Random Film of the Week: Private Lessons

Posted on January 20, 2014 by geelw

Hollywood just did not know what to do with Sylvia Kristel. By the time the Dutch actress made it to America a few years after becoming a worldwide star (well, everywhere except here in the US) from her appearance in and as Emmanuelle and two sequels, she ended up working in a few American movies that ranged from passable to flat out wretched. 1981’s Private Lessons is one of those flat out wretched ones, a “sex comedy” that’s not erotic or amusing at all, but pretty unsettling and when seen in light of modern views of its subject matter, just plain wrong.

Of course, I have to confess that I saw this way back when it was released with some like-minded friends and we though it was going to be the thrill of the late summer only to end up crawling out of the theater in need of a shower and a Men In Black style memory wipe. There’s just a layer of head-shaking offensiveness here that only those with low to no morals would find “thrilling” or even remotely “sexy”. Then again, I don’t want to make poke at someone’s particular proclivities ’til they pop. If this dreck does it for your own tastes, more power to you then. On the other hand, given that real people have gone to real jails for doing what happens here in real life, that fine line between movie fantasy and stark reality is stomped on and wiped away long before this trash-fest is over…

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300: Rise of an Empire TV Spot #1/Trailer #3: It’s Like Black Friday… With Swords and Shields!

Posted on January 20, 2014 by geelw

See men run. Run, men run. *Chop! *Stab!* *Splash!*… Ouch. Stupid men! Next time. I’ll stay off the battlefield when coming up with a post (Ouch!) Yeah, this slow-mo comic panel stuff has been done to death since the first film made it a wee bit too commonplace, but Warner Bros. is hoping those folks who dug the first film to death will do the same plus tax with this follow up. Given the fate of that poor Hercules film that just came out and got Julius Caesar-ed by critics and some moviegoers, this one better do a mighty great job of making people forget about all those pretenders to the throne.

If the film succeeds, it’s that header above in terms of people storming theaters to check it out. If it tanks, the screams will only be on screen in theaters playing to half-empty houses (or worse) and somewhere in WB headquarters that the film hasn’t even made its projected targets. As usual (repeat after me, class)… we shall see. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to find a medic. And a few missing body parts. Ouch!

Random Film of the Week(end): Death By Invitation

Posted on January 19, 2014 by geelw

(Thanks, Vinegar Syndrome Films!)

I’ve sat through no fewer than four films featuring witches and demons as a central theme over the past week and not all of them were good times, no siree, ma’am. Granted, 1971’s slow-moving sort of creepy Death By Invitation isn’t the best of the bunch and for modern horror fans with short attention spans or those looking for non-stop scares and CG blood gushing everywhere (blech!) this one may be Death By A Thousand Cuts.

That said, while it’s going to be more bore than gore to the younger ADD set, those who like slow-burning slightly cryptic fires should check this one out if only for Shelby Leverington, the sassy young thing playing the lead. Director David Friedman drags out this revenge tale that may only interest those who appreciate thinking a bit as they watch a film that pretty much sets up its entire plot during the opening moments and slowly gets to the point as it crawls along to the finish line…

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Random Film of the Week(end): It Should Happen To You!

Posted on January 19, 2014 by geelw

(Thanks, KaninFamily!)

The lovely Judy Holliday soars as a sort of ditzy but shrewd former girdle model who ends up becoming an instant celebrity thanks to a few simple billboards with her name on them George Cukor’s 1954 gem that shows off some fantastic looks at the New York City of the era. This film is also famous for being the movie debut of Jack Lemmon and here, he’s perfectly cast as Pete Sheppard, a documentary maker who shoots Holliday’s Gladys Glover in Central Park and of course, falls in love with her after some amusing assorted ups and down.

There are plenty of laughs in this classic to spare, many at Gladys’ expense as her sudden celebrity goes other head and she thinks her new found fame means all that attention is positive. While some elements are dated, the film does a very good job at foreshadowing today’s fame-crazy celebrities who do a heck of a lot more than simply toss their names up on a billboard to get attention…

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Random Film of the Week(end): North By Northwest

Posted on January 18, 2014 by geelw

(Thanks, moviegoof!)

One of my favorite “perfect” films, North by Northwest is one of those films that stands the test of time thanks to everyone involved being at the top of their game and throwing themselves fully into their work. Everything clicks from the moment Bernard Herrmann’s famous score kicks off into that Saul Bass-designed title sequence (note the booming drums that out-roar Leo, the MGM lion) until the final nod and a wink sex joke the adults will snicker or laugh out loud over (while the kids wonder what they’re snickering or laughing or loud about about) closes things out. I’ve seen this countless times since the 80’s and it’s always entertained me to no end.

This is probably the best “wrong man” film made (yes, it’s even better than The Wrong Man) because it combines dramatic, comedic and action elements in Hitchcock’s inimitable style. Sure, there are some plot holes and silly stuff that don’t hold up to too much scrutiny if you’re the overly picky sort. But if this film doesn’t have you cracking a smile or hanging out near the edge of your seat by the time it’s through, you’re either too jaded or watch films with one or both eyes shut…

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Random Film of the Week(end): A Shock to the System (1990)

Posted on January 18, 2014 by geelw

(Thanks, FirstLookStudios!)

I’d bet anyone reading this who has held any sort of job where they felt (or feel) underutilized, under appreciated or have been passed over for some sort of award or reward has felt that certain twinge deep in the back of their minds. You want revenge for that wrong done to you and for the briefest of moments, a flash of some sort of violent or not so violent payback pops into your head and is gone like the wind before you can dwell on it. Or (in real life) you just make the rest of the day a complete pout-fest until you can slog it on home and bury your sorrows in a quart of Cherry Garcia with a few shots of Disaronno for good measure.

Well, dear reader, drop that spoon and stumble over here for a spell. I’ve got your back here. A Shock to the System is your movie selection for this evening. Director Jan Egleson’s great little 1990 black comedy is a showcase for Michael Caine’s laid back, brooding and maliciously dry portrayal of Graham Marshall, a NYC ad executive with time (and a few people) to kill after he’s passed over for a promotion. Oh, it’s not as grim as it sounds, ladies and gents. In fact, I bet this film will give a few of you all the wrong ideas…

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Random Film of the Week: THE DARK

Posted on January 17, 2014 by geelw

(Thanks, AussieRoadshow!)

John “Bud” Cardos’ one hundred and ten percent wretched sci-fi horror flick The Dark is one of the best reasons for better movie theater security guards and well-caffeinated ticket booth clerks. I paid to see this R-rated waste of time when I was 15 and it was four bucks I still want back. This is one of those “so bad it’s worse” “cult” films that boggles the mind as to not only how it got made, but how it got into theaters. And this is coming from someone who loves crappy movies to death.

Allegedly, Tobe Hooper was in on this mess as the initial director before being replaced by Cardos, but I’d gather he split or was canned because whatever script was presented to him scared him off. Or he was merely killing time before *not* directing Poltergeist a few years later (*ziiiing!*). This won’t be a long and loving look back at this dopey flick, so don’t get too comfortable. In every way possible, this film reeks of people showing up to work just to collect whatever paycheck was promised them (and probably some drugs as well), and that’s a shame…

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Random Film of the Week: Body Parts

Posted on January 17, 2014 by geelw

While flawed, Eric Red’s 1991 horror film Body Parts works for about two-thirds of its running time until it goes to pieces and collapses into a heap. It’s a variation on The Hands of Orlac and other potentially possessed parts flicks that makes for a fairly freakish time thanks to Jeff Fahey’s committed performance, Red’s mostly solid direction and an outstanding score by Loek Dikker that drives the film right from the main title sequence.

Like Oliver Stone’s even more flawed horror flick THE HAND, there’s some good stuff in here, some bad stuff and some flat out crazy stuff. But Red’s film is a lot more compelling and even more interesting on the visual side of things up until the aforementioned belly flop into silly quasi-Frankenstein’s monster/evil scientist with a bizarre agenda territory…

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Walk of Shame Trailer: Hmm, Ladies Get Hangovers, Too? Who Knew?

Posted on January 16, 2014 by geelw

And yeah, yeah… I know they do. They also do a lot of other normal to abnormal stuff some dumb guys still don’t realize, but perhaps they’ll catch onto one of these days (right ladies?). Anyway, Elizabeth Banks proves she’s game for anything (again) in this upcoming comedy. I don’t normally cover this sort of flick, but I got a chuckle watching the trailer (predictable as it is) and decided to toss up a post. Now, I won’t run out and see this at the movies at all, kids. But when it turns upon cable (by the end of the year, I bet) I’ll probably take a look at it. Your mileage may vary of course, so feel free to mark your own calendar if this chick-centric flick floats your boat. There, my good deed for the day is done (I think)…

Random Film of the Week: The Thing

Posted on January 16, 2014 by geelw

So, it’s John Carpenter’s birthday and once more, I find myself writing about The Thing. The last time it was a dissection of that disappointing 2011 prequel and this time, it’s a little look back at what I think is one of the scariest mainstream sci-fi/horror films of the 80’s that still works today thanks to how well it was put together. The overall tone of relentless, deliberate dread the film sets up from the very beginning is claustrophobic and overpowering as you’re sucked into the story about the doomed men of Outpost #31.

I saw this back in 1982 and the film really pushed the envelope of what could be done with practical effects so much that even today most of Rob Bottin’s (and that brief slice of Stan Winston’s) groundbreaking work holds up as believable. Of course, the story and excellent cast also make this one such a killer film to curl up with that I’d even recommend it to those who hate horror movies just because everything clicks so well…
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