, too!” on me, I think a period remake of Death Wish as scripted by William Shakespeare might be a fun bit of business. Or Dirty Harry by Ernest Hemingway (yikes!). And for the ladies? Emily Dickenson’s Mystic Pizza or something like that. Feel free to think up your own favorites and play around with them (I’m not much of a chick-flicker, I’ll admit)…

Eh, maybe this has been done already, but the big hook would be every bit of dialogue would be true to the times each writer lived in, but the films would all be subtitled with the original English scripts. Hell, I’d pay real money to hear how “Gimme your money, or I’ll bust you up!” sounds in Shakespearian English (and you know you would, too!)…

Random Film of the Week: Night of the Juggler

(thanks, TaylorHamKid!)

night of the juggler MPWhile reminiscing with a guy I hadn’t seen for close to 20 years this week, this flick came up in our conversation and I had to rush out to write about it while the memory was still fresh. After the great 1972 ABC telefilm Short Walk to Daylight and 1980’s compellingly crazy action/drama Night of the Juggler,  I still say James Brolin should have stuck around and made a third New York-centric film to complete some sort of unconnected trilogy about an otherwise decent cop who’s having some really bad days in the Big Apple.

The former film was about survivors of an earthquake (in New York City of all places!) trying to make it out of some deadly subway tunnels with Brolin’s cop leading the way and the latter has his divorced ex-cop now truck driver character chasing after the maniac that’s mistakenly kidnapped his daughter. Neither is legally available on DVD (and it’s a darn shame, I say), but if you’re clever and know how to use the internet, there are ways to snag both gems for your viewing pleasure… Continue reading

Carving Mr. Banks (A New One): Mr. Ellison Gets Out The Proper Knives…

Hoo boy, I do love Harlan Ellison. I haven’t read much by the man lately thanks to me reading less over time (something I’m slowly rectifying thanks to people around these parts), but everything I’ve EVER picked up by the man has been a fine read and has never failed to disappoint. We’ve actually met twice, but the last time was so long ago that Forbidden Planet here in NYC had a store uptown near the formerly 59th Street Bridge. Anyway, another Christmas gift for me today was that video above of the man himself poking an elbow in the eyeball of Disney’s new flick, Saving Mr. Banks. Yeah, it’s a long-ish rant if you’re of the short attention span crowd, but it’s ten minutes worth of fine and fair poking at the film, praising the acting while making sure you know that yes, Virginia, movies and particularly movies made with an agenda aren’t all they’re cracked up to be.

Granted, those who read a good deal know exactly what he’s getting on about, but given that the film (like much of Hollywood’s output) is made for the casual viewing crowd that eats up the feel good follies week by week, I’m sure as hell sure that THOSE people don’t know the real deal.