TURBO Thoughts (and Too Much Honesty…)

Posted on July 13, 2013 by geelw

So, TURBO wasn’t bad at all. The 3D is OK, the kids will dig it, the parents will get a laugh at the stuff that’s written in for them (which will lead to the kids BUGGING you with “What’s so funny?” until you have to shush them and say you’ll tell them later) and it’s bound to get some sort of sequel (even if it’s straight to video, as I can see a certain character wanting revenge).

For the record, you’re not seeing this for any Oscar-winning performances or the “best” in animation (although what’s here is quite good in that stylized manner expected of a CG family flick). But there’s nothing wrong with turning one’s brain off, plopping into a seat and watching a snail imbued with nitrous and possibly sports energy drink super-speed blaze around and exhaust nearly every possible gag about fast gastropods. I say NEARLY because it seems as if they’re saving the rest for that inevitable sequel. Not sure the same cast will be back (hey, money isn’t free!), but I bet there are a lot of actors who can sound just like the cast here and no kid will be the wiser.

(thanks, DreamWorksAnimation!)

Speaking of wiser, I’m guessing whatever good karma I have just got a kick up a notch as I was looking for a restroom after the show and while poking about the floor I was on, I opened a door and walked into a showing of Pacific Rim that was about a half hour away from the ending. I suppose I could have been a jerk, grabbed a seat and stuck around for the next showing, but I had to pee and I also needed to get to work on some posts today and a few other things I’d planned out previously (Hey, laundry sorting is important! Separating the pile into bags keeps it from forming into THE BEAST FROM THE CLOSET!*). I did pop my 3D specs on to checkout how the film looked and it wasn’t bad. Then again, I think I also left because I hate coming into a film near the ending (or hell, after it begins). I like watching stuff from the start and paying attention, not playing connect the dots (unless I’m re-watching Rashomon, Memento or Pulp Fiction one more time)…

Oh yeah, the restrooms were on a higher floor, which I found odd for such a huge theater, but oh well…

EDIT: Aha- I see that Dreamworks is as always, twenty paces ahead of me. There’s going to be a TV series called Turbo: F.A.S.T. (Fast Action Stunt Team), which will air on Netflix in December 2013, so there you go. I don’t use Netflix (*gasp!*), so like that that Arrested Development reboot, I’ll be missing this too. Hopefully, the series won’t drop all its episodes at once and burn itself out like AD did (the show always worked best in small doses), but I guess we’ll see what happens. Er, you who use Netflix will see what happens…

(*No, I don’t keep my dirty laundry in a closet and neither should you. It’ll stink up the place if left in too long AND it’ll fuse together into the shape of some elder god of dirty clothes and eat you as you sleep. You’ve been warned…)

You Always See the Weird Stuff on a Friday, Right?

Posted on July 12, 2013 by geelw

(thanks, GoodOldDaysReturns!)

Well, you USED to see a hell of a lot MORE weird stuff in person without a screen in your face before we became a “social” nation where everyone hunkered down over a device and broadcast their Friday fish, bad dance moves and drunken escapades for all the world to see (only to then whine and complain when those pictures and other media got sucked up by the privacy-eating 800lb gorilla in the room we were warned about a long time ago). Privacy needs to become the new black, I say. Anyway, if you’re staying at home with your camera off, let Peter Lorre entertain you… what, you didn’t know he could warble out a tune? Well, here you go – you learn something new every day, huh?

Incoming! Sony Pictures Classics to Distribute Jordowosky’s Dune in the US

Posted on July 11, 2013 by geelw

(thanks DuneInfo!)

Well, now… this is something I’ve been wondering about since I heard about the project a long time ago and it looks as if we’ll all get to see just what happened with Alejandro Jodorowsky’s attempt to adapt and film Frank Herbert’s classic science fiction novel Dune back in the 1970’s. Sony Pictures classics will be distributing the recent documentary hopefully to theaters and most likely onto home video at some point and I say, sight unseen (well, other than the clip above) that it’s well worth a buy, rent or ticket price.

While Jordorowsky’s sprawling more than epic length version of the film was never completed, many of the artistic talent involved in the massive pre-production process went on to bigger and better things spurred on by their great deal of hard work on this long project. Can you imagine ALIEN without the amazing visuals contributions of H.R. Giger, Moebius, Chris Foss and of course, writer Dan O’Bannon? I’d imagine that film wouldn’t have been made at all or worse, would have ended up as yet another low-budget 70’s sci-fi film all but forgotten today. Anyway,

Monday Madness, Too: Couples Retail Therapy, 1932 Style!

Posted on July 8, 2013 by geelw

(thanks again, Good Old Days Returns!)

Wait, What? “CHECK YOUR HUSBAND??” OK, right! Yeah, you WISH that mall near you or five states away offered this particular service. You’d be dragging that battle-axe out every other day to peruse some shoes just so you could pay a dollar to get tagged, shuffled into the back and woman-handled for a bit while your wifey-poo gets her Blahnik fetish taken care of. And if there’s an artist side of your better half, a trip out for some Secs in the city with a little baggage room squeezin’ on the side? Certeza, porque não? (Você só vai entender essa piada se você falar mal traduzido Português, pela maneira… Obrigado, bing!). I don’t know what film this is from, but I can see this taking off fast in some states where a handful of wealthy fatcats make more than the entire middle class in their area and feel entitled to do endure such treatment on a regular basis. That’s one sure way to make an economy boom – make everyone giddy because those who have the money are making it rain down on those who don’t…

Yeah, right – that trickle down stuff only happens when some drunk bazillionaire “accidentally” pees on his chauffeur who’s trying to extract him from the back seat of that hideous stretch Bentley or has done so, but is trying to keep him away from the koi pond…

15 Minutes of Shame: Bad Art and The Tail-Grabbing Tiger (Part One)…

Posted on July 8, 2013 by geelw

(thanks, Media Blasters!)

Every once in a while, I get to thinking that parts of my boring life would make an interesting book, but thankfully, I haven’t done a damn thing about that. Sure, I’ve had adventures in babysitting, silenced a few lambs (hey, they were bugging me!) and maybe even raided a lost ark here and there, but in general, I really have no shocking stories of drug-fueled hotel trashing (well, there’s ONE story, but it wasn’t drugs, wasn’t in a hotel room and guess who had to clean up afterwards AND go to work the next day?), scandalous encounters with ladies of the opposite sex or anything like that. However, I have had some really bizarre jobs that kind of fit what I’m doing here on this blog-o, so hell, I may as well tell this long, dull story before I go and decide to forget the damn thing happened…

That clip above is from a 1968 Spanish horror film called La Marca del Hombre Lobo (Mark of the Wolfman)*, known outside of Spain as Hell’s Creatures: Dracula and the Werewolf, The Nights of Satan and Frankenstein’s Bloody Terror. I believe the latter title was exclusive to the US version of the film and note if you please that it’s the only title that mentions Frankenstein. Unfortunately, there’s not a Frankenstein to be found in the film… at least not in the original version. Apparently, the US producer had some legal issues with a different Frankenstein film he was trying to distribute, but snapped up this import and had an oddball animated sequence added in that combined the Frankenstein and Wolfman myths and brought the world… WOLFSTEIN!

Yeah, it’s about as silly as it sounds (and once again, I’ll need to do a Random Film of the Week on this one, as it’s got some interesting stuff going for it), but that’s not what were here to talk about. Anyway, back in 1981, 3D films were making a comeback and in addition to new movies coming from assorted major and independent studios, plenty of older 3D films were pegged for a second shot at potential box office success. If you’re read that link above, you’ve most likely guessed that a certain monster flick just so happened to have a 3D print floating around that, while not in the best quality, would probably be good enough to cash in on the revived craze for the gimmick before its shelf life expired. Don’t worry – we’re getting to the good stuff, folks. Keep reading…
Continue reading →

Monday Madness: It’s A Jungle Out There! Dancing is Permitted.

Posted on July 8, 2013 by geelw

(thanks GoodOldDaysReturns!)

Yeah, so… how’s that well-chilled cubicle treating you to-day? Same ol’ same ol’, right? Gals yammering away around the water cooler or microwave about their weekend and hair, hair, hair in this humidity, guys doing the same but skipping the hair talk save for sharing man-scaping tips (eww and yikes, that hair can save your life one day!), and yeah, there’s that room-shaking sound again. That’s right, kids – It’s the big boss bellowing out of his cave every so often like a really hungry but even more lazy bear. Yeah, yeah, yeah- that’s a proper classic Monday for you. “Illegitimum non carborundum” and all that stuff. Just don’t start the drinking until AFTER work, chief. Nothing like coming back from that one hangover lunch and still have three or four hours to grind away. OK then – I’ll let you get back to your boulder, Sisyphus -hope you enjoyed the strange sights above…

“Moses Supposes” SOME of You Need A Laugh Right About Now…

Posted on July 3, 2013 by geelw

How’s your Wednesday going? OK? Good. Get lost. This one’s for the gloomy crew out there suffering because they have a long weekend vacation with people they’d want to put IN a cooler or on a grill and not have to drive a few dozen to hundred miles just to get the usual yearly family feeding frenzy (one of many the holidays have devolved into). If that’s you, yeah – wash away those bad thoughts with a cold something and catch a little wordplay and fancy dancing from Kelly and O’Connor in this clip from Singin’ in the Rain. What,you were expecting something from Yankee Doodle Dandy? Well, that’s supposed to be a Random Film of the Week post one of these days (and perhaps even tomorrow if I can swing it and have the time to run it up the flagpole here). Anyway,I like this sequence because it’s just so dumb on paper, but perfect as a moving image. Enjoy and maybe drag one of those relatives you’re cranky at to watch it as well – it’s nice to share, you know…

Pacific Rim “It’s About Compatibility” Clip: Yeah, And Who Does The Dishes Later, Too!

Posted on July 3, 2013 by geelw

Ah, the eternal struggle of women versus men! POW! BAM! Geez, how about a hug and a good book to read for both of them? Well, I’d prefer these action films drop the typical guy/gal fights where you know it’s going to be a “she’s cute… but can she fight?” thing where it’s proven that “yep, she can fight!” at the end in favor of actual character development where no one needs to prove anything save how far then can punch some alien behemoth when they’re suited up and out on the battlefield. Then again, this clip only clocks in at just over a minute meaning there’s more time for a block-sized monster to dropkick a few skyscrapers at a charging Jaeger. Of course, nothing beats the EPIC beatdown from They Live for sheer macho overkill extended play craziness. I don’t think that needs to be remade any time soon… but I did write a near-complete design document for a game based on that movie that died with hard drive that went up in smoke. Oh well…

ABSENCE: If Your Eyes Can Hack the Hiccups, You May Like This Horror Flick…

Posted on July 3, 2013 by geelw

Expectant mother Liz wakes to find her nearly-to-term pregnancy has disappeared overnight. When doctors can find no medical explanation for the loss, police treat Liz and her husband Rick as prime suspects in what has now become a missing child case. Only Liz’s husband and brother trust her version of events.

Well, that’s an eyeball-opening teaser and plot synopsis for the indie horror flick ABSENCE, that’s for sure. I don’t think the movie has any visible fetus removal scenes, but your attention is grabbed right away and kind of held for that fifteen seconds above. Below, may I suggest not clicking on that clip at all if you easily get carsick? I’m don’t at all but the handheld camerawork did give me a headache just watching it the first time. These found footage flicks are take it or leave it for me, but I guess this will do well enough with the horror fans who love this “reality” genre stuff. I’ll most likely catch this at 3am on cable at some point in the future when I should be sleeping or am otherwise up way too late working…

So, are you frightened yet, or did you need to down a Dramamine?

Wednesday Is BUMP Day For Camels on Conan’s Calendar…

Posted on July 3, 2013 by geelw

(from ptyalisme)

Well, now. I guess I can take it this also means Mr. Conan doesn’t need any car insurance either? Well, he doesn’t even have a car in those movies, so… Hmmm, I just realized that this joke only works if you live in the US and watch TV commercials, so anyone reading this outside the states is probably very baffled (or even more so than usual). Anyway, poor camel! Well, I guess it’s better to take a lump to the dome than cough up a lung or two smoking those nasty cigarettes he’s been peddling on the side. I guess that’s another American joke too, huh? Karma is a bitch, folks. Of course, all this means is Arnold is coming back as a camel in his next life and that camel? He’s probably coming back as Bruce Lee and he’ll have Camel Arnold’s address very well memorized. If I’m around that long, I’ll be sure to post the results of that match here…